WWYD here (my dog and pub related, name changed as quite outing).

[dogdilemmasagain]

For about 8 years I've had a good attachment to my local pub. I go in there 2 or three times a week. I live by myself and moved here not knowing anybody, all my friends live in my old hometown. I am now very close friends with the landlord and a lot of other people who go in there. It isn't about going out to drink alcohol, I could do that anywhere, It's more the social scene and feeling part of a community-Going in there is my only socialisation most of the time.

It is a dog-friendly pub, we're in a place where there are 3 dog friendly pubs and a lot of others that aren't, all quite close together.

I always take my dog with me, dog is now well-liked by all the regulars and the landlord absolutely loves her.

A couple have began coming in recently. One of the couple is absolutely petrified of dogs. They always sit near the bar, where I also always sit.

I am not keen on him for unrelated reasons although he's pleasant enough.

They're there most times I go in with little exception and obviously I can't predict when they'll be in or if they'll arrive after I arrive, although they're 9 times out of 10 already there when I go as I go quite late.

For this reason, since I learned this I have not been taking my dog in the pub at all.

This causes me a couple of problems. One, I don't like leaving my dog at home alone. I am not out for a long time, but dog knows where I am going as he's used to my routine. Dog absolutely loves the pub, everyone makes a huge fuss of him and I get such a forlorn look from him when I go without him. To none 'dog people' this may sound bizarre but I am childless and single, so dog is a big part of me and my life.

Two, I don't feel safe walking home without dog. He's a big dog and although very friendly most of the time, I've had more than one situation where things could have been potentially dangerous for me without dog (I was followed home once and he scarpered once dog reacted) so I really do not enjoy being without him. It's too close for a taxi to be feasible but still far enough away from my house for something to potentially happen, and quite an isolated route.

So recently I said to the landlord that I'd have to stop coming in, I don't feel I am being fair on dog and I feel I am compromising my safety. Landlord said he understood. Suggested I sit further away from the couple instead of stopping coming in altogether, but this isn't ideal, I'd still need to bring dog with me to the bar near the couple each time I wanted another drink, and also, I go in to chat to everyone and everyone I am friends with sits near the bar-I'd just be sitting on my own.

I told one of my friends in there about this too. Friend said that the man who's terrified of dogs hasn't come in ever before until recently whereas I am part of the furniture as is my dog, and I shouldn't be letting him make me change something that's important to me. Said 'If he doesn't like dogs, why can't he choose from the other millions of pubs in the country that don't allow them in, there's a huge 'Dogs Welcome' sign outside this one!'

FWIW there are several pubs within walking distance of one another that don't allow dogs.

Hm. Well I definitely don't want to cause someone to be scared and unable to enjoy their evening. But does my friend have a point? Am I being a pushover? I know dogs aren't as important as humans which is why I made the decision in the first place.

I am more than aware of MN's general opinion of dogs too

Agree, if they speak first, explain calmly that dogs are like people - yes there are a few bad ones but that your dog is well behaved, well trained and is friendly, and there is no need for anyone to be frightened but that you understand a phobia is a phobia and they can't help being scared but emphasise there's no need to be.

Leave it at that, have a drink and enjoy,

🤣

Female socialisation in action here! It's really not on you to change your behaviour here.

I think you should take your dog to the pub and I say that as a non-dog person who isn't generally a fan of the fact that dogs are increasingly allowed everywhere.

Whatever you think of dogs being in public spaces in general, this is a dog friendly pub and if these people wish to avoid dogs then they need to drink elsewhere. So long as you have control over the dog and the dog is not bothering them then that is enough.

I don’t like dogs. I’m scared of them tbh. But if I chose to go into a dog-friendly pub then I would expect to see dogs and I’d put up with them and not complain. Because I know it’s my problem!

So I think you would not be at all unreasonable to go back to taking your dog in. Especially as you say there are other pubs nearby that don’t allow dogs, so this chap could easily go to one of those.

Once I get to know a dog, I start to relax around them (although I wouldn’t actually interact with them through choice), so you might find, once he’s realised yours is well behaved, that he calms down. Possibly!

Take your dog and sit where you want, if the other couple don't like it, they can sit elsewhere

Take the dog, if they are unhappy they can sit elsewhere

Take your dog. Walking home in safety is a good enough reason, apart from anything else. If the other people don’t like it they’re free to go elsewhere.

