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Original poster

WWYD here (my dog and pub related, name changed as quite outing).

278 replies

dogdilemmasagain · 17/02/2023 12:53

For about 8 years I've had a good attachment to my local pub. I go in there 2 or three times a week. I live by myself and moved here not knowing anybody, all my friends live in my old hometown. I am now very close friends with the landlord and a lot of other people who go in there. It isn't about going out to drink alcohol, I could do that anywhere, It's more the social scene and feeling part of a community-Going in there is my only socialisation most of the time.

It is a dog-friendly pub, we're in a place where there are 3 dog friendly pubs and a lot of others that aren't, all quite close together.

I always take my dog with me, dog is now well-liked by all the regulars and the landlord absolutely loves her.

A couple have began coming in recently. One of the couple is absolutely petrified of dogs. They always sit near the bar, where I also always sit.

I am not keen on him for unrelated reasons although he's pleasant enough.

They're there most times I go in with little exception and obviously I can't predict when they'll be in or if they'll arrive after I arrive, although they're 9 times out of 10 already there when I go as I go quite late.

For this reason, since I learned this I have not been taking my dog in the pub at all.

This causes me a couple of problems. One, I don't like leaving my dog at home alone. I am not out for a long time, but dog knows where I am going as he's used to my routine. Dog absolutely loves the pub, everyone makes a huge fuss of him and I get such a forlorn look from him when I go without him. To none 'dog people' this may sound bizarre but I am childless and single, so dog is a big part of me and my life.

Two, I don't feel safe walking home without dog. He's a big dog and although very friendly most of the time, I've had more than one situation where things could have been potentially dangerous for me without dog (I was followed home once and he scarpered once dog reacted) so I really do not enjoy being without him. It's too close for a taxi to be feasible but still far enough away from my house for something to potentially happen, and quite an isolated route.

So recently I said to the landlord that I'd have to stop coming in, I don't feel I am being fair on dog and I feel I am compromising my safety. Landlord said he understood. Suggested I sit further away from the couple instead of stopping coming in altogether, but this isn't ideal, I'd still need to bring dog with me to the bar near the couple each time I wanted another drink, and also, I go in to chat to everyone and everyone I am friends with sits near the bar-I'd just be sitting on my own.

I told one of my friends in there about this too. Friend said that the man who's terrified of dogs hasn't come in ever before until recently whereas I am part of the furniture as is my dog, and I shouldn't be letting him make me change something that's important to me. Said 'If he doesn't like dogs, why can't he choose from the other millions of pubs in the country that don't allow them in, there's a huge 'Dogs Welcome' sign outside this one!'

FWIW there are several pubs within walking distance of one another that don't allow dogs.

Hm. Well I definitely don't want to cause someone to be scared and unable to enjoy their evening. But does my friend have a point? Am I being a pushover? I know dogs aren't as important as humans which is why I made the decision in the first place.

I am more than aware of MN's general opinion of dogs too Grin

OP posts:
WetBandits · 17/02/2023 13:39

Back to the pub you go with your pup in tow!

and show us a picture of her please

CurlewOnTheRocks · 17/02/2023 13:39

I don't like dogs but I think you should take your dog to the pub!

Don't explain anything to the couple or the landlord. Their wants don't trump yours in any way and if they don't like it they can move!

If he says anything just say "it wasn't working for me to leave Fido at home, I won't be offended if you want to move away though".

No apologies, no sitting in other parts of the pub, no accepting of comments directed at you or your dog.

Original poster
dogdilemmasagain · 17/02/2023 13:41

This is the first thread ever that's caused me to totally change a view I had on something. Thanks again all. I have been a pushover. @purpleboy thanks-It's a good point. Difficult to ignore the couple as they talk to everyone I talk to and sit closeby but I will not explain or apologise-I do think they'll mention it so I'll work out what I'll say if they do.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Dogs
drpet49 · 17/02/2023 13:43

Margaritawithlime · 17/02/2023 12:55

I don’t understand why you’re putting someone else - a total stranger no less - and their comfort and happiness above your own. You’ve as much right to be there as them. Claim your space!

I agree. Especially as you are a long standing regular visitor.

Saucery · 17/02/2023 13:43

I don’t like loud pubs with crowds of shouty, lairy men in them, so I avoid that type of pub.
Man in your local is free to make the same sort of judgement call if he finds it impossible to be near a calm, well behaved dog.

MangoBiscuit · 17/02/2023 13:43

It's a dog friendly pub. If you can't, or don't want to be near dogs, why would you go there? You wouldn't go to a rock and metal bar if you hated loud music.

OP, go to the pub, take your dog, and sit in your usual spot. If they say anything, I would politely say that you prefer bringing your dog with you. But if they want to avoid him, they can sit away from the bar, you will make sure your dog goes nowhere near them.

AioliandChips · 17/02/2023 13:44

Just a thought. If your dog is a big dog, do you sit in a position where it has to be stepped over? I don't much care for dogs in pubs but my local is dog friendly so I have to suck it up. Most dogs are pretty small and don't scare me, but one man sits by the bar with his huge black lab and everyone has to step over it to get to the bar. This scares me in case it moves as I step over, and I accidentally tread on it. It's my opinion that it's pretty entitled to take up all that public floor space but nobody else seems bothered.

chronictonic · 17/02/2023 13:45

With all respect OP - I think you're making a bit of a mountain out of a mole hill...

It's kind of you to be sensitive to the person terrified of dogs but your friend is 100% correct. You should continue as you were before, make small adjustments if you can within the pub, to make them more comfortable, but it shouldn't be to the detriment of you and your dog's lives!

