The fat woman in the gym

[biznach]

I am the fat woman in the gym. I used to be fit, trim, and strong, but an injury and the lockdown hit me for six. I gained 2.5 stones. I also aged. Now I hate glimpsing myself in the mirror in the gym and in the classes. The double chin. The bulges under my clothes. I know nobody cares, but I hate every time I see myself. I can't even say I look like my mother, as she is a slim elegant Frenchwoman.

I desperately need to go back to exercises, but for this reason I avoid going altogether, which is counterproductive. I have been to the gym twice since the new year. I know there is no magic way, and I do know I didn't become overweight and unfit overnight, but I just can't help feeling horribly disappointed and disgusted with myself in general.

Not sure what I am asking really. Can anyone relate? Have you managed to harness this in a positive way?

If you're truly saying that looking older and a little overweight is stopping you from going to the gym to lose the weight, why not get something set up at home?

I didn't have the money to spend on gym membership, plus I am a true fair-weather gym person. If it's raining/cold I'll find any excuse not to go. But I needed to lose at least 1.5 stone as my BP was high and I had (have) pre diabetes.

So I started a lowish carb diet in November and bought myself a 'desk exercise bike' - the ones that don't have handles. You literally sit in a chair or on the sofa and pedal. I aim to do 500 calories on it a day - I know the calorie count thing is likely to be completely wrong but I use it as a measure rather than a 'I am really using 500 calories up'. I can do 500 'calories' at a comfortable rate in an hour or less. So I choose something on a play again channel and pedal until I get to 500 or above.

I'm now down by almost a stone. The BP is now normal. I'm waiting to hear if I'm moving the pre diabetes into remission.

I now sometimes get the 'bike' out from its place in the corner of the room later in the evening for half an hour too as I enjoy it!

I've now added some small weights and floor exercises to my 'regime' - something I never thought I'd actually volunteer to do!

I admit before I met my wife, I would laugh to myself when seeing someone overweight doing exercise.
When my wife was still my girlfriend, I laughed as someone went past running.
She told me off and said they're trying to better their health and should be encouraged.
Gosh I miss her.
Now I have nothing but respect. Keep going and ignore the small minded idiots if anyone does do that to you.

I admire the less fit and toned people who workout in the gym. It's easy when you're lean and trim to go and exercise.
It takes guts and determination when you get out of shape to get back to where you're comfortable with yourself again.
Get back in there and make yourself proud again, maybe getting a gym buddy will cajole you along.

You don't have to go to the gym to lose weight but if you've committed now and this is what you want to do then everytime you catch a glimpse of your body say this is the last time I allow myself to get this big, this is all going to melt away by August or whatever deadline you have for yourself.
You have youth on your mother, just because she is slimmer it doesn't negate the fact you are younger, metabolism faster, have more life to live than her, bizarre to compare yourself to your own mum.
All the other people in the gym are worried about their own bodies, nobody is even thinking about you. The guys are looking at the hotties and the hot women and men are looking at themselves worried about flaws that nobody else notices. It's comical really, this gym stuff.

What is funny about it though?
If you're fat you can't win if you sat eating Mcdonalds all day and if you work out you're still getting arseholes commenting and looking.
How about not encourage them or laugh at them, how about leave them the fuck alone?

I relate in part. I am the fattest woman at bootcamp. I put on nearly all the weight I lost when I stopped going for several months due to new work patterns. I have seen a few people sussing out my weight gain, and I've noticed that the teacher who often used to use me as an examople, because I have reasonably accurate form, never does any more - no one wants to watch a lardarse doing a bridge!

But I keep going. Because ultimately, what I really care about is being fit and strong. That's more important than looking beautiful or being stared at or ignored for being a given size. Go to gain strength. Really build up your Personal Best attitude. Each time you go, add a rep to each circuit. Every month, up the weight so long as you have no injuries. Ear buds in, brain firmly focused on your form. Soon you will get results. You can't get them by feeling like you have no right to be there.

Hats off to you for starting a regime.
IME everyone at the gym is a) too busy staring at their own reflection b) too busy pouting postulating and posting for social media.
You do you. Good luck

I’m a right chubster but I have a lovely group of non-judgemental gym buddies who all cheer each other on. I’m terrible at cardio but can lift heavy, my willowy pal can run marathons but can’t lift for toffee.
Everyone’s there to smash their own goals and enjoy the process.
Do you do classes? I’d pick a few and make yourself a regular so you meet people who make you feel good. My experience is even the ones with the gorgeous figures work hard for them and will have nothing but respect for anyone who turns up with a decent attitude.

I’m the same. Was slim but now two and a bit stone up and I’m in the overweight BMI category. I never used to think about my body when slim but now oversized my breasts and stomach frustrate me. Best Channel the frustration to loosing weight and getting fit. What helps me is having weekly fitness commitments with friends. Using My Fitness Pal and admiring all the agile 70 old women still flexible from attending Pilates, strong from lifting weights and fit from dance sessions.

