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Original poster

The fat woman in the gym

155 replies

biznach · 06/02/2023 17:20

I am the fat woman in the gym. I used to be fit, trim, and strong, but an injury and the lockdown hit me for six. I gained 2.5 stones. I also aged. Now I hate glimpsing myself in the mirror in the gym and in the classes. The double chin. The bulges under my clothes. I know nobody cares, but I hate every time I see myself. I can't even say I look like my mother, as she is a slim elegant Frenchwoman.

I desperately need to go back to exercises, but for this reason I avoid going altogether, which is counterproductive. I have been to the gym twice since the new year. I know there is no magic way, and I do know I didn't become overweight and unfit overnight, but I just can't help feeling horribly disappointed and disgusted with myself in general.

Not sure what I am asking really. Can anyone relate? Have you managed to harness this in a positive way?

OP posts:
restisall · 06/02/2023 17:24

Be kinder to yourself! There is absolutely no need to feel disgusted or disappointed with yourself, whatever you weigh.

The vast vast majority of people are only focused on themselves at the gym and won’t pay any attention to you in any capacity. If there is the odd arsehole who would judge you, that reflects far more on them than it does on you.

xJoy · 06/02/2023 17:27

Just wear loose clothes and nobody will notice. I used to be 9 stone, I'm 11 now. I would go to the gym to do a good pilates class though. You're at the gym, you have probably paid to be there and are creating demand for the gym instructors and paying their salaries indirectly. You're not modelling for sweaty betty.

Wimbz20 · 06/02/2023 17:27

I was in the same boat ... now pregnant and getting bigger by the second. It makes me sad to hear someone else say the things I was telling myself the last two years. The last two years have no doubt been rough and I totally get where you are coming from.

But please be kind to yourself. You can do this !!! You should be proud that you have stepped into the gym again ❤️ I'm rooting for you x

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NeverDropYourMooncup · 06/02/2023 17:28

At only two and a half stone overweight, you aren't ever going to be The Fat Woman. You might be one of the slightly larger ladies, but no, not The Fat Woman.

The only way to deal with it is, like anybody who started off larger, get over yourself and get on with it. Talk to yourself as you would a friend worried about going and be your own wingman.

Or you could go swimming or running instead- fewer mirrors that way.

SinnerBoy · 06/02/2023 17:28

Don't worry about it, you'll soon get fitter and trimmer. Gyms aren't just for the super fit, they're also for people like you (and me!) to get fit and lose a bit. As restisall says, if anyone is staring, it's their personality defect.

Mojoj · 06/02/2023 17:32

Eh, there's people way fatter than you at the gym! Nobody cares. Everyone's focused on themselves so get back to it! Good luck😀

DalaiLlama · 06/02/2023 17:34

Worth remembering that some of the thin people at the gym will previously have been fat people at the gym.

littlefirecar · 06/02/2023 17:38

When I see an overweight person going into a gym to try and improve their health I respect them far more than a gym obsessive trying to maintain a perfect figure just to post pics online

Anyone who is shallow enough to judge you isn't worth caring about

MissMarplesGoddaughter · 06/02/2023 17:38

At the gym I go to there are people of all ages and all shapes and sizes. Truly, hand on heart people are busy working out, concentrating on their own efforts and really not looking and judging others......

Rae36 · 06/02/2023 17:40

I feel like I'm the fat woman at the gym right now too. I used to be fit and strong then I got covid at the start of last year. I've had pretty much a full year out of the gym and am now back in a very small way.

I'm 3 stone heavier than I was. I'm lifting a fraction of what I was.

But I'm there.

Solidarity my friend, we've just got to keep going. There's no other way.

(I'm not always this positive about it BTW, some days I feel like shit too)

lowclouds · 06/02/2023 17:40

If you're 2.5 stones above 'trim, fit and strong' then you are not 'the fat woman'. This is in your head and you are absolutely right when you say 'I know nobody cares'. They don't! Enjoy your time at the gym.

ThomasWaghornsConeHat · 06/02/2023 17:41

I go to a uni gym and am the fattest by a mile. I don't care, I honestly do not think anyone looks at me. I'm not passing out so I'm not of much interest. I never check myself out in any mirror. I know what I look like!

Andsoforth · 06/02/2023 17:42

Public mirrors and shiny surfaces including puddles need banning! Nothing worse.

Does it have to be the gym? Getting out in the blue and green can do wonders for the mood and might be a better option to start with if your confidence and spirit are low.

