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Original poster

Is this fair? Inheritance related.

237 replies

WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant · 21/02/2023 12:45

There are three adult siblings in DH family. DH is the eldest and is from his DF first marriage. Sadly, DH’s DM died when he was a baby. His DF married again when DH was very young and went on to have a further two boys with his new wife.

The new wife raised DH along with her two biological children and they still have a good relationship today. DH’s DF passed away six years ago and all of his assets went to his wife. However, his DF had a joint Will with his wife and all three children were included in the will with all to be shared fairly once the parents had passed.

At a visit with MIL (DH’s step mum) over the weekend, she talked about her plans to pay off her mortgage in a few weeks and how she was relieved to know the two boys would never have to worry about housing in the current climate. (DH’s adult brothers are still both living at home whilst studying). It transpires her plans are to leave the only asset to DH’s two brothers; this would mean she would need to have the current will amended to exclude DH.

DH didn’t say anything but it has blindsided him and he’s feeling very hurt; his step mum has raised him since he was small.

It does seem rather unfair but after all, it’s his DSM’s asset to do as she wishes. Would you be hurt by this? DH is not going to raise it and will carry on as normal but he is understandably taken aback about this.

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 21/02/2023 13:13

Money aside...

How horrible to discover the person who raised you from a young age doesn't consider you an equal to her "own" children.

Legally its probably ok but morally it stinks.

Badger1970 · 21/02/2023 13:13

We had the same situation with DH's mum - she left everything when she died to DH's stepdad and "wished" for him to then share it equally with her DC and stepdads. The house they lived in was purchased outright with her very generous divorce settlement from DH's dad.
When he died, it all went to his 2 DC, DH and his sister didn't get a penny. You can wish something in a will but it's not a legal requirement.

Which is why we've had our wills drafted and our shares of the family home/business put into trust for our DC so if either of us remarry, the DC's half is legally protected.

Im99912 · 21/02/2023 13:14

Best way is to get a copy of the will and see what it says
@LulooLemon if you don’t have will get one
you can leave your half of the house to your kids with your DH having a lifetime interest
with this in place your DH can still move property if necessary but your half will always be protected for your kids

my parents did this with mirror wills only they each left there percentage to my son & sister which I was fine with

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dontgobaconmyheart · 21/02/2023 13:16

I think it's a shame, and I imagine he would be very hurt by the decision, who wouldn't. What do his half-siblings think of it?

In terms of a will being 'fair', ultimately it never has to be. It serves no other purpose than to execute the financial wishes of the person that made it. His DF left his estate solely to her on his death and she now has every right to distribute what are now her own assets, as she wishes.

Sadly that was his DF's choice. If he had intended money to go directly to his 3 DC he should really have made provision for it from the off. There is no point hoping other people will do what you want with money you leave them and if you want specific beneficiaries to inherit your assets you need to name them or put a trust into place to protect them. He made a will and will presumably have known the legal implications.

Aa an aside I don't think it would be that inappropriate for him to say this has hurt his feelings or discuss it with her or his siblings if they have a good relationship.

Original poster
WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant · 21/02/2023 13:16

There are no other assets other than the family home where all three siblings were raised. DFIL did include DH in his Will and MIL’s Will (she said) mirrors his but can be changed at any time.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 21/02/2023 13:18

Unfortunately it is so common for many solicitors and will writing services to either not know, or not give correct advice about estate planning. You do need to use a company that can not only write your will, but can ensure that all your assets are protected and go to the right people in the event of divorce, remarriage etc.

endofthelinefinally · 21/02/2023 13:20

WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant · 21/02/2023 13:16

There are no other assets other than the family home where all three siblings were raised. DFIL did include DH in his Will and MIL’s Will (she said) mirrors his but can be changed at any time.

She is within her rights to change her will and exclude DH. If her will is a mirror will she can change it. Have you seen your FIL's will? Have you confirmed what sort of will it is?

Original poster
WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant · 21/02/2023 13:24

DH did see his late fathers Will which included him and his two brothers to inherit all assets upon MIL’s passing; presumably MIL’s is currently the same as hers is a mirror Will. Ironically, it appears she is expecting DH to execute the new Will.

There’s nothing to be done about it, it’s her choice but without meaning to sound grabby, I can see the hurt in DH and I’m unsure how it will affect family relations in future.

OP posts:
bigbluebus · 21/02/2023 13:25

Very common unfortunately. Have seen a few news articles pop up recently warning against mirror wills for this very reason. They're based on trusting the surviving spouse - in this case it appears step mother is going against her deceased husband's wishes but there's nothing legally that can be done about that in the case of a non- dependent child.

Original poster
WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant · 21/02/2023 13:25

@endofthelinefinally I have not seen the Will but DH did when helping MIL clear out his father’s things. It’s highly likely to be a mirror Will and the change will be perfectly fine legally.

