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WWYD here (my dog and pub related, name changed as quite outing).

278 replies

dogdilemmasagain · 17/02/2023 12:53

For about 8 years I've had a good attachment to my local pub. I go in there 2 or three times a week. I live by myself and moved here not knowing anybody, all my friends live in my old hometown. I am now very close friends with the landlord and a lot of other people who go in there. It isn't about going out to drink alcohol, I could do that anywhere, It's more the social scene and feeling part of a community-Going in there is my only socialisation most of the time.

It is a dog-friendly pub, we're in a place where there are 3 dog friendly pubs and a lot of others that aren't, all quite close together.

I always take my dog with me, dog is now well-liked by all the regulars and the landlord absolutely loves her.

A couple have began coming in recently. One of the couple is absolutely petrified of dogs. They always sit near the bar, where I also always sit.

I am not keen on him for unrelated reasons although he's pleasant enough.

They're there most times I go in with little exception and obviously I can't predict when they'll be in or if they'll arrive after I arrive, although they're 9 times out of 10 already there when I go as I go quite late.

For this reason, since I learned this I have not been taking my dog in the pub at all.

This causes me a couple of problems. One, I don't like leaving my dog at home alone. I am not out for a long time, but dog knows where I am going as he's used to my routine. Dog absolutely loves the pub, everyone makes a huge fuss of him and I get such a forlorn look from him when I go without him. To none 'dog people' this may sound bizarre but I am childless and single, so dog is a big part of me and my life.

Two, I don't feel safe walking home without dog. He's a big dog and although very friendly most of the time, I've had more than one situation where things could have been potentially dangerous for me without dog (I was followed home once and he scarpered once dog reacted) so I really do not enjoy being without him. It's too close for a taxi to be feasible but still far enough away from my house for something to potentially happen, and quite an isolated route.

So recently I said to the landlord that I'd have to stop coming in, I don't feel I am being fair on dog and I feel I am compromising my safety. Landlord said he understood. Suggested I sit further away from the couple instead of stopping coming in altogether, but this isn't ideal, I'd still need to bring dog with me to the bar near the couple each time I wanted another drink, and also, I go in to chat to everyone and everyone I am friends with sits near the bar-I'd just be sitting on my own.

I told one of my friends in there about this too. Friend said that the man who's terrified of dogs hasn't come in ever before until recently whereas I am part of the furniture as is my dog, and I shouldn't be letting him make me change something that's important to me. Said 'If he doesn't like dogs, why can't he choose from the other millions of pubs in the country that don't allow them in, there's a huge 'Dogs Welcome' sign outside this one!'

FWIW there are several pubs within walking distance of one another that don't allow dogs.

Hm. Well I definitely don't want to cause someone to be scared and unable to enjoy their evening. But does my friend have a point? Am I being a pushover? I know dogs aren't as important as humans which is why I made the decision in the first place.

I am more than aware of MN's general opinion of dogs too Grin

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 17/02/2023 17:12

its a dog friendly pub if there is a customer with an issue of dogs then this is not the place for them to be drinking snd frequenting. The other customers in a dog friendly pub have two choices - suck it up or move to another pu

Id move to another pub myself, I wouldn't expect people to not ring their dog to the dog friendly pub because im not happy around dogs

Crumpleton · 17/02/2023 17:15

Please start taking your dog back to the pub.
It is after all a dog friendly establishment.
One of the reasons you started going in the first place.

Assuming your dog has never jumped up, barked, gone for or bitten this person it really isn't your dogs fault this person is frightened of him.

It was another dog that caused the person's fear which is absolutely nothing to do with you, therefore your dog shouldn't be associated as being 'nasty' by this person.

The person can of course with your permission use your dog to get over his fear of them, but in no way should they even expect you to now leave your pet at home because it doesn't suit them...plain rude and incredibly doctoral.

If you know your dog isn't happy at home and enjoys their pub treat and you feel safer walking home speak up, get them back out there.
You've not done anything wrong.

Booklover23 · 17/02/2023 17:18

You sound nice and I’m sure it’s not intentional but you sound like the one who is stirring up drama here.
why text the landlord? Why keep mentioning it to everyone?

Just rock up with your dog. The more you involve other people the more you’re fueling a drama that doesn’t exist.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

cruisebaba1 · 17/02/2023 17:29

dogdilemmasagain · 17/02/2023 16:52

So many replies! Thank you. I thought I'd get about a handful.

I will read them all definitely but to respond to a few with questions.

LL doesn't mind at all and although he did suggest perhaps I could sit elsewhere, he'd never enforce it. I think it was just a suggestion for me to stop feeling like I was doing something wrong. He does love my dog and said he'd never stop us coming in.
I also didn't want any trouble for him, as we're friends, and if the guy had a bad anxiety attack, or my dog did something that alarmed him (I don't know what that could be but then I am not afraid of dogs) it could cause an argument amongst others in there, or with landlord and I just don't like that sort of thing.

