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Did he propose? Am I engaged?

396 replies

crymeout · 13/03/2023 07:41

DP and I are in the process of buying a house. We've talked about getting married before and wanting to be married but we are going to wait until we move (we never explicitly said this but it was understood by both from circumstances). Last night, we were celebrating our house purchase (I wasn't feeling well at the weekend) and had quite a lot of Prosecco/champagne. At one point DP says 'now all that's left to do is get married' and I said 'yes, please' and we kissed. Does that count? A, I now engaged? DP is fast asleep so can't ask him yet but would you say that counts/assume you were engaged after that??

OP posts:
StephenDedalus · 13/03/2023 18:32

I was agreeing with you @IHateLegDay !😀

emptythelitterbox · 13/03/2023 18:36

crymeout · 13/03/2023 17:38

I actually didn't mean to leave it this long, sorry guys! Anyway, not engaged but I think he'll ask once we've moved and settled Grin

Awww. He should have said of course, instead of kicking the can down the road.

Abraxan · 13/03/2023 18:40

So, you are likely 'engaged' to be engaged.
Then you'll be engaged to be married.

Grin

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Maireas · 13/03/2023 18:48

Maybe when you've been together 10 years and have a couple of kids.

Joking! Whenever he decides the time is right. Which I'm sure won't be 10 years.

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 19:04

@crymeout well you caused us a good debate and chat today about proposals. Do come back and let us know when it does happen ❤ Exciting times ahead and best of luck with the new house.

IHateLegDay · 13/03/2023 19:12

StephenDedalus · 13/03/2023 18:32

I was agreeing with you @IHateLegDay !😀

Omg I haven't slept in so long 😂🙈 sorryyy

Liorae · 13/03/2023 19:19

emptythelitterbox · 13/03/2023 18:36

Awww. He should have said of course, instead of kicking the can down the road.

So why are you waiting to be asked?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 13/03/2023 19:20

MamaCanYouBuyMeABanana · 13/03/2023 07:50

You both agreed that you're getting married so I would say you're engaged.

Not sure what pp thinks a 'proper' proposal is, this was a lovely, intimate moment between the two of you while you were celebrating your house move, it sounds lovely. Its sad that some think a proposal has to be a huge organised thing.

This.

Those staged proposals are so disingenuous and juvenile.

WombatChocolate · 13/03/2023 19:25

We don’t know if you’ve been together for years and have kids, or if you’re buying a house and have only been together a year. We don’t know if you’ve regularly told him you’d like to get married and he’s been putting it off for years, or these kind of discussions are new to you both.

Assuming he’s not one of those blokes who string the woman along for multiple years, knowing they’d like to get married and suggesting he will propose, but never does or will….….I think things look pretty good.

I’d take last night’s conversation as him being a bit brave to check with you, that you’re on the same page. It sounds like he wants to do it and can now be in doubt that you want to as well. It’s hard to know the timescale….after your conversation, he might be nipping down to the jewellers and planning to ask you next week, or it could happen after you move into the new house. In his mind, it could still be something in the distant future, but I’d hope not.

Personally, if it hasn’t happened in the next 6 months, I’d be bringing it up, as a discussion to check what kind of timescale he’s thinking of. He can say there is no timescale or tell you what he thinks. Some people don’t like to have this conversation, but I don’t see a problem with it. There are people who’ve realised that they and their boyfriend don’t want the same future, and it’s better to know sooner rather than later, if marriage is really important to you. It’s not about pressuring them to propose if they don’t want to get married or are not ready, but a reasonable request for them to think about it and be honest with you….then you both know where you stand. Too many couples don’t know where they stand on this and it’s an unspoken source of tension for years. It’s really important to be able to talk about difficult things, even if you might hear things you do t really want to hear.

WombatChocolate · 13/03/2023 19:34

I dont quite get the discussion about style of proposal or sneering at what other people do.

Surely it’s just a reflection of different personality types and feelings about this. Some people want to make a grand plan and know their partner would love it. That’s up to them isn’t it. It’s their engagement. Others would hate to do that and are low key people who are very private and don’t like to make a big deal of anything…and just asking whilst washing up together is fine too.

