Noisy in laws

[gkok]

Just need to vent about noisy in-laws!
Live with them so not in much position to complain however we have a very light sleeper DS and they show no attempt to help him to sleep! It's a nightmare at the moment and they don't seem to care about being really noisy, at this time of night!
Was so pleased to get him off to sleep early with both of us sleep deprived, and they've just woken him up now I have to get up to help him back to sleep. Fuming

Just a thought, how old are they, do you think their hearing is a bit dodgy and they don't realise how loud they're being?

Yeah I get it and I can work from July. Have you not seen how expensive childcare is?!

I get that it is awful for you but blimey, OP, didn't you realise this before having a baby?
Concentrate on finding your own place, work part time, whatever it takes.

September is ages away. Lots of students have jobs, you'll have to work out how.

I wouldn't appreciate being told to be quiet in my own home if you were living there rentfree with a baby.

Will you be relying on them for childcare once you get a job?

i would tell them , at the time, when tney shout, approach them quietly and say lo is being woken and it is very tiring.

i think it is mean of them to be so inconsiderate

If you decide to have more than one child eventually these things will happen out of your control. Kids waking each other up is quite a common thing. But I know how frustrating it might be as sleep is so important for our MH.

Can you maybe go back to your parents?

Are they shouting every night? There really isn't a need for this, it's not like you're asking them not to watch tv incase it wakes the baby so yanbu given they have obviously agreed to you being there. Ask dh to remind them every night 'oh that's the baby just fallen asleep and he's a bit restless so can we try to make sure there's no shouting upstairs' or some other polite reminder. Might also be worth trying a different white noise machine?

Ah, mumsnet. Where anyone who has a child in less than perfect circumstances gets flamed.

OP- yanbu. Yes, they have been generous in opening their home to you. But it is, quite frankly, weird that despite it being pointed out to them, they are happy to continue waking their grandchild up. Who does that?!

Could they do it on purpose as a hint for you to move out sooner?

Yes it is annoying. What time do they get up? Start shouting up and down the stairs and disturb them. 😉

Whilst frustrating now, I bet you’ll be rewarded with a kid down the line who is easy to take on holiday, go for sleepovers etc because they’ve gotten used to a bit of unexpected noise. Hang in there!

You won’t square this circle OP

My children were very light sleepers and I once screamed at a passing ambulance with its blue lights on after I had spent an hour in a sleep deprived fog pushing the pram round and had just managed to get DD to sleep. I even asked a guest not to flush the toilet in the night in case it woke the kids. Yes I’m really embarrassed looking back but when you are stressed and exhausted it makes you a bit mad!

On the other hand your parents in law need to feel relaxed in their own home and being told off everytime they speak a bit louder than you like in the evening must be exhausting for them too. When it isn’t your baby you do forget and shout up the stairs without thinking so to then get a chippy telling off in your own home but be pretty galling especially when they are doing you such a big favour.

Whilst not all the comments are coming from a place of kindness I think the advice to really show you are doing all you can to get money together to move out is good advice. A small part time job each on the weekend when the other parent can look after the baby would help you get a small deposit sooner and show the in laws you aren’t wanting to take advantage any longer than necessary and they might in turn then try a bit harder to be quiet.

I just wonder if their noise is a slight push back on their part to stop you getting too comfortable with the situation? Having a baby in the house when you are well past that life stage is pretty grim in all honesty. They probably get woken up by you all more then they wake up your DS.

I'm sure that will help the situation when OP is asked to move out.

I think (some) people are less than sympathetic about people moaning about situations that are of their own making.

In your case, that you chose to have a baby with no house and no jobs and so you have to suck up any inconveniences of where you're living.

Have you considered co-sleeping? I was horrendously sleep deprived when my DC was little and in retrospect I wish I had - it seems that all my friends who coslept got more sleep than I did :)

I'd suggest remembering also that it's likely that your baby wakes the in-laws in the night; which must be just as annoying for them.

I'll be honest, many babies are fussy mid evening and they are actually helping you bizarrely, teaching your baby to sleep in different and noisier environments is a good thing. Mi e never settled properly until around 11pm anyway

were they always shouty people?

Maybe it’s just their subtle way of saying they want you to leave. I would imagine your baby makes a fair amount of noise themselves, and your in laws have realised that this situation isn’t working.

They've said he doesn't. His room is far from theirs and I'm always rapid to respond when I hear him wake

perhaps it is your issue,
he needs help to learn to settle to sleep regardless of the outside noise?

Some horrible comments on here. They shouldn't have to change their behaviour completely, it's their home. But I can't imagine shouting and making a lot of noise in the late evening when there's a young baby asleep in the house. I feel for you, it's a difficult situation.

i would do some research on settling to sleep - perhaps that is where you are going wrong.

Out of curiosity, why did you have a baby when you don’t have jobs or even a roof to put over their heads?

Presumably because they are both working towards being able to get better paid jobs in the near future and so the joblessness will be a temporary situation, and they know they can manage until then even if it won't be the most comfortable life for a very short while.🙄

OP sorry you're getting such a hard time. I know you're in their house but they presumably agreed to the situation and it wouldn't hurt them to show normal levels of consideration to a their own son/DIL and grandchild.

Living with ILs is just shit. Even if they're lovely, you can just never properly relax, and it's not like your own parents where most people can have a frank discussion and you're broadly used to each others' habits.

do you have a sleep routine?
does he settle himself to sleep or are you putting him in your arms and rocking him to sleep?