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Original poster

Do children belong in a "fancy" restaurant?

333 replies

Puttingchildrenfirst · 24/02/2023 10:30

Hello All!

I'm looking for people's thoughts on children in high end restaurants.

For context we were invited to a very high end restaurant this weekend (think £150 a head set tasting menu fine dining place) to celebrate a family members birthday (less than a weeks notice).

We have a toddler and a new baby so I declined as soon as I looked the restaurant up as I knew we couldn't organise childcare and husband was on call that night (needs to be near home).

Family wanted me to still come and bring the children but I declined as I really couldn't imagine wrangling a hungry toddler (no children's menu) and trying to latch a baby on while the couple on the next table celebrate their wedding anniversary!

I'll be honest I was also thinking of a popular thread on AIBU here recently where people were commenting on the behaviour of young children in a cafe at an aquarium. The consensus there was children shouldn't be in any sort of fancier restaurants!

However family think we're being overly precious to not bring the kids (and therefore not attend) and another thread yesterday had posters recommending a mum took her 8 month old to a 3 Michelin star restaurant.

If you were sat next to 2 kids under 3 at a very expensive restaurant... what would you be thinking?

OP posts:
LookingOldTheseDays · 24/02/2023 11:22

A casual family restaurant serving nice but fairly normal food? Yes, fine.

A fancy place with Michelin stars and pricy tasting menus? No.

And it's not just the UK that applies to. A friendly trattoria (for example) will welcome kids, but I've never been to a properly fancy restaurant on the continent and seen people bringing children.

JenniferBarkley · 24/02/2023 11:23

No way on earth. We went for a very rare night out at a similar place local to us last year, and then a pram arrived at the next table... I was so unhappy, mentally totting up what the meal, wine, babysitter were costing us...

Also I can think of nothing worse than bringing a toddler to a place like that, how bloody stressful, I don't even particularly enjoy bringing them to family friendly places at that age.

Chias · 24/02/2023 11:23

If you are certain that they can sit in their seats for the entire duration and talk at a low volume then go for it (tricky at this age). People really don’t notice or mind well behaved children in restaurants. If you are not sure they can do this, it might be stressful and unpleasant for you.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
thymee · 24/02/2023 11:23

Puttingchildrenfirst · 24/02/2023 10:42

This is the pain in the backside, I actually called the restaurant and they said, "we don't technically ban children however we are a fine dining restaurant experience". Eg. Do not bring your small children!

I was hoping they would say no kids under 10 or 5 or whatever to absolve me from blame!

Show quote history

It's because there are (a small number, but some) children who are perfectly able to sit quietly and enjoy a fine dining experience.

I know a 9 year old who really loves this kind of thing and behaves no differently to an adult, so why should they be banned?

However, under 5's are not likely to be able to do this, so I'd agree with them not allowing under 5's.

In my experience, most decent places do actually say no under 5's/ no toddlers etc. and it's expected that any older children will behave appropriately to the setting.

Oigetoffmylawn · 24/02/2023 11:24

Depends on the temperament of the child to be honest.

I went to the Ivy earlier this week and there were loads of kids there from about 18 month's upwards, but they all behaved in a very restaurant appropriate way (as opposed to child appropriate way). I would take one of my children there depending on their mood that day, and it'd be rare they were in the right mood! the other I'd take any time, because of their natural temperament. I wouldn't enjoy it though if I felt they weren't behaving in a way other diners would feel acceptable.

I'm a big believer in kids are kids and should be allowed to behave as such, and for me, that means I don't take them places where natural child behaviour isn't considered acceptable.

doadeer · 24/02/2023 11:26

I don't think it's the environment for children for many reasons.

It's not fair on them to force them to be so quiet
It's disruptive to other guests who are spending a lot of money
It's not child friendly in any way
You won't be able to relax
They won't like the food
It's also just too extravagant in my opinion for children to grow up thinking this is normal eating out

If you end up leaving half way through and you've spent a fortune you will feel really miffed.

