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Original poster

What is something someone has said that is etched in your brain?

707 replies

WhiteNoiseMoreToys · 19/02/2023 21:49

Mine is when I was 17, pretty self conscious and just finished being intimate with my then boyfriend.

We decided to get up and go out and as I sat up to put my top on he poked my belly and said “Christ, you could feed Africa with that tyre” it baffles me now, how brazen it was to just come out with it. But I was a size 8-10 and honestly I think I’m still confused 😂

Its one of those things that ‘pop’ into my mind at random times ans it’s gout me wondering what others peoples ‘moments’ are when they remember something someone has said that might not have significance, but will always be remembered.

OP posts:
gloriawasright · 22/02/2023 13:45

JaffaCake70
Even in your darkest days don't believe this.
You were not to blame in anyway at all.
for someone to throw this very hurtful thing at you,in an attempt to hurt you shows what a vile person he was. What a horrible man.
If any doubts ever creep in.
Just remember that.

eastegg · 22/02/2023 14:13

Very early days as a baby barrister, I think literally my first week on my feet, I was back in chambers after a day in the magistrates court, talking to an older member of chambers about my day. In response to something I said, he said ‘the people who think it’s easy in the magistrates are those who don’t do it’. It was so non-patronising, wise and encouraging and it’s really stuck with me.

It comes back to me in loads of situations where there is a lack of empathy and understanding being shown by someone who thinks they know everything. ‘It’s easy if you don’t do it’ comes bouncing back into my head.

nopuppiesallowed · 22/02/2023 14:23

I'm amazed and appalled at the cruel things parents have deliberately said. I know I once said something unthinkingly to one of my children. It hasn't blighted his life or robbed him of confidenc but I've always regretted it and so wish I could have phrased it differently.

ItsShiela · 22/02/2023 14:40

What is stands out from many of these posts is the way women are perceived to be supposed to be only a thing of beauty. How many times are boys told they are ugly, they are fat? It doesn't really happen. It seems the worth of a girl is wrapped up in how slim and pretty she is. And how common it is for men to use the 'fat bitch' slur at a woman. The primary thing for a girl child is for her to be pretty and thin. If a boy is a bit fat, or ugly, no one would comment. It's so sad that people (sometimes women but mainly men) see women/girls of having no worth if they aren't slim and pretty. Misogyny is still a massive problem in our society spanning many generations right up to now.

eastegg · 22/02/2023 14:57

Hellosunnysun8 · 22/02/2023 10:59

“You don’t listen, you wait to talk.” Said by my ex boyfriend when I was about 16.

Ouch! He might have been right - I can’t remember. But I’ve always been self conscious of it and made sure that isn’t true since!

This is so true of people I know. Sums up Mil perfectly. She asks a question and I can almost see my words floating over her head and off on the breeze as she rushes to start saying her bit. It may well not be true of you though!

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 22/02/2023 15:18

JaffaCake70 · 22/02/2023 11:53

My Dad took his own life when I was 22. When I was in my 30's, a very abusive boyfriend I had told me that my Dad took his life because he was ashamed of me for having a baby out of wedlock. He said that he'll have been thinking about what a let down I was as he kicked the stones to the side of the railway track where his life tragically ended.

I wish this hadn't affected me because I know it isn't true, my Dad had suffered with his mental health for most of his adult life,

It still sickens me to think that someone could be so cruel to say such a thing.

Please please don't for once second ever believe this is true.

What a nasty, evil thing to say. That was said with the intention of causing maximum pain. Flowers to you and to your memory of your Dad xx

RachaelN · 22/02/2023 15:34

The father of my children not long after we seperated: so glad I've now got a sexy gf. Your body is disgusting.

He was talking about the woman he cheated on me with.
They very quickly had a child and then broke up. See that worked out for him.

JoonT · 22/02/2023 15:59

Reading these posts makes SO feckin glad I’m not a teenager any more. I hated my teens and 20s. You are so vulnerable and helpless, so confused, so unclear who you are and what makes you happy, so desperate to be normal and accepted. The fact that people can think about a single comment every day for 30 years shows just how fragile we are.

WinedropsOnMoses · 22/02/2023 15:59

Clarabell77 · 21/02/2023 21:48

He does sound awesome!

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Haha thanks he so is 🤣And I did leave in 2018...was true to his word too! Took me a year or so to get back on my feet but paid him back every penny.Was a great feeling and he definitely gave me the courage to finally do it.

JoonT · 22/02/2023 16:05

We really must teach girls not to pin everything on relationships. Even today, too many young women think you need to ‘win’ a man to prove your worth. They should get their self-esteem from education, training, and career. If they happen to meet somebody nice, who makes them happy, and who they believe they can make happy, then great. But they must be taught that they don’t have to be in a relationship. That it isn’t everything.

Only then will they have the confidence to reject the sort of vile men who say such things. Men get away with these sorts of comments because they can still bank on a girl craving attention and love. Boys know a girl’s self-esteem hinges on male attention, and they take advantage.

NutBiscuit · 22/02/2023 16:58

"When I kill myself, it will be because of you".