@SaySomethingMan Hand on heart I ALWAYS move dog out of people's way-It's never busy when I go in anyway ( I purposely avoid those times as I don't enjoy it) but I am always really mindful.

To those who've asked why I don't really like him, some of it is probably just me!

He wants to know everything about everyone and asks a lot of questions-this could be seen as nice, and kind-but I personally find it a bit intrusive. He didn't meet anyone until a short while ago.
I find him a little bit bigheaded and 'me me me' a lot of the time. He fawns over some of the younger barmaids in front of his partner too, one of them was all over him recently and he lapped it up without saying anything. Granted she shouldn't have done it, his girlfriend was sitting right beside him and looked very unhappy.

This whole thing isn't to do with me not liking him of course, I don't MIND him, he's just not the sort of person I'd trust or want in my circle of friends.

I agree female socialisation :( I definitely don't want this to phase me out.

Thank you @Dogsafety123 -I do try to be-I am hyper-aware that not everybody likes dogs.

@CurlewOnTheRocks Grin I was trying to change details to not be outing but obviously failed.

@ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave I expected them here, everyone has been very kind, even those who don't like/are scared of dogs themselves. I appreciate that :)

@Booklover23 I genuinely didn't realise I was being a martyr-I do now. i thought this was something people may do as dogs don't come before humans. But I am prone to putting others first all too often as I've already said

@seekingafreshstart a large dog, yes but not a ferocious looking one

I am sorry to drip-feed but I have texted the LL on the back of the thread to say I am thinking I've changed my mind about the situation and he said that this man is already aware of what I did regarding not taking my dog anymore, someone else mentioned it, and said how nice of me it was-so to the PP who said this may be upsetting for him to learn about, as they would be despite their dog fear, he obviously isn't. He hasn't said anything to me. I am trying to put myself in his shoes-I'd be the same as a PP and not like it if I found someone had done something like that for me when I hadn't asked.

I am taking a lot from this thread. Self awareness mostly!

Take the dog , if you think this person doesn’t like dogs then it’s his issue to address by going elsewhere. You sound lovely being concerned about this but start putting yourself first!

Springpetal · 17/02/2023 17:35

Bollocks to that
get thee and yr dog back to pub and stand up for yourself
the day u stop taking your dog in ,is the day they say no dogs allowed

Springpetal · 17/02/2023 17:36

And back to your usual seat as well

AioliandChips · 17/02/2023 17:50

Hand on heart I ALWAYS move dog out of people's way

At the risk of being picky, it shouldn't be in anyone's way in the first place.
Someone has to approach and get pretty close before you might realise it's in their way. I, and plenty of other people are really nervous of dogs and it's always a bit of a challenge to approach one head on with no clear path through, just hoping the owner will notice you. (Let alone have to step over it as I previously mentioned). Walking past a dog which is minding its own business is easier.

Having said all that, I completely agree with almost everyone else on here that dog owners have every right to take their dogs to dog friendly pubs. no argument. It's easier for us wimps if you keep them out of the main thoroughfare though. In my local they're often laid under a table, sometimes don't even notice they're there. Except for the bloke whose huge dog is splayed across the bar area. As a pp mentioned, not everyone has perfect balance and being no spring chicken I'm not all that accurate where my foot will land trying to stride over - hence why he once had to put his hand out to steady me. For a split second I thought I was going to fall on the bloody dog. That seemed not to be a big enough hint though so maybe he just has no logical thought.

SpringDaffy · 17/02/2023 17:55

I totally understand. My dog is my 🌎
It's a dog friendly pub - so take your dog.
You wouldn't not take your kids to a child friendly pub if a new person started coming in who said they don't like kids!
They are choosing to spend time in a 'dog friendly pub' - therefore they must be aware they will be faced with dogs?

Derbee · 17/02/2023 18:01

Texting the landlord now?!

Seriously, put yourself first. Stop making such a bloody drama out of all of this. You go to a dog friendly pub with your dog. You are regulars. A new person doesn’t like dogs.

NONE of this should have affected your patterns of behaviour at all. And certainly doesn’t warrant so much involvement from multiple third parties.

UKNZKiwiBrit · 17/02/2023 18:06

I hope you and Fido are at the pub enjoying your drinks!

Flinstones · 17/02/2023 18:09

AioliandChips · 17/02/2023 17:50

Hand on heart I ALWAYS move dog out of people's way

At the risk of being picky, it shouldn't be in anyone's way in the first place.
Someone has to approach and get pretty close before you might realise it's in their way. I, and plenty of other people are really nervous of dogs and it's always a bit of a challenge to approach one head on with no clear path through, just hoping the owner will notice you. (Let alone have to step over it as I previously mentioned). Walking past a dog which is minding its own business is easier.

Having said all that, I completely agree with almost everyone else on here that dog owners have every right to take their dogs to dog friendly pubs. no argument. It's easier for us wimps if you keep them out of the main thoroughfare though. In my local they're often laid under a table, sometimes don't even notice they're there. Except for the bloke whose huge dog is splayed across the bar area. As a pp mentioned, not everyone has perfect balance and being no spring chicken I'm not all that accurate where my foot will land trying to stride over - hence why he once had to put his hand out to steady me. For a split second I thought I was going to fall on the bloody dog. That seemed not to be a big enough hint though so maybe he just has no logical thought.

