Do children belong in a "fancy" restaurant?

[Puttingchildrenfirst]

Hello All!

I'm looking for people's thoughts on children in high end restaurants.

For context we were invited to a very high end restaurant this weekend (think £150 a head set tasting menu fine dining place) to celebrate a family members birthday (less than a weeks notice).

We have a toddler and a new baby so I declined as soon as I looked the restaurant up as I knew we couldn't organise childcare and husband was on call that night (needs to be near home).

Family wanted me to still come and bring the children but I declined as I really couldn't imagine wrangling a hungry toddler (no children's menu) and trying to latch a baby on while the couple on the next table celebrate their wedding anniversary!

I'll be honest I was also thinking of a popular thread on AIBU here recently where people were commenting on the behaviour of young children in a cafe at an aquarium. The consensus there was children shouldn't be in any sort of fancier restaurants!

However family think we're being overly precious to not bring the kids (and therefore not attend) and another thread yesterday had posters recommending a mum took her 8 month old to a 3 Michelin star restaurant.

If you were sat next to 2 kids under 3 at a very expensive restaurant... what would you be thinking?

No young children should be in that type of fine dining restaurant you describe.

I would maybe go to a mid priced range restaurant extremely early on at say 5.30/6pm. Providing my children weren’t ill, over tired, I took small snacks and things to entertain them to make the likelihood of them behaving and not annoying other diners greater.

I think the family weren’t really thinking of you and your children when they booked the restaurant. So you are not being unreasonable in not attending if its likely your DH could get called out.

I think it depends on the time of day, and whether they were used to it. Lunch time and happy to eat and not chuck food around (and not be entertained by a device) then yes. Evening; not a chance.

@highfidelity

Yes that's what I felt like... just say no!! As family put it "they're not banned that means they're fine to come" but I knew what they were saying in-between the lines!

I didn't ask about highchairs but interestingly enough if you look the restaurant up on TripAdvisor it lists childrens menus, highchairs and a playarea!!

however there's over 800 reviews and not a single one contains the key words children or kids!

My kids would spend the whole time telling me they are a bored, can't sit still and would much rather they were having a happy meal. It would be a nightmare. We did go to a posh restaurant when my nephew was small and he wasn't there perfectly nicely and had some beige food at a ludicrous price. So it depends on how your kids are really.

No to toddler, yes to baby. Toddlers are far too hard to control. My baby however went to two high end restaurants- we booked very early evening for both so we were the only guests. One was abroad (anniversary and no access to any form of childcare) & slept in the pram whole time. Second was my birthday, they accommodated us in the first dining slot. LO cried once when overtired by the end and we removed him immediately, bringing back when fed to sleep!

I think its absolutely selfish if anyone takes young children to expensive high end restaurants in the evening. Like fuck off seriously, not everything has to open for you and your kids all day long. Go during the day and surely they would tired and going to sleep early in the evening anyway.

There are millions of people who want to go out and not have to hear your kid. Some of us csnt escape hearing other peoples kids not even in their homes.

So I was in one of those restaurants and I saw young kids id walk straight out, or if they turned up during my meal I'd be untying my dinner short and leaving.

There needs to be spaces for just adults too. Why does parents feel they always have to encroach on those times and spaces. You chose to have a kid knowing itll mean some sacrifices and compromises so deal with it until they are old enough. Why should other people have their evenings ruined by your lifestyle choices.

If there is no menu for children i would contact the restaurant and see if they can do smaller meals of what is on offer. If its too late eg past their bedtimes by more than 30mins I wouldnt go. We dont go to high end restaurants but if we did and children are well behaved i wouldnt look twice. We have a 2yr old and 10mth old. We take things to occupy them (quiet things). Touchy feely books, 2yr old has a bag with zip, clips, velcro etc, chunky crayons and paper. I take them to restaurants whenever we go. It's the only way to teach them how to behave in that setting. We took our now 14yr old to restaurants from being a tiny baby too and never had any trouble except when he got a lasagne with green pasta pmsl (autistic and obviously wasn't expecting a strange coloured pasta) even then he just sat there with tears rolling down his face not making a sound. If they get too upset or fed up you take them out and let them blow off some steam and go back in. I don't go to restaurants with play areas inside as parents let kids just run about like crazy inside alot of the time in those places. Other day my 10mth old was in cafe at a very nice house and grounds and decided he was in a mood and was going to cry and cry and cry. I took him out to try sort him and went back in turned out only nursery rhymes were going to placate him. It's doable but would depend hugely on first 2 questions. No way could I sit there and eat while my kids weren't and if it's too late no one can expect a cranky toddler to behave x

No

I wouldn't take a baby and a toddler to a good restaurant - you just won't get value for money trying to wrangle two of them. And they probably won't like the food either even if you just order two entrees for them. My children were actually good in restaurants - sitting in their seats, not noisy, not running up and down and using knives and forks - till the time one of them somehow jettisoned a loo roll from an upstairs bathroom window which, to be fair, I think was an accident as they were trying to reach the extra roll on the windowsill. As we drove away we could see most of roll unfurled and billowing from the bathroom window.

