Is this fair? Inheritance related.

[WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant]

There are three adult siblings in DH family. DH is the eldest and is from his DF first marriage. Sadly, DH’s DM died when he was a baby. His DF married again when DH was very young and went on to have a further two boys with his new wife.

The new wife raised DH along with her two biological children and they still have a good relationship today. DH’s DF passed away six years ago and all of his assets went to his wife. However, his DF had a joint Will with his wife and all three children were included in the will with all to be shared fairly once the parents had passed.

At a visit with MIL (DH’s step mum) over the weekend, she talked about her plans to pay off her mortgage in a few weeks and how she was relieved to know the two boys would never have to worry about housing in the current climate. (DH’s adult brothers are still both living at home whilst studying). It transpires her plans are to leave the only asset to DH’s two brothers; this would mean she would need to have the current will amended to exclude DH.

DH didn’t say anything but it has blindsided him and he’s feeling very hurt; his step mum has raised him since he was small.

It does seem rather unfair but after all, it’s his DSM’s asset to do as she wishes. Would you be hurt by this? DH is not going to raise it and will carry on as normal but he is understandably taken aback about this.

Very unfortunate for your DH and your disabled child if your suspicions are correct. Although she might live a few decades yet, so it will all be a bit moot anyway, as your BILs will be grown up and probably living in their own homes.

It's really important that people put proper arrangements in place for their own kids when they remarry. The OP's FIL should have made a will leaving his estate to his three children in equal shares, with his wife having a life interest. They might not get any money for decades but at least it would be shared out fairly when she died.

And yes I have also heard about people trying to get terminally ill and vulnerable people to sign things and change their wills etc. My mum had a friend whose neighbour managed to more or less steal her car this way (and he had a good go at getting the house). First solicitor utterly useless, second one somewhat better - and the staff in the care home who facilitated the document signing were sacked.

endofthelinefinally

Thanks for your advice then, as you’ve already done a similar thing to us.

However, we’ve already given our children substantial sums to get onto the property ladder, so they’re extremely grateful anyway and are not at all desperate to get their hands onto their inheritance just yet.

They know about my reasons for this and maybe I’m being naive but I’m pretty sure that they love and respect both of us enough to wait until we both die.

If they desperately needed money for a good reason they know that either of us wouldn’t hesitate to help them.

Because the father left his assets to his wife. They were his wishes. If he had different wishes he should have put that in the will

I like the way the wife (whose property this now is), has all the onus for decision making on her

As the OPs husband sees her as his mother of course its not quite as black and white as this but essentially thats the facts of it, the property is the wife's

When we made our will we were told we'd have to put in a clause if we wanted to exclude some relatives and only give to one special person otherwise it could be open to the others contesting it and probably succeeding , so we left the whole side out
I think your DH is going to have to ask her precisely what she meant

Isn’t your MIL just saying that because she’s going to pay the mortgage off, the house will be owned outright so the two boys who live there - for whom it is their only home - don’t have to worry about foreclosure?

If it’s the case that your MIL can’t service the mortgage on her earnings alone, if she has any, this is the conclusion I’d be jumping to. Not that your DH is excluded. Despite all the tales in this thread, for a woman to do this to a child she has raised since birth, with whom she still has a close relationship, would be utterly breathtaking.

Sadly this is all too common. My father died recently and I expect everything will go to his second wife who will then leave everything to her two adult children and his first family will be left with nothing including photo’s, small mementoes and things that belonged to paternal grandparents who his wife only knew for a couple of years.

@WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant is this something that can be contested?

Don’t blame the solicitors. I carefully explain the pros and cons of each type of Will (all to survivor or in trust) it’s up to the client to choose which one they want.

For anyone thinking of having a will made, do think of your 'long stop' carefully, ie the person/charity/organisation your estate would go to if all family members were deceased.

I am widowed with two young adult children and I checked my will before we all flew together internationally. If all of us had perished my estate would go to my estranged father, as next of kin. I changed it before the trip.

@CandlelightGlow DH is torn on whether to raise it so he mentioned nothing at the time. DH does not want to be viewed as being grabby over money he would only ever inherit when his DM dies.

@Partyandbullshit It is possible that there has been a misunderstanding but it’s unlikely. MIL told DH that the house is the bio children’s home. She also mentioned she was going to a solicitor next week to have the Will amended to ensure the boys won’t have to worry about housing in the current climate. Considering DH would only inherit if the asset was sold, it is safe to say, she is likely taking away DH’s share to prevent the asset being sold and thus ensuring a home for life for the siblings.