Why can’t people accept each couple do it as they want and there’s no right or wrong way.

We all hope for OP, that her partner listened to her response last night and is thinking things through or even is making a plan now to ask her to marry him…perhaps something that involves planning, or perhaps something very low key. She will be thrilled either way.

The only thing I think is a shame, is if people are really disappointed with how it happens for them, and if it suggests the other person doesn’t really ‘get them’. But I think most people see beyond how it happens and are thrilled to be getting married, if that’s what they have wanted for a while. Perhaps it’s those who actually won’t be actively thinking about and planning a wedding for whom the big show is the important thing in itself - because it’s just about making a public announcement of a bigger level of commitment and having public recognisiton feels really important….but actually there is no plan to marry. The engagement itself is the thing, not the marriage.

ChestnutGrove · 14/03/2023 00:03

crymeout · 13/03/2023 17:38

I actually didn't mean to leave it this long, sorry guys! Anyway, not engaged but I think he'll ask once we've moved and settled Grin

Did he say you aren't engaged?. Hope he asks soon

Maireas · 14/03/2023 07:14

I don't understand why it's his decision if you're engaged or not?

bussteward · 14/03/2023 07:28

I do my understand how, if you want to be engaged, the follow-up conversation didn’t go “Was that a proposal last night are we engaged? No, we’re not. Oh, in which case let’s be engaged: will you marry me?”

StephenDedalus · 14/03/2023 08:26

Because maybe the op said 'you mentioned marriage last night when we were drinking all that prosecco- are we engaged now?' And perhaps her partner said 'oh! Yeah..I think we should enjoy celebrating moving into our new house & get sorted there before moving to the nrct thing. It feels a bit rushed & I'm not ready yet.' All of which is fine, its a big deal buying & moving into your own place. Why the need to do everything all at once..

Showersugar · 14/03/2023 13:57

You've just bought a house together and have agreed you're going to get married, I still can't quite make sense of how this isn't an engagement.

I must be getting old! 😁

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 14/03/2023 15:02

Showersugar · 14/03/2023 13:57

You've just bought a house together and have agreed you're going to get married, I still can't quite make sense of how this isn't an engagement.

I must be getting old! 😁

Yes, me too! I think once upon a time (a bit before living memory) it was called ‘having an understanding’ - Maybe when not everyone could afford an engagement ring.
I think it made sense for the man to have control of the timing of the proposal when getting married meant setting up home together and the man had to provide the home. Modern ‘courtship’ if that’s even the word doesn’t seem to make any sense in the context of modern life and values.
perhaps that’s for another thread.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 14/03/2023 15:35

Anyway, all the best @crymeout. Let us know when you have some news!

Toomuchtrouble4me · 14/03/2023 17:55

Without a diamond? No way!

Rtruth · 14/03/2023 18:07

Nope

LesserBohemians · 14/03/2023 18:12

Toomuchtrouble4me · 14/03/2023 17:55

Without a diamond? No way!

I’m assuming that’s a joke.

purplebunny2012 · 14/03/2023 18:23

No, one of you has to say will you marry me?

Zanatdy · 14/03/2023 18:24

No, I’d say he’s agreeing that’s left to do. He probably wants to propose properly.

Jamieleecurtain · 14/03/2023 18:24

Aw, lovely OP! He wants to give you your romantic moment and by the sound of it that’s something you’re happy and excited about. For me it was lovely that DH proposed in a ‘me’ (quiet and understated) sort of way rather than a ‘him’ (loud and showy) sort of way. Come back and tell us when he does it!

zurala · 14/03/2023 18:30

Abraxan · 13/03/2023 18:40

So, you are likely 'engaged' to be engaged.
Then you'll be engaged to be married.

Grin

I went to school with a girl who came in one day wearing a ring. She said she had got "eternitised".
I still have no idea what she thought that meant.

JavanDawns · 14/03/2023 18:45

Nope. That's not a proposal, it's a suggestion.

When he asks you properly you shouldn't be in any doubt about it!

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