Do children belong in a "fancy" restaurant?

[Puttingchildrenfirst]

Hello All!

I'm looking for people's thoughts on children in high end restaurants.

For context we were invited to a very high end restaurant this weekend (think £150 a head set tasting menu fine dining place) to celebrate a family members birthday (less than a weeks notice).

We have a toddler and a new baby so I declined as soon as I looked the restaurant up as I knew we couldn't organise childcare and husband was on call that night (needs to be near home).

Family wanted me to still come and bring the children but I declined as I really couldn't imagine wrangling a hungry toddler (no children's menu) and trying to latch a baby on while the couple on the next table celebrate their wedding anniversary!

I'll be honest I was also thinking of a popular thread on AIBU here recently where people were commenting on the behaviour of young children in a cafe at an aquarium. The consensus there was children shouldn't be in any sort of fancier restaurants!

However family think we're being overly precious to not bring the kids (and therefore not attend) and another thread yesterday had posters recommending a mum took her 8 month old to a 3 Michelin star restaurant.

If you were sat next to 2 kids under 3 at a very expensive restaurant... what would you be thinking?

In more rural areas in France you do see children at expensive restaurants mostly at lunchtime

several of us have said several times that lunchtime isn't an issue.

DD and I went to a michelin starred restaurant for her birthday/graduation. The restaurant doesn't allow children under the age of ten.

It states it on their website

We are sorry, but given the time it takes and style of food we don’t feel that our restaurant is suitable for young children. We therefore don’t allow babies, infants or children under 10 in the restaurant.

@friendlycat I don't think they purposefully chose somewhere that we couldn't go, I just think it was something they wanted to do for their birthday. I've really got no issue with it, same as if they wanted to do a cocktail bar evening or something, we just couldn't go.

However I think maybe it's all got a bit embarrassing because I can see that it could look intentional. So the blame is shifted to me not wanting to take the kids rather than the restaurant choice.

It's an evening meal

It depends on the restaurant, surely? I say this because I recently made a reservation at a tasting menu only/high end/fine dining restaurant and had to confirm that all parties attending were over 15 years old.

Personally, if I was the OP, I would call the restaurant and ask them.

Since it's an evening meal, I'd not be taking children that age. I wouldn't have taken ours and they were very good in restaurants but they had their limits.

This.

My partner owns a restaurant and his policy is that if they need a high chair or buggy then their reservation need to be before 630. The idea is that from 730 onwards it's an adults only restaurant.

Evening meal... definitely not with a toddler. I would with a newborn. We took our newborn to 'high end' places and still enjoyed the whole experience. Of course you could still go but you wouldn't be able to relax with a toddler in tow and so what's the point if its more stress than enjoyable.

Who’s paying for the meal? Their treat or you pay for your own? I wonder if it’s short notice because they have places booked and someone’s pulled out and they will lose a deposit if they don’t fill the place.

Either way, stick to your guns OP - it’s not the sort of thing you take 2 small children to.

Same.
They don't belong there.

Without wanting to sound rude, if it was important that you were there your family would have been more accommodating to your situation and booked a nice place for lunch instead.

I did speak to the restaurant involved (as I was hoping they would have an age limit). However they told me that children weren't "technically banned" but that it was a fine dining restaurant, no kids meal, no off menu ordering and no outside food.

I also asked if when my family arrived what's the chance that there's another young child in the restaurant and they said "slim to none".

It was very obvious to me this meant "dear god please no" but I wish they actually would just make it their policy rather than wishy washy!

I mentioned upthread that I really don't believe it was malicious or intentional.

And that actually the awkwardness is perhaps because they're a little bit embarrassed to now realise we've been pushed out from attending.

I really do sympathise with you - the restaurant has taken what I feel is a rather passive aggressive approach in as much as they're clearly do not want children yet are reluctant to say so directly, despite you asking them. To me, their response is clearly a no, something you think too!

Out of curiosity, did you ask if they could accommodate small children/have a high chair? Irregardless of if you need them, that really would make the restaurant be totally honest in as much if they don't have a high chair, then they definitely don't want (small) children.

I do feel your family probably didn't even think about your children, after all, so many restaurants do accommodate children without issue. But, this particular restaurant doesn't seem to be one of them.

You know your dc and know whether it would be sensible and have made an informed choice with that.

I could have taken dd1 and dd2 at those ages. Dd1 was from a very tiny age happy to sit in the high chair with crayons and paper and just get on with that. Dd2 at newborn was happy as long as she was on someone's knee so we'd have passed her around so me and dh could eat in shifts.
Dd2 and ds at those ages no. Dd2 could sit nicely and still, but didn't always so I wouldn't have been able to guarantee that she'd have stayed quiet. Ds if he got upset at that stage got very upset very quickly, so again, I wouldn't have wanted the stress of was he going to start crying.

It depends on your children and the restaurant surely. First, call the restaurant and ask if children are allowed. Then ask if they have a private room available, or a table further away from the rest. On the day itself you have to be on the ball and be prepared to quickly take your kids out for a change of scenery/calm them down if they start throwing a tantrum.

We've always done this and managed to dine often at high end restaurants since our kids were babies. Lunch is also usually less stressful.

I wouldn't fancy bringing my toddler anywhere family friendly for an evening meal, never mind fine dining.

Do they have private dining rooms perhaps? Acceptable there

If you are the person who brings a toddler to a fine dining restaurant then there's no hope you will have insight into why people like going there at all.

Do not bring them. Do not be that person. If I am paying that much for a meal I do not want to be interrupted in any capacity by someone else's kids. Sorry OP but small kids in places like this really drives me mad.

It sounds like an ordeal to me. Your children are very young, it's an evening event so they are probably going to get tired and grumpy, the restaurant clearly aren't keen and you know other diners won't be either. You'll be on tenterhooks all evening and will quite likely end up going home early anyway.
I actually think it's really important to get children used to eating out, eating "adult" food etc and we did take ours to places that wouldn't be considered family or child friendly venues, but only when they were old enough to understand what was expected of them and were used to eating in restaurants. I wouldn't have attempted anywhere except a cafe or family friendly pub at that age - it will be no fun for anyone.

I think you've misread, I'm refusing to bring them to the restaurant, that's what has caused the issue (family think it's fine).

I think you may have misread the original post

I assure we're all paying our own way, we normally would at like a zizzis for example. There's been no mention of covering the bill.

Just tell them what the restaurant said. It seems like it is your family who seem unable to "read the room".

Just say you would love to come but it won't be possible, and perhaps you could all go out somewhere more family friendly another time.