Page 8 | Noisy in laws

gkok · 2023-01-30T22:25:51+00:00

Just need to vent about noisy in-laws! Live with them so not in much position to complain however we have a very light sleeper DS and they show no attempt to help him to sleep! It's a nightmare at the moment and they don't seem to care about being really noisy, at this time of night! Was so pleased to get him off to sleep early with both of us sleep deprived, and they've just woken him up now I have to get up to help him back to sleep. Fuming

BitOutOfPractice · 31/01/2023 12:55

God there are fine judgey, sanctimonious arseholes on this thread. As there were in the early hours when the op just wanted to vent.

I assume those people lecturing the op on the rights and wrongs of her situation have lead lives that have always worked without a hitch on a beautifully organised linear trajectory.

OP I hope you’ve had some sleep. Remember, this too shall pass. I know it’s hard to remember this when you’re low and knackered but I promise you it will.

toomuchlaundry · 31/01/2023 12:58

Are your parents on the scene @gkok

Original poster

gkok · 31/01/2023 13:01

BitOutOfPractice · 31/01/2023 12:55

God there are fine judgey, sanctimonious arseholes on this thread. As there were in the early hours when the op just wanted to vent.

I assume those people lecturing the op on the rights and wrongs of her situation have lead lives that have always worked without a hitch on a beautifully organised linear trajectory.

OP I hope you’ve had some sleep. Remember, this too shall pass. I know it’s hard to remember this when you’re low and knackered but I promise you it will.

Had some sleep thanks :)
Think all of MN would be happier if I used my Time Machine and had an abortion instead didn't realise my reproductive choices were so up for discussion when venting about noise and a light sleeping DS!
And yes I was 21 when I gave birth if that allows me some leeway in the court of MN or requires that I be judged more harshly x

OP posts:

Crumpetdisappointment · 31/01/2023 13:04

agree with @BitOutOfPractice
it will pass
things will get better

Squamata · 31/01/2023 14:02

IhearyouClemFandango · 31/01/2023 12:10

Anyone who shouts around a sleeping person of any age is a bit of an arse tbh.

I don't know, in my family we communicate by shouts as in 'are you home' and 'time for dinner' rather than running upstairs to give the message in person.

I suspect the in laws are just used to living with only them, or are maybe hard of hearing or don't have the energy to run up and down the stairs etc. Doesn't make them arses.

Original poster

gkok · 31/01/2023 14:16

This has got lost a bit from the OP, they were shouting to each other as they were all walking up the stairs. As in having a very loud conversation whilst about 1m away from each other

OP posts:

IhearyouClemFandango · 31/01/2023 14:30

Squamata · 31/01/2023 14:02

I don't know, in my family we communicate by shouts as in 'are you home' and 'time for dinner' rather than running upstairs to give the message in person.

I suspect the in laws are just used to living with only them, or are maybe hard of hearing or don't have the energy to run up and down the stairs etc. Doesn't make them arses.

Show quote history

But would you if you knew that someone was asleep? Especially someone young who needed sleep?

icefishing · 31/01/2023 14:34

I honestly think that I might be pretty fed up at having to house two adults who aren't working and a baby.
I would feel quite let down by my dc.

So I probably wouldn't be changing my own behavior too much in my own house on top of this.
But I'm feeling grumpy and premenopausal at present.

ImAvingOops · 31/01/2023 15:22

There might be lots of things that the parents are doing to accommodate the baby that the OP isn't aware of. They might be being nice when they say the baby doesn't disturb them at night, because they don't want their son and dil to feel uncomfortable.
When my DS and his dp lived here, I used to not play loud music or tv because they were home and resting - I accept the extra mess and laundry and lack of immediate access to the bathroom. So it was pretty galling to be complained at for calling upstairs because dil had chosen to work nights and my normal household noise disturbed her!
In the end OP, you've made choices that aren't optimal - your in-laws are bailing you out of what would otherwise be a difficult situation and so you have to accept the rough with the smooth and not get too irritated if they are less than perfect.