Mariposista · 24/02/2023 11:26

I think you have been very considerate. I would be seriously pissed off if I had paid good money or a nice classy experience to have it spoiled by noisy children. And I wouldn't want people dining with my constantly up and down out of their seats taking children outside.

MatchesinEyes23 · 24/02/2023 11:31

DH and I took DD (now 5) to loads of nice restaurants. But she was a great sleeper and would happily do 2hrs in her pram. We would time the meal for her bedtime bottle, one of us would take her outside for a quick walk around and we’d almost always get her off to sleep for the duration of the meal.
But DS (now 3) no chance. He is such a light sleeper and was a nightmare to get down anywhere other than his bed. He would have ruined many a nice dinner!
So a good-sleeping baby, yes. But a boisterous toddler, no. I’d take both to a normal restaurant but definitely not a Michelin place.

Whichwhatnow · 24/02/2023 11:31

sw19007 · 24/02/2023 11:09

I was in an upmarket restaurant in Madrid a couple of months ago- no children under 14 allowed.

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Same - I've been to fancy restaurants in Lisbon, Berlin, Prague, Krakow, Paris, Malta etc etc and while I don't know if kids were actually banned there certainly weren't any there (except maybe the odd very small baby).

Having lived in several countries I can safely say that this myth that the UK is 'child hating' whereas every other country adores and welcomes them in all circumstances is frankly bollocks. There are obviously some cultural differences re where and when kids are welcomed but that applies everywhere.

LaFemmeDamnee · 24/02/2023 11:31

If you were part of a large party who had booked a private dining room off the main restaurant then it would probably be fine. But not otherwise.

Stiltonlover · 24/02/2023 11:33

So your family have organised this with less than a week's notice making it difficult to get a babysitter

Your husband is working

You've (very reasonably) said no

They're now putting so much pressure on you to come anyway to the extent that you've started a thread on here and rung the restaurant in the hope that they will actually have a rule that means you can't come to stop the pressure(!!!!)

Your family sound like absolute dicks

Ketchupwee · 24/02/2023 11:35

If you were sat next to 2 kids under 3 at a very expensive restaurant... what would you be thinking?

Truthfully I'd be wondering why the family were so inconsiderate. If people are spending that much money they want to enjoy the experience, and ambience is part of that

Toddlers and babies do not belong everywhere and this is one of those places. Ignore your family on this one

Coxspurplepippin · 24/02/2023 11:35

Bunbuns3 · 24/02/2023 10:45

The whole world would say yes! Child hating UK ONLY would say no!

Ridiculous. We've been to pretty posh restaurants in Italy, France, Australia, NZ. No children in any of them.

Original poster
Puttingchildrenfirst · 24/02/2023 11:37

Oigetoffmylawn · 24/02/2023 11:24

Depends on the temperament of the child to be honest.

I went to the Ivy earlier this week and there were loads of kids there from about 18 month's upwards, but they all behaved in a very restaurant appropriate way (as opposed to child appropriate way). I would take one of my children there depending on their mood that day, and it'd be rare they were in the right mood! the other I'd take any time, because of their natural temperament. I wouldn't enjoy it though if I felt they weren't behaving in a way other diners would feel acceptable.

I'm a big believer in kids are kids and should be allowed to behave as such, and for me, that means I don't take them places where natural child behaviour isn't considered acceptable.

I think you've summed up my thoughts very succinctly. I'm a big believer in setting the kids up for success, a short dinner in Frankie and Bennys? Yeah I think we can all manage that and they can meet my expectations for their behaviour. This scenario? It's not realistic and I'd be setting them up to fail the expectations of the restaurant and other patrons.

It's the same as we've started going to the kids showing at the cinema and they're doing really well with a bag of pick and mix and a kids cartoon. But I wouldn't try and take them to the Globe theatre next week to watch Hamlet and expect them to behave themselves appropriately!

OP posts:
Choconut · 24/02/2023 11:38

I wouldn't do it, you couldn't possibly appreciate or enjoy it with two kids that young IMO.

HoleyShit · 24/02/2023 11:39

I think you very much have the right attitude OP, which is nice to see!