I cannot get past this to this day, despite it clearly being said by someone in a very dark place.

namechangeididtoo · 22/02/2023 17:00

another one this time from my mother only a few years ago
you shouldn't wear bright colours being as fat as you are.

DatasCat · 22/02/2023 17:02

JudgeJ · 21/02/2023 12:09

One useful phrase to remember 'It takes one to know one', it can be very handy when one's appearance is under negative discussion!

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Or ‘Beauty is only skin deep. Nastiness goes to the bone.’

Appleass · 22/02/2023 17:10

JosephFrancis · 20/02/2023 17:41

"Don't grow up like HER, she's got no friends."- My dad, to my four year old brother, pointing at fourteen year old me who was having a tricky time with my friendship group in secondary school. My mum had told him in the hopes that he might chat to me about it when he picked us up.

"Don't smile like that, it's too overconfident and you have neither the looks nor the personality to pull that off." My dad, to 13 year old me.

"You're too big in the shoulders. Like a bloke. That's what you are. You won't ever be petite or anything else men look for. Better develop a bubbly personality if you want to have anything going for you." My stepmum, eavesdropping on a chat between me and my big sister about halter neck tops. When I was 13 or 14.

"So, you've chosen to be a tart. You can't dance, don't have any talent and not much by way of looks, so you've decided to use your big cartoon tits to be a slapper." Lecture delivered by both Dad and stepmum after learning there was a school disco where I danced with a boy. I think I was 13.

"You wanna play with the big boys, you expect trouble!" My dad after grabbing my head in his hands, lifting me off the floor and body slamming me to the ground age 10. After I refused to physically fight my sisters at his behest because we had been caught squabbling again. Sometimes when I'm falling asleep, I can hear him shout that the same way I heard it then. I knew it was loud but my hearing was going muffled due to the ringing in my ears.

He was a very very aggressive and frightening man. His girlfriend was a very aggressive and frightening woman. He has changed a great deal as he's got older and I always wonder if it's because he's done therapy and is ashamed of who he was or if it's because we're grown ups with husbands and he's afraid of not coming out on top if he tried bullying. None of us let him look after our children.

He sounds an evil B ! I hope you have reminded him of all this !

Primrose97 · 22/02/2023 17:13

My mother on visiting me in hospital to meet my new baby son - “Boys are best, aren’t they.” I was her only daughter and had four brothers.

Beeinalily · 22/02/2023 17:22

Oh @BeeDavis ,please tell me that you said that to your rude boyfriend, that he looked better when you didn't have your glasses on! 😁

DatasCat · 22/02/2023 17:52

DM said that my wonderful DD would be ‘a bastard in the eyes of the Lord’ when I told her I was expecting with my now DH of 25 years.

Well, I’d have commented that Mary wasn’t married either when she fell pregnant. But then I’m a lapsed Catholic.

DatasCat · 22/02/2023 18:06

JoonT · 21/02/2023 23:25

”It’s all downhill from here.” Said to me on my 40th birthday!!

That’s nothing. I was told it was all downhill from the age of 25. At 24 I was struggling a year or two out of university in the worst graduate job market ever.

I think the comment referenced prodigy mathematicians as opposed to would-be writers, but even so…

Crucible · 22/02/2023 18:11

Ireallydohope · 20/02/2023 04:30

How long was this awful man your stepdad?

Not too long I hope

Your story made my stomach churn for the small scared 10 Yr old you were

It breaks my heart on here how awful parents can be

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Absolutely the same thought, I'm so so sorry to read this about your awful stepfather.

JaffaCake70 · 22/02/2023 18:24

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 22/02/2023 15:18

Please please don't for once second ever believe this is true.

What a nasty, evil thing to say. That was said with the intention of causing maximum pain. Flowers to you and to your memory of your Dad xx

Show quote history

Thank you

I was devastated when he said it and couldn't get it out of my head for a long time.

I now have a wonderful Husband who is always telling me how proud my Dad would be of the woman I am today.

It's unfortunate that we forget a lot of the kind things that are said to us throughout our lives, but we have a tendency to remember the hurtful stuff.

JosephFrancis · 22/02/2023 18:31

@Appleass, he claims to have no memory of that time and acts shocked and offended that we would ever assign such deeds to him.

Harls1969 · 22/02/2023 18:48

I've been quite secretive most of my life. I don't like to tell people everything I'm doing. It occurred to me fairly recently it's because when you're told at a young age that something must be kept secret and that 'nobody will believe you anyway', it sticks

YukoandHiro · 22/02/2023 19:07

@NutBiscuit Please know now, tomorrow and forever that is not true, never could be, and is an ultimate cruelty. Have you been able to distance yourself from this person? Whatever follows in life you are NEVER responsible for another person's mental health or decision making

Favouritefruits · 22/02/2023 19:07

My DH ‘your F**ing mental’ but what comment hurt most was when at a wedding of a friend he said to his mates in front of me ‘I’m off to go and flirt with ‘random name’ ‘ I feel so ugly and crappy and useless that my own DH could say that in front of me and humiliate me!

COPPER3 · 22/02/2023 20:35

"F**king Hell...have you considered surgery?" an ex when he went down on me..
I will never be intimate with anyone again.