Is this fair? Inheritance related.

[WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant]

There are three adult siblings in DH family. DH is the eldest and is from his DF first marriage. Sadly, DH’s DM died when he was a baby. His DF married again when DH was very young and went on to have a further two boys with his new wife.

The new wife raised DH along with her two biological children and they still have a good relationship today. DH’s DF passed away six years ago and all of his assets went to his wife. However, his DF had a joint Will with his wife and all three children were included in the will with all to be shared fairly once the parents had passed.

At a visit with MIL (DH’s step mum) over the weekend, she talked about her plans to pay off her mortgage in a few weeks and how she was relieved to know the two boys would never have to worry about housing in the current climate. (DH’s adult brothers are still both living at home whilst studying). It transpires her plans are to leave the only asset to DH’s two brothers; this would mean she would need to have the current will amended to exclude DH.

DH didn’t say anything but it has blindsided him and he’s feeling very hurt; his step mum has raised him since he was small.

It does seem rather unfair but after all, it’s his DSM’s asset to do as she wishes. Would you be hurt by this? DH is not going to raise it and will carry on as normal but he is understandably taken aback about this.

This is a very good point. When DH and I recently re-wrote our wills we didn't want to hog-tie the surviving spouse.

If I die first I want DH to be able to use all our assets as he sees fit. I don't want him stuck with a house he can't sell to pay for his own care home fees.

I have however warned him that if he decides to take up with a fancy piece and fathers another generation and leaves the lot to them then I will haunt him on behalf of our DCs.

DH and have both put our share of the house into trust for our kids so that this can’t happen. If I die, my half of the house belongs to the kids, but dh can live in it until he dies. See a solicitor.

Seems very tough even if it’s legal. Could he ask for something to be ledt
for your DC.

If she asks him to be executor I think honesty is needed - you're asking me to be executor or a new will which excludes me from inheriting anything from my Dad and which clearly goes against his wishes? Sorry, but I think it's better done by someone you actually hold regards for"

The issue here is that your DHs DF should have made a will that made him a beneficiary rather than leave it all to his wife. Nothing can be done even if it is morally dubious.

He would never ever raise it

Well sorry, but he's going to have to accept it then.

Why will he not 'raise it'?

It is possible that there has been a misunderstanding but it’s unlikely. MIL told DH that the house is the bio children’s home. She also mentioned she was going to a solicitor next week to have the Will amended to ensure the boys won’t have to worry about housing in the current climate. Considering DH would only inherit if the asset was sold, it is safe to say, she is likely taking away DH’s share to prevent the asset being sold and thus ensuring a home for life for the siblings

You and DH are assuming she is cutting him out. The more likely scenario is that she wants to amend the will to reflect the fact it is their home and thst it cannot be sold for x amount of time after her death.
It is not true that DH "only inherits if the asset was sold". He inherits a third of tte property. If he wants the cash as it were, he could insist on having it, the brothers would have to buy him out or the property would have to be sold. That is probably what she wants to protect against.
You've made a lot of leaps and assumptions.

Have you thought that maybe she has something else in mind to leave to your DH? Is that a possibility?
Can he ask her if there is a reason why she is excluding him? He doesn't need to live there in the house to be a part owner with the other two.
Can he even contest this?

Oh bless him, your poor DH. What a nasty, cruel thing to do. And the fact she allowed for her husband to think his con would be cared for then change it once he died. Vile. Vindictive. Heartless. I couldn't ever look at her the same again.

Apart from all the apparent gross unfairness, surely she can only guarantee her bio sons housing for life as long as neither of them marries and they don't fall out - as there is only one house?

Even celebrities are not immune from outrageous things like this. Nigel Havers and Lynda Bellingham's widower, for two.

Does she honestly think her two highly educated sins, who are presumably still comparatively young, will love together in that house forever? What happens when one gets a partner or wants kids?