OP posts:
feathermucker · 21/02/2023 13:27

He needs to speak to her.. It's a pretty shitty thing to do to him irrespective of it being legal or not.

arghtriffid · 21/02/2023 13:29

I would ask her outright and if she is deciding not do this - why? I would have a meeting with all of you there - her sons too. She may be unethical but her sons will probably do the right thing knowing their father's wishes - I know I would split the inheritance equally.

If they do not , you have a good case to contest the will.

saveforthat · 21/02/2023 13:30

I find it hard to believe she would do this and tell him breezily naming him as executor. Even harder to believe he refuses to raise it with her. Are you sure there is no misunderstanding going on? If I was in your DH's position I would say "but you are taking my share of my Father's inheritance"

feathermucker · 21/02/2023 13:31

Could he have misunderstood, is there a chance he's wrong?

Chewbecca · 21/02/2023 13:33

Totally legal and common as others say.

I'm a step mother and DH and I have mirror wills so we are trusting one another to continue the agreed spilt after the first spouse dies. Our solicitor did explain this is risky and suggest at some point we put part of the house in trust. We declined as we may wish to downsize at some point plus we wouldn't want a surviving spouse to be restricted. In theory, I am happy for the entire estate to be spent if needed, though this is unlikely.

I would definitely suggest that he gently speak to his SM, don't keep quiet. I'd say something like 'have I understood correctly that your will leaves everything only to my siblings and not me', if confirmed I would simply say 'I don't think that is what DF wanted'.

Badger1970 · 21/02/2023 13:34

He needs to be honest and say he's not being the executor of a will that goes against what his father requested.

FinnRussell · 21/02/2023 13:36

I would say something too. It would be hard to not let hurt and resentment damage relationships and that could be avoided.

Original poster
WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant · 21/02/2023 13:36

@saveforthat DH was blindsided and felt it would be distasteful to raise it there and then. MIL did not go in to much detail, it came about as we talked about the current climate and MIL said she was pleased the two boys would not have to worry about housing. DH was confused but the conversation moved on. Later, DH offered to visit next week to help her build some furniture and MIL said it wasn’t convenient as she has a solicitor’s appointment to talk about amending her Will. It is very clear what she is intending to do, but it is possible she may just be seeking advice on the issue.

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/02/2023 13:36

How horrible to discover the person who raised you from a young age doesn't consider you an equal to her "own" children.

If this is definitely what she is doing, she sounds like a very nasty person indeed.

I've heard other scenarios where the surviving spouse changes the will to leave it all to their own children on the grounds that their step-children will inherit from their other parent (still stinks, morally); but when their other parent died soon after they were born, leaving nothing in their own right, that is unbelievably low.

Is she just going on the misguided opinion that he 'doesn't need the money' whereas the other two do? Even if so, an awful lot can change in the adult children's lives and circumstances in the time between making the will and dying.

If she doesn't consider him to all intents and purposes her own Son, just like the others, she must have a heart of solid ice.

Chewbecca · 21/02/2023 13:50

Knowing her two boys don't need to worry doesn't necessarily mean he is cut out?

CharlotteRose90 · 21/02/2023 13:51

It’s legal and there’s not much he can do about it. His father was an idiot and most likely fell for the lies that all children would get treated equally. My friend had the same thing happen to her and lost her whole family because of it. If you care about your kids leave everything to them not your spouse.

2bazookas · 21/02/2023 13:58

"Joint" wills is a misleading term as it covers two different kinds of will, Mirror and Mutual. OP needs to be sure which is in play.

If they made Mutual Wills, the terms are binding and the surviving partner can't change them.

If they made Mirror wills, as sole survivor she's at liberty to write a new will and distribute her inherited assets as she sees fit.

It sounds as if MIL regards OP's DH, son A, as already owning his own secure home property, and that's why she's leaving the family home to the two son B and C who already live in it. Nobody homeless.

If the family home was left to all three; either it would have to be sold so A got his share; or B and C would have to raise a mortgage to buy him out.

Cherrysoup · 21/02/2023 13:59

My dad's will rescinds any previous wills and leaves everything to my mum-quite rightly, imo. However, her (mirror) will leaves everything to me and my brother 50/50. Point being that if your fil left everything to his wife, she can obviously then do as she likes with her estate, as you have said. I can't understand other pp saying something can be done-you could contest it, I suppose. You might even win.

I think it's pretty awful of her to leave your dh out of it if that is what she is doing. Wills are funny things, people fall out over them all the time. A family I know had the younger daughter care for the mum who altered her will to reflect her daughter's care of her and left less to the elder daughter, who has gone nc with her sister. Such a shame.

diddl · 21/02/2023 13:59

Chewbecca · 21/02/2023 13:50

Knowing her two boys don't need to worry doesn't necessarily mean he is cut out?

That is a thought that I had.

Perhaps he will be included but not to such an extent-especially if she is wanting him to be an executor!

That would be too cruel!

Why not ask the other two to be executors?

Im99912 · 21/02/2023 14:00

@Chewbecca
even if the house is in trust the surviving spouse is able to downsize
the trust just goes over to the new property
my dad downsized and it wasn’t an issue