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Original poster

Do children belong in a "fancy" restaurant?

333 replies

Puttingchildrenfirst · 24/02/2023 10:30

Hello All!

I'm looking for people's thoughts on children in high end restaurants.

For context we were invited to a very high end restaurant this weekend (think £150 a head set tasting menu fine dining place) to celebrate a family members birthday (less than a weeks notice).

We have a toddler and a new baby so I declined as soon as I looked the restaurant up as I knew we couldn't organise childcare and husband was on call that night (needs to be near home).

Family wanted me to still come and bring the children but I declined as I really couldn't imagine wrangling a hungry toddler (no children's menu) and trying to latch a baby on while the couple on the next table celebrate their wedding anniversary!

I'll be honest I was also thinking of a popular thread on AIBU here recently where people were commenting on the behaviour of young children in a cafe at an aquarium. The consensus there was children shouldn't be in any sort of fancier restaurants!

However family think we're being overly precious to not bring the kids (and therefore not attend) and another thread yesterday had posters recommending a mum took her 8 month old to a 3 Michelin star restaurant.

If you were sat next to 2 kids under 3 at a very expensive restaurant... what would you be thinking?

OP posts:
Persipan · 26/02/2023 18:52

I have a toddler who's very amenable to being taken out for meals and has never done anything to disrupt other diners, and I still wouldn't. His tolerance for that sort of thing is really high, but presumably not infinite, and the length of time it takes to eat your way through a tasting menu would worry me. Plus, it's a lot of money down the drain if it were to go badly and I needed to make an exit with him. I'd take him out to a pub or café type setting with no concerns, but I wouldn't chance somewhere nice-nice.

AlmostThere23 · 26/02/2023 18:57

Honestly, you’re totally right not to want to go. £150 is a lot of cash to part with when you will be wrangling a toddler & baby. You won’t enjoy the experience.

My two are older, but we still don’t take them to weddings/christenings and so on because they just get bored. When they were toddlers, we would watch other friends running around after their kids and be glad it wasn’t us. If it’s not kid friendly, at that age, it’s just not a nice experience for you or the kids.

Also, who expects others to pay £150ph for a birthday meal! That is obscene. If arranging a family/friends meal it should be at a reasonably priced venue.

afinishedkiss · 26/02/2023 19:39

Molly499 · 26/02/2023 15:39

This is not entitled or pretentious, most people in the UK just don’t understand how it works in a lot of Europe. These children are not bullied into submission, it is a way of life.

In France, at the age of 3 when starting school, lunch will be at least 4 courses and the children will be sitting for an hour, soup/salad, starter, main, dessert &/or cheese. Meals at home will be the same if not more courses. Socialisation starts at a young age and they will always be included.

There is also no such thing as eating at 5pm, restaurants are closed, children tend to stay up later as the little ones will sleep at school, they are at school until 5pm. Some restaurants have introduced children’s menus but mainly for tourists I think as French children eat almost everything.

I lived in France for many years, my children were born there, I have never seen French children running around a restaurant or sitting with an iPad.

Its a cultural difference with different expectations, we should learn from it!

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Well France can keep it. I would in my backside sit for an hour with a 3 year old after making a 4 course or more dinner every day.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
IcedPurple · 26/02/2023 19:42

afinishedkiss · 26/02/2023 19:39

Well France can keep it. I would in my backside sit for an hour with a 3 year old after making a 4 course or more dinner every day.

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Yes, I was going to ask who is making all those 'at least' 4 course meals that the French supposedly eat every day.

Somehow I doubt it's the men of the family.

Coxspurplepippin · 26/02/2023 20:03

School lunches in France are not 4 courses. Unless of course you're a pupil at the Cordon Bleu. And I don't think they take 4 year olds.

IcedPurple · 26/02/2023 20:08

Coxspurplepippin · 26/02/2023 20:03

School lunches in France are not 4 courses. Unless of course you're a pupil at the Cordon Bleu. And I don't think they take 4 year olds.

But French 4 year olds are extremely mature and sophistiqués.

Not like uncivilised British kids.

Coxspurplepippin · 26/02/2023 20:10

While French kids are learning the niceties of boeuf bourgignon and Tarte tatin, British kids are still going down the garden to eat worms. 'Twas ever thus.

Liorae · 26/02/2023 20:18

Children live up expectations, which in the UK is extremely low.

abs12 · 26/02/2023 20:37

KittyTitty · 24/02/2023 10:34

High end restaurant or not I stopped taking mine when they were very small to eateries. I realised after a couple of times it was just not fun. And they were actually well behaved compared to some restaurant horrors I’ve seen in my time.

It’s usually the mum getting stressed whilst everyone else tucks into their meals, relaxed and generally only offering tokenistic help. Not for me.

Spot on. It sucks for the parent. It is not fun. And not worth spending money on a meal the kids won't eat and the parents don't have time to eat.

Molly499 · 26/02/2023 20:48

Coxspurplepippin · 26/02/2023 20:03

School lunches in France are not 4 courses. Unless of course you're a pupil at the Cordon Bleu. And I don't think they take 4 year olds.

Well it must have changed then but I doubt it. A 3 yr old will start at Maternelle and will be there all day. Lunch is not a big deal, it is very much part of a way of life, courses are less complicated than here.

mangosmoothieisthebest · 26/02/2023 21:31

Even if a child is well behaved I would still inwardly groan if I was sat the next next table to them in a high end restaurant. It seems to be the thought that they might start playing up.

