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Original poster

Did he propose? Am I engaged?

396 replies

crymeout · 13/03/2023 07:41

DP and I are in the process of buying a house. We've talked about getting married before and wanting to be married but we are going to wait until we move (we never explicitly said this but it was understood by both from circumstances). Last night, we were celebrating our house purchase (I wasn't feeling well at the weekend) and had quite a lot of Prosecco/champagne. At one point DP says 'now all that's left to do is get married' and I said 'yes, please' and we kissed. Does that count? A, I now engaged? DP is fast asleep so can't ask him yet but would you say that counts/assume you were engaged after that??

OP posts:
H34th · 14/03/2023 20:29

To me engaged means you have taken a decision together to get married.

So, yes.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 14/03/2023 20:49

I suppose there must be precedents and case law as to what constituted a promise of marriage before 1960, when suing for ‘breach of promise’ ceased to be an option.

restingbitchface30 · 14/03/2023 21:15

No you are certainly not engaged. Me and my partner talk about it all the time. If this was the case I’d have been proposed to 100s of times but with no ring

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Lemonademoney · 14/03/2023 21:28

I’d say not yet but a proposal sounds imminent

Ineke · 14/03/2023 21:37

When he wakes ask him when he want to shop together for a ring.

BluebellBlueballs · 14/03/2023 21:44

WhenDovesFly · 13/03/2023 07:55

I'd also say no as it was a statement of what comes next, not a question. Also, you'd both been drinking. He seems keen though.

If it's any consolation, my 'proposal' was the least romantic ever. We'd been to a friends wedding and my then bf turned to me and said "you'd look good in a dress like that". I looked at him and asked if he was proposing and he admitted he was. We got married but sadly it never got any better in the romance stakes.

My proposal was even less romantic than that!

After years of dropping jokey hints one day like a petulant child I said oh why won't you marry me ( both been drinking btw) and he says OK then I will.

Got down on one knee the next day and did it properly.

But I wouldn't say OPs situation is a defo proposal, no

I think it's 99% likely she'll get a proper proposal soon

Reckon he was testing her out and she's green lighted him

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 14/03/2023 21:53

Got down on one knee the next day and did it properly.

You or him?

ShirleyPhallus · 14/03/2023 22:00

Ineke · 14/03/2023 21:37

When he wakes ask him when he want to shop together for a ring.

That’s a long sleep he’s had

BluebellBlueballs · 14/03/2023 22:09

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 14/03/2023 21:53

Got down on one knee the next day and did it properly.

You or him?

Well it wasn't me but I guess I didn't specify!

Eyerollcentral · 14/03/2023 22:22

CharitySchmarity · 14/03/2023 19:27

Can't believe how many people would not be happy with a proposal that didn't involve a ring. I said before that I don't think you're engaged without the question being asked (by one or other of you), but I would have been actively disappointed if my DH had turned up with a ring I didn't have a hand in choosing. You're likely to wear that ring for the rest of your life - what if you don't like it? I really don't like the "classic" style of engagement ring with one faceted diamond, and I'm very glad I got to ensure that I didn't have to have one.

Yeah I am not in to engagement rings on principle but also a friend of mine had a really romantic proposal and then was presented with a ring he had designed himself. Very unusual and absolutely terrible looking 😭😭😭😭 it cost a packet but it looked like a costume ring. She hated it but because he made such an effort she zipped her lip and wore it. He was delighted with himself!!!

Moo49 · 14/03/2023 22:32

Ermmm I’d ask him???!

Moo49 · 14/03/2023 22:37

When I said I’d ask him I meant - there’s people saying yes no whatever but everyone has their own set of circumstances so rather than guess I’d just be abit more patient (I know it’ll be hard!) but ask him when he wakes up
congratulations by the way 😉 !

Thriftnugget · 15/03/2023 08:05

I really don’t understand the passivity in some of this thread. The “waiting and hoping” that your love is going to “pop the question”. Really don’t get it and nor did I 25 years ago when my now husband and I agreed to get married. Bizarre in the 21st Century. But I don’t think my view will be very popular. Sorry! Wishing you much happiness, of course.

vickylou78 · 15/03/2023 08:09

I'd say you aren't engaged I'd be waiting for an engagement ring and a proposal but I'd perhaps now feel very confident to drop some heavy hints to him about rings etc!

SerafinasGoose · 15/03/2023 12:22

Thriftnugget · 15/03/2023 08:05

I really don’t understand the passivity in some of this thread. The “waiting and hoping” that your love is going to “pop the question”. Really don’t get it and nor did I 25 years ago when my now husband and I agreed to get married. Bizarre in the 21st Century. But I don’t think my view will be very popular. Sorry! Wishing you much happiness, of course.

You'll be accused of 'sneering' at others, that's almost a given.

But you are, of course, right.

