Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Noisy in laws

193 replies

gkok · 30/01/2023 22:25

Just need to vent about noisy in-laws!
Live with them so not in much position to complain however we have a very light sleeper DS and they show no attempt to help him to sleep! It's a nightmare at the moment and they don't seem to care about being really noisy, at this time of night!
Was so pleased to get him off to sleep early with both of us sleep deprived, and they've just woken him up now I have to get up to help him back to sleep. Fuming

OP posts:
MNHQ
LivMumsnet · 31/01/2023 09:47

Hi there, @gkok - we've moved your thread over to our Chat topic now. We hope that helps and that things improve for you soon. Flowers

PaddyDingDong · 31/01/2023 09:48

gkok · 31/01/2023 09:46

Did you work whilst at uni full-time and simultaneously your DD was a baby?

Show quote history

Why choose to have a baby when you're in that situation. You could easily work!! In the evenings when your DP is there could could go out to work and vice versa. Domino's delivery pays quite well.

SallyWD · 31/01/2023 09:49

My parents are quite deaf and loud and if we stay with them, they wake us all up. They have a habit of blaring the radio at about 6.30 am too! We often just stay at a B and B near their home so we all have our own space.
What can you do but politely ask them to talk quietly? Sounds like they're just stuck in their ways and resistant to change.
For those saying how inconsiderate they are, I think that's very unfair. They are a couple with adult children who probably thought they'd have their lives back by now. Instead they have their adult son, his partner and baby living with them! I would really struggle with that disruption to my home.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
margegunderson · 31/01/2023 09:51

OP isn't really answering questions about the circumstances here but my suspicion is they are just noisy people and forget. Some of us do you know. They are doing a huge favour here and neither the OP nor partner seem to think it's even possible to think about doing some work for their running-away fund. I don't think the parents are in the wrong, just maybe a bit noisy and thoughtless. I do think the OP is being a bit entitled.

MrsSkylerWhite · 31/01/2023 09:52

Our kids are both university students, one is a parent (in their own home with FT working partner), both have part time jobs. I don’t understand why your partner can’t work.

Your in laws are good enough to house you. You are in no position to make demands.

Geranium1984 · 31/01/2023 09:53

This was me with my baby for 8 months with MIL. We were staying for a few weeks whilst we renovated our flat then covid hit and it turned into 8 months.
So much noise, a yapping dog, old ringing door bell,creaky floor boards, slamming doors, music practice 🤯🤯

The only way is to move out I'm afraid, it's their house after all.

Catspyjamas17 · 31/01/2023 09:54

DarkForces · 31/01/2023 09:20

I'd be telling you to move out. Yes. It's a pain but if you're reliant on people then pissing them off is risky

Show quote history

Noisy, inconsiderate twats are better not living with anyone and preferably as far away from other humans as possible, so I guess this would suit us both best.

If they get so pissed off that they throw their offspring out after being asked politely to be a little more considerate of others, I'd be considering whether I want that sort of ageing yob in my child's life in future.

Apairofsparklingeyes · 31/01/2023 09:55

I worked part time while I was studying and had a small baby. It wasn’t easy but we needed the money. Is there really no way that either of you can work at least a few hours a week?

Catspyjamas17 · 31/01/2023 09:58

We do multi-generational living. My mum lives with us, my dad used to before he died.

We are all considerate of one another, that's how it works. Not "my house, my rules" shite. If one person is being a bit noisy/inconsiderate, we say so, politely, and people don't get chucked out for speaking up.

piedbeauty · 31/01/2023 09:59

Perhaps they are finding it hard to change their habits for you? Maybe they have forgotten what it's like to live with a baby? Maybe they believe in making usual noise around babies so they learn to sleep through it? Maybe they resent you and your h and baby living with them and want you to move out??

You do sound a bit entitled. If you're adult enough to have a baby and bright enough to get into Uni, don't you think about how you could support yourself and a baby?

Have you thought about evening and weekend work?

Tamarindtree · 31/01/2023 09:59

margegunderson · 31/01/2023 09:51

OP isn't really answering questions about the circumstances here but my suspicion is they are just noisy people and forget. Some of us do you know. They are doing a huge favour here and neither the OP nor partner seem to think it's even possible to think about doing some work for their running-away fund. I don't think the parents are in the wrong, just maybe a bit noisy and thoughtless. I do think the OP is being a bit entitled.

Entitled and unfair to bring a baby into the world without first securing a job and a home.

ThighMistress · 31/01/2023 10:02

What gets the OP - any OP come to that - criticism is the sin of being entitled .

