The fat woman in the gym

[biznach]

I am the fat woman in the gym. I used to be fit, trim, and strong, but an injury and the lockdown hit me for six. I gained 2.5 stones. I also aged. Now I hate glimpsing myself in the mirror in the gym and in the classes. The double chin. The bulges under my clothes. I know nobody cares, but I hate every time I see myself. I can't even say I look like my mother, as she is a slim elegant Frenchwoman.

I desperately need to go back to exercises, but for this reason I avoid going altogether, which is counterproductive. I have been to the gym twice since the new year. I know there is no magic way, and I do know I didn't become overweight and unfit overnight, but I just can't help feeling horribly disappointed and disgusted with myself in general.

Not sure what I am asking really. Can anyone relate? Have you managed to harness this in a positive way?

Gaining weight is not a failure. You did what served you at the time to get through. Have compassion for yourself and what you felt going through it and how you feel now.

Nobody minds what you look like. We are our own harshest critic.

I’d rather be the fat woman in the gym and doing something about it.
Rather than the fat woman sitting on my bum at home or at McDonald’s not doing anything about it.

Honestly it is only you that cares about this.

If the gym is too much for you right now then do an hours walk instead.
You’ll be much more likely to actually exercise and you’ll feel much better about yourself too.

Genuinely and kindly, no one cares. As other have said, you're not big enough to attract attention- and even then at my gym it would just be kudos recognition for being there.

But if you want to lose weight, you need to focus on your diet before exercise. I've actually cut back a bit on my classes as I needed a bit more time on prepping and making lunches as I'm doing the 800 calories keto diet. Not strictly sticking to the calorie limit, but I'm making a real effort not to eat carbs and sugar and have managed to shift a few pounds.

I have to say. I always thought I hated gyms, but then realised that I am not keen on SOME gyms. I recently found myself a quiet gym, with great classes full of lovely people.

You also don't need a gym. I will try and and do things at home and I make sure I go for a walk or a little jog. I really noticed a difference.

Most importantly you are not fat, but I get it. I have put on weight and feel like you do. It never crosses my mind what other people look like in the gym. The ones that might care are probably too busy taking photos of themselves.

Yep, find a gym with a variety of people. But if you were thin 2.5 stone ago, I am doubtful you are really the fat woman at the gym?? Maybe one of the slightly larger women at the gym.

But basically - just go. No one is interested.

You are going to the gym... Give yourself the kudos you deserve for getting up and going. The weight loss will come with consistency.

As most posters here have said very few people are judging in a bad way. I think I am my own worst critic & the only judgement I get is when I look in the mirror. Nobody else cares.

Can you come to classes rather than by yourself in the gym? I teach all sorts of classes and everyone is welcome - absolutely everyone! Classes should be fun, you make friends, you are not alone and suitable for everyone - much easier I think than by yourself in a gym if you are having any negative self-talk. You might feel self-conscious but honestly no one looks or judges and take it from me, even the ones who look great have massive hang ups, insecurities and critical self-talk.

Better to be the fat woman in the gym than the fat woman not in the gym! I am sure people don’t focus on you - everyone feels a bit self concious

@GonnaGetGoingReturns

OP - most people don’t judge you on what you look like as they’re more concentrated and concerned with their own workouts.

No, not most. Just arseholes like you & your friend.

I will be too, fatter than Ive ever been and just not fit since covid last year. I also go bright red in the face at the slightest workout, always have. Last time I went, what put me off most was when some adults with LD asked their carers 'Why is that woman so red?' And they replied, (while sitting around gossiping on the equipment and being very large), that I was very unhealthy.

Nobody cares, people at the gym are focusing on doing their own thing, don’t think about it, get in there, stick your playlist on and enjoying it.

oh and ditch the word “fat” the word pulsates with negativity. No good is ever associated with that word.

They will be so impressed when after 6 months they notice that you are so much trimmer.
They will notice success. You keep to it Dearie and let them see.

When you do catch a glance at that woman in the mirror

say goodbye, Im leaving you and moving on. Ive had enough so you've got to go and Im going to keep coming back until you disappear

Thanks for being so kind and understanding.

To answer some questions - The truth is the gym that I go to (and especially in the classes, which are full of mirrors) I am by far the roundest (I am petite so the weight shows easily). And it's not as much about what people think, more I am punishing myself for how much I have let myself go. However I have seen people sniggering and imitating overweight people behind their back in the past, it's there somewhere in the back of my mind.

I can't change the gym since it is close by (central London) and I work very long hours. Other gyms that I have been to are also full of mirrors in any case.

Anyway thanks for your comments, I will save your responses and read them when I am down.

