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When people die young

197 replies

JoonT · 19/02/2023 19:50

Today it is 30 years since my cousin died. He was only nine and drowned while on holiday. We weren't close (I barely knew him), but I often think about him. The parents live in Australia, and have put some photos I've never seen on social media, which is why I can't get it out of my head. Psychologically, it's something I just can't compute. I have no religious faith, so I don't know why I should be surprised. Life is just random stuff happening – unpredictable and meaningless. Has anyone else out there had this experience? I mean, of knowing someone young who died in a silly, random way? Stupid, random things like drowning, or falling off a cliff, makes life seem so ridiculous and absurd.

OP posts:
Bodybags · 19/02/2023 20:02

Suicide. Suicide was my personal experience of young death.
It was horrific. Utterly utterly unimaginable viciously horrific.
To this day, nearly 40 years on, it causes me physical pain when I think of it.
So sudden. Here one day, the next no more.

Through my work I have witnessed hundreds of deaths. Many of those… as you say pointless and desperate and shocking.
Drugs and/or alcohol by far the most desperately sad. A story behind every last one.

But death in young people has always profoundly affected me. I’ve never been untouched by this, even after seeing so many.

Lucia23 · 19/02/2023 20:06

Yes, my friend died from drowning aged 18. I felt angry about the senselessness for a long time. He took a risk and knew it was a risk, as just weeks before we'd talked about another drowning and how stupid it had been.

I think of him often and what he'd be doing now. I was also at the funeral of a 28 year old last week - it's far more painful when the person is young.

MrNook · 19/02/2023 20:07

My partners friend died at 15 after being in a car with a drunk driver who crashed and he's never forgotten it, it still really impacts him

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 19/02/2023 20:09

I know someone who died of a heart attack when we were 13. I've never really believed it happened.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 19/02/2023 20:10

Maybe listen to Griefcast. It always makes me feel better. Young deaths seem somehow harder because they are deemed so unnatural.

Carsarelife · 19/02/2023 20:11

When I was at school a classmate was knocked down on a zebra crossing age 7 and another died from glue sniffing age 15. They both enter my head from time to time.

GenuinelyDone · 19/02/2023 20:13

My cousin drowned when he was 19 because of an accident that meant he fell into the water unconscious when no one else was around.

One of my worst ever decisions was sitting through the coroner's court and listening to them describe in minute detail why they were confident in that being the case.

I still have issues with crossing water or being near open water over 20 years on. Such a senseless waste of life.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 19/02/2023 20:16

My neighbour died on Monday he was 44 and perfectly healthy (or so we thought) just died sitting in the armchair watching tv. So shocking and terribly sad.

OurChristmasMiracle · 19/02/2023 20:18

The closest person I have or will ever have to a brother died at the age of 13 to meningitis which hospital misdiagnosed as measles. I was 8 at the time and I am now the only person who visits his resting place.

DidyouNO · 19/02/2023 20:19

My brother was killed by a drugged driver aged 23, three months previously his best friend had gone on a skiing trip and was killed falling over the side of a mountain. It was a horrendous time. More recently a close friend of mine has recently died. Was fine two months ago, felt ill, died of terminal cancer 6 weeks later. She was 51 which is only three years older than me. So not young still shocking!!

COL1N · 19/02/2023 20:19

A guy in my year at school died in an avalanche when we were about 16, I didnt know him that well but I think about it all the time. RIP Rafe xx

XenoBitch · 19/02/2023 20:19

I used to work in a children's hospital, so young deaths came with the territory. Most were illness, like cancer, cardiac issues, or cystic fibrosis. Then there were ones like choking on a bit of sausage.... a few times we had babies that had died after a parent had fallen asleep on the sofa with them, and had smothered them.
All awful, and so painful for their family.

Cuppsoupmonster · 19/02/2023 20:19

A close friend of DH’s drowned about 10 years ago after a drunken night out. Freak accident really how it happened. He visits the grave now and then and was quite emotional taking baby DD after she was born, knowing his friend died before he could have his own family. He was an only child too, all very sad.

asplashofmilk · 19/02/2023 20:20

Not silly/random in the way you describe but a 14 year old who was diagnosed with cancer very late and told she had about a week to live, and died 5 days later. I will never be able to get my head around it, I just cannot imagine what went through her and her parents' heads during that week. She was local but I didn't really know her. I can't think about it for too long because I go down a dark mental rabbit hole about the futility of life and how everything can change in a heartbeat.