I suppose it's because I choose to go somewhere like this so that I can have a child free night!

CJsGoldfish · 26/02/2023 21:54

Nope. I don't want children near me if I'm paying good money for a lovely meal I wouldn't even bring my own children to.

I'm highly suspicious of those whose children are far too sophisticated to need a childrens menu. It is my experience that those who insist their children are 'fine' actually have no idea how annoying their kid is 🤷‍♀️

The parents who wouldn't take their kids are definitely my kind 😝

DanseAvecLesLoup · 26/02/2023 22:58

mangosmoothieisthebest · 26/02/2023 21:31

Even if a child is well behaved I would still inwardly groan if I was sat the next next table to them in a high end restaurant. It seems to be the thought that they might start playing up.

I suppose it's because I choose to go somewhere like this so that I can have a child free night!

To me its the same as sitting next to a toddler on a long haul flight. You hope they are going to sleep most of the way but you are secretly bracing yourself for a meltdown.

DorisParchment · 27/02/2023 10:54

My kids went to school in France. I don’t remember a four course lunch. I do remember an obsession with dairy, so lunch always included a yogurt or piece of cheese.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 27/02/2023 11:51

I absolutely wouldn't do it. If children are allowed then never mind the other diners - that's the risk they take when booking, but why waste all that money when it's just going to be stressful experience for all involved......

ireallyliketheboy · 27/02/2023 12:08

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 27/02/2023 11:51

I absolutely wouldn't do it. If children are allowed then never mind the other diners - that's the risk they take when booking, but why waste all that money when it's just going to be stressful experience for all involved......

Nice to see you are so considerate of other diners!

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 27/02/2023 12:33

Well if kids are allowed they are allowed.....

DanseAvecLesLoup · 27/02/2023 13:18

ireallyliketheboy · 27/02/2023 12:08

Nice to see you are so considerate of other diners!

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You are allowed to bring children to 'U' certificate films at the cinema, great if it was Finding Nemo or the Lion King, but you would not bring your 5 year old to see Citizen Cane because they would be bored shitless and probably disturb the viewing for everyone else wanting to see a classic film. Or should no judgement be made on what is appropriate because you are 'allowed' to bring said 5 year old into the auditorium?

Mumof2girls2121 · 27/02/2023 19:07

I would be feeling sorry for the poor mum and dad having to spend £300+ to not get to eat their dinner as they are occupying their kids.
and the kids who don’t want to sit at a dinner table for hours while adults fine dine, you are not being unreasonable at all! Stay home eat something you and the kids want to!

AmIThatMam · 27/02/2023 23:08

WillowBeeT · 26/02/2023 08:30

Yes.

If you’re the sorts of parents that can’t raise civilised children, don’t introduce them to civilised places.

We took our DD to restaurants from birth, and we’ve never had an issue with her being boisterous or noisy or wanting to leave the table (other than to be taken to the toilet.) We aren’t one of these incapable families who have to plant iPads in front of their children, as you see in so many big name ‘family’ restaurants.

So, I’d say you need to be courteous to the diners and the establishment and if it doesn’t match with the way you raise your kids, give it a miss.

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😂😂😂😂😂😂 of all the things that never happened, this is the must not happenedest.

AmIThatMam · 27/02/2023 23:08

*most sorry laughing so hard I typo’d

Original poster
Puttingchildrenfirst · 28/02/2023 12:34

AmIThatMam · 27/02/2023 23:08

😂😂😂😂😂😂 of all the things that never happened, this is the must not happenedest.

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love it! My very civilised 2 year old has just finished reading Anna Karenina but unfortunately they like to discuss the symbolism too loudly for us to dine in high end restaurants at the minute! Such is life...

OP posts:
Arthurflecksfacepaint · 28/02/2023 12:39

Puttingchildrenfirst · 28/02/2023 12:34

love it! My very civilised 2 year old has just finished reading Anna Karenina but unfortunately they like to discuss the symbolism too loudly for us to dine in high end restaurants at the minute! Such is life...

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I don’t know, I am trying my hardest to ensure that my 2 year old is raised to be a civilised person.

Trouble is, she’s not having bloody any of it 🤣

DanseAvecLesLoup · 28/02/2023 13:15

Puttingchildrenfirst · 28/02/2023 12:34

love it! My very civilised 2 year old has just finished reading Anna Karenina but unfortunately they like to discuss the symbolism too loudly for us to dine in high end restaurants at the minute! Such is life...

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You just know the sort of people who write posts like that are the same pretentious twats who send out the Christmas 'round robin' newsletter detailing every smug facet of their high achieving John Lewis cardboard cut out family.

"Archie got offers from both Oxford and Cambridge but has decided to take a year out to teach at an orphanage in Lesotho and learn Swahili. Orphelia passed her Level 7 trumpet and continues to captain the netball, hockey and lacrosse teams......."

Anniekits · 28/02/2023 15:32

I think expecting a new mum to pay £150 for a posh meal is ridiculous and I would be refusing to go out of principle. £150 with a new baby could pay for far more important things. How do they expect a new mum to enjoy a meal with 2 such small children is beyond me. Bet they wouldn't be offering to hold the baby or help feed the toddler especially if they cried. If they are that desperate to see the children then go to Toby Carvery, far more child friendly.

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