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Original poster

Would you let your 9 yo take an iPad to Grandparents when you're there for lunch?

249 replies

AFewScrewsLucy · 04/02/2023 19:17

You're going over with your partner and 9 yo for around 2 hours at lunchtime Sunday roast at Nanny and Gramps.
Would you let your child bring their iPad with them, and let them use it in the 2hrs they were there? If so for how long?
I ask because my BIL and SIL allowed this: nephew came in, said hello, sat on sofa on iPad, took it to lunch table, ate a bit of food,and was on the floor by table on the tablet until pudding. Then ate pudding, then returned to iPad until home time.
I was absolutely gobsmacked they even brought the iPAD, let alone allowed him in it all the time. Byit am I missing something?

Nephew has no SN

OP posts:
Someo · 04/02/2023 20:06

Yeah. But then my MIL also gives him her iPad to go on so I don't think she's bothered. 😆

NameChange30 · 04/02/2023 20:07

You say that your nephew has no special needs. Perhaps he does but your BIL/SIL has chosen not to discuss it or perhaps they're not even aware that his behaviour/needs have a label. Of course he might be completely neurotypical. But I would try not to judge because you never know.

My DS is 5 and I think he has ASD and/or ADHD (on the long path to assessment and diagnosis atm). Meals with extended family can be very challenging. We don't resort to a tablet by default but we do take it and let him watch a bit of tv/tablet if he needs a break. Of course you'd hope the adults would interact with him a bit, talk to him, play with him etc but sometimes everyone just wants to have an adult conversation and/or relax for a bit. I can well imagine that as DS gets older we might have to let him go on his tablet more than we'd like.

Andrelaxzz · 04/02/2023 20:07

Absolutely rude. I have 2 kids with SEN, who definitely are easier to manage with a screen by would never use it in the above circumstance.

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ForgottenNurseryRhymes · 04/02/2023 20:08

Even if you have children, I haven't read through, you don't have THAT child. Who knows what the parents have been through in the last 48 hours. Maybe they just wanted a. adult, no drama, 2 hours. That's not a lot.

Firevixen · 04/02/2023 20:09

Would you feel the same if the iPad had instead been a book? Or a favourite toy? I wouldn't have allowed it at the dinner table but I don't feel it's any different to the other 2 things I have mentioned. As long as they didn't have sound playing, annoying other people.

Tamarindtree · 04/02/2023 20:10

Never! That’s so rude.

Reindear · 04/02/2023 20:10

No I would hope mine could cope without an iPad for 2 hours

ForgottenNurseryRhymes · 04/02/2023 20:11

Maybe they wanted to actually enjoy time with their extended family (you guys). For a very small percentage of their week. Maybe they needed to reconnect as a couple with other adults, whilst their child was entertained within that family atmosphere.

HairyKitty · 04/02/2023 20:14

No. For starters it would (rightly or wrongly) hurt my parents feelings. It’s also not good manners and 9 years is old enough to cope without a screen for 2 hours, especially around a meal.

WarmWinterSun · 04/02/2023 20:18

I definitely wouldn’t allow ind agree with the OP.

whatthebejesus · 04/02/2023 20:21

Absolutely not. SN or not, children should be able to manage a 2 hour visit with family particularly when that 2 hours includes food. That is piss poor parenting.

Teaching children how to socialise is an important life skill. Shoving them in front of an iPad is just lazy. They can do that at home on their own downtime or in the car on the way back. When they're with family they should be interacting. They could've bought a game or a puzzle which others could've joined in with if they wanted to

Skyliner1 · 04/02/2023 20:25

I would allow (maybe even encourage) my children to take it, but not for use during the meal. Sometimes they'll use it, sometimes they'll have a conversation with family or play a game or something, it depends what the adults are doing really.

LaLaLouella · 04/02/2023 20:37

Nope - it's extremely rude! Children need to be taught how to behave appropriately in social situations.

But, having said that, adults also have to appreciate kids need interaction and ensure activities and conversation include the children. Don't shove them in a corner and expect them to be fascinated by discussions about the stock market or your neighbours bunions....

TwigTheWonderKid · 04/02/2023 20:39

I think some entertainment may be warranted during the visit, especially if adults are not willing to engage with him but definitely not at the dinner table.

I'm very glad that my kids just missed out on the availability of this technology when they were small and we had to resort to Top Trumps, book and colouring in. I suspect that's at the heart of this issue for some of us - there's a world of difference in them playing chess on or reading a book on an iPad than mindlessly watching TikTok videos (I'm not saying that 's what he was doing) and there's an uncomfortable truth that not all entertainment is equal. It may keep them quiet but at what cost?

VaccinistaToteBagChicBaristas · 04/02/2023 20:41

I would have allowed it but not at the dinner table

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/02/2023 20:44

I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Dacadactyl · 04/02/2023 20:45

No, absolutely not. I think that was the height of rudeness.

Ponderingwindow · 04/02/2023 20:47

Not for the entire visit, but for part of it, yes. If the adults are engaging with the child, then devices stay in the bag even if the child is a bit bored. If child is basically being ignored, I see nothing wrong with excusing the child from the table and letting her have a break.

my child is not neuro-typical.

I now have a teenager who can be an interesting dinner conversationalist and hold her own with the adults. Clearly letting her have a tablet from time to time, even with her ASD, did no harm,

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/02/2023 20:47

I used to have to sit in silence for hours when visiting the grandparents - not because they were unpleasant, but because my mother wasn't there for my benefit, so I had to sit whilst she talked and my grandfather turned off his hearing aids. I got very interested in the coal fire that way.

Having something to occupy myself would have been great - and might have meant I didn't make an excuse to not go there the week before he died.

MissHoollie · 04/02/2023 20:48

Nope

TheCatCatcher · 04/02/2023 20:52

Yes, I’ve allowed my kids to take their iPad/phone to visit grandparents. They used to bore the shit out of us, never mind the kids. Not whilst actually eating dinner though, but maybe between courses if there was a big wait.

flowerycurtain · 04/02/2023 20:53

Absolutely not at the table. Possibly for a bit at
The end of they've asked nicely to get down and the adults are chatting with coffee. But probably not for a 2 hr lunch

LindorDoubleChoc · 04/02/2023 20:54

Haha at let your child be totally anti social on their i-pad or else Grandad might die suddenly 🤣.

Hollyhead · 04/02/2023 20:56

We see grandparents a lot, I would allow it but only after the meal for the last30 mins or so during the ‘when are we going?’ stage.

Exasperatednow · 04/02/2023 20:57

ChicCroissant · 04/02/2023 19:21

Do you have children yourself, OP?

I have and I wouldn't. It's quite useful to learn social skills.