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WWYD here (my dog and pub related, name changed as quite outing).

278 replies

dogdilemmasagain · 17/02/2023 12:53

For about 8 years I've had a good attachment to my local pub. I go in there 2 or three times a week. I live by myself and moved here not knowing anybody, all my friends live in my old hometown. I am now very close friends with the landlord and a lot of other people who go in there. It isn't about going out to drink alcohol, I could do that anywhere, It's more the social scene and feeling part of a community-Going in there is my only socialisation most of the time.

It is a dog-friendly pub, we're in a place where there are 3 dog friendly pubs and a lot of others that aren't, all quite close together.

I always take my dog with me, dog is now well-liked by all the regulars and the landlord absolutely loves her.

A couple have began coming in recently. One of the couple is absolutely petrified of dogs. They always sit near the bar, where I also always sit.

I am not keen on him for unrelated reasons although he's pleasant enough.

They're there most times I go in with little exception and obviously I can't predict when they'll be in or if they'll arrive after I arrive, although they're 9 times out of 10 already there when I go as I go quite late.

For this reason, since I learned this I have not been taking my dog in the pub at all.

This causes me a couple of problems. One, I don't like leaving my dog at home alone. I am not out for a long time, but dog knows where I am going as he's used to my routine. Dog absolutely loves the pub, everyone makes a huge fuss of him and I get such a forlorn look from him when I go without him. To none 'dog people' this may sound bizarre but I am childless and single, so dog is a big part of me and my life.

Two, I don't feel safe walking home without dog. He's a big dog and although very friendly most of the time, I've had more than one situation where things could have been potentially dangerous for me without dog (I was followed home once and he scarpered once dog reacted) so I really do not enjoy being without him. It's too close for a taxi to be feasible but still far enough away from my house for something to potentially happen, and quite an isolated route.

So recently I said to the landlord that I'd have to stop coming in, I don't feel I am being fair on dog and I feel I am compromising my safety. Landlord said he understood. Suggested I sit further away from the couple instead of stopping coming in altogether, but this isn't ideal, I'd still need to bring dog with me to the bar near the couple each time I wanted another drink, and also, I go in to chat to everyone and everyone I am friends with sits near the bar-I'd just be sitting on my own.

I told one of my friends in there about this too. Friend said that the man who's terrified of dogs hasn't come in ever before until recently whereas I am part of the furniture as is my dog, and I shouldn't be letting him make me change something that's important to me. Said 'If he doesn't like dogs, why can't he choose from the other millions of pubs in the country that don't allow them in, there's a huge 'Dogs Welcome' sign outside this one!'

FWIW there are several pubs within walking distance of one another that don't allow dogs.

Hm. Well I definitely don't want to cause someone to be scared and unable to enjoy their evening. But does my friend have a point? Am I being a pushover? I know dogs aren't as important as humans which is why I made the decision in the first place.

I am more than aware of MN's general opinion of dogs too Grin

OP posts:
Blanketpolicy · 17/02/2023 16:06

As long as your dog is well behaved take him.

When you go to the bar keeping yourself between the guy and the dog would be polite/considerate.

Otherwise he needs to get over it or go to a bar that does not allow dogs.

lieselotte · 17/02/2023 16:08

I also agree the area around the bar should be dog-free even if you are allowed int he wider bar area.

Some pubs allow dogs in the bar area and not in the restaurant area but I wouldn't expect to have to step over them to get to the bar to get a drink.

Also not clear why the dog can't stay at your seat while you go and get a drink?

Reclaimtheoutdoors · 17/02/2023 16:09

AioliandChips · 17/02/2023 15:51

Actually, i dont think you should be sat at the bar, on second thoughts. It’s ‘dog friendly’ but I’m wondering if your dog could be stopping people who might be scared from ordering? The owner’s reaction when you mentioned not coming anymore is telling. I think you should pay attention to that

I agree. The dog I mentioned takes up a lot of space around the bar especially when it's stretched out. Even if you're not scared of dogs, laying around up at the bar, they do get in the way somewhat. Owners tend not to notice I think, because they're used to stepping around it at home.

I wonder if the pub will be liable if someone falls over and injures themselves or accidentally kicks the dogs somewhere sensitive and is then rewarded by a bite or scratch?

The way some people let their dogs get in/ roam in people’s path is not only inconsiderate but ableist. Some people have vision or balance problems.

That would really annoy me.

