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Original poster

Noisy in laws

193 replies

gkok · 30/01/2023 22:25

Just need to vent about noisy in-laws!
Live with them so not in much position to complain however we have a very light sleeper DS and they show no attempt to help him to sleep! It's a nightmare at the moment and they don't seem to care about being really noisy, at this time of night!
Was so pleased to get him off to sleep early with both of us sleep deprived, and they've just woken him up now I have to get up to help him back to sleep. Fuming

OP posts:
Original poster
gkok · 31/01/2023 03:30

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 31/01/2023 03:27

Vent away, given you know that you're being on the unreasonable side of things. They haven't changed their behaviour and they shouldn't have to, but at the same time it would be nice if they did.

Would white noise help drown them out? Maybe a curtain over the door to muffle the noise more?

Most validating comment on the thread, thank you Smile
White noise already on 👍🏻 just feels a bit shit atm as he's going through a phase of waking a lot in the night and I'm very sleep deprived

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 31/01/2023 03:34

Look, I'm not actually unsympathetic. I can't imagine anything worse than having to live with my in laws, lovely as they were, and especially with an infant. But venting here won't change anything. You and/or your dp having concrete plans to move out (not just "will look for work 8 months from now") is what will help you. And one/both of you could certainly be working pt by now.

Original poster
gkok · 31/01/2023 03:36

HirplesWithHaggis · 31/01/2023 03:34

Look, I'm not actually unsympathetic. I can't imagine anything worse than having to live with my in laws, lovely as they were, and especially with an infant. But venting here won't change anything. You and/or your dp having concrete plans to move out (not just "will look for work 8 months from now") is what will help you. And one/both of you could certainly be working pt by now.

I f*ing hate the situation of living here. Even though we know we have been handed everything on a plate.
Just needed to let it out but obviously now I'm wishing I hadn't even had DS, as I often do when I'm spiralling and hating my life situation.

OP posts:

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OrderOfTheKookaburra · 31/01/2023 03:37

HirplesWithHaggis · 31/01/2023 03:34

Look, I'm not actually unsympathetic. I can't imagine anything worse than having to live with my in laws, lovely as they were, and especially with an infant. But venting here won't change anything. You and/or your dp having concrete plans to move out (not just "will look for work 8 months from now") is what will help you. And one/both of you could certainly be working pt by now.

But she's not looking to change anything? She didn't ask how to change things? All she wanted to do was to vent!

If you have practical suggestions for reducing noise then maybe suggest that instead???

Scottishskifun · 31/01/2023 03:38

Honestly OP I know it's frustrating to have a baby woken but in the long run it will do him good as he will learn to sleep through noise!

DS1 was like this as we live in a very quiet rural setting but it meant when we went anywhere else it was hell as he always woke up to anything!
He only adjusted to noise when his baby brother came along and now sleeps like a log even through his wake ups!

And yes childcare is expensive but your going to need to hatch a plan in order to work and save up - check out childminders they are cheaper then nurseries.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 31/01/2023 03:39

One other thing, in Australia IKEA has some free standing noise reducing panels, and some hanging things as well, I'm sure they have them in the UK as well. Not that expensive and might help. Worth looking into.

Original poster
gkok · 31/01/2023 03:41

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 31/01/2023 03:39

One other thing, in Australia IKEA has some free standing noise reducing panels, and some hanging things as well, I'm sure they have them in the UK as well. Not that expensive and might help. Worth looking into.

Can we be friends :)))

OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 31/01/2023 03:43

Vent away OP.
It looks like people are just sitting in the wings waiting to pile on someone feeling a bit low.
It wouldn't hurt your family to show some consideration towards a sleeping baby.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 31/01/2023 03:44

@gkok - sign me up! ❤️

Original poster
gkok · 31/01/2023 03:45

TheOrigRights · 31/01/2023 03:43

Vent away OP.
It looks like people are just sitting in the wings waiting to pile on someone feeling a bit low.
It wouldn't hurt your family to show some consideration towards a sleeping baby.

This !! Thank you
I knew it would turn into another thread of shaming me for becoming a mum in my situation :( which is pretty shitty

OP posts:
Polestar50 · 31/01/2023 03:52

I don't normally post in these types of threads but you're getting quite unfairly pummelled here. It's not you that's the problem. it's posting your vent in the no holds barred space of AIBU where the replies are going to be harsh.

I had a similar experience too, though with my Mum. I hear you don't want or need them to 'tiptoe around the baby' ffs. Just to try to keep to normal decibels. Sleep issues with a small child is hell and it's understandable to be hurt that the people you temporarily live with don't appear to care about the child or you enough to try to keep it down a bit.

Good luck with studies and jobs and hope the situation improves soon.

Ps You can always ask admin to move the thread somewhere a bit less adversarial if it gets a bit much

BitOutOfPractice · 31/01/2023 03:53

Wow op you’ve been handed your arse on a plate here haven’t you? I’d ignore the advice of anyone who is surprised that hoovering in the early hours might disturb people they live with!

I can’t understand why your ILs have to shout anyway. It’s be annoying at the best of times. And it’s not as if it’s some random child they’re disturbing. It’s their grandchild. Who they presumably love and want to sleep.