I think it would be reasonable to say that from the previous conversation, it seemed that she was saying she was cutting him from the will so her biological children inherited her and their father's share of the house, and if so what has happened between them for her to decide this now.
Unfortunately, once he asks he can't go back. If she says Thom and Bob are my children, they're my priority then that's pretty hard to come back from.

What are his brothers like and what’s his relationship with them like?

maybe if he speaks with them and they agree it’s unfair, the three of them can approach her together asking her not to change the will.

Probably I’m being naive thinking they would be happy to share, but you never know, surely there are still some good people out there.

@SleepingStandingUp This is my fear. DH and his DM have a good relationship but his DM does sometimes make it clear by her actions that DH is the outsider, even though she does not expressly say it. DH carries on regardless being there for her as his family is important to him. If he asks the question and he gets the answer you’ve raised, I’m not sure how things could go on as they are.

Exactly this. I am an estate planner and this annoys me so much. Most solicitors don't understand this. It is a specialist area and you need proper professional advice when writing your Will. Sadly, it sounds like this was a 'mirror will' leaving all to each other then the kids. As her DH has passed she now owns all assets and can change her Will to leave to whoever she pleases. So sorry.

Legally joint wills are no longer valid when one person dies. That's why parents should ensure their children are protected and don't leave it up to the good will of the surviving spouse.

Pretty certain this is what my step mother will do, heart breaking but ultimately don't think you can do anything about it. And I don't mean heart breaking because of no inheritance but but of the disregard compared to the other children.

I am so sorry for your DH. If his stepmother (who has in fact been the only mother he has known) goes ahead with leaving her assets (from his father) to his stepbrothers it will most certainly cause a rift. He should certainly broach the subject with her as she is going against her late husband's wishes.

This is the sort of approach my lovely, trusting Mum took when she left everything to my Dad, along with instructions of what she wanted him to then give to us. Little did she know he’d really struggle to just that for whatever reason and resentfully give us it in dribs and drabs before also trying to dictate what we did with it! As icing on the cake he then also tried to tell us what we’d been given wasn’t from Mum, but from him alone.

I think many couples adopt the mirror will to use up the nil rate band of the deceased spouse and save tax - but in every situation I’ve seen in the last few years the surviving spouse hasn’t done what was agreed jointly beforehand.

Therefore, my own Will will include my children no matter how trusting I am of DH at this point in time.

OP, I think it is better to know. It may be a misunderstanding, or not. I certainly think him declining to act as executor if he is being cut out (rather than e.g. a delay in selling the house) is fair.

I also wonder if she is planning to leave DH's "share" to your child.

But the only way to know, is ask, and it's not unreasonable to ask.

I’m the eldest of 3. On New Year’s Day my mother told me she had finalized her will splitting her estate (£1mil) between my 2 siblings. She gave me her engagement ring which she never liked and is worth £1400. I’ve barely spoken to her since and I don’t think I’ll ever get over this- I totally get how your DH feels. If he wants to pass on any tips on moving in I’m all ears.

Did you ask her why?

I’m still unclear what the fathers will said. Was he poorly advised and thought he had ringfenced money for DH? He should have put it in trust for him or something.

If SM really intends to disinherit him, will his brothers not share fairly?

What a total bitch.

@MontyDonsBlueScarf · Today 15:23

I think people would do well to remember that the wishes of the deceased parent were to leave future inheritance decisions to the survivor, not to split things equally come what may.

Well legally what's he's done entitled her to do that, but none of us can declare what's OPs husbands father actually wanted. He may have assumed that she would never do anything but treat them equally so yes, sell to cover care costs etc if needed, but the rest would be shared. He may have wanted her to be able to exclude his first born if she decided she didn't want to let him have anything. On the assumption on seemingly loving parents, one seems more likely than the other.

his DM does sometimes make it clear by her actions that DH is the outsider, even though she does not expressly say it.

What a thoroughly nasty woman. She's actually trying to punish a baby - in perpetuity - for losing his mother at a tragically young age. Vile.