Noisy in laws

[gkok]

Just need to vent about noisy in-laws!
Live with them so not in much position to complain however we have a very light sleeper DS and they show no attempt to help him to sleep! It's a nightmare at the moment and they don't seem to care about being really noisy, at this time of night!
Was so pleased to get him off to sleep early with both of us sleep deprived, and they've just woken him up now I have to get up to help him back to sleep. Fuming

This.

Could you find a part time evening job to bring in some money to start saving for your house rental deposit? You could work round your husband.
Could he also find a part time job to bring extra money in? It won’t give you enough money to rent somewhere at the moment but it shows you are committed to earning money to work towards getting your own place.
if I was the in-laws I would be feeling you are both not very proactive and are to passive saying you will wait until September to work.

How is this relevant?

Sounds really hard OP.

You also need your sleep and rest in order to do well in your exams / marks to make sure you can get the best jobs and life to support your baby.

I don’t imagine the ILs are meaning to be unkind or unhelpful, just have ingrained loud habits. Shouting all over the house does my head in.

Maybe next time it happens and he wakes burst into tears? Don’t blame them or have a go at them, just let them see how worn out you are and how their shouting is contributing.

Sorry you’re getting such grief on here, OP. (I’ve learned the hard way that posting on AIBU is not a good idea if you’re just looking to vent!) It sounds tough. I have no words of wisdom, I’m afraid — just wanted to say I’d HATE living in someone else’s home, even without a young child. Hang on in there…

OP, have you tried a white noise machine?

But yea, your in laws should care enough about their grandson to want them to have a decent nights sleep, there’s no two ways about it! I’m so sorry this is happening to you, I can’t even imagine what it must be doing to you mentally, let alone just physically 😞

Turning on the tears. One thing if it's genuine. Otherwise it's just manipulative.

Oh I know this feeling all too well! We live in a self contained flat attached to the main house where my in-laws live as we are renovating our own house. We pay our own bills, council tax etc etc but the noise they make drives me insane as you can even hear conversations, dragging of stools in the kitchen, opening electric blinds and much much more. Counting down the days... although it's likely we will be here for a year! The only thing that keeps me going is knowing I'm saving £1k a month by not having to pay rent. Strangely they can't hear us but we can hear every sound they make!

Really? Even when he's fast asleep and a sudden loud noise wakes him?

so @gkok
were they always noisy or is this new?
are they hard of hearing?

Don’t we all?

But is it relevant………or any of your business for that matter?

They sound thoughtless and need to be told politely to STFU, especially shouting up the stairs, even if it is their house.

I would be using the shusher.

They should be keeping the noise down for the sake of their grandson. The circumstances of your pregnancy is neither here or there, they are waking their grandson by inconsiderate behaviour. It isn't creating good sleep for him. I'm wondering if there's a level of resentment from them and they are thinking that if life is too easy you won't leave asap. Could your partner stay up with them to remind them? You'll then know if it's partly deliberate.

I'd be telling you to move out. Yes. It's a pain but if you're reliant on people then pissing them off is risky

@GreaterStickle some people decide not to abort. If housing was the main influence on my DD's decision to abort, then I'd gladly offer to house her.

It doesn’t sound like they are going to change so as others have said I think you need to try to find work around and a plan to get your own place. Can you each do a part time job in the evenings/ weekends (when the other parent can look after the child)? Are you claiming any benefits to which you’re entitled? I would try to stop stressing and focus on money/ self sufficiency. Could you maybe afford a studio sooner if you both worked part time? In the meantime I’d also suggest taking the baby out in the pram for naps in the daytime. They have done a very kind thing for you and your partner and it’s actually really difficult to remember to be quiet all the time especially if you’re hard of hearing, plus anyone other than the baby’s parents simply won’t “get it”.

So speaks someone who has never had a frequently waking light sleeping baby.

OP you have my full sympathies.

They sound inconsiderate, even my 3 yo whispers before before bedtime in case he wakes up neighbours baby even though he can't. We used to live on a popular road in London where the flat used to shake with every bus going around, loud hustle and bustle, sirens from ambulances and police cars etc when ds was a baby and he used to wake up to any sudden noise no matter how much he was used to it. We lived there for 2 years! It used to startle him and was very difficult to settle him down afterwards. Some babies can't sleep through and won't get used to it. I know the answer is to move out but maybe your partner can have a quiet word?

Don't take the advice of posters who think you should tell them to stfu or start deliberately waking them up. That's a sure fire way of being turned out on your arse!
I would also disregard posters saying this is a PA way of getting you to leave - the kind of parents who will let you move in and are doing what they can to help you, are not going to pull stunts like this.

I suspect they are just a loud family who maybe aren't aware of just how noisy it is to you - it's probably been some time since they last had a baby in the house and they are out of the habit of moderating sound. Or it could just be that sound travels and feels far louder to you than to them. I'd try the white noise machine or radio on low to stop noise from being so harsh.

I let my DS and dil live with me and being complained at for normal household noise when they chose to work nights, did not go down well with me. I think you have to focus on all the good stuff they are doing for you, rather than the odd irritating habit!

Even my 3 yo whispers before before bedtime in case he wakes up neighbours baby even though he can't.

This is a good point. No shouting after a certain time at night is surely good manners for anyone who doesn't live in a detached house, let alone living with a baby. We've been telling our DD "no shouting, you'll wake the neighbours" since she was old enough to understand.

Did you work whilst at uni full-time and simultaneously your DD was a baby?

🤣🤣🤣 you're absolutely right. School sense but no common sense clearly.