Page 13 | Did he propose? Am I engaged?

crymeout · 2023-03-13T07:41:51+00:00

DP and I are in the process of buying a house. We've talked about getting married before and wanting to be married but we are going to wait until we move (we never explicitly said this but it was understood by both from circumstances). Last night, we were celebrating our house purchase (I wasn't feeling well at the weekend) and had quite a lot of Prosecco/champagne. At one point DP says 'now all that's left to do is get married' and I said 'yes, please' and we kissed. Does that count? A, I now engaged? DP is fast asleep so can't ask him yet but would you say that counts/assume you were engaged after that??

mediumbrownmug · 14/03/2023 18:55

Can I please just take a minute to say that ALL proposals are special? The big ones, the small ones, the romantic ones, the cosy ones, the non-proposal ones, the “business meeting” ones — all of them are special because they’re all reflective of our individual relationships and personalities, and even with all the different ways in which they happen, they all have the most important thing of all in common: love.

And real love does not become “more special” when it’s cheaper, more expensive, more intimate, or even shared with thousands of people on a Jumbotron screen at a football game. Love is already special, and the way you as a couple choose to express it is exactly that, just one of many ways of expressing what lies beneath every proposal: Love.

Blossomtoes · 14/03/2023 18:57

No proposal at all @mediumbrownmug? Where does that fit?

LesserBohemians · 14/03/2023 18:59

mediumbrownmug · 14/03/2023 18:55

Can I please just take a minute to say that ALL proposals are special? The big ones, the small ones, the romantic ones, the cosy ones, the non-proposal ones, the “business meeting” ones — all of them are special because they’re all reflective of our individual relationships and personalities, and even with all the different ways in which they happen, they all have the most important thing of all in common: love.

And real love does not become “more special” when it’s cheaper, more expensive, more intimate, or even shared with thousands of people on a Jumbotron screen at a football game. Love is already special, and the way you as a couple choose to express it is exactly that, just one of many ways of expressing what lies beneath every proposal: Love.

I wasn’t ‘expressing love’ at all, though. I’d adored my partner for many years, but refused every time he’d proposed because I’m not keen on marriage as an institution — I only agreed in the end for a visa I needed.

WombatChocolate · 14/03/2023 19:00

mediumbrownmug · 14/03/2023 18:55

Can I please just take a minute to say that ALL proposals are special? The big ones, the small ones, the romantic ones, the cosy ones, the non-proposal ones, the “business meeting” ones — all of them are special because they’re all reflective of our individual relationships and personalities, and even with all the different ways in which they happen, they all have the most important thing of all in common: love.

And real love does not become “more special” when it’s cheaper, more expensive, more intimate, or even shared with thousands of people on a Jumbotron screen at a football game. Love is already special, and the way you as a couple choose to express it is exactly that, just one of many ways of expressing what lies beneath every proposal: Love.

Absolutely! Very well put.

Too many people want to be sneer about other people’s engagements because they are different to their own, or not what they would choose.

I don’t think OP was asked the question, but a statement was made about the future. That’s now been confirmed. If however it then turned out he thought he’d asked, OP would have been thrilled….and that, along with all other proposals would have been special, as it marked their decision to marry.

OP, I’m sure whatever form your proposal takes it will be very special. I hope you don’t have to wait long.

Kellymm88 · 14/03/2023 19:01

As heart breaking as I think, you aren’t engaged….. you need to have this convo with him

Zola1 · 14/03/2023 19:01

Polis · 13/03/2023 10:45

I didn’t want a big song and dance. I didn’t want to get engaged in front of people and my absolute nightmare would have been someone videoing it and posting it to social media because that’s horrifying to me!!! Makes me shiver just thinking about it

I know it does happen, but how common is this though? I don’t know anybody who has done a full on “performance” proposal.

I have a couple of friends who have had big proposals...one at Disney, one on the Brooklyn Bridge, and one at a candlelit meal on the beach in the Caribbean, with a specially made box with all their photos etc.

mediumbrownmug · 14/03/2023 19:02

Blossomtoes · 14/03/2023 18:57

No proposal at all @mediumbrownmug? Where does that fit?

Previous posters have said that they just agreed to marry their partners without a “formal” proposal, which had been debated upthread on whether or not it counts or was a better/more modern way, etc. I was just trying to say that however you do it isn’t important, but I didn’t explain it very well.

Nobody needs a proposal or a marriage to be in love, of course. But as the thread is about proposals, this was my two cents.

Zola1 · 14/03/2023 19:02

Adrelaxzz · 13/03/2023 11:46

Only weirdos don't like roast dinners. Fact.

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Truth, everyone loves a roast 🤷🏻‍♀️. Maybe not cooking one but regularly on a weekend ill say ooo shall we go for a roast somewhere

Newnamenewname109870 · 14/03/2023 19:04

No! We talked about getting married loads but were only engaged when he actually asked me 😂

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 14/03/2023 19:04

mediumbrownmug · 14/03/2023 19:02

Previous posters have said that they just agreed to marry their partners without a “formal” proposal, which had been debated upthread on whether or not it counts or was a better/more modern way, etc. I was just trying to say that however you do it isn’t important, but I didn’t explain it very well.

Nobody needs a proposal or a marriage to be in love, of course. But as the thread is about proposals, this was my two cents.

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You explained it very well!