As you said yourself.. It's not the only pub around and moreover, there are other pubs with NO dogs they can choose from.

Has there been something said to make you overthink this so much?

Tessasanderson · 17/02/2023 13:46

Carry on. Lets face it, if he has an issue HE can move to another part of the pub just as easily. He is manipulating you into a difficult position, not of your making

Original poster
dogdilemmasagain · 17/02/2023 13:47

@AioliandChips I ALWAYS move my dog rather than force someone to have to step over. The only time I ever don't is if It's one of my friends who I know truly doesn't mind-and I still offer! I find it inconsiderate to do anything otherwise.

OP posts:
FlamingoQueen · 17/02/2023 13:48

Take your dog back to the pub!

Twawmyarse2 · 17/02/2023 13:48

I'm not a dog lover and hate seeing them in cafes etc. but I don't let it stop me frequenting places I like.

However this is a dog-friendly pub with signage, you were going there first and so long as your dog isn't a nuisance I don't think you should stop going in at all. The couple can just stay away from you. If they are already seated at the bar when you go in I would sit elsewhere however if you're there first they can sit elsewhere if they choose to do so.

You sound like a nice, considerate person OP - but don't cut off your nose to spite your face - it sounds like this pub means a lot to you and provides you with much needed social interaction.

Luckingfovely · 17/02/2023 13:49

Good grief. I expect you back in there tonight with your dog please OP!!

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 17/02/2023 13:50

@AioliandChips trying to picture the bar which is totally blocked by one labrador…micropub? Though agree owner should not have them in anyone’s way.

I have several - once they are down they generally can’t be arsed moving unless there’s a promise of food or walkies 🤣 most likely to ask you for a belly rub rather than attack.

I just love dogs in pubs.

chronictonic · 17/02/2023 13:51

dogdilemmasagain · 17/02/2023 13:41

This is the first thread ever that's caused me to totally change a view I had on something. Thanks again all. I have been a pushover. @purpleboy thanks-It's a good point. Difficult to ignore the couple as they talk to everyone I talk to and sit closeby but I will not explain or apologise-I do think they'll mention it so I'll work out what I'll say if they do.

I only just saw all your replies OP. Sorry as we would have cross posted..
Anyway, in response to this, you have the perfect and most legitimate explanation for him: you dont feel safe walking home without your dog, and you don't feel comfortable leaving him either.
That's all you need to say. You gave leaving him home a go, they should appreciate that.

CurlewOnTheRocks · 17/02/2023 13:53

"You dont feel safe walking home without your dog, and you don't feel comfortable leaving him either.
That's all you need to say."

She doesn't need to say any of that. Her vulnerabilities are absolutely none of this man's business!

"It doesn't work for me to leave the dog at home" is enough.

rexythedinosaur · 17/02/2023 13:54

It's a dog friendly pub, so providing your dog behaves itself you're perfectly entitled to take it there. Definitely being too considerate OP. If other people don't like the dog they can sit elsewhere or go to a non-dog-friendly establishment.

kathycomehome22 · 17/02/2023 13:55

Has the man ever actually said anything to you or requested you don't bring the dog? Sorry if this has already been asked, haven't read the whole thread.

rexythedinosaur · 17/02/2023 13:55

CurlewOnTheRocks · 17/02/2023 13:53

"You dont feel safe walking home without your dog, and you don't feel comfortable leaving him either.
That's all you need to say."

She doesn't need to say any of that. Her vulnerabilities are absolutely none of this man's business!

"It doesn't work for me to leave the dog at home" is enough.

I wouldn't even say that. I'd just politely point out that it's a dog friendly pub.

Georgyporky · 17/02/2023 13:56

I'm terrified of dogs, but defend your right to take it to a dog-friendly pub.

I'll sit away from any dogs already in the place, & if anyone brings one too near me I'll politely ask them to keep it away from me.

I am so sick of hearing "but it won't hurt you". I now respond "it already has, my heart is pounding & my blood pressure is raised".

MirabelMax · 17/02/2023 13:56

This goes beyond being a pushover - nobody pushed you! It's almost more martyrdom

Did it occur to you he was just explaining why he doesn't interact with your dog? It sounds like lots of people do make a fuss of your dog and maybe he thought he needed to explain why he isn't.

I'm nervous of dogs and it's the kind of thing I'd say. It would be an explanation of why I'm keeping my distance. I'd be really upset if someone took that explanation and used it to make me some villain who forced their dog to be left home alone.

Womencanlift · 17/02/2023 13:57

Like other pp’s I don’t like dogs, I never will regardless how many times the owner tells me how friendly they are and I don’t like how there seems to be more acceptance of them in places that sell food

However I realise that there are places (and people) that do like them and it’s up to me to choose where I go and not expect the norm of the place to change just because of me

So in other words tell him if he doesn’t like it there are other places for him to go

ScribblingPixie · 17/02/2023 13:58

If the pub is dog-friendly, and your dog is behaving well, it's up to people with a fear or horror of dogs to sit in a place where they're comfortable or go elsewhere. Keep going, OP. Don't let yours or your dog's life diminish over this.

CatJumperTwat · 17/02/2023 13:58

I do think they'll mention it so I'll work out what I'll say if they do.

Maybe something breezy like "Oh he's been coming here for years, he's a regular" then turn away and start a conversation with something else.

viques · 17/02/2023 13:58

If it is a dog friendly pub then there will be other dogs there too. So it is up to the dog phobic person to decide if they want to come in in the first place and where they want to sit , or if they need to move etc, it really is not your responsibility to decide those things for him.