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Original poster

The fat woman in the gym

155 replies

biznach · 06/02/2023 17:20

I am the fat woman in the gym. I used to be fit, trim, and strong, but an injury and the lockdown hit me for six. I gained 2.5 stones. I also aged. Now I hate glimpsing myself in the mirror in the gym and in the classes. The double chin. The bulges under my clothes. I know nobody cares, but I hate every time I see myself. I can't even say I look like my mother, as she is a slim elegant Frenchwoman.

I desperately need to go back to exercises, but for this reason I avoid going altogether, which is counterproductive. I have been to the gym twice since the new year. I know there is no magic way, and I do know I didn't become overweight and unfit overnight, but I just can't help feeling horribly disappointed and disgusted with myself in general.

Not sure what I am asking really. Can anyone relate? Have you managed to harness this in a positive way?

OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 07/02/2023 10:49

There are so many people on this thread who have not read what the OP has said. In her first post she said she knows nobody cares, it's that she doesn't like herself. I see her second post does state that she knows people snigger and judge, but again it's not the primary barrier for her.

She doesn't need tips on what to wear, how to be, what others are thinking - it sounds like she needs a (friendly) kick up the arse, some This Girl Can motivation and above all to try and not be so darn harsh on herself.

LoveMAFS · 07/02/2023 10:50

Bear in mind OP, there are others in the gym (me) who might not look so big (though I'm 2 stone overweight), who are absolutely eaten-up with self consciousness about not knowing how to do it all & fear of looking like an idiot. I was in a gym class last week standing behind a woman who was around a size 20/22 but she knew all the moves & performed great against my inept ability. It's hard, we have to do a lot of good self-talk to get through the early days of feeling less-than.

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/02/2023 10:51

If you have the time, start walking. Gradually build up the distance and speed. Cut down on carbohydrates, drink lots of water and green tea. Accept there are no quick fixes. Stick to it and you’ll feel like a different person this time next year.

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Vallmo47 · 07/02/2023 10:56

I’ve lost 4.5 stone in the past 2 years Op so I understand very well the horrible little voices you’re listening to inside your head. But now that I’ve lost the weight I realise that no one actually cares what size I am…. they truly don’t. And you’re certainly not going to be judged for trying to get fitter! My exercise is Lane swimming and it took a lot of guts initially to get into a swimming costume in the company of others, until I noticed that no one even is looking at you, they’re entirely focused on their own work out. If anything people are more “aware” to not look in the pool environment so you seek better eye contact with others that you’d like to chat to. But the majority don’t acknowledge anyone at all. Well done on exercising!

Catspyjamas17 · 07/02/2023 10:58

Don't worry about it, OP. You are certainly not the fattest person there anyway being a couple of stone over your ideal weight.

I'm often the heaviest person in my yoga class but I'm also very strong and one of the most experienced and consistent students and can do moves others struggle with.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 07/02/2023 11:01

Oh wow I could have virtually written this post. I used to be lean, toned, eating a 10k for breakfast, smashing weights, getting the runners high.
Then lockdown, pregnancy, covid, single Mum life etc etc plus general ageing. I walk into the gym and see all the fit toned ones and want to shout "that used to be me!"

I barely have time to go but what I've found helps with the "fat woman" feeling is making sure you love your gym clothes, make sure they are comfortable and fit right, get a really bright motivational water bottle with a cheesy positive message on, make sure you got some tunes on your headphones that make you feel like a Boss, and just walk in with purpose like you know what you are doing. Having a plan of action helps. Wandering aimlessly from machine to machine thinking what next and you start feeling self conscious.

Good luck with your fitness journey xx

ladymacbeth · 07/02/2023 11:03

I go to Virgin Gyms across central London, usually in the City. I'm always the fattest (I weigh 16.5 stone) but I go to get healthier, feel better, sleep better, and yes lose weight.

Couldn't give a flying fig what others think. Sometimes I get boob envy in the changing rooms (mine are friends with my belly button) but otherwise, I'm there for me, not for them.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 07/02/2023 11:04

Get some headphones.. Really good at helping to zone out from the goings on around you.

America12 · 07/02/2023 11:13

I feel the same about seeing myself in photos ☹️

LancreWowhawk · 07/02/2023 11:20

I am in exactly the same situation, OP, carrying exactly the same amount of weight. So I completely get it. I also feel cross with myself and embarrassed about it, every time I put on my gym kit.

I used to run, I love running and I miss it, but I keep injuring myself, so I need to do resistance work to build up some strength - hence the gym. I just don't love it like I love running, and I've been struggling for motivation.

What I've taken from this thread is the very wise words that it is better to be the fat woman in the gym doing something about it than the fat woman sat at home eating crisps on the sofa. I'm going to get back out there, hopefully you will too.

Charlieiscool · 07/02/2023 11:23

Why do you think everyone is looking at you? Why? They aren’t interested. Just do your thing.

