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Original poster

Do children belong in a "fancy" restaurant?

333 replies

Puttingchildrenfirst · 24/02/2023 10:30

Hello All!

I'm looking for people's thoughts on children in high end restaurants.

For context we were invited to a very high end restaurant this weekend (think £150 a head set tasting menu fine dining place) to celebrate a family members birthday (less than a weeks notice).

We have a toddler and a new baby so I declined as soon as I looked the restaurant up as I knew we couldn't organise childcare and husband was on call that night (needs to be near home).

Family wanted me to still come and bring the children but I declined as I really couldn't imagine wrangling a hungry toddler (no children's menu) and trying to latch a baby on while the couple on the next table celebrate their wedding anniversary!

I'll be honest I was also thinking of a popular thread on AIBU here recently where people were commenting on the behaviour of young children in a cafe at an aquarium. The consensus there was children shouldn't be in any sort of fancier restaurants!

However family think we're being overly precious to not bring the kids (and therefore not attend) and another thread yesterday had posters recommending a mum took her 8 month old to a 3 Michelin star restaurant.

If you were sat next to 2 kids under 3 at a very expensive restaurant... what would you be thinking?

OP posts:
qpmz · 24/02/2023 10:49

Who's paying for the meal? If you're being treated then I'd spend money on a babysitter and go. I appreciate it might not be easy if breastfeeding or poor sleepers. Enjoy if you can but not with the babies.

Hintofreality · 24/02/2023 10:52

I would request to be seated away from any small children and if that wasn’t possible I would cancel my reservation and leave.
I have equally the right to do that as you do to take your children there (although I also think anyone paying £150 for a toddler to eat is a dick).

NoDairyNoProblem · 24/02/2023 10:52

Puttingchildrenfirst · 24/02/2023 10:42

This is the pain in the backside, I actually called the restaurant and they said, "we don't technically ban children however we are a fine dining restaurant experience". Eg. Do not bring your small children!

I was hoping they would say no kids under 10 or 5 or whatever to absolve me from blame!

Show quote history

No children’s menu, no DH to help… no way would be my answer !

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Families
Whichwhatnow · 24/02/2023 10:54

If there's no kids menu I would assume they're not really welcome tbh. I personally wouldn't mind at all so long as your toddler is quiet and stays at the table. I've been to a high end place before where a toddler was being allowed to run around the tables - nearly tripping over the service staff holding full plates of food - then threw an almighty tantrum when his parents finally tried to get him to sit back down and it did ruin what was meant to be a big treat for me and DH.

I know it's frowned upon but could you give him a tablet or something (with headphones!) and ask the restaurant if you can give him some snacks if there's no kids menu or anything he can eat?

Ultimately only you know whether your kid is likely to behave or not for however long a tasting menu is likely to take.

KittyTitty · 24/02/2023 10:55

@Bunbuns3

Probably because they’re fucking feral over here.

WaltzingWaters · 24/02/2023 10:55

A casual pub/family type restaurant for lunch or before 7pm with kids you can keep under control, absolutely fine. A very fancy and expensive place, or anywhere into the evening should be child free. You’ve made the right call- thank you!

tatteddear · 24/02/2023 10:57

Really not. We saved up for ages to go for a very speccy lunch as part of our wedding. Ruined by a crying baby and a toddler being distracted with very loud toys on the next table.
Why would you bring them? I get it you want a nice dinner-but either get a babysitter or wait a few years. And I say that as a Mum of four.

RedToothBrush · 24/02/2023 10:59

WaltzingWaters · 24/02/2023 10:55

A casual pub/family type restaurant for lunch or before 7pm with kids you can keep under control, absolutely fine. A very fancy and expensive place, or anywhere into the evening should be child free. You’ve made the right call- thank you!

Bollocks it should.

If kid is happy with menu and is behaved then it's fine.

I frequently get more annoyed with dickhead adults (including not looking after their children) than the actual children themselves.

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 24/02/2023 11:00

If you were sat next to 2 kids under 3 at a very expensive restaurant... what would you be thinking?

That they shouldn't be there. Kids have taken over pretty much every where else - see harvester, nandos, pizza express, pubs etc.

They don't need to infiltrate fucking everywhere. I'd fully support adult only establishments or times when no children are allowed.

woowootarget · 24/02/2023 11:00

I agree!

I have an 11 year old who is perfectly capable of being well behaved but I also have a 19 month old.

She is a different story 😂

We have always eaten out with our children. But we realised a week or so ago that going out for a meal isn't going to work for us now (sad!). We were in Franco Manca for pizza, our favourite local pizza place, and toddler obviously does not want to just sit down in a Highchair for nearly an hour. We also do not use iPhones/tablets to keep occupied. So colouring, and all her toys we had packed did not work 😥

My partner ended up taking her outside for a walk around etc because she was getting upset and frustrated. so it wasn't really a nice family meal and looking forward I think we will be getting take aways instead!!

So, no. I would not take a toddler to a fine dining restaurant!! I'd be dying of embarrassment if she was showing big feelings etc etc!!