I’m sorry you’re stuck in a situation that’s making you so unhappy. And I hope you’ve had some good sleep now

Original poster
gkok · 31/01/2023 03:55

Polestar50 · 31/01/2023 03:52

I don't normally post in these types of threads but you're getting quite unfairly pummelled here. It's not you that's the problem. it's posting your vent in the no holds barred space of AIBU where the replies are going to be harsh.

I had a similar experience too, though with my Mum. I hear you don't want or need them to 'tiptoe around the baby' ffs. Just to try to keep to normal decibels. Sleep issues with a small child is hell and it's understandable to be hurt that the people you temporarily live with don't appear to care about the child or you enough to try to keep it down a bit.

Good luck with studies and jobs and hope the situation improves soon.

Ps You can always ask admin to move the thread somewhere a bit less adversarial if it gets a bit much

Really appreciate this :)
Didn't realise AIBU was such a war zone!
It always turns into how I'm in the wrong for having had a baby, which is hard to hear when I know I'm an amazing mum!

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 31/01/2023 03:59

They sound obnoxious (though generous, I suppose.) Loud people are tiresome. Would a white noise machine help your little one?

Sorry you can’t just have a proper vent here. Especially at night, the responses are ridiculous.

AliceOlive · 31/01/2023 04:01

Good advice from @BitOutOfPractice

I’d ignore the advice of anyone who is surprised that hoovering in the early hours might disturb people they live with!

That comment about not knowing the vacuum would bother others had me laughing.

HirplesWithHaggis · 31/01/2023 04:08

AliceOlive · 31/01/2023 04:01

Good advice from @BitOutOfPractice

I’d ignore the advice of anyone who is surprised that hoovering in the early hours might disturb people they live with!

That comment about not knowing the vacuum would bother others had me laughing.

I heard very little from upstairs, why would I expect them to hear more? Anyway I changed my habits when I got the first "quiet word" and am paranoid about sound travelling upstairs now.

BitOutOfPractice · 31/01/2023 04:17

You’re being ridiculous now @HirplesWithHaggis

You probably didn’t hear much from upstairs because people were being more considerate than you clearly are! And at the time you decided it was essential to hoover they were asleep! Who honestly thinks hoovering is a quiet activity at any time, let alone the middle of the night.

Your “shouldn’t have had a baby” comments are also unkind and very useless as a. She has b. You have no idea of any of the circumstances surrounding that baby’s arrival and c. Why kick a woman when she’s down eh?

Rosei · 31/01/2023 04:19

You won't get any sympathy on MN, the place is full of keyboard warriors who would never be so nasty in real life, just all sitting there waiting to jump on people to make them feel shit 🤬

I understand your frustration, whether you pay to live there or not, there's no need for anyone shouting round the house when a baby is asleep.

user1492757084 · 31/01/2023 04:30

If your husband has spoken to his parents then he could perhaps remind them one more time.

Otherwise, can baby wear earmuffs? A thick curtain around the cot, medievil style, could muffle the sound.
My daughter has a plastic ball that makes a familiar ocean sound for her child. Something like that could disguise the shouts.
Hope all goes well with the rest of your studies. Good luck.

HoppingPavlova · 31/01/2023 04:35

We are a family of shouters. If you want something from someone several rooms down we tend to shout rather than walk. Any time of day or night. Anyone already asleep just sleeps through as I guess everyone has been conditioned since birth🤣. We are freestanding houses with plenty of room between so we are not disturbing neighbours. If any of my (adult, living at home for free while genuinely saving for housing loans) kids asked/told me to change my way of living in my own house I’d hand them their arse on a plate and show them the door.

lifeinthehills · 31/01/2023 04:45

It would be nice if they could try to keep unnecessary noise down, but I can sympathise with their practice that they aren't changing their routine because someone else is living in what is their home.

We didn't really have much choice. I did my masters and all other post-grad study part-time. DH worked part-time on top of his full time study. It does make it take longer but I don't think I could have stood to live with my ILs or parents. At least yours are tolerable enough that you don't mind.

Led92 · 31/01/2023 04:50

Does DS wake up early and before them on the morning? If he does I’d be tempted to give him pots and pans to play with :)

lifeinthehills · 31/01/2023 04:57

Led92 · 31/01/2023 04:50

Does DS wake up early and before them on the morning? If he does I’d be tempted to give him pots and pans to play with :)

I do like how you think. But she is a guest in their home and would probably be asked to find a new living arrangement if that was on the regular.

Turtletotem · 31/01/2023 05:10

It sounds very difficult for you, this time will pass. Try to enjoy this time with your baby he will grow up very fast.
I can sympathise with you, when my first child was born and I stayed at my parents house they would shout/call up and down the stairs to each other, shout at the football on the very loud tele etc...
I bought a radio that I put on in the babies room while they were sleeping so it muffled the sound a bit. Worth a try.

Flatandhappy · 31/01/2023 05:28

People are rarely kind on AIBU I’m afraid, there are gentler places to post on here. I get your frustration about the noise, it seems odd that they will do things like shout up the stairs. It does sound to me though that they have basically had enough and would prefer their space back. You would hope that everyone would be grown up enough to have that conversation rather than being passive aggressive but most people hate confrontation.