Zone2NorthLondon · 14/03/2023 19:06

No, you were both happy,excited,making plans,caught up in a moment
You propose if you want to get married and reckon he’s going to say yes
hope you’re happy in your new home

WombatChocolate · 14/03/2023 19:08

mediumbrownmug · 14/03/2023 19:02

Previous posters have said that they just agreed to marry their partners without a “formal” proposal, which had been debated upthread on whether or not it counts or was a better/more modern way, etc. I was just trying to say that however you do it isn’t important, but I didn’t explain it very well.

Nobody needs a proposal or a marriage to be in love, of course. But as the thread is about proposals, this was my two cents.

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medium, I think you did put it well.

Whether there’s a formal proposal and if it’s big or small or any style at all, presumably everyone who gets married has decided to do so at some point - and that’s special. Some people can’t even say they can pinpoint the moment, but it was a gradual agreement or decision - that’s fine too isn’t it. We’re all different.

And yes, different things motivate different people to take the big step. Often it is love, but sometimes it’s practical things like inheritance, or green card or whatever. But we’d all hope wouldn’t we that even if something else triggers the decision, that the 2 people do love each other. I don’t think that’s just a romantic thing to think….love is in there somewhere.

mediumbrownmug · 14/03/2023 19:10

LesserBohemians · 14/03/2023 18:59

I wasn’t ‘expressing love’ at all, though. I’d adored my partner for many years, but refused every time he’d proposed because I’m not keen on marriage as an institution — I only agreed in the end for a visa I needed.

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You hardly need a proposal or marriage to be in love. You made a practical decision that makes a lot of sense. I suppose it could be said that this actually might reflect you both as an intelligent and practically minded couple, whether you married for a visa or never married at all. You say you’ve adored your partner for years, and that’s the important part. Not expressing it “traditionally” until it makes practical sense makes zero difference.

WombatChocolate · 14/03/2023 19:14

Newname, I agree with you too. Often before people get engaged to get married, they talk about getting married and what being married would mean a lot. And that seems like a good idea really! For most people it requires talking and processing and thinking…it’s a big decision so this seems entirely normal and a good idea. Talking about it isn’t making the decision. And I guess OP’s conversation with her partner was one of those conversations.

Some people have lots of very theoretical conversations and the years pass and no proposal or marriage happens. Sometimes the person who is keener hasn’t said they would really like to get on with it and get married soon, and sometimes they have, but the other person isn’t ready and sometimes won’t ever be. It is their choice of course, and anyone in that situation has to decide how important it is to them and if they are prepared to end the relationship over it. Many won’t and many will. No wrongs and rights, but in the end both people have to be happy really.

CharitySchmarity · 14/03/2023 19:27

Can't believe how many people would not be happy with a proposal that didn't involve a ring. I said before that I don't think you're engaged without the question being asked (by one or other of you), but I would have been actively disappointed if my DH had turned up with a ring I didn't have a hand in choosing. You're likely to wear that ring for the rest of your life - what if you don't like it? I really don't like the "classic" style of engagement ring with one faceted diamond, and I'm very glad I got to ensure that I didn't have to have one.

Polis · 14/03/2023 19:35

I have a couple of friends who have had big proposals...one at Disney, one on the Brooklyn Bridge, and one at a candlelit meal on the beach in the Caribbean, with a specially made box with all their photos etc.

If there is just the two of them, I wouldn’t really regard a proposal in a well known place or over dinner a “big” proposal. Different if the whole thing is choreographed and acted out in front of an audience, then the videos posted up on social media etc.

DisforDarkChocolate · 14/03/2023 19:38

With my lovely husband that would have been us engaged.

carpool · 14/03/2023 19:44

It was kind of like this with us. DH started asking me what kind of wedding I wanted and I had to remind him he hadn't actually proposed yet! He seemed a bit surprised he needed to ask but then did and that was that, married 6 months later (30 odd years ago).

LuluBlakey1 · 14/03/2023 19:49

Based on my experience yes. DH asked me twice and I said no (far too early). Third time he said 'so......we're getting married' and I said 'I think so' and he said 'Right- well here's the terms, it's for good mind, thick and thin, sickness and health, rich and poor - all that.' I said 'Ok'. That was that. It wasn't a question as such.
It was actually romantic although it doesn't sound it; whole summer in south-west France, in a barn conversion in a tiny village, lying in bed one afternoon when it was raining heavily.

Starryskiesinthesky · 14/03/2023 20:10

I am another one who thinks proposals and engagements belong in the last century. It sounds like you are both planning to get married. Surely that is all that matters not "being engaged".

And as for men asking fathers for their daughters hand in marriage ... don't get me started 😜

ArdeteiMasazxu · 14/03/2023 20:14

it's the 21st century. you have just as much right to get the ball rolling as he does. buy him a ring if you like, and start discussing dates.

Zone2NorthLondon · 14/03/2023 20:16

Never seen the point of engagement anyway and esp not if you live together, it’s archaic
I get in the olden days folk had engagement to save and get a bottom drawer, save for a house
just get married, don’t do a big daft expensive wedding (guests & family always moan irrespective of how expensive the venue is, how divine the food and the free bar were)

Mrsgreen100 · 14/03/2023 20:18

Nope
👎

Spokentruth · 14/03/2023 20:20

No, he needs to put in more effort!

gimmepeaceandsky · 14/03/2023 20:23

Haha that made me giggle.
some men are really hard to take the firsts steps.
I am with my partner nearly 14 years. Last year after a very very long thought I decided to marry him, so I told him about my decision, asked what his thoughts were and took us to buy my ring lol
Planned a romantic trip abroad, in the right place and time without agreeing with him and he proposed me haha is it exactly the perfect thing but it worked for us.

be creative and crack on I would say as well 😋
some men needs a bit of a push !

Did he propose? Am I engaged?

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