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Original poster

Is this fair? Inheritance related.

237 replies

WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant · 21/02/2023 12:45

There are three adult siblings in DH family. DH is the eldest and is from his DF first marriage. Sadly, DH’s DM died when he was a baby. His DF married again when DH was very young and went on to have a further two boys with his new wife.

The new wife raised DH along with her two biological children and they still have a good relationship today. DH’s DF passed away six years ago and all of his assets went to his wife. However, his DF had a joint Will with his wife and all three children were included in the will with all to be shared fairly once the parents had passed.

At a visit with MIL (DH’s step mum) over the weekend, she talked about her plans to pay off her mortgage in a few weeks and how she was relieved to know the two boys would never have to worry about housing in the current climate. (DH’s adult brothers are still both living at home whilst studying). It transpires her plans are to leave the only asset to DH’s two brothers; this would mean she would need to have the current will amended to exclude DH.

DH didn’t say anything but it has blindsided him and he’s feeling very hurt; his step mum has raised him since he was small.

It does seem rather unfair but after all, it’s his DSM’s asset to do as she wishes. Would you be hurt by this? DH is not going to raise it and will carry on as normal but he is understandably taken aback about this.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2023 14:47

Newnamenewme23 · 21/02/2023 14:41

Not yet as it will cause an enormous family row. Plus unless they share the will no one can say for definite what’s in it.

long story but basically sibling has taken complete control. They have done all the POA forms without telling sibs. Parent is competent but has dementia so goes along with what they are told, signs forms put in front of them.

it’s an utterly shit situation. Sibling swears it is all being done in parents best interest, but it’s basically them taking all the money from the sale of the family home.

how do you stop it anyway? If the parent sits in front of a solicitor and agrees everything goes to one child?

Show quote history

A POA should involve a capacity assessment from the GP. Has this happened?

endofthelinefinally · 21/02/2023 14:49

diddl · 21/02/2023 14:44

A solicitor should not change a will if a person doesn’t have capacity, no matter who drives them there.

You'd hope that that would be the case wouldn't you?

If they have capacity then they can do as they wish.

If they are being coerced what is being done?

If only that were true. I have heard of some appalling things happening where terminally ill and incapacitated , vulnerable people have been persuaded to change their wills and the solicitor has facilitated it. No safe guarding at all.

Newnamenewme23 · 21/02/2023 14:50

diddl · 21/02/2023 14:44

A solicitor should not change a will if a person doesn’t have capacity, no matter who drives them there.

You'd hope that that would be the case wouldn't you?

If they have capacity then they can do as they wish.

If they are being coerced what is being done?

Probably should start my own thread but what do you do? How do you prove coercion?

we have no proof the will has been changed to benefit one sibling, and have no way of knowing until it’s read.

money will be gone anyway as someone has seen the plans for siblings house and it will take most of the parents money to make those changes.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law General money
SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2023 14:51

Apologies, it doesn’t need to be a GP or lawyer but does need to be someone who has known the elderly person well for at least 2 years and isn’t a family member.

diddl · 21/02/2023 14:51

Sibling swears it is all being done in parents best interest, but it’s basically them taking all the money from the sale of the family home.

So the money will be in an account in the parent's name & used solely for the benefit of the parent?

Perhaps you need to contact the Office of the Public Guardian.

Newnamenewme23 · 21/02/2023 14:52

SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2023 14:47

A POA should involve a capacity assessment from the GP. Has this happened?

Show quote history

Not as far as we know.

parent has just handed over control for an easy life, which I think you can do under a POA even if you’re competent?

scatterolight · 21/02/2023 14:53

He absolutely should ask her for clarity. "Stepmum you said some things last week about your will that concerned me. Can you clarify your plans?" And if she confirms that she's leaving him out, he should be prepared to say "OK just so I'm crystal clear. I'm not going to receive the inheritance that my father left me in his will?"

