Noisy in laws

[gkok]

Just need to vent about noisy in-laws!
Live with them so not in much position to complain however we have a very light sleeper DS and they show no attempt to help him to sleep! It's a nightmare at the moment and they don't seem to care about being really noisy, at this time of night!
Was so pleased to get him off to sleep early with both of us sleep deprived, and they've just woken him up now I have to get up to help him back to sleep. Fuming

Good luck with your plans to move out, Op. Sleep deprivation is awful.

For me living with a small baby would also be awful 😬 Your in-laws are very generous, but you know that.

You aren't asking for the moon OP, how hard is it for grown ups to keep the noise down to normal levels... for the sake of their own grandchild!
Irrelevant if you live there for free or not. Do they seriously not give a shit that their shouting is waking the baby?
What do they say when your DP raises the issue?
Ideally, you and DP should make a plan to move out. Perhaps you both can switch your studies to part time and then get jobs which work around childcare.

Me too!

It's bizarre to think hoovering in the early hours underneath a bedroom wouldn't disturb anybody!

I can't stand shouting upstairs or being shouted at from upstairs. I always say to the kids if you want to speak to me then come down and speak to me. Otherwise it turns into shouting ping pong. What? Pardon? What did you say?
I can imagine it would do my head in too if baby was sleeping.
It doesn't take much thought or consideration.

My DD (is a teen now) but during Summer months getting her to sleep was a nightmare as next door had 4 kids that were loud. 8.30pm and relax in the garden... No way. Up popped her little head, standing in the cot looking out of the window! Aaargh 🤣😭

Good luck with your studies. Not sure what you can do other than ask them to keep it down, but some people are just bellowers!

I never thought babies really needed quiet to sleep, that is just how we habituate them. I used to hoover round mine and never had any issues.

if I was asleep and sometime started shouting in the house it wood wake me up, I don't know why people are expecting your child to sleep through it.

What do they say when your kid wakes?

Morning OP hope you’ve managed a bit of sleep.

just wondering what is your pils response when your dp has asked them to please not shout at night?
I ask because their response might help with appropriate replies.
for example if they are of the opinion it’s their house and they will jolly well carry on if they wish this is a whole different scenario to if they lack self awareness or if they are so in the habit of shouting they keep forgetting ds is asleep.

or are they a bit passive/aggressive and it is their way of not so subtly showing you that you are not welcome?

are they generally loving and caring towards their dgs?

Do you have family? Could you stay elsewhere even for a few nights or a week to give everyone a break?

I actually think it’s good for kids to be around noise - my father used to play the trumpet when I was a baby and I’m such a heavy sleeper all my life. Coming from someone else living with in laws - you can’t really complain. Your choice to have a baby whilst living with them!

Honestly OP, they're actually doing you a favour in the long run.

If you continue trying to make the world 'quiet' so your DC can sleep, then you're actually making both your DC's and your own lives harder, because the whole damn world is 'noisy', and being able to 'tune it out' while sleeping is actually the best thing you can teach your DC for their future.

I've had friends who did the whole 'we all need to be quiet cos DC is sleeping' thing, and they suffered for it. They couldn't have friends round or even a dinner party, even once their kids were older, because the kids would keep getting up because they couldn't sleep through the 'noise' of anyone else in the house ffs !

For decades, they tip-toed around every damn night ! That's NO way to live !

I deliberately NEVER made anything 'quiet' for my kids, and as a result, they can both sleep through anything !

If your DC can only drop off and then stay asleep if it's quiet, then they'll never be able to;

Live in a city, cos they're damn well 'noisy' 24 hrs a day in some places.
Live with a partner who snores/works shifts/insomniac etc.
Be able to sleep in hotels/ on holiday etc.
Sleep while travelling e.g on a plane/bus/train.
Cope with their own DC crying at night etc

Take a deep breath, and carry on, and remember, they're actually doing you a favour (even if it doesn't seem like it right now). You and your DP will get your own place eventually, and all this will simply become a memory.

