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Original poster

Do children belong in a "fancy" restaurant?

333 replies

Puttingchildrenfirst · 24/02/2023 10:30

Hello All!

I'm looking for people's thoughts on children in high end restaurants.

For context we were invited to a very high end restaurant this weekend (think £150 a head set tasting menu fine dining place) to celebrate a family members birthday (less than a weeks notice).

We have a toddler and a new baby so I declined as soon as I looked the restaurant up as I knew we couldn't organise childcare and husband was on call that night (needs to be near home).

Family wanted me to still come and bring the children but I declined as I really couldn't imagine wrangling a hungry toddler (no children's menu) and trying to latch a baby on while the couple on the next table celebrate their wedding anniversary!

I'll be honest I was also thinking of a popular thread on AIBU here recently where people were commenting on the behaviour of young children in a cafe at an aquarium. The consensus there was children shouldn't be in any sort of fancier restaurants!

However family think we're being overly precious to not bring the kids (and therefore not attend) and another thread yesterday had posters recommending a mum took her 8 month old to a 3 Michelin star restaurant.

If you were sat next to 2 kids under 3 at a very expensive restaurant... what would you be thinking?

OP posts:
AngelinaFibres · 26/02/2023 08:40

Definitely not appropriate. Stressful for you. Annoying for other diners who have organised a baby sitter. Not fun for your children. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near someone with small children in a place like that.

guildingthelily · 26/02/2023 08:41

I wouldn't. When mine were that age, tye best place was my local Nandos. It was a god send. Don't do it. The kids might be ok for 30 mins max but after that could be tricky. If you really have to go, take an iPad and headphones for toddler with some cbeebies programmes. For the baby, take some blocks/quiet toys and ask each person at the meal to take turns walking/carrying her around. This must be agreed before the meal. Good luck whatever you decide.

JewelLane · 26/02/2023 08:42

If relatives want to include children, they need to choose a family-friendly restaurant where everyone can relax.

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pollykitty · 26/02/2023 08:45

I would be thinking, that’s lovely that those parents are eating a nice dinner with their kids.
I hate the idea that kids aren’t allowed in high-end restaurants. We don’t live near family and when my daughter was small had a hard time finding babysitters where we lived. The only option was taking her with us if we wanted to go out. Granted we did not go to lots of fancy restaurants but I can remember being out with her at 8pm and getting looks even though she was well behaved. I didn’t care.
Misbehaved children in restaurants are usually just bored. Parents need to think ahead and bring entertainment. If that means a tablet at the table, then bring a tablet.

LolaSmiles · 26/02/2023 08:49

I would be thinking, that’s lovely that those parents are eating a nice dinner with their kids.
I hate the idea that kids aren’t allowed in high-end restaurants. We don’t live near family and when my daughter was small had a hard time finding babysitters where we lived. The only option was taking her with us if we wanted to go out. Granted we did not go to lots of fancy restaurants but I can remember being out with her at 8pm and getting looks even though she was well behaved. I didn’t care.
Misbehaved children in restaurants are usually just bored. Parents need to think ahead and bring entertainment. If that means a tablet at the table, then bring a tablet
Maybe the looks were because a nice restaurant during evening dinner service was being set up to entertain a child.

Children don't have to go everywhere and parents need to accept that.

SuperGinger · 26/02/2023 08:55

We've always taken ours, they have always behaved. People always compliment us

LemonPeonies · 26/02/2023 08:55

I took my 2yo to the ritz for a Christmas afternoon tea and he was well behaved, it depends on the children.

Chihuahuasrule · 26/02/2023 08:58

As it won't be relaxing for you, don't do it OP

DorisParchment · 26/02/2023 09:02

We took ours, aged 2 and 4, to a fairly upmarket restaurant in France. They were read the riot act on behaviour before we went there (and knew we were not joking when we said the first whiff of bad behaviour, they would be taken out and taken home, as we had done this a few weeks previously with DD2). There was no children’s menu, so they shared a starter (soup) a main course (fish, potatoes, green beans) and a pudding. They behaved perfectly, and enjoyed the sense of occasion (helped by the waiter!).

Obviouspretzel · 26/02/2023 09:02

I wouldn't mind at all, providing that they weren't crying or shouting, and I couldn't hear Peppa pig playing on a tablet.

When I go to Italy, say, there seems to be little age segregation in most places. A restaurant might have groups of young people, families, elderly couples all in the same place. It seems much nicer.

Leftlegwest · 26/02/2023 09:03

It depends on the child in my opinion. Where will they be at in their daily routine at the time of the booking? Can it be easily adapted so they can sit nicely? Do they have a tablet you are happy for them to use and can they use it with volume off?

We don't have easily accessible babysitters and have always taken our children out to eat from a young age so they are used to it. If they ever went through a phase of kicking off one of us would take them straight out where we would stay until they were calm again. We will adjust routine for a special occasion so they aren't overly grumpy. We've eaten it all sorts of places, some high end/Michelin star, some not.

in your circumstance, I probably wouldn't go because being the only parent there with a newborn and a toddler is difficult.

BlueHeelers · 26/02/2023 09:04

Whatever other diners think (and I'd be irritated if your children were noisy in such a place), your children are really not going to enjoy it. And it's late for a toddler, very late.

It's just not a suitable place for two children under 3, frankly. And you're not going to have a particularly relaxing evening.

You and your DH are going to be spending most of the evening not enjoying a lovely tasting menu, but taking a tired grumpy toddler outside when they start screaming, crying, grizzling. And it's still a bit chilly.

another thread yesterday had posters recommending a mum took her 8 month old to a 3 Michelin star restaurant.