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sydsmum · 17/02/2023 16:11

As a dog owner I am sick and tired of feeling as though I should apologise for my dog's presence. If he is perfectly well behaved, no begging, drooling or generally annoying, and it's a dog friendly pub, return loud and proud! If only kids were that well mannered......

hockeysticks89 · 17/02/2023 16:13

Don't broach the topic with them, it puts you in a position of weakness, style it out and let them raise it with you if they want to.

EyesOnThePies · 17/02/2023 16:14

I am sure your mate the landlord would be most unhappy if the other nearby Dog Friendly pubs in the area started getting all his custom because of one new guy who is scared of dogs.

This man is afraid of dogs, you are wanting to keep safe by not walking alone in the dark without your dog. His fear does not trump yours.

Just take your dog with you. And observe normal dog-management behaviour appropriate for any public place.

(Non dog-owner who often rolls my eyes at dogs and / or their owners in public places)

Justmeandthedog1 · 17/02/2023 16:14

Your dog’s not going to harm him, jump at him, bare his teeth, growl, snarl or snap? Then your dog is fine. Anyone who doesn’t like dogs doesn’t have to go near them in a pub. Keep taking your dog.

CaptainMyCaptain · 17/02/2023 16:14

lieselotte · 17/02/2023 16:08

I also agree the area around the bar should be dog-free even if you are allowed int he wider bar area.

Some pubs allow dogs in the bar area and not in the restaurant area but I wouldn't expect to have to step over them to get to the bar to get a drink.

Also not clear why the dog can't stay at your seat while you go and get a drink?

If she left it it wouldn't be under her control and people could complain about that. In any case she said she sits where her friends are which is near the bar.

RedDoughnut · 17/02/2023 16:15

I'm married, with kids and don't particularly care for dogs so the exact opposite of you OP

But you and your dog should carry on going to your pub nights.
It's great you both feel welcome. Please, please post back to say you and dog have gone out !

AioliandChips · 17/02/2023 16:22

Anyone who doesn’t like dogs doesn’t have to go near them in a pub

I agree. Unless the dog is laying around up at the bar.

GettingItOutThere · 17/02/2023 16:24

your making this a problem

take your dog in!? if they dont like it they can go to a non dog friendly pub - simples!

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 17/02/2023 16:25

It they comment on the dog’s reappearance, say he was doing Dry January.

Of course you don’t change your habits and where you sit because some random bloke doesn’t like your dog.

Cherrysoup · 17/02/2023 16:25

He can sit away from you if he’s bothered. Pretty easy fix.

londonloves · 17/02/2023 16:26

I'm scared of dogs but that's a "me"'problem if I'm in a place where dogs are allowed and they're not behaving threateningly. He could go somewhere else. I'd say carry on taking your dog to his favourite pub.

londonloves · 17/02/2023 16:27

pigsinoodies · 17/02/2023 13:01

"Sorry mate but the dog's a regular"

THiS!

Lavender14 · 17/02/2023 16:29

We take our dog regularly to a particular dog friendly hotel. One time we were in there was a lady who was very scared of dogs and we just kept him on lead, under the table and away from her. My feeling on it was that it's clearly a pet friendly hotel so she could have decided to go elsewhere if she really wanted to avoid dogs. I used to be terrified of dogs and I still wouldn't expect you to go to the effort you're going to. If the other couple had a big issue I doubt they'd have sat at the bar beside you if other seats were available. It would be easy enough for them to take another table out of the way and for the rest of his party to go to the bar to get the drinks, he wouldn't even need to approach. He's choosing to sit beside you so I'd imagine he wouldn't expect you to stop bringing your dog in.

Justalittlebitduckling · 17/02/2023 16:29

The couple may dislike you but that’s ok; not everyone has to like you.

Derbee · 17/02/2023 16:30

dogdilemmasagain · 17/02/2023 13:41

This is the first thread ever that's caused me to totally change a view I had on something. Thanks again all. I have been a pushover. @purpleboy thanks-It's a good point. Difficult to ignore the couple as they talk to everyone I talk to and sit closeby but I will not explain or apologise-I do think they'll mention it so I'll work out what I'll say if they do.

If they are rude enough to say anything just say “I tried leaving him at home a couple of times, but it doesn’t work for us. We’re both happier in the pub!” and continue what you’re doing.

They can move, go elsewhere, or get over it.