Absolutely not your problem. They are big and ugly enough to take action to sort out their own phobias, not expect others to bend to them. Provided your dog is under control and not disturbing others, keep taking him. If they are going to flap and fuss just for his presence, leave them to it or they can go elsewhere.

Don't tell them anything. You don't have to explain yourself, you're visiting the pub with your dog. Perfectly normal behaviour. Sit where you like.

Also, and this is important... do not apologise. You are doing nothing wrong.
Front it out.

If your dog was one of those bouncy slobbery ones that wander around, then the dog hater might have a point.

But: he's well behaved, on a lead, and in a dog friendly pub. Take your dog, don't spoil your life because of one plonker.
If he was that scared of dogs, why was he a/ in a dog friendly pub anyway and
b/ why did he carry on going to a dog friendly pub when he realised it had dogs in it on a regular basis?

It's Friday- enjoy your evening in the pub, with your dog!

If there are dogfree pubs available nearby, maybe he is using your doggy pub to desensitise his myself and get over his fear of dogs.

It might be that seeing your large friendly dog and being in his vicinity will lessen his fear.
Isn't that what therapists advise? baby steps to confront your fears..ideal situation I should have thought.
It can't be easy for him having this fear around large dogs, after all you can't always avoid them and if he really feels he can't cope let him move.

Not your problem. There are other pubs he can go without dogs. Don't be put off your lovely local. Cheers!

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/232cc6af-bb83-495e-b6f5-6b4977bedaeb

You need to channel Mary Poppins!

I've been accused of being a dog hater many a time on mumsnet (in reality I'm a dog lover but a hater of many dog owners, lol), and I say take your dog in!

The man didn't actually ask you to stop taking the dog, right? Maybe he was just being honest - your dog makes him nervous but he was still regularly choosing to come into the pub where he knew you and your dog would be, and sitting near you and talking to you! So I can't see that he's done anything wrong - it sounds like he's prepared to push himself regarding his fear?

And even if he isn't, there's really no reason for you to change your behaviour. If I went into a pub knowing that a dog owner with a dog who made me nervous always sits in a certain place, I would sit somewhere else if I was bothered.

You sound very considerate, though - but I'd say perhaps overly so! But I'd rather be overly considerate than a nobhead.

Enjoy the pub with your dog

This x10

Unless the Landlord is going to make the pub non dog friendly just take your dog and stop worrying about some random . Obviously don’t let your dog approach them but sit where you want , I’m sure the bar is long enough for them to be able to order their drinks at the opposite end .

Thank you again all. I am beginning to realise recently that my self-esteem needs (another) looking at. I have put someone's needs above mine-my reasoning was that human's needs trump dog's needs and I was the one causing him an inconvenience so needed to change my behaviour-I am now beginning to see that I needn't have done that. I have reinforced to him that his needs trump mine (man in question is a bit like this toward women anyway, just subtle cues I've picked up upon) and I shouldn't have. Annoyed with myself now I've read these replies. I am too soft sometimes.

Don't be annoyed with yourself, your tried to do a kind thing, but it doesn't work for you and makes you feel unsafe.
Just take your dog in again and ignore them. Don't talk to them about it but maybe have a stock response ready in case they say anything to you or within earshot.

Absolutely this.
Don't explain or apologise, just quietly and politely get on with it.
You've decided your dog is too much to accept in the light of this fear.
Whereas the scared person wasn't so scared they didn't want to sit near your dog and it's friends, or avoid the publicly notified dog-friendly pub.
Clearly they've decided it's not enough of an issue to bend themselves out of shape avoiding the fear, but you've bent yourself out of shape out of an over-developed sense of courtesy, which is lovely and kind but unnecessarily unbalanced.
Go back to your old happy ways. Don't excuse, explain or otherwise cringe or feel ashamed.

Take your dog and explain nothing. If he's that scared of dogs he wouldn't go to a dog friendly venue.

If the pub was really that bothered, they would be putting dog permitted areas and non dog permitted areas.

Take your dog..it's becoming more and more reasonable for eating eastablishments to allow dogs as long as they're not in the food preparation area.

How do you know the man wasn't advised by a therapist to desensitise themselves by facing their fear and you're depriving him of much needed therapy? 😁🐕🐾

Take the dog and don't feel the need to explain yourself. It's a dog-friendly pub and the landlord is fine with it, which is all the scaredy cat needs to know.