TheOrigRights · 07/02/2023 11:27

Charlieiscool · 07/02/2023 11:23

Why do you think everyone is looking at you? Why? They aren’t interested. Just do your thing.

She hasn't said she thinks everyone (or anyone) is looking at her.

Peckhaminn · 07/02/2023 11:30

A vast of majority of people do not care about anyone other than themselves in the gym! Don't put yourself down OP. Trust me, I've been in your position. You are in the gym doing something about it, good for you!

Ansjovis · 07/02/2023 11:34

Can you identify ALL of the barriers you face to exercise and (if relevant) healthy eating? If you can really think about it and identify everything that's stopping you, that is the first step towards overcoming. If being around other people is a challenge, can you go to the gym when it's quieter? If you still would have issues getting yourself through the door, can you ask a friend or family member to hold you accountable to, as a first step, going once per week? Could it be that another form of exercise may suit you better?

As hard as it sounds, you need to try and not be daunted by the size of the task. You did not put on 2 1/2 stone overnight and you won't lose it overnight either. I have recently lost this amount and it took me 6 months because I took those small steps and made gradual, sustainable changes.

ilovesooty · 07/02/2023 11:44

Moonshine5 · 06/02/2023 18:07

Hats off to you for starting a regime.
IME everyone at the gym is a) too busy staring at their own reflection b) too busy pouting postulating and posting for social media.
You do you. Good luck

You aren't allowed to take photos in my gym thankfully.

I joined recently and discovered that there are all ages, shapes and sizes there. The important thing is that you go and make a commitment to working in a way that benefits you. I doubt anyone else gives you a second thought - honestly.

theemmadilemma · 07/02/2023 11:44

I always admired the larger people in the gym. Seriously. They're working, hard, that's to be respected. They were usually fitter than me in all seriousness and it spured me on.

Reinventinganna · 07/02/2023 11:45

I think the only people (apart from myself) that I take notice of in the gym are the super muscular because it’s fascinating (obviously I don’t stare).
The work that must go into building those muscles! Not something that I aspire to but fascinating.

We get young, old, in the middle, big, small, medium, insta gym bunnies, obviously just got out of work or got childcare gym goers etc. Everyone and anyone!

@biznach a personal trainer helped with my confidence and my sense of ‘belonging’ at the gym.
I wonder if your mum has affected how you see yourself in the mirror?

Hoppinggreen · 07/02/2023 11:46

At least you are doing something.
I am a fat woman not in a gym

lordloveadog · 07/02/2023 11:55

There's research showing that self-hatred is a poor motivator for exercise and weight loss.

You're much better turning this round in your mind and going to the gym because you love yourself and want to take care of yourself.

whattodo22222 · 07/02/2023 11:57

Patience and consistency are the only things you need to concentrate on here, OP.

I was a competitive powerlifter before I had my daughter 8 months ago. I competed again when she was 7 months old but the first few months of training were very hard. I had to focus on the end goal and every time an intrusive thought about the state of my body crept in, I consciously shut it down.

I had a home gym so didn't have to look in mirrors all the time, they're everywhere at commercial gyms so I can see how that could be very distracting.

You say you used to be strong, so try to remember why you enjoyed exercising before and try to create a positive feedback loop where you give your body credit for being resilient and allowing you to do certain things.

Each session may feel like a slog but when you look back in a few months and add them all together, you will have made progress. Good luck x

VaulterTech · 07/02/2023 12:10

Hi op, I was similar and put on a lot of weight over Covid and HATED seeing myself at the gym. However, I lost it and it was great to see the progress and also so satisfying to be back to normal and be proud to see myself again. Keep going, you’ll get there!

rookiemere · 07/02/2023 12:11

I feel your pain OP.

I loved it when our gym was getting refurbished and the classes were being held in the tennis courts with no mirrors.

I have to say your gym sounds awful, if people are sniggering at overweight people rather than supporting them and I'd be looking for different ways to exercise rather than putting up with it.

I do a lot of walking , some running and an outdoor class as well as a few gym based things.

Coraline353 · 07/02/2023 12:12

OP I saw this yesterday and thought it was great. Sharing for a bit of solidarity and inspiration

www.instagram.com/reel/CoSBfN_Lwz2/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

Soothsayer1 · 07/02/2023 12:16

It takes a lot of grit to go to the gym when you're not feeling confident, well done for going🥇
My suggestions to ease the journey
1 find some workout gear that you feel comfortable and happy in
2 take earphones and listen to a podcast or music that you enjoy, this is a way of being in your own little bubble so that you feel a bit removed from things and less self-conscious. I find that wearing big wrap-around shades when running has a similar effect

Wedonttalkaboutbrunomars · 07/02/2023 12:16

If anyone thinks anything other than ‘well done’ when spotting someone overweight in the gym then they really aren’t the kind of person you should give a shiny shit about.

if you really just can’t face the gym you can start to control your weight with diet and then maybe you’ll feel more confident to go once you have lost a few pounds.