I'd definitely suggest he has a conversation with her, along the lines of scatterolight's suggestion.

First clarify exactly what she's doing, and if that really cuts DH out entirely.

Second, express how hurt he is if she's planning to go against his deceased father's wishes. It's not primarily about the money (though obviously that would be a tremendous help to the two of you), it's the emotional side and what it means for family relationships.

Good luck.

Hmmm, I’m not sure that that makes any more sense. Anybody who’s been through the process of will writing, especially twice, knows to look down the line some years. Your two step-brothers in law sound like they’re in their early 20s. Only a fool of a mother would make them jointly own a property at this stage and age, and going forward. You only have to think for two seconds to wonder what might happen if one marries or lives away or predeceases their DM etc. She’s pretty much setting her sons up for failure. Any solicitor would point that out.

I do think your DH should raise this. It could be under the guise of securing his own child’s future, given eh thought he had a third of this property coming from his father. He doesn’t need to demand anything. Just know where he stands. It all sounds ill thought through.

My partner's mother married again and had 2 children. She had him and his sister in first marriage. Mother died and left all to her second husband with both of her children from second marriage having a lump sum. Nothing for the first children. Both were hurt. Found out that he promised to look after first children on his death when all remaining assets shared. However, he is elderly and his birth children have said it's all going to them. Effectively the firs children were shoved out. He doesn't need the money but his younger sister does. The other 2 half siblings are both well off men who already inherited a large sum.

It's not fair but it's how some people chose to leave their money.

I think it’s pretty awful of her. I think you and your husband should see her, before she sees the solicitor, to say how hurt you’d be if she was changing the will to exclude your husband and to not follow her husband’s/his father’s wishes. Unless all the property originally was hers. I’d tell her that her husband would be turning in his grave. Yes it might spoil relations, but she’s pretty much done that anyway. 😞

If your DH’s father’s will states that his assets are to be divided between his DCs upon his DW’s death, then it is possible that she only has a lifetime interest in half the property.
Worth consulting a solicitor about it, especially given your DC’s circumstances.

He should discuss it with her. However, I wonder if she is planning not to leave your DH out but put some clause in place where it cannot be sold whilst they are living there or some other arrangement.

I think he should discuss it and explain that he would be hurt if he were left out.

I am going to encourage DH to talk to MIL. He did not want to raise it for fear of being viewed as selfish but the consensus of this thread is that it is very unfair.

I wish all solicitors were like you. Unfortunately they are not. The one who wrote my friend's will when he was dying and incapacitated on morphine was a disgrace. The woman employed to help care for him in his f8nal weeks got everything. It cost the family 12K just to contest the will.

The more you say about your MiL, the more greedy, unthinking, and basically just awful she sounds about this.

What's that MN word "grabby."

I say it all the time here, but money in families means more than money. It's symbolic of love & care & regard. And your MiL is demonstrating just how little she regards your DH.

Maybe he needs to tell her this, frankly. That her having raised him, he is devastated at her decision to go against your father's (her husband's) wishes for all his sons.

Charitably, maybe she just didn't think. Give her a chance to do better.

So family isn't more important to him than avoiding an adult conversation with his SM?

My DF mother did this - his father died first, with Will leaving to DF mother but expressing wish to share equally between the 4 children.

DF mother ( who was a deeply unpleasant person) rewrote it to exclude my DF, give less to one other DC, and only to 2 grandchildren out of 8. She basically engineered it to try and cause as much discord between the 4 DC as possible.

It was obviously very hurtful but little grounds on which to challenge.

I think MIL is being appallingly selfish here. I would struggle to have a relationship with her or her sons if I were OP’s DH.

He needs to speak to her, if one set of siblings is living at home it not unusual to put in a Claus such as. The house is to split three ways only once all three siblings have moved out or reached X age. It could also go along the lines of X can keep the house but must raise a mortgage to the sum of Y to give to the other siblings or the house must be sold and proceeds split.

Does MiL have form for this kind of thing? Just re-reading the OP, the way she seemed to gloat about how “her boys” won’t ever need to worry, feels like a subtext of “but you will so fck you” It just sounds deeply unpleasant of her to bring it up that way.

This.

It may be worth getting legal advice to check whether she can actually go against your late FIL's wishes.