Rent-free accommodation? I think many people would live on a building site in return for that! A bit of noise from the house owners whose hospitality you are enjoying may be annoying, but step back and appreciate that thousands pay £££ to get just as bad noise from neighbours/traffic etc.

Agree that the dp should get off his arse and do some part-time work now he has a child. The pair seem to be living like “why should I?” teenagers.

ladycarlotta · 31/01/2023 10:03

Poor OP being dragged over the coals! Just because it's a less-than-perfect situation doesn't mean that she isn't allowed to feel upset or even complain about it. They are all adults living in that house, besides the baby, and they should be considerate of one another. I'm sure nobody would be this unaccommodating of their guests if they weren't immediate family.

It's really easy to forget, when you don't have a baby, what might wake them and how maddening it is when that happens. Obviously the in-laws are not 'thinking baby' and there are clearly simple changes they can make (eg not shouting up the stairs to one another) that really wouldn't be onerous to them but would make a big difference to OP and their sleeping grandchild. I don't see the problem with asking for that.

Good luck, OP, the future's bright!

GreaterStickle · 31/01/2023 10:03

meegsmalone · 31/01/2023 09:10

But is it relevant………or any of your business for that matter?

Show quote history

If you’re gonna post on a public forum you can’t control the replies you get.

Considering OP is ignoring questions on circumstance I think it’s fairly clear they didn’t mean to have a baby while jobless and homeless.

Catspyjamas17 · 31/01/2023 10:03

It's not entitled, it's their home too while they are living there.

Everyone has to be considerate of one another.

dworky · 31/01/2023 10:03

HirplesWithHaggis · 31/01/2023 03:14

Yes, I know how expensive rent and childcare are. It's why I'm surprised that two people smart enough to be at Uni didn't think about that before they made a baby, and became uttterly dependent on your inlaws. And then bitch about them.

Babies need to learn to sleep around usual household noises. If that includes grandparents talking loudly, (or indeed, small hours hoovering!) so be it.

Show quote history

Not judgemental at all!

Catspyjamas17 · 31/01/2023 10:05

I don't know why "rent-free accommodation" is so utterly mind-blowing to some people. Families help each other. Bloody hell, what a selfish world some people inhabit.

DarkForces · 31/01/2023 10:11

Catspyjamas17 · 31/01/2023 10:05

I don't know why "rent-free accommodation" is so utterly mind-blowing to some people. Families help each other. Bloody hell, what a selfish world some people inhabit.

There's always a cost. In this case it's noise. The question is if the cost is worth the benefit and only the op can decide that

Tamarindtree · 31/01/2023 10:15

There is also the possibility that his parents didn’t mind having you as guests for a short time to help you out temporarily but are now annoyed you haven’t got jobs and you are effectively squatting in their home and they are being deliberately noisy to make you and their son take some responsibility for yourselves and your child by working and getting your own place.

toomuchlaundry · 31/01/2023 10:15

@Catspyjamas17 not sure the in-laws are being selfish by letting their non working son and partner live with them

lifeinthehills · 31/01/2023 10:18

What was the original agreement OP? Have you exceeded the agreed on time limit? Have you considered that maybe the ILs aren't as happy with this arrangement as they thought they would be?

meegsmalone · 31/01/2023 10:20

GreaterStickle · 31/01/2023 10:03

If you’re gonna post on a public forum you can’t control the replies you get.

Considering OP is ignoring questions on circumstance I think it’s fairly clear they didn’t mean to have a baby while jobless and homeless.

Show quote history

So because the OP has posted here about having a baby, you think you have the right to answer any questions relating to the circumstances of that baby? Surely you’re joking?

Why not just ask the OP about her sex life whilst your at it, or when she last had a shit perhaps?

Tangfastic71 · 31/01/2023 10:22

Hello OP,
Well done to you and your partner for getting educated and building a bright future life for your family. It won’t always be this way and won’t be long until you have a space of your own.
I had to live with my parents for a while when my baby was born and I understand how disempowering it can feel despite the obvious help and support they are providing you right now.
I don’t have any answers other than to maybe sit down and explain how you feel and ask them what you can do to help them remember to keep the noise down while he’s asleep and what you can do in return to show how grateful you are for their support.

pinkyredrose · 31/01/2023 10:23

Apart from this do you enjoy living there? Where were you living before you had the baby? I'd explore options to move out.

legendyna · 31/01/2023 10:25

Entitled and unfair to bring a baby into the world without first securing a job and a home.

That's the ideal but they are housed. They are saving money so they can afford their own place. Bet you think you need to be homeowner and renting is unacceptable too. I think this is a case of myob

I don't think it's a good idea to complain about noise when you're living in their house with a baby though. Living rent free is a massive privilege, it's worth saving a grand a month and having to manage some noise