Original poster

gkok · 31/01/2023 15:26

ImAvingOops · 31/01/2023 15:22

There might be lots of things that the parents are doing to accommodate the baby that the OP isn't aware of. They might be being nice when they say the baby doesn't disturb them at night, because they don't want their son and dil to feel uncomfortable.
When my DS and his dp lived here, I used to not play loud music or tv because they were home and resting - I accept the extra mess and laundry and lack of immediate access to the bathroom. So it was pretty galling to be complained at for calling upstairs because dil had chosen to work nights and my normal household noise disturbed her!
In the end OP, you've made choices that aren't optimal - your in-laws are bailing you out of what would otherwise be a difficult situation and so you have to accept the rough with the smooth and not get too irritated if they are less than perfect.

Agreed

OP posts:

AliceOlive · 31/01/2023 16:05

I really hate that being legally able to have an abortion and choosing not to do so has become a way to beat up women who have an unplanned child. It seems like some people here feel it’s given them the right to openly judge the reproductive choices other mom. Clearly not everyone respects women’s right to choose.

JeepersCreepersWheredYaGetThosePeepers · 31/01/2023 17:51

It's their house so they can do as they please. If their lifestyle (including noise) doesn't suit you then you have the option of moving out!

hairymuffet · 31/01/2023 18:18

You might be sleep deprived, but at least you don't work on top of being sleep deprived 🙊

UsingChangeofName · 31/01/2023 21:37

Bankofrave · 31/01/2023 08:34

You won’t square this circle OP

My children were very light sleepers and I once screamed at a passing ambulance with its blue lights on after I had spent an hour in a sleep deprived fog pushing the pram round and had just managed to get DD to sleep. I even asked a guest not to flush the toilet in the night in case it woke the kids. Yes I’m really embarrassed looking back but when you are stressed and exhausted it makes you a bit mad!

On the other hand your parents in law need to feel relaxed in their own home and being told off everytime they speak a bit louder than you like in the evening must be exhausting for them too. When it isn’t your baby you do forget and shout up the stairs without thinking so to then get a chippy telling off in your own home but be pretty galling especially when they are doing you such a big favour.

Whilst not all the comments are coming from a place of kindness I think the advice to really show you are doing all you can to get money together to move out is good advice. A small part time job each on the weekend when the other parent can look after the baby would help you get a small deposit sooner and show the in laws you aren’t wanting to take advantage any longer than necessary and they might in turn then try a bit harder to be quiet.

I just wonder if their noise is a slight push back on their part to stop you getting too comfortable with the situation? Having a baby in the house when you are well past that life stage is pretty grim in all honesty. They probably get woken up by you all more then they wake up your DS.

This is an excellent, balanced post from @Bankofrave

UsingChangeofName · 31/01/2023 21:38

Great post from @ImAvingOops on this page too.

Nails1x1x · 31/01/2023 21:43

I feel for you, I also have a light sleeper. Do you play white noise or lullabies to your son to try and drown out some of the noise?
We use our Alexa every night to try and keep our little man asleep as we also have a toddler who doesn’t understand that baby has gone to bed xx

Liorae · 31/01/2023 22:24

Whydidimarryhim · 31/01/2023 08:29

Yes it is annoying. What time do they get up? Start shouting up and down the stairs and disturb them. 😉

Good way to make themselves homeless.

Liorae · 31/01/2023 22:29

SillySausage81 · 31/01/2023 08:49

Out of curiosity, why did you have a baby when you don’t have jobs or even a roof to put over their heads?

Presumably because they are both working towards being able to get better paid jobs in the near future and so the joblessness will be a temporary situation, and they know they can manage until then even if it won't be the most comfortable life for a very short while.🙄

OP sorry you're getting such a hard time. I know you're in their house but they presumably agreed to the situation and it wouldn't hurt them to show normal levels of consideration to a their own son/DIL and grandchild.

Living with ILs is just shit. Even if they're lovely, you can just never properly relax, and it's not like your own parents where most people can have a frank discussion and you're broadly used to each others' habits.

In that case, OP'S partner, who is living with his parents, should be comfortable having a frank conversation with his parents about the issue.

Noisy in laws

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