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Original poster

Is this fair? Inheritance related.

237 replies

WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant · 21/02/2023 12:45

There are three adult siblings in DH family. DH is the eldest and is from his DF first marriage. Sadly, DH’s DM died when he was a baby. His DF married again when DH was very young and went on to have a further two boys with his new wife.

The new wife raised DH along with her two biological children and they still have a good relationship today. DH’s DF passed away six years ago and all of his assets went to his wife. However, his DF had a joint Will with his wife and all three children were included in the will with all to be shared fairly once the parents had passed.

At a visit with MIL (DH’s step mum) over the weekend, she talked about her plans to pay off her mortgage in a few weeks and how she was relieved to know the two boys would never have to worry about housing in the current climate. (DH’s adult brothers are still both living at home whilst studying). It transpires her plans are to leave the only asset to DH’s two brothers; this would mean she would need to have the current will amended to exclude DH.

DH didn’t say anything but it has blindsided him and he’s feeling very hurt; his step mum has raised him since he was small.

It does seem rather unfair but after all, it’s his DSM’s asset to do as she wishes. Would you be hurt by this? DH is not going to raise it and will carry on as normal but he is understandably taken aback about this.

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 21/02/2023 12:47

You posted a different version of this yesterday.

Original poster
WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant · 21/02/2023 12:48

@BaronessBomburst That is not my thread.

OP posts:
Phos · 21/02/2023 12:49

Can she do that? If there is a joint will then surely she can’t amend it without the other person’s permission which obviously can’t be given if they have died.

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ethelredonagoodday · 21/02/2023 12:50

Phos · 21/02/2023 12:49

Can she do that? If there is a joint will then surely she can’t amend it without the other person’s permission which obviously can’t be given if they have died.

I'm interested in this as my FIL did something similar to my DH after MIL's death...

BaronessBomburst · 21/02/2023 12:53

Sorry then! But good to clear it up before everyone else thought the same.

bellac11 · 21/02/2023 12:56

I would have thought she can change her will if she wishes?

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/02/2023 12:57

He must be devastated.

Phos · 21/02/2023 12:58

bellac11 · 21/02/2023 12:56

I would have thought she can change her will if she wishes?

But it’s not just her will, it’s a joint one.

Original poster
WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant · 21/02/2023 12:58

@BaronessBomburst Agreed. Smile

It is likely that the Will is a mirror will rather than a joint which would allow her to change it. It must be allowed as she has already spoken to the Will writer to discuss it (we only know this as she told DH he could not visit next week as she had a solicitors appointment).

OP posts:
Comedycook · 21/02/2023 12:59

I've got no idea on the legalities, but morally it's absolutely appalling.

Motheranddaughter · 21/02/2023 13:00

No such thing as a joint Will
Unless house was left in trust for the wife and then to pass to the 3 sons she can leave it to who she wants

Lambchop1 · 21/02/2023 13:01

I think dh needs to talk with her about this otherwise it may affect their relationship and is terribly hurtful. Perhaps she didn’t quite mean it this way, or otherwise perhaps she was letting your dh know her plans by just swinging them into conversation. In any event, it would not hurt for dh to say that he wanted to clarify her position , as his fathers money is also in the house and she would be effectively leaving him with nothing from his parents.

MaggieFS · 21/02/2023 13:01

Of course it's not fair. But it is up to her.

Is she thinking short termist I.e. it sounds like DH is established in adult life whereas they aren't?

I can be a bit [too] confrontational, but I think he needs to ask why she doesn't think he's as deserving of an inheritance from his father.

Original poster
WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant · 21/02/2023 13:01

@AnneLovesGilbert He is. He would never ever raise it and DH says his family is more important than money but he is more disappointed for our own child. We have a child with a disability and owing to the fact we have a low income due to caring roles, DH always said his part of the inheritance would go to secure our DC’s future.

OP posts:
cittigirl · 21/02/2023 13:05

That's awful 😞. No idea if she can do that or not as it goes against his DF's will?

bellac11 · 21/02/2023 13:06

Phos · 21/02/2023 12:58

But it’s not just her will, it’s a joint one.

Show quote history

I dont understand what you mean by joint? It cant be that someone is held to a decision they made previously about their own money or assets and unable to change that.

Motheranddaughter · 21/02/2023 13:07

It does depend on the terms of the father’s Will but it does sound like he trusted his wife to honour his wishes (often a mistake)

endofthelinefinally · 21/02/2023 13:09

It isn't fair but it is very common for this to happen. It is your DH's late father's fault for not making proper arrangements. He should have put your DH's share into trust for him. Sadly, what is now happening is legal and there isn't much you can do about it. A will can be changed any time.

LulooLemon · 21/02/2023 13:10

How awful. This situation worries me in case I die before DH and he remarries.

bellac11 · 21/02/2023 13:11

Just had a quick google and it appears there are mirror wills and mutual wills. A mirror will can be changed after the first persons death, a mutual will cannot

Original poster
WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant · 21/02/2023 13:12

@bellac11 This is what I suspected; it is more likely to be a mirror will which can be amended. MIL was so breezy and matter of fact about it, I don’t think she’s given DH a second thought .

OP posts:
bellac11 · 21/02/2023 13:12

Personally I wouldnt sign up to a mutual will, I dont know why anyone would

OP do you think that its likely that although the house might go to your husband's brothers, there might be cash assets which will go to your husband?

endofthelinefinally · 21/02/2023 13:12

LulooLemon · 21/02/2023 13:10

How awful. This situation worries me in case I die before DH and he remarries.

Don't just worry about it. Go and get proper estate planning advice and get it sorted. You will have to pay a fee, but it is worth it.

emptythelitterbox · 21/02/2023 13:13

Very sad his DF didn't leave anything to him when he passed.

rcat74 · 21/02/2023 13:13

It depends if they were mutual wills or mirror wills. Mirror wills can be changed, mutual wills cannot and are binding after the death of the first spouse. If it is a mutual will there will be a clause stating this in the Will. I think he is quite entitled to be hurt and could gently raise the fact that she had previously agreed with his dad that the estate was to be split three ways.

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