The fat woman in the gym

[biznach]

I am the fat woman in the gym. I used to be fit, trim, and strong, but an injury and the lockdown hit me for six. I gained 2.5 stones. I also aged. Now I hate glimpsing myself in the mirror in the gym and in the classes. The double chin. The bulges under my clothes. I know nobody cares, but I hate every time I see myself. I can't even say I look like my mother, as she is a slim elegant Frenchwoman.

I desperately need to go back to exercises, but for this reason I avoid going altogether, which is counterproductive. I have been to the gym twice since the new year. I know there is no magic way, and I do know I didn't become overweight and unfit overnight, but I just can't help feeling horribly disappointed and disgusted with myself in general.

Not sure what I am asking really. Can anyone relate? Have you managed to harness this in a positive way?

i have a fat friend who started running and had to stop because the amount of people cheering her on was humiliating. One man even ran alongside her shouting words of encouragement. All very well meaning but it just makes you stand out like a sore thumb while the skinny women going for a jog are left alone.

I do notice people around me, and whether they are slim/average/overweight (surely everyone does, come on) but I judge anyone of any shape positively if they are doing something, whether that is gym, cycling, hiking, whatever
Blimey, I havent got the mental capa it to do that.
I think I'm happier in my own zone and not paying attention to anyone else!

I used to beat myself up massively when I put on weight- it achieved nothing but a good dent in my self esteem. I try to look more neutrally at my body now- if I put weight on then I can lose it again but I won't speak to myself in a way I'd never speak to others. When I go to the gym I do classes I enjoy and I don't focus on the calories burnt just that it's good to move my body and be healthy and strong. As soon as I start I immediately feel better because I'm not avoiding it. Then i track my meals (not by calorie just record it so I can see if my meals are as nutritional as they should be). You just need to start from a place of kindness to yourself.

You’re doing much better than me girl, i hate the gym!

good for you! Keep going and dont worry about what you’re wearing. I can bet you those skinny minnies in gymshark kit are going much less than you.

You are simply the woman at the gym. Honestly that’s it.

I really don’t think people notice or care, they concentrate on themselves.