Omg were not wimps if we are scared of dogs!!! I can't believe you said that!
The easy answer to all of this as said many times before! Dogs should be outside & on the floor! End of discussion for me.

cravingtoblerone · 17/02/2023 18:10

Observe basic courtesy - make sure dog is not allowed to wander, jump up or slobber on anyone.

This. Keep your dog close and take them in the pub. It is a dog friendly pub and, provided your animal is under control, you shouldn't have to worry about this. They have the option of sitting elsewhere in the pub or drinking in another pub.

Nimbostratus100 · 17/02/2023 18:14

I am so glad to read your update- I was feeling a bit sad for you and your dog

I am a bit nervous of dogs, but a well behaved animal sitting with owner in a pub shouldnt be a problem, and infact can enhance the pub for everyone

This other customer might actually find they like your dog once they are more used to him, or if not, it really isnt your problem

Enjoy your pub!

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 17/02/2023 18:15

Seems you've made your decision, but just to reinforce it mine is another vote for Team Dog.

And for goodness sake stop explaining it to people.

No texting the landlord or other regulars, no apologising or justifying to the scared-of-dog person. Just rock up with your dog as you always used to. You are taking a dog to a dog-friendly pub. There is nothing to explain.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 17/02/2023 18:51

Flinstones · 17/02/2023 18:09

Omg were not wimps if we are scared of dogs!!! I can't believe you said that!
The easy answer to all of this as said many times before! Dogs should be outside & on the floor! End of discussion for me.

And you're the only one on the entire thread that thinks it! You were quite reserved with your first comment. Knew it wouldn't be long before you couldn't help yourself with your dog hate. The owner is happy for dogs to be in the pub. So I'm afraid you've got to suck it up!

Flinstones · 17/02/2023 18:56

I don't hate dogs, that's just what you like to say. I just believe as I've always said they should be outside & on the floor.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 17/02/2023 18:58

Flinstones · 17/02/2023 18:56

I don't hate dogs, that's just what you like to say. I just believe as I've always said they should be outside & on the floor.

And you'll find them outside and on the floor of places that don't allow dogs. Simples.

mamnotmum · 17/02/2023 19:19

Dog friendly pub means you can take your dog.

Other people can move away from you/sit elsewhere or not come in - their choice.

lljkk · 17/02/2023 19:22

Have dog-fearful couple been banned from other pubs, is that why they don't go to the No-Dogs pubs?

Why would a dog-fearful person go to a pub that allows dogs?

AioliandChips · 18/02/2023 01:00

Omg were not wimps if we are scared of dogs!!!

I know that and you know that. I was being tongue in cheek.
I've had several encounters with unfriendly dogs. Bitten twice as a child, by dogs I was trying to avoid, not stroke.
Both my brothers have been bitten by random dogs as well. I have
every reason to be wary of them. Dog owners aren't ever going to
believe that anybody could be so unlucky unless it was somehow their own fault.

My neighbour was bitten badly by his own dog and it had to be put down.
Dog lovers will choose to believe this is all just made up stuff by somebody
who hates dogs. By the same token, I think there are lots of little nips and bites that get excused and overlooked and explained away as a one off by dog owners.

I've no idea how many children turn up in A&E every day with dog bites, but 9000 of them are bad enough to be admitted to hospital. Being afraid of dogs is not an irrational fear.

Busybutbored · 18/02/2023 01:05

I usually think people with dogs are being ridiculous, but in this case if its a dog friendly pub and you've been going for ages then I think you should continue going with your dog (only if your dog is placid, I think if a dogis aggressive then it shouldnt be in places like this). If that person is scared they need to sit somewhere else

Busybutbored · 18/02/2023 01:06

I also agree with you, because you seem like a nice and considerate person trying to find an alternative and not an entitled a**hole

Ponderingwindow · 18/02/2023 01:28

This really shouldn’t be an issue. It is a dog-friendly pub. You enjoy an outing with your dog. You don’t need to talk to the LL or the other patrons. Take your dog, make sure he stays well behaved, and enjoy yourself.

I will be over at the non-dog friendly pub where I won’t have to worry about having an allergic reaction to your fluffy friend, even if I think he is cute.

wilmer1974 · 18/02/2023 02:18

Agree with the other posters!

If this other person is scared of dogs, they should not be in a place that allows dogs.

Ahh, the thought of your dog at home when they could be in the pub with you, makes me sad. Please take it to the pub with you. You are not going anything wrong!

Dogs are great!

StClare101 · 18/02/2023 02:19

If he’s terrified of dogs, or just doesn’t like them, he can choose a pub that doesn’t advertise itself as being dog friendly.

I say this as someone who isn’t a dog person. I simply wouldn’t go to a dog friendly pub!