MrBallensWife · 17/02/2023 16:36

Absolutely you should take your dog in there,why can't the man who is scared of dogs go and sit further away if he's that bothered?
I have a Jack russell×chihuahua and take her everywhere I can when I can,she doesn't bother anybody and minds her own business and I'd be damned if I'd leave her at home if I was in your position.
There's a woman who walks through the park by us on the way to school and the way she reacts when she sees my dog you would think I'd got a bloody werewolf on the lead.My dog pays her no attention at all and just goes about her business,has never barked at her or anything.
Take your lovely dog and enjoy your evenings together!

Nanny0gg · 17/02/2023 16:37

Tontostitis · 17/02/2023 12:57

Hus problem not yours

^^ This

If you start going to a pub where you're not comfortable, surely you go somewhere else? You don't expect the regulars to stop going

Ludo19 · 17/02/2023 16:39

AlmostSummer21 · 17/02/2023 13:04

you shouldn't have stopped taking your dog. Now it looks (to them) like a new thing.

however, just start taking your dog as you used to, it's a dog friendly pub, if they don't like dogs they can go to one of the ones that doesn't permit dogs.

no way I'd leave mine at home to suit some bellend who is scared of dogs but chooses the dog friendly pub.

your self esteem needs done work! 💐

This in spades OP.
Assert yourself.

dogdilemmasagain · 17/02/2023 16:52

So many replies! Thank you. I thought I'd get about a handful.

I will read them all definitely but to respond to a few with questions.

LL doesn't mind at all and although he did suggest perhaps I could sit elsewhere, he'd never enforce it. I think it was just a suggestion for me to stop feeling like I was doing something wrong. He does love my dog and said he'd never stop us coming in.
I also didn't want any trouble for him, as we're friends, and if the guy had a bad anxiety attack, or my dog did something that alarmed him (I don't know what that could be but then I am not afraid of dogs) it could cause an argument amongst others in there, or with landlord and I just don't like that sort of thing.

@SaySomethingMan Hand on heart I ALWAYS move dog out of people's way-It's never busy when I go in anyway ( I purposely avoid those times as I don't enjoy it) but I am always really mindful.

To those who've asked why I don't really like him, some of it is probably just me!

He wants to know everything about everyone and asks a lot of questions-this could be seen as nice, and kind-but I personally find it a bit intrusive. He didn't meet anyone until a short while ago.
I find him a little bit bigheaded and 'me me me' a lot of the time. He fawns over some of the younger barmaids in front of his partner too, one of them was all over him recently and he lapped it up without saying anything. Granted she shouldn't have done it, his girlfriend was sitting right beside him and looked very unhappy.

This whole thing isn't to do with me not liking him of course, I don't MIND him, he's just not the sort of person I'd trust or want in my circle of friends.

I agree female socialisation :( I definitely don't want this to phase me out.

Thank you @Dogsafety123 -I do try to be-I am hyper-aware that not everybody likes dogs.

@CurlewOnTheRocks Grin I was trying to change details to not be outing but obviously failed.

@ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave I expected them here, everyone has been very kind, even those who don't like/are scared of dogs themselves. I appreciate that :)

@Booklover23 I genuinely didn't realise I was being a martyr-I do now. i thought this was something people may do as dogs don't come before humans. But I am prone to putting others first all too often as I've already said

@seekingafreshstart a large dog, yes but not a ferocious looking one

I am sorry to drip-feed but I have texted the LL on the back of the thread to say I am thinking I've changed my mind about the situation and he said that this man is already aware of what I did regarding not taking my dog anymore, someone else mentioned it, and said how nice of me it was-so to the PP who said this may be upsetting for him to learn about, as they would be despite their dog fear, he obviously isn't. He hasn't said anything to me. I am trying to put myself in his shoes-I'd be the same as a PP and not like it if I found someone had done something like that for me when I hadn't asked.

I am taking a lot from this thread. Self awareness mostly!

OP posts:
CeeceeBloomingdale · 17/02/2023 16:53

I don’t really like dogs so I’d avoid the area where one was sitting or choose another pub. I don’t see why you should duck out of your social life, if your dog is welcome and well behaved it’s his problem not yours.

Purplecatshopaholic · 17/02/2023 16:54

Cassimin · 17/02/2023 12:56

Take your dog and don’t worry about him.

Absolutely this. You have been going longer. Your dog is well behaved. You and he can sit apart from each other. It’s openly a Dog Friendly pub!

dogdilemmasagain · 17/02/2023 16:56

@lieselotte dog would try to follow me. And also I'm not 'keeping dog under control' then so I couldn't do that-if another dog went for mine or something? Irresponsible IMO.

@HiccupHorrendousHaddock Dry January Grin

OP posts: