The fat woman in the gym

[biznach]

I am the fat woman in the gym. I used to be fit, trim, and strong, but an injury and the lockdown hit me for six. I gained 2.5 stones. I also aged. Now I hate glimpsing myself in the mirror in the gym and in the classes. The double chin. The bulges under my clothes. I know nobody cares, but I hate every time I see myself. I can't even say I look like my mother, as she is a slim elegant Frenchwoman.

I desperately need to go back to exercises, but for this reason I avoid going altogether, which is counterproductive. I have been to the gym twice since the new year. I know there is no magic way, and I do know I didn't become overweight and unfit overnight, but I just can't help feeling horribly disappointed and disgusted with myself in general.

Not sure what I am asking really. Can anyone relate? Have you managed to harness this in a positive way?

Yes I think she has affected that. She is an overachiever and very competitive in every respect. There is a lot of history there that would make tens of threads.

Funny you say about PT. I thought about how having the appointment would help me go there and at least not avoid. So did do a trial session with one. He asked me what my goal was, I said strength, health, etc. He was like, why not weight loss? I mean it was probably just a random comment, but somehow these things affect me x1000 more these days. Maybe I should see a therapist instead!

I am proper fat and I do want to get fitter.
I now walk 1.5 hours a day. I purposely chosen a job that means that walk for the commute, so I have to do it. That is cardio done.
I am doing weights machines now, maybe free weights when I gain strength.
Static bikes are the best for general fitness and endurance.
Nobody looks at the others. We are all there for a good healthy reason.
And if they do, that is not going to stop me. I am there to better myself.

I am much healthier and so more confident now. And it sips into your confidence in other areas of life. It is tough to go there, after a days work, cold weather, muscle aches and so on. But you get so much from the knowledge that you can do it!

Better to zone the gym mirrors out entirely, OP! They're not flattering for any size or weight. In my experience.

As a regular gym goer I'd definitely say that no one would even notice you. We're all so focused on ourselves!
Wear something baggy and get stuck in!

I do notice people around me, and whether they are slim/average/overweight (surely everyone does, come on) but I judge anyone of any shape positively if they are doing something, whether that is gym, cycling, hiking, whatever.

Be kind to yourself, your getting yourself better, as a Dr I have nothing but admiration for the overweight people in my gym classes

Whenever I am driving and see a woman running, I always say "GO ON LASS!!!" They never see or hear me but I do it anyway because I think they are brilliant. Same goes for women in the gym.

Thankfully the mirrors in the gym area are by the free weights only. No mirrors anywhere else so I am not seeing myself exercising.

If I go to a class I go to the back to be far away from mirrors.

Maybe thats something you can try.

I also just mentally go into a zone, by focusing on my breathing almost like being on autopilot.

If you did this to me I would stop running. It would make me feel extremely self conscious.

Thank goodness they don’t hear you!

My PT never mentioned my weight when asking about goals.

I told him that in August I wanted to make it up the hill my hotel is on without really struggling. Also I want to be able to use the stairs of my office building comfortably (my room is on the third floor). He seemed to think that was realistic.

Your be surprised how many people in the gym root for the fat women and man , it's hard walking into a gym for everyone I know I was and Im average size and curvy ..

It's also worth remembering that a lot of thin people (any people!) hate themselves when they look in the mirror, for all sorts of reasons. When I went to the gym 5 days a week minimum and was fit and happy on the outside, the inside told a different story. Many people at the gym are battling things like eating disorders and body dysmorphia.

Have you paid your membership subs? Then you’re entitled to be there.

So much of our culture seems determined to tell women that their right to exist in public space is conditional on their appearing a particular way. But you’re the subject of your life, not merely an object. You haven’t been engaged to stand around making the gym look good- on the contrary, you’re paying them to provide facilities.

I realise that I’m stating the obvious. But it’s something I find helpful to remind myself of- women are fully human, we’re entitled to be in the world whatever we look like. It’s so easy to unconsciously fall into feeling like an object- someone who ought to be adorning the space and is somehow failing. Resist.

(Plus what everyone else says- no one is looking and I’m sure you look fine. Easy to say all of the above but hard always to feel it.)

Don't ever feel like that. Go to the gym, get those endorphins flowing and the more you go the more comfortable you'll feel. Can you afford a couple of initial PT sessions? I find when I need to get back into fitness this is the best way for me to cure those back to gym nerves. Remember exercise just makes us feel better all round. And also, everyone in that gym, whether they have a double chin or a six pack has insecurities. Xxxx

Work out at home, l hate gyms and would never go to one, you can get almost brand new equipment very reasonable on EBay etc, and don't have to
traipse out. My two sons happily work out from home, l personally prefer a nice brisk walk in the fresh air, or a short cycle ride, it's finding something your comfortable with. There are some good yoga/ pilates videos free on youtube.

I find it very confusing that people think that gyms are only for fit, healthy people. I suppose those people are there for maintenance but people who feel like they'd like to improve themselves are the ones who have every right to be there.

Imagine going to school and only seeing people with degrees in primary school classes. Or going into a hospital full of healthy people and sick people being too ashamed to be there.

Also, in the kindest way possible, no one gives a sh*t what you look like. I learned this the hard way about myself too!

Was at a class once when a newbie started. So had to hold onto the wall to do some of the exercises. Very overweight but I admired her for having the bottle to come. Couldn’t have been easy. She lost over 5 stone. Nothing but admiration for her, lovely woman.

I think the personal trainer asking about weight loss is just what they do. Mine said the same when it wasn’t something that I had asked about.

Your mum sounds like mine!

PT's mention weight loss as its a specific and measurable way of tracking your progress, some could probably do with some diplomacy training though!

I've also been (and still am really) the fat woman at the gym. Also about 2-3 stone overweight. Better to be the fat woman at the gym than the thin woman at McDonald's. I've seen a couple of very overweight women at the gym, and if I pay any attention I think "I was you a few years ago... go on girl!". Also I'm too busy looking at that gorgeous Mediterranean looking bloke doing his core work in front of my machine... just admiring his dedication to fitness on a platonic level, of course!
Crack on!

I always admire the fat gym members. Anyone of us can get ill / have some sort of crisis and be unable to get to the gym for a while. Grit your teeth, put your big girl pants on and if you want to get fit, you obviously know what you need to do. Most importantly, once you get back to whatever figure and appearance you want to have, please don’t negatively judge the fat ones at the gym (as it kindof sounds like you used too). Good luck 🤞

Better to be the fat woman at the gym than the thin woman at McDonald's

Ouch. I think the gym and McDonald's are places for people of any size to go to w/o judgement.

Better to be the fat woman at the gym than the thin woman at McDonald's

What does that even mean? They're unhealthy?