If she again concurs he must express his feelings about that. All this stuff upper lip shit about inheritance just let's these selfish people get away with stealing it. He must say that he is deeply upset and that his father would be too and then leave the bitch stewing on that.

diddl · 21/02/2023 14:53

parent has just handed over control for an easy life, which I think you can do under a POA even if you’re competent?

That shouldn't just allow the agent(?) to do as they wish-it should all still be for the donor!

Dreamscomingtrue · 21/02/2023 14:54

LulooLemon

If you change your will to tenants in common, instead of being joint tenants, then your half of the house would go to your children when you died.

I decided to do this after my nephews lost their inheritance when their Dad remarried, then had a daughter. When he died suddenly, without a will, all of his estate went to his new wife/daughter, and my 2 nephews didn’t get a penny.

I decided that if I bought a property & had children, that I would protect their share by the tenant in common choice when buying our latest house.
I don’t mind if my husband remarries but I don’t want my share of my children’s inheritance going to a stranger or children when he dies.

Salome61 · 21/02/2023 14:57

I am very sorry to read this. I wonder if your husband's siblings have been manipulating your MIL, it seems very odd not to include him.

Mydoghealsmyheart · 21/02/2023 14:58

My DH has tried asking his DM why she has planned such a terribly unfair, unequal inheritance and she refuses to speak to him. We have no idea why and now she has gone NC with him. It’s heartbreaking and I have read that unequal inheritances can reverberate for generations.

musicalgymball · 21/02/2023 14:58

If I was DH I would ask MIL in detail what she meant by this comment and what is exactly is being left in her will to whom and have a thorough argument about it.

Following which, if it continued to be unfair and exclude him, for me that would sour the relationship enough for me to distance myself a lot. Really a lot.

It's just that hurtful. I might even stop speaking. I'm amazed he's not even going to raise the matter, this is a huge issue. I would never feel the same way about MIL again.

SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2023 14:59

Newnamenewme23 · 21/02/2023 14:52

Not as far as we know.

parent has just handed over control for an easy life, which I think you can do under a POA even if you’re competent?

Show quote history

Is it definitely registered? You can find out via this link.

www.gov.uk/find-someones-attorney-deputy-or-guardian

1Wanda1 · 21/02/2023 15:00

Your poor DH must be so hurt. As others have said, unfortunately it is open to his step-mum to do this because DF didn't give her a life interest with the capital to be distributed 3 ways on her death. Even if he had done that, I suspect what she would have done is give all of her half to "her" 2 sons, with DF's half being split between the 3 of them so it still wouldn't have been "fair".

In your DH's situation I would speak to the stepmum and ask her why she is planning to depart from DF's wishes. It may not change her mind but I think if he says nothing, the resentment and hurt could ruin his relationship with her and his brothers.

Also, whatever she does in the end, it is open to his brothers to switch the outcome back to a "fair" split through a deed of variation after she dies (and before the estate is distributed). DH could always discuss this with them at the time. Though, if they don't agree, the resentment and damage to relationships would remain. But nothing ventured, etc.

Very sad, I am sorry.

musicalgymball · 21/02/2023 15:02

scatterolight · 21/02/2023 14:53

He absolutely should ask her for clarity. "Stepmum you said some things last week about your will that concerned me. Can you clarify your plans?" And if she confirms that she's leaving him out, he should be prepared to say "OK just so I'm crystal clear. I'm not going to receive the inheritance that my father left me in his will?"

If she again concurs he must express his feelings about that. All this stuff upper lip shit about inheritance just let's these selfish people get away with stealing it. He must say that he is deeply upset and that his father would be too and then leave the bitch stewing on that.

100% this!

I would not treat her the same ever again and probably cut her out. Why keep people in your life who don't value you and who you hate?

endofthelinefinally · 21/02/2023 15:03

Dreamscomingtrue · 21/02/2023 14:54

LulooLemon

If you change your will to tenants in common, instead of being joint tenants, then your half of the house would go to your children when you died.