SweetSakura · 19/02/2023 20:22

I lost several between the age of 19-23. (Separate incidents, car crash, tsunami, violent attack when they intervened to protect a woman being attacked by her partner). It really messed with my head and I had no faith that I would live a long life. It feels a shock to have reached 40!

SweetSakura · 19/02/2023 20:22

I lost several between the age of 19-23. (Separate incidents, car crash, tsunami, violent attack when they intervened to protect a woman being attacked by her partner). It really messed with my head and I had no faith that I would live a long life. It feels a shock to have reached 40!

SweetSakura · 19/02/2023 20:23

Forgot to add, I still think of them a lot. And feel grateful to get older as I wish they could have. They were all amazing people

SweetSakura · 19/02/2023 20:23

Forgot to add, I still think of them a lot. And feel grateful to get older as I wish they could have. They were all amazing people

ChaToilLeam · 19/02/2023 20:24

My DP’s best friend died at 18 in an accident. He was devastated. Still keeps in touch with the family, we visited them on one of our last trips to the UK. One of my friends was killed in a motor accident at 21, another died young of drugs, and a very dear friend just before her birthday of an undiagnosed heart condition. Recently a friend lost her adult son very suddenly and unexpectedly.

How fragile our lives can be. 😞

wellpaddedintherear · 19/02/2023 20:25

lad I worked with had undiagnosed autism
he was always due at work at 4pm-he’d come in,sit in the staff room until 4:20 and them come down to start his shift
anyway,one day he just didn’t come into work-which was unheard of-he’d always be there (late) if he was due
work went round to his flat and found him dead in bed
turns out,he’d had a fit,vomited,swallowed it and died-while he was asleep
he was the same age as my eldest-I couldn’t believe it-he was almost a baby-early 20’s

the day of his funeral,bang on 4:20pm,all the computers just went down for about ten minutes
which was the length of time the boss always took to bollock him for being late

i always smile at that-rest in peace mate

Goonergirl14 · 19/02/2023 20:26

Not silly/random but when I was at university a girl on my course died of anorexia, she would only have been about 18 or 19. I didn't know her that well but I went to the service they had for in the university chapel, so tragic and I have often thought about her over the years.

dodgypodgy · 19/02/2023 20:28

Someone I knew growing up who I played sport with regularly, died backpacking in the far east falling down a lift shaft at 18. The lift doors opened, no lift was there and they stepped in not knowing and fell to their death. I still to this day cannot wrap my head around it. When I was at college, a fellow student in one of my classes died in a car accident kid-week and the shock of turning up and finding out they were dead, I'll never forget. Recently a very close friend in their thirties died at work suddenly one day, they passed out and died on the floor. All of them are still so shocking as lives taken so soon and so suddenly. Think about all of them, but miss my close friend every day, will never be forgotten ❤️

wizzler · 19/02/2023 20:30

My mums was one of 6 siblings. One died before she was born of diphtheria. I researched his final resting place and found he was buried in an unmarked grave. Family couldn't afford the headstone. I found a photo of a beautiful smiling little boy. He would be 90 now. I often think of him, and it makes me so sad.

Badger1974 · 19/02/2023 20:31

My best friend growing up died aged 21 in a car accident. He was an amazing person - so kind and intelligent and was studying at Oxbridge. The most gentle person I've ever met. I am still in touch with his parents a bit, I'll never not be sad about losing him, we grew up together since we were babies. The world lost a good one there.

Tgif2023 · 19/02/2023 20:32

I knew a young lad who was an only child and died aged 17 in a car accident with his friends. A girl aged 7 at school was walking home with her parent and her coat tassel got caught in a car and it dragged her and she died, that was shocking and upsetting. A person on our road committed suicide in his house recently as well. He was couple of years older than us (40s). It's very sad.