I am also tbe ( very) fat woman in the gym.
To make things worse I used to be a gym instructor (about 30 years ago) I was doing weights in the mid 80s before it was really mainstream fir a lot if women and I was fit and fab.
Age,depression, menopause and lack of motivation got me!
I now have a whopping 5 stone to lose and a mother who keeps on going on about the time I was " nice and slim' 🤣
Anyway I'm back in the gym and I don't give a shit!

My main issue is consistency. Between shift work, studying and trying to motivate myself I've been very ad hoc with the gym. I've penned in sessions in my diary to treat it like an appointment I've got to keep.
🤞
Anyway in my gym, there's all shapes and sizes, all doing their own thing for their own reasons.

I'm a big broad flabby gym goer. Overweight BMI. My thighs are HUGE. I don't like appearing in public in my swimming cozzie but I just grit my teeth and get on with it because I love to swim. At classes, I hide at the back and will only very very occasionally glimpse at the mirror to check my form.
I wear leggings but on top I wear a gym top that skims rather than clings because i don't like my back fat/ muffin top/ spare tyre/ bingo wings etc etc, so I just hide it away and I don't have to see it.
I feel i've aged so much in the last few years (am mid 50s) and I SWEAT and nobody else seems to...
But I enjoy it and, although not the slimmest, I know I am the strongest and healthiest I have ever been as an adult.
Buy yourself some new gym gear that makes you feel good- and keep going.

@Carouselfish it isn't always a fitness thing. I look like a beetroot as soon as I think of exercising. Using a resting heart rate calculator my VO2 max is 46ml/kg/min. For my age anything over 36 is classed as "excellent". The bench mutterers are only showing their ignorance.

Working very long hours just invites the weight to pile on IMO, So little time to fit in exercise and who wants to be cooking healthy meals from scratch when they're exhausted from work - being constantly tired and stressed also means you constantly want to reward yourself to chocolate/booze or whatever unhealthy thing you see as a treat.

Going to the gym is a huge achievement IMO, no matter your size and shape! But I'd be looking at your hours and your diet - hey you have to run for 22 minutes just to burn off 1 mars bar! If you can, get yours hours down to something sensible anyway you can, and then improve your diet. You need to look after yourself because no one else will. I guarantee that work do not appreciate that you are killing yourself for their benefit.

Weight is lost in the kitchen. Overhaul your eating then hit the gym when you feel more self confident. You can also workout at home with a couple kettle bells.

I am one of those women you are probably intimidated by in the gym - I am super fit and can ru for an hour and lift weights (professional athlete). DON'T BE! I can guarantee you that I am not judging you, nor is anyone else (too bust trying to breathe haha). In fact, I would look at you and smile encouragingly because I know it would take real courage to come to the gym and start from scratch. Go for it OP. Talk to a trainer, get a proper programme going, mix it up so you don't get bored. You've got this!

My mother has always been big
at her worst she was a size 30/32-it was killing her-mentally and physically
she took up swimming-and she felt the same as you-in fact she talked herself out of it for a year,until her gp told her she wouldn’t see her baby granddaughter (my dd) grow up
she lost 5 stone
not one person laughed at her-in fact everyone was very supportive and admired her for doing it
its a long story,but she did end up having an op to reduce her stomach in the end and is now a size 18/20-but by doing the swimming,it meant she lost enough weight to have the op in the first place
live been nc with her for the last 13 years but I do admire her for swallowing it back and doing it
id she can-you can too!

I joined a womens weightlifting class 6 weeks ago. I am definitely the biggest and oldest woman there. But my form has now got so good, the instructor uses me to demonstrate 🙂 so I don't care anymore!

The people in the gym are all there because they are interested in 'themselves'.
You probably think they look great, a lot of then probably think they don't! We see flaws in ourselves that nobody else even notices - we are too hard on ourselves. Generally, even if there is someone a bit tubby in the gym, most people think good on em for doing something about it!! Get back in the gym and focus purely on yourself and your goal 💪 🙌 that's what everyone else in there is doing!

Maybe this sounds weird but I always feel respect for overweight people in the gym-I’m happy for them they are improving their health and well-being. I bet they’ll be bigger people than you.

Ah, a central London gym. That makes things a bit different as a lot of them are as intimidating as hell - lots of ultra fit very young people for whom their appearance is their livelihood (I used to go to third space soho; it didn’t make me feel good about myself however lovely it was). Tweaking the time of day you go if you’re able to might make it easier u til you get into your fitness groove again. Pre 9am / 12-2pm / 6-8 are going to be peak hours for the beautiful people. Avoid for now. I’m small and reasonably fit but I still wouldn’t dare turn up at eg a Barry’s central London class!