The difference is that the poster on that thread was considering lunch. Now that's probably doable for a 3 year old, although you and your husband are not going to have much fun, ensuring that your DC dare taken outside when/if they get too noisy.

danblack87 · 26/02/2023 09:04

I wouldn't take any child under the age of 7. It would be uncomfortable for many and would detract from the enjoyment of the evening.

Sennelier1 · 26/02/2023 09:07

You were absolutely right not to attend. I took my children - and now take my grandchildren - everywhere with me, but not to a fancy restaurant. For all the reasons already mentioned.

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 26/02/2023 09:09

It depends on the child and if they are used to going to this type of restaurant.

DD9 still remembers the time I was cutting up her meat into bite size pieces in a fancy restaurant and the waiter took the plate to do the cutting up himself. She was so impressed.

Suzi888 · 26/02/2023 09:11

“If you were sat next to 2 kids under 3 at a very expensive restaurant... what would you be thinking?”

I’d be thinking about leaving.

Ducksinthebath · 26/02/2023 09:16

A PP made a good analogy around a children’s playground being invaded by pissed up adult. Just because you technically can do something doesn’t mean you should.

I agree with you OP, it sounds unsuitable and like you’ll have a miserable, stressful time so I’d give it a miss. If you cop any moans from your family then it says more about them than anything else.

Covidwoes · 26/02/2023 09:18

There's no way I'd take my 4 and 2 year old to a restaurant like this. It would ruin the experience for me, let alone anyone else. By 'ruin', I don't mean them annoying other diners. Mine are actually pretty good in restaurants now, but I wouldn't be able to relax at all (especially with the 2 year old, as they can be unpredictable, although 2 year old DD loves food), and in a restaurant like that, I would want to have an uninterrupted, lovely time. I take ours to chains like Pizza Express etc, as they're great for families. Absolutely no way in hell will they be going to a restaurant like you describe until they are much older! Right decision OP!

LolaSmiles · 26/02/2023 09:22

A PP made a good analogy around a children’s playground being invaded by pissed up adult. Just because you technically can do something doesn’t mean you should
Agreed.
What happened to common sense and accepting that when you have children you have to factor in things such as babysitting or accept you don't go to fine dining restaurants for tasting menus?

OP sounds like she's got a lot of common sense

Advicerequest · 26/02/2023 09:26

LolaSmiles · 26/02/2023 08:49

I would be thinking, that’s lovely that those parents are eating a nice dinner with their kids.
I hate the idea that kids aren’t allowed in high-end restaurants. We don’t live near family and when my daughter was small had a hard time finding babysitters where we lived. The only option was taking her with us if we wanted to go out. Granted we did not go to lots of fancy restaurants but I can remember being out with her at 8pm and getting looks even though she was well behaved. I didn’t care.
Misbehaved children in restaurants are usually just bored. Parents need to think ahead and bring entertainment. If that means a tablet at the table, then bring a tablet
Maybe the looks were because a nice restaurant during evening dinner service was being set up to entertain a child.

Children don't have to go everywhere and parents need to accept that.

Your other option was not going out!

Timeturnerplease · 26/02/2023 09:29

There’s just a period of time when even the calmest toddler is no fun in a high end restaurant. IME it’s from about 14mo to 3ish; from when they can loudly demand to be let down from a highchair to when they can be reasoned with.

Our just turned 4yo is fine in any restaurant; just sits and chats to us. Youngest is 19mo and has about a 20 minute tolerance for being constrained and then will repeatedly shout MUMMY DADDY COME DOWN until released. It’s fine, we’ll just stick to child friendly places until she can be reasoned with like her sister.

So I’m with you OP. That’s not going to be fun for anyone, and unless your family are going to actively take over care of the children they need to keep their opinions to themselves.

Dibbydoos · 26/02/2023 09:32

I always took my children everywhere. They were well behaved even as babies and toddlers, but I double-checked myself before taking them to an expensive restaurant when they were young, like yours.
I think to it's OK to go with older kids who are quiet and know how to stay quiet, but not younger kids who arent under control.

TicTac80 · 26/02/2023 09:36

I've got 2DC myself and wouldn't take them to a fine dining restaurant at that age. Actually, I may have taken my eldest, because he was a very calm/quiet/settled baby. And he was the same as a toddler: he'd sit nicely and quietly when needed to. He also couldn't abide mess/lots of noise. I've taken him smarter restaurants when he was tiny baby/toddler and he'd just sit quietly, have a feed/something to eat and then either sleep or sit and look at a picture book. My youngest? Not a chance! Sickly baby (screaming/crying a lot) and her tantrums as a toddler were immense! I wouldn't have put that on other people!!!

meganorks · 26/02/2023 09:38

Don't do it! A fine dining experience is supposed to be just that - an experience! It's long and slow. You savor the dishes. Meals with toddlers in my experience were always 'let's do this as quick as possible before they've had enough'. No starters, mains only, maybe a pudding if it felt doable. Also, we would only ever go for lunch. Adult dinner a time is usually bad timing for a toddler anyway.

Tiny baby might be doable without the toddler but there will be no where to change or feed them. And I personally wouldn't have felt comfortable breast feeding sat round the table with relatives in a posh restaurant, but maybe that's just me.

IcedPurple · 26/02/2023 09:40

I don't go to a 'family friendly' restaurant and expect atmospheric fine dining where I can have deep conversations undisturbed by screaming kids.

Likewise, parents shouldn't go to a higher end restaurant and expect diners to be tolerant of their kids. And for those saying 'My children are well behaved' firstly, there's no way anyone else can know this and secondly, parents tend to be so used to their children's behaviour that they don't realise how annoying it is to everyone else. Even 'good' children are still children. Which is fine, but there's a time and a place. High end restaurants are not it.

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