Original poster
Puttingchildrenfirst · 24/02/2023 11:02

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/02/2023 10:34

Depends on the child and the restaurant. I don’t think toddlers need kids menus.

Perhaps not but I would say the availability of a kids menu is a very good indicator. If a restaurant has a kids menu then it would suggest they're happy to cater for families and vice versa.

OP posts:
ditalini · 24/02/2023 11:02

Depends on the child.

Ds1 could be relied upon to not impinge on the experience of other diners from a fairly young age so you could pretty much take him anywhere.

Ds2 has a much lower boredom threshold and is louder more generally so it's Pizza Express or thereabouts for family meals after having to get up and go home from my birthday lunch at a very naice place because he was being such a pain in the arse. He was three, I was stupid and lulled into a false sense of security by ds1.

If you wouldn't get up and leave the minute your child starts making surrounding diners aware of their precious presence then don't take them.

ChimneyPot · 24/02/2023 11:02

I have seen young children maybe 4 or 5 years old being very well behaved in very high end restaurants and they certainly didn’t spoil my enjoyment of my evening.
I would only bring a young child if I was very sure they would behave or I could leave immediately if that changed.

If it is a large family group is a private room within the restaurant an option? I’ve done this with a 3 year old who had headphones and an iPad. (when abroad for an event)

milkyaqua · 24/02/2023 11:03

Hell no.

GoodChat · 24/02/2023 11:05

It wouldn't bother me at all, personally, as long as they were well behaved.

milkyaqua · 24/02/2023 11:07

We have a toddler and a new baby

Do people just read the title and not even the opening post? I don't think the new baby will be "running around". Or be able to be "well-behaved.

Original poster
Puttingchildrenfirst · 24/02/2023 11:08

tatteddear · 24/02/2023 10:57

Really not. We saved up for ages to go for a very speccy lunch as part of our wedding. Ruined by a crying baby and a toddler being distracted with very loud toys on the next table.
Why would you bring them? I get it you want a nice dinner-but either get a babysitter or wait a few years. And I say that as a Mum of four.

I think you misread a little, I don't want to take them and am happy to stay home with a kebab.

Family think that the children will be welcome there, I disagree.

OP posts:
qazxc · 24/02/2023 11:08

It's not a good idea to go with kids that age.
The meal is likely to be long, the toddler is going to be bored rigid.
Even if the kids behave like perfect angels, you won't be able to relax and enjoy the meal because you will be watching them like a hawk, self conscious about what other diners might be thinking.
I wouldn't go if I were you.

VivaVivaa · 24/02/2023 11:08

We take 3 yo DS out to eat a fair amount in nice pubs/chilled restaurants. He’s generally pretty ‘good’, but obviously if he plays up we take it in turns to take him outside, especially when he was smaller.

Wouldn’t humour taking him to a fine dining establishment, let alone on my own, with a baby in tow 😂 that sounds like nothing more than an expensive way to stress yourself and those around you out!

sw19007 · 24/02/2023 11:09

Bunbuns3 · 24/02/2023 10:45

The whole world would say yes! Child hating UK ONLY would say no!

I was in an upmarket restaurant in Madrid a couple of months ago- no children under 14 allowed.

GoodChat · 24/02/2023 11:10

milkyaqua · 24/02/2023 11:07

We have a toddler and a new baby

Do people just read the title and not even the opening post? I don't think the new baby will be "running around". Or be able to be "well-behaved.

I said well behaved but I meant more the toddler - the baby is obviously different.

MrsSkylerWhite · 24/02/2023 11:13

The only children’s menus needed are smaller portions of the same food.

Original poster
Puttingchildrenfirst · 24/02/2023 11:14

qazxc · 24/02/2023 11:08

It's not a good idea to go with kids that age.
The meal is likely to be long, the toddler is going to be bored rigid.
Even if the kids behave like perfect angels, you won't be able to relax and enjoy the meal because you will be watching them like a hawk, self conscious about what other diners might be thinking.
I wouldn't go if I were you.

I think that my idea of acceptable "behaviour" would be so much tighter as well.

For example not long ago 2yo played a lovely quiet game with a plastic smurf and a house made from a drinks menu in a pizza express for ages. Me and DH were chuffed that we got to have an actual full conversation AND enjoy our puddings... however I don't think I'd be happy with them doing that in a high end (and much quieter) restaurant.

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 24/02/2023 11:17

The new baby I’d worry would cry and a toddler, generally wouldn’t behave or would get bored easily and not enjoy the experience.

If I was going for a special meal and paying £150 then yes I’d be annoyed and would ask to be sat as far away as I could from you and your family.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 24/02/2023 11:18

I wouldn’t, just because I like to enjoy my food and adult conversation, and this just isn’t possible with a toddler most of the time.
My DD came with me to many of London’s poshest restaurants as a baby, but she was reliably very chilled and seldom cried. Not a chance I would have taken her once she became mobile and bolshy.

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