I decided to do this after my nephews lost their inheritance when their Dad remarried, then had a daughter. When he died suddenly, without a will, all of his estate went to his new wife/daughter, and my 2 nephews didn’t get a penny.

I decided that if I bought a property & had children, that I would protect their share by the tenant in common choice when buying our latest house.
I don’t mind if my husband remarries but I don’t want my share of my children’s inheritance going to a stranger or children when he dies.

It isnt as simple as that. You still have to set up a trust.

Wheelz46 · 21/02/2023 15:05

If MIL does amend the will, how close is your husband to his brothers? There is no way I would see one of my siblings left out. If I inherited money from a family member and my sibling was left out, I would personally share it with them.

EyesOnThePies · 21/02/2023 15:06

OP, it isn’t just about your DH’s financial inheritance, it’s about MIL respecting and honouring her late DH’s wishes.

I think your DH could gently enquire whether her new will will reflect what his father wished for: equal inheritance for his 3 boys.

She can’t expect the relationship to remain unruffled if she trampled on your DH’s fathers wishes to his detriment.

Unfortunately it is a frequent occurrence that men re-marry younger women, leave her the assets and fail to protect an inheritance for their children.

I have 2 close friends who saw step mothers and step or half sisters waltz away with the estate, leaving them with nothing after the father left everything to his wife.

I hope this reaches a right and fair conclusion, OP.

Onnabugeisha · 21/02/2023 15:08

No, that’s not fair at all. What do his half brothers think? I’ve seen siblings rebel and divide inheritance fairly. They basically let the executor do their thing, and then gifted between each other to make it fair.

MontyDonsBlueScarf · 21/02/2023 15:09

Chewbecca · 21/02/2023 13:50

Knowing her two boys don't need to worry doesn't necessarily mean he is cut out?

This. Your DH seems to have made an assumption that may not be true.

Dreamscomingtrue · 21/02/2023 15:12

endofthelinefinally

Are you a solicitor?

Our solicitor was fine with us registering as tenants in common when we bought our house, he didn’t see the need for a trust. I know of several people who have done it.

Why would we need to set up a trust?

bellac11 · 21/02/2023 15:16

Dreamscomingtrue · 21/02/2023 15:12

endofthelinefinally

Are you a solicitor?

Our solicitor was fine with us registering as tenants in common when we bought our house, he didn’t see the need for a trust. I know of several people who have done it.

Why would we need to set up a trust?

If your half of the house goes to your children while your husband is still alive without a trust I think that then means they immediately become joint owners/in common with him. Its very complicated

endofthelinefinally · 21/02/2023 15:18

Dreamscomingtrue · 21/02/2023 15:12

endofthelinefinally

Are you a solicitor?

Our solicitor was fine with us registering as tenants in common when we bought our house, he didn’t see the need for a trust. I know of several people who have done it.

Why would we need to set up a trust?

No. But I have just gone through all of this with my own legal advisor and the trust was set up at the same time as the tenants in common arrangement. He explained that it was important to do both. My mother list all her inheritance due to her father marrying again so I wanted to get the best advice.

CandlelightGlow · 21/02/2023 15:21

Not being funny but why wouldn't he say anything? Where is the logic in the DF of all 3 sons' assets go to only 2 of the 3 children?

If they were my children I'd be turning in my grave over this, selfish fucking cow.

MontyDonsBlueScarf · 21/02/2023 15:23

I think people would do well to remember that the wishes of the deceased parent were to leave future inheritance decisions to the survivor, not to split things equally come what may.

The surviving spouse may live another 20 years and a lot can change in that time. Maybe there will be special circumstances, perhaps a disabled grandchild who needs more help, perhaps the step children will behave in ways that might have made their parent reconsider the decision to split equally. The deceased spouse trusted the surviving spouse to do what is fair at the time, which isn't necessarily the same as what was fair when the wills were originally drawn up.