@gkok

I’m asking MNHQ via reporting my post, to ask them to check with you if you’d like the thread moving. Maybe to the parenting or sleep section?

The replies may be less robust! x

Have white noise on so he won’t be as easily disturbed by noise outside the bedroom.

If you are managing to do degrees with a young baby under these living conditions you are doing really well. You are almost at the end now, so keep up the good work. I know its frustrating, my mum is very noisy as she is part deaf, we keep shushing her when we are out but to no avail. Its nice of your pil to let you live with them, and if you've already asked them to be a little quieter, which isn't hard, there isn't much more you can do. I agree with the white noise suggestions, and suggestions about noise reduction measures such as door curtains to absorb a bit of noise. Sit down with your dp and come up with a plan, perhaps a 2 year plan, of where you want to be and how you are going to get there. This will give you something positive to focus on. Lastly, try not to get wound up, your baby will pick up on this and it will make them less settled.

Could you try a radio on low and sound proof the room as much as possible. I fully understand your frustration. I have family members who shout at each other instead of talking. Sorry that people have been very mean to you for just wanting to vent at the situation and hope your in-laws become more considerate for you to get quiet undisturbed evenings soon.

This!! Their shouting would wake me up. I also don't want to tiptoe around DS forever, but there's no way he can be expected to sleep through the noise levels here.
They sheepishly apologise when we bring it up, but doesn't change their behaviour going forward. Think they don't realise/think about baby which is understandable as he isn't their child! Just difficult for us

White noise machine.

Out of curiosity, why did you have a baby when you don’t have jobs or even a roof to put over their heads?

I remember being on holiday with in laws (paid for by them, v generous) when our baby was about the same age and she got woken up night after night by them being noisy. The final straw came when BiL was locked out at 3am and came banging on our window (ground floor) for us to let him in. After DH had let him in, I had a full on vent about how inconsiderate they all were, what a bunch of dicks etc etc. it was very sweary and very much driven by jet lag and sleep deprivation combo.

Realised in the morning we’d left the baby monitor handset in the living room - pretty sure BiL heard the whole thing 😳

irrespective of how generous they are, the need to get enough sleep is so primal it trumps nearly everything. Solidarity 💪

I’d wait until they’re asleep and start making a loud noise outside their room! I know they don’t have to be silent, but (as it’s their grandchild), you’d think they’d be considerate.
If it’s any consolation, my 2 used to be light sleepers - now I can stand right next to them and shout and they don’t wake up (although, obvs don’t do it often!).
Your situation isn’t forever and think of how much you’ll love having your own place, whenever it may happen. Be kind to yourself.

Realistically you can either demand (with bare faced cheek) that PIL shut up - explaining in 'plain English' how very annoying they are in their own house - or you can just suck it up until you move out. If they are actually shouting upstairs to each other this may be an subtle hint they are very unhappy and want you all out! Maybe it's the extra laundry?

Maybe be a bit more grateful to the people who are allowing their son and his dp to live there rent free?

You’ve been handed everything on a plate and yet you want more and more.

Amazing parents provide for their own kids, they son’t expect their parents to do it.

Is it out of curiosity? Or are you just looking to make me feel bad about myself?

Saying you both can't work until September is nonsense. I had part time jobs through undergraduate and post free graduate degrees as do the vast majority of students. Start working and saving now and you can move out sooner.

Curiosity. I have always wondered how/why people get themselves into these situations and just thought I’d ask 🤷‍♀️

Rogue "free" there 🤷🏻‍♀️

Going on about how you shouldn't have had a baby is a waste of time now 🤦‍♀️ these things happen, you can't always plan for them. You know you're being a bit unreasonable OP, that's Ok, you have a baby at a young age and you're severely sleep deprived which makes us all unreasonable. It feels like forever right now but this stage will pass quickly and baby will get used to it. Hang in there, get to work as quickly as possible into a new home and this will soon be a distant memory 💐

I assume your child disturbs them too if they wake during the night