Honestly the fatter the person, the more admiration I have for them doing exercise. It's really motivating seeing others overcoming barriers to exercise. Most adults have had to battle barriers to exercise at points in their lives: after an operation, after childbirth, after weight gain, after mental health problems. It may not always be outwardly apparent but lots of people struggle going to the gym for all sorts of reasons. The fact you go even occasionally is something to be proud of.

I am way more than I used to be .One night I went to a do I literally wore the only dress that fit me. A really thin lady came over and she said I just want to say how amazing you look I wish I had your curves. I guess we always are never happy with what we have .I'm still that curvy girl I bought a davina exercise thing its still behind the sofa one year on.
Measure yourself when the scales are showing little loss the inches will boost you up.

Well done for being brave enough to even step in a gym! I’m not confident enough to do so yet so it’s a massive step that you’ve taken even going. Keep it up 💪🏼

Honestly? Unless you are really huge, no one is even going to notice you. You were fit and strong, and you’ve gained 2.5 stone, so I don’t suppose it’s even noticeable to anyone other than you.

Concentrate on how much better you feel after a workout. Think about how proud you’ll be and how much better you will look when you get back to your ideal weight.

If I ever notice an overweight person out jogging or exercising, I basically think 'Good on you!' I'm not thinking horrible or judgemental thoughts.

The gym I go to is used by all ages, shapes and sizes. There are a handful of super lean male and female bods but most people aren't.
The more you go the fitter you'll get and you'll become more confident.

If I saw you in the gym I would be secretly applauding you!!!!!!!! Go get on with it!!

Try and remember that everyone is too busy looking at their own reflection to be paying attention to what you look like at the gym!
In gym classes when you see your reflection focus on your technique and posture rather than the bits of your body you don't like.
If you have any spare cash, get yourself some new, flattering gym clothes that make you feel good.
Get your headphones in and a really interesting podcast on that will distract you. Or make a really uplifting/ empowering play list.
If you are just doing your own thing in the gym make a plan before you go so you know which machines you are going to use and in what order so you don't end up feeling silly wondering around.
Often you don't see results very quickly but I think you do notice improvements in stamina and strength sooner- try to focus on those and celebrate small achievements. For example- you got through 10 mins of a hard class with no break. X

Well I know that it's not always down to diet.
If you were fat and eating a mcdonalds it's still a meal. Unless of course you were say eating one of everything then going out to smoke lots of cigarettes and swig bottles of alcohol.
I have not sworn at you, so please don't swear at me.

This is me. I was a size 8 most of my adult life. Now a debilitating neurological condition and steroids mean I have a huge face and am quite a lot larger

I hate the mirror. I try not to look at it. I don't recognise myself.

But if anyone wants to judge me they can judge away. They don't know my story. And even if it was just bad diet and lack of exercise there are many worse vices.

I know it is hard though. But keep going. I can't at the moment and that is so frustrating.

That’s me but we all have to start somewhere. Better being the far woman at the gym than the fat woman at the takeaway 😉

2 and a half stone overweight isn't anything to write home about. No one will notice you, no one is looking, no one cares.
I understand that you have anxiety over this issue but you're also being vain. If you're prepared to allow your vanity to overrule your sensibilities, you'll never progress towards getting fit by using a gym. Up to you.

So you don't like looking at yourself in the mirror in the gym and in the classes. Is there a way of positioning so that you can't see yourself in the mirror? Or perhaps a different gym you could go to instead? You wouldn't feel anywhere near so self-conscious then.

I go to dance classes in a village hall. They don't have any mirrors, thank god I would hate it.

I am the fattest woman in my legs bums and tums class. By quite some way.

I don't look at myself in the mirror. I remind myself I have already lost 15 pounds and i remind myself that I am 50 now but am hoping to develop habits for the remainder of my very long, healthy and happy life.

I don't look at anyone else (except today i did marvel that I was the only person in the class who did not have any tattoos - and admired a nice dandelion tattoo someone had). I doubt anyone is looking at anyone else. At least I never spotted anyone looking at me and thinking I was out of place.

This is why I'm so glad my gym doesn't have mirrors in the studios.

I go to Zumba and Fitsteps classes, along with thirty or so other women of various ages. We are all different shapes and sizes. But in my head, when the music's blasting and my body's moving and my heart's beating, I feel like I'm in Pan's People, and I don't care what I look like - and I can't see the reality anyway. I just feel the uplift when I'm dancing and the good ache afterwards. Ditto Body Pump, and Body Balance.

Can't you find some classes where you don't have to look at your own reflection? At my gym half the cardio equipment faces the window/wall so users don't have to look at themselves while they're working out.

It feels as if you want to 'harness' your self-loathing as a stick to beat yourself with. Why? Now I'm in my late 40s I think of the gym as preventive medicine for my heart and spine and knees, not the cosmetic necessity I felt it was in my 20s. I'm 20 years older. Well done, body, for getting me there.

Go swimming. The freedom of moving in the water makes you feel so much better about yourself - whatever size you are. You improve really quickly (within a couple of weeks), which is great for your confidence. And there is usually way less testosterone in the pool than in the average gym.