No, definitely don't take them.

NowAAT · 24/02/2023 11:44

Unless the restaurant has a no kids allowed policy then why wouldn't kids belong there?

SavBlancTonight · 24/02/2023 11:49

I would be annoyed with the relatives. Because basically, they want you to come so don't care that neither you nor your children will enjoy it because it's not appropriate for the children and you will be super stressed trying to keep them quiet and occupied.

It really is 100% child dependent but I'd say that 95% of children of the ages you are talking about would not manage a fancy tasting menu meal at an upscale restaurant while behaving in a way that is appropriate for that restaurant.

Growing up, meals out were not that normal. There's a big gap between my older siblings and me and my younger brother. For years, my older siblings would occasionally be treated to meals out in "nicer" restaurants and me and my brother would be at home with a babysitter. when me and my brother were old enough and were allowed to attend these meals (older siblings were off at uni by then), it was a huge treat and a big deal and we appreciated it. Prior to that, it was the pizza express equivalent for us.

SaltyGod · 24/02/2023 11:50

Depends on the child and their ages.

2 under 3, no way would I have wanted to do it. It probably would have been fine but I'd have been on edge and self conscious the entire time.

Now that my kids are a bit older, yes, I'd take them but they'd be told in advance the type of perfect behaviour that I'd expect.

I wouldn't worry that they'd mess around at all now.

NeedSomeSpace · 24/02/2023 11:52

I wonder if they feel a bit worried about how it looks if you don't go, especially if everyone else in the family is there? Mainly that they've booked a lovely birthday thing which is wholly unsuitable for one part of the family. It clearly looks like they haven't thought about it and then Auntie Doris says "where's @Puttingchildrenfirst ?"

They want you there because it probably looks a bit bad on them if you can't go, not that they really want your kids there. Good spot OP.

maddy68 · 24/02/2023 11:54

Most don't allow children. But if I am hi est my heart sinks if I am out for a niiice meal and there are children on the next table

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 24/02/2023 11:55

It depends on your parenting and your child. If the restaurant allows it, you’re perfectly entitled to take them.

We have taught our toddler how to behave appropriately in restaurants (never used screens) so I wouldn’t hesitate to take her to an expensive place because I know she would be fine.

QuinkWashable · 24/02/2023 11:55

Depends on the kids - mine have always been well used to sitting in restaurants, perfectly well behaved, and to add to the horror, I'd just hand them their ipads and headphones (noise cancelling, full over the ear - nothing escapes, and they can't hear adult conversations).

They've never bothered with children's menus - there's always something they'll eat on the main one.

My sisters kids who can't keep still/wouldn't be happy not being entirely involved in the conversation? No, not really, it wouldn't be enjoyable.

FrenchandSaunders · 24/02/2023 11:59

Nope I agree with you OP, no place for tiny kids.

Mine were quite feral at 2/3 ..... we wouldn't have risked a Toby Carvery let alone a fancy high end restaurant. Thankfully things improved as they got older.

ComtesseDeSpair · 24/02/2023 12:00

Whichwhatnow · 24/02/2023 11:31

Same - I've been to fancy restaurants in Lisbon, Berlin, Prague, Krakow, Paris, Malta etc etc and while I don't know if kids were actually banned there certainly weren't any there (except maybe the odd very small baby).

Having lived in several countries I can safely say that this myth that the UK is 'child hating' whereas every other country adores and welcomes them in all circumstances is frankly bollocks. There are obviously some cultural differences re where and when kids are welcomed but that applies everywhere.

Show quote history

And British parents lauding the “the UK is awful for children, everyone loves children in Italy/Spain/Greece” attitude don’t seem to realise that everyone in Italy/Spain/Greece also loves having an opinion about your parenting and will vocally share it with you, whether you want it or not. Probably one of the key reasons children are better behaved: unless you want all the elderly village ladies wagging their fingers at you and gossiping about your poor standards for your children’s behaviour, you make sure you don’t give them anything to wag and gossip about.