Whistles, bells, diamond rings, 'tradition': if that's what makes people happy then far be it from me to denigrate it. What IS unfathomable is the ceding over of a major decision concerning the legal position, rights and arrangement of your whole future relationship to only one of the two people party to it.

It's an attitude I don't compute, either.

eastegg · 15/03/2023 12:30

CharitySchmarity · 13/03/2023 08:39

Not sure what pp thinks a 'proper' proposal is, this was a lovely, intimate moment between the two of you while you were celebrating your house move, it sounds lovely. Its sad that some think a proposal has to be a huge organised thing.

To me, a proposal doesn't have to be fancy or organised, but it does have to involve the asking of the question, "will you marry me?" If the question hasn't been asked and answered there's some ambiguity about whether both parties have agreed to get married. The question could be asked by text, on the bus in the middle or rush hour, in bed or in the fanciest venue in the world in front of an audience of thousands, but personally I wouldn't make any assumptions until it has been asked and answered.

You don't have to have a ring to be engaged. You do have to know you are getting married.

Why on earth are PPs insisting on there being a question? What’s wrong or unclear about ‘I would love to get married to you’, answer ‘so would I, let’s do it’, they kiss. No question at any point, but the agreement is clear.

In fact, if we’re getting pernickety (and those insisting there has to be a question are being pernickety), you could argue that man-asks-question-woman-says-yes only strictly speaking establishes that one half of the couple wants to get married-the woman!

LovelyIssues · 15/03/2023 13:54

Absolutely not lol

LesserBohemians · 15/03/2023 15:47

SerafinasGoose · 15/03/2023 12:22

You'll be accused of 'sneering' at others, that's almost a given.

But you are, of course, right.

Whistles, bells, diamond rings, 'tradition': if that's what makes people happy then far be it from me to denigrate it. What IS unfathomable is the ceding over of a major decision concerning the legal position, rights and arrangement of your whole future relationship to only one of the two people party to it.

It's an attitude I don't compute, either.

Show quote history

I’m happy to be accused of ‘sneering’, if it gives someone the slightest pause in delegating responsibility for a major legal, economic and personal decision because of unthinking adherence to some anachronistic gendered claptrap.

Eyerollcentral · 15/03/2023 20:29

Thriftnugget · 15/03/2023 08:05

I really don’t understand the passivity in some of this thread. The “waiting and hoping” that your love is going to “pop the question”. Really don’t get it and nor did I 25 years ago when my now husband and I agreed to get married. Bizarre in the 21st Century. But I don’t think my view will be very popular. Sorry! Wishing you much happiness, of course.

I totally agree with you. Especially as they own a house. I don’t get why it’s within his power to say NOW we are engaged. How bizarre that he didn’t just say yes let’s pick the ring but then I’m not in to games of charades. I don’t think a man deciding at a time of his choosing to tell me when he thinks I’m good enough to marry him is romantic. I think it would have been far more romantic if he had just said yes of course, but I suppose that’s not going to look like much on the ‘gram 🤷‍♀️

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 15/03/2023 20:34

I don’t think a man deciding at a time of his choosing to tell me when he thinks I’m good enough to marry him is romantic.

Spot on.

StephenDedalus · 15/03/2023 21:12

Maybe he just doesn't feel ready to get engaged or married just yet? How is that wrong. They both need to feel its the right time to make that next step & they've literally just signed on a house..

This place is so extreme sometimes

CharitySchmarity · 15/03/2023 22:31

eastegg yes, the wording you suggested would satisfy me too, as it's totally unambiguous on both sides. I also didn't mean to imply that only the man could pop the question - I think I actually said "one or other of you." And the question doesn't have to be unexpected either. My DH and I had already started talking about "when we're married" before we realised maybe we ought to make it official and he did ask, there and then in the sitting room. Then we went to look at rings together.

NotWastingAnymoreTime · 15/03/2023 22:46

crymeout · 13/03/2023 07:48

@Mammyloveswine to be honest, I'm not bothered about a 'proper' proposal, I just want to be his wife BrewSmile

That's pretty obvious. Otherwise you would know that was in no way a proposal.

You are sounding desperate and in danger of frightening him off.

SerafinasGoose · 16/03/2023 08:34

NotWastingAnymoreTime · 15/03/2023 22:46

That's pretty obvious. Otherwise you would know that was in no way a proposal.

You are sounding desperate and in danger of frightening him off.

Show quote history

How is she 'desperate?' He's the one who raised the issue with her.

Maybe this is too straightforward, but what is it with some people just defaulting to the really obvious solution when there's something you want, and asking for it?

I now see where some men are coming from when they complain that some women expect them to guess what they want and then become (irrationally) pissed off when they don't get it. Nonplussed bloke inevitably gets this wrong, and why wouldn't he? He's not a mind-reader.

Peculiar head games some people play in their personal relationships.

Stewball01 · 17/03/2023 15:04

Nope. Ask him when he wakes up and has his coffee.