No, don't be that person.

No kids! They aren't banned but unwritten rule don't take the kids. I took a group of kids to McDonald's for lunch and they became absolutely unbearable. But that's why's you take them to McDonald's and nowhere else, because they became too much for maccies. I love kids and take mine to kid friendly places, but will avoid any place with kids on my adult nights out.

I don't bring my two year old to any restaurant, fancy or not. To me, a restaurant is somewhere you go to relax and enjoy a meal and good company. That's impossible when you're taking care of your child's needs while your food goes cold. And don't count on family members to help out!

I'm going to get shot down...

Despite having them myself, I don't really want to hear kids in any restaurant (unless of course it's one specifically aimed at families or somewhere like Pizza Express or Wagamamas).

If I'm going to a particularly high end restaurant, it's generally for a bit of down time from the kids and for some adult conversation.

I wouldn't want kids there!

Don't bring them. The kids will be bored, you'll be stressed and other diners will be annoyed.

I have 3 dcs, 7yo, 3yo and 3mo. The 7yo would be bored and not like the food, the 3yo wouldn't sit still, and the 3mo might sleep but might also scream the whole time. Don't take them!

Also, I hate when I'm out at adult mealtime (I.e. past the 5pm kids slot!), booked a babysitter and having a nice meal with dh and then have to listen to other people's tired bored kids lose it at another table. It's pretty selfish imo.

No absolutely not. I have a 2 year old and I wouldn’t take him to a high end restaurant and he’s pretty good when we eat out. I wouldn’t want the pressure of making sure he doesn’t spoil the experience for other people and to be honest if I’m eating at a high end restaurant I would also want to be able to enjoy it.

The in-laws wanted to book a high end restaurant and hotel stay for the family for their golden wedding back in 2021 when DS would have been about 8 months old. I told them that I would bring DS to the hotel so we could spend the day with them etc but I wouldn’t be going to the evening meal with him and would just get room service for myself as it wouldn’t be fair on other people, they were of the opinion that as they were also paying customers that we had the right to take the baby with us but I just told them no I’m not being one of THOSE people who thinks everyone should enjoy my child. They weren’t thrilled about it but I wasn’t really giving them a choice…the trip ended up not happening anyway as they decided they were still being covid cautious so ended up with a bbq at home instead.

I’ll be honest it annoys me when we eat in a nice restaurant and there’s kids on the next table being noisy, running around, etc. We went to a fairly high end restaurant a few weeks back and there were 3 kids on the next table playing iPads at full volume, screeching and basically just wandering around the tables and it was really annoying whilst trying to enjoy a quiet meal…I was just sat thinking that we might as well have saved ourselves a significant amount of money and gone to a wacky warehouse type pub/restaurant instead.

No.

Trust your instincts. High end fine dining isn’t compatible with small children. Let them enjoy their evening, and ignore their daft comments. They aren’t the ones who have to think through and execute the night with 2 under 3!

I've got a 5yr old and 10mth old, we went to Alchamilia in Nottingham last year, that was £150 tasting menu, it took 4 hrs and no way would I have wanted my kids there (although I was pregnant with youngest), we go out for food with them but family places

I totally agree with you. Anyone who is hassling you to go is either child free, or an amnesiac with regard to their own time with young kids. My oldest is 7 now but I still get a flash of anger when I remember the pressure I caved into when I took him at about three months old to a birthday lunch for FIL at some (s)wanky place in East London (30 miles each way). No lift, loads of steps, no changing table, and just not the one. It was hellish for all the ways you’ve said - with a toddler it would have been hideous. Spending the whole time uncomfortable and stressed and embarrassed a - fuck no! When I’ve ventured anywhere remotely nice for food with mine I cringe when they are a bit loud or clumsy because in my head the whole place is full of exhausted parents enjoying a desperately needed break from their kids or something 😂

While standing you’re ground and being polite but firm is obviously plan A, in your position don’t forget that you can do whatever you need to do for your sanity and energy…and if that means a fictional last minute vomiting bug or fever…ya know? Do what you need to do!!!

I should show this thread to my FIL, he got all defensivr when I told him UK has the worst attitude to children in public spaces in the world. People visibly unhappy when they see kids in any restaurant that is not pizza express before they even make a sound.

Well done on being considerate to other diners. You are right that no kids menu indicates no kids. I think some family members may have wanted to have time with your baby. If you think that is the case why not have them over the next afternoon for a little celebration as a way of saying "Sorry we couldn't attend but Happy Birthday anyway"

£150pp. Are they paying

and no to children at this place

I live in Spain which is very child friendly, but there are certain restaurants here that you see kids and others that you don’t. I don’t think they’re banned as such, but the parents don’t take them as they take them to the kind of restaurants where there’s and area outside where they can run around or ones with a noisy ambience where there are lots of other kids. I’ve been to high end restaurants here and never seen kids, especially at dinner time. Lunch time, maybe.

*an

In the UK,not a child hater at all,but I would definitely say no.teenagers yes but toddlers or newborns would be a definite no. Also how enjoyable will the experience be for you if you are tending to.small children? I'd see if a babysitter was a possibility.