MagpiePi · 06/02/2023 17:42

I'm the slightly flabby, weak woman at the gym who is so demoralised by struggling to do sets with what used to be warm up weights.
It's knowing the hard work that needs to be done to get back to anywhere near where I used to be.

MsMartini · 06/02/2023 17:43

Aww, as others say, be kinder to yourself. By looking after your health, you are doing the right thing by you and your family.

I've trained in several gyms and never got the sense anyone cares what other people look like - but I would consider changing gum if I felt nasty undercurrents. I suspect tho, that really no-one else is interested, or they just think good for you.

I would try to find a class or activity you really really enjoy - then you forget about what you look like and come out feeling like a marvellous mighty ninja 😀

LavenderfortheBees · 06/02/2023 17:44

At 2.5st overweight you are NOT going to be the fat woman at the gym. I've been to the gym at 8st overweight and no one looked twice, let alone made a comment. There were other people my size there and even bigger, especially in the pool.

I used to attend a fitness class regularly for over a year while losing a lot of weight and once got another regular say they had noticed the change and congratulated me. I got a similar comment from another commuter on my regular train journey so not just a gym thing. I was much, much bigger than you.

Don't give it any headspace.

Comedycook · 06/02/2023 17:44

I doubt you're that fat. Two and a half stone isn't a huge amount especially if you were fit and trim before. You're probably a totally average person that the other people in the gym have barely noticed. Most people have their own shit going on and aren't thinking about a random woman at the gyms supposed double chin

ouch321 · 06/02/2023 17:46

This is nasty.

What you're basically saying is that anyone who is of an average weight is fat.

Because if you were slim, as suggested by your post, and then you only put on 2.5 stone, that is say 2 dress sizes up, then you're still not plus sized.

This is a dig dressed up as an issue.

EyesOnThePies · 06/02/2023 17:48

Don’t look in the mirror!

Go to gym, have a great workout, allow yourself to be really pleased with yourself. The workout will make you feel better. Feeling better will make you feel more confident to go back to the gym, and so on until Bingo! You will see yourself in the mirror, looking more like you feel: Good!

Just get into the habit and go.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 06/02/2023 17:49

I must admit in the past when I went to gyms and I saw a very obese woman or man, obviously a new joiner, me and the friend I went with would chat (outside of the gym!) briefly as to how long they’d last, only because we saw so many people like this join and then give up after 1-2 months etc. We were always friendly and chatty to new joiners though.

A few of them did end up staying and became friends of ours. One of them admitted to me that when she joined (at 22 stone) she felt disgusted with herself and had to force herself to go on a regular basis, but said when she spoke to us and found that we (and other gym goers) were friendly and encouraging, she said it really helped with her motivation. She ended up losing half her body weight through a combination of exercise and diet.

OP - most people don’t judge you on what you look like as they’re more concentrated and concerned with their own workouts.

flabbygoldfish · 06/02/2023 17:49

I am 2 stone overweight during lockdown & other stuff & gained a bulging middle and stocky legs. I hate seeing myself in the mirror & avoid having have my photo taken at all costs.

i was sat on the couch over Xmas and decided I could keep doing this all winter watching Netflix and getting fatter or actually doing something about it. I have a 12 week goal in mind- weigh myself each morning as a reminder of why I need to go to the gym that evening. To me that what the gym is there for…it is a set of tools to help you change.

Ted27 · 06/02/2023 17:53

If I went to your gym you would be the woman I would be aspiring to be.

But that doesn't help you, because its how you feel about yourself.
I go to the gym because it makes me feel better, if it's not making you feel better is there another form of exercise you could try?
There are lots of classes in church and school halls where I live - maybe something like that would suit you better.

AtSomePointInLife · 06/02/2023 17:54

I don't see fat women in the gym, there is no such thing. I only see people working out to make themselves feel better and healthier.

Nobody stares, nobody cares!!

Go in, do your thing, come out feeling great.

Shouldbesleeping8 · 06/02/2023 17:55

No one cares. I don't mean that in a bad way! But generally (unless they're a complete dick) people don't care nearly as much as you think about what you look like.
Well done for getting to the gym. I'm the fat person who doesn't exercise at the moment. I need to make some serious changes.

Deedanny · 06/02/2023 17:55

Take photos now and along the way to track your progress! It's easy to focus on the bits you don't like but if you can compare photos you will see the results and it will spur you on. Good luck.