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Original poster

I am currently wearing one of DD's nappies as a makeshift sanitary pad...what's the most unglamorous moment of your life so far?!

225 replies

BarbaraVineFan · 30/01/2023 21:13

I have been on the coil since 2020 and literally never had a period or anything approaching one. Randomly tonight I have come on my period and had nothing in the house :/ no friends locally enough to ask and DD asleep so couldn't go to a shop.. Hence the nappy trick (which feels a bit like wearing an entire roll of loo roll in my knickers!)

I think this might be a new low in the unglamorous stakes, even for me. Can anyone top this?!

OP posts:
PAFMO · 31/01/2023 11:23

Deathraystare · 31/01/2023 10:27

@Suprima ·
You do all realise there are degenerate men wanking furiously to this, right?

So? They will wank over anything. Rather this than poor defenceless kids!

And posting I'd say.

purpledalmation · 31/01/2023 11:23

I had a weird virus that upset my gut meaning I had to get to a loo to poo literally in minutes of eating.

I had to do a 30 minute drive but after 10 minutes the urge was overwhelming. Only place to pull over was super muddy and I sat in the front seat and pood into a plastic bag, meaning to bin it when I got home.

Then I got stuck in the mud...with a bag of loose shit in the front seat. A nice taxi driver pulled over to help. I panicked, thinking he might need to turn the engine, and threw the bag over a hedge hoping he wouldn't see.

He failed to get me out and I was lucky that a passing tow truck had a winch and pulled me out. Leaving my bag of shame for the homeowner to find.

Ihaveaquestionn · 31/01/2023 11:27

When I was about 20 I stayed at my new boyfriends house. In the night I was too scared to ask him where the toilet was so I quietly climbed out of bed and weed on the floor in the bedroom. No idea what possessed me at the time when I could have just gone to the toilet. Have also pooed in a saucepan and buried it in the garden at my friends house when I needed the toilet and her mum was in the bath

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Poopgal · 31/01/2023 11:28

Name change for this one.

I drove my kid to nursery and suddenly got an unbearable urge to do a poo. Never happened quite like this before. Ended up pooing my pants in the car. Got to nursery and thank god we were slightly late and no one else was lingering outside. I ended up pushing kiddo into the classroom and bolting to the toilets. Except my humiliation didn’t end there - the adult toilets are through the staff room so I went to the main toilets which not only had tiny little child toilets in them but NO DOORS. It was honestly just adrenaline at this point as I cleaned myself up and took off my underwear and shoved it in the bin in about ten seconds flat, the whole time terrified someone would walk by and see me crouched over a tiny toilet with shit smeared all over me.

To this day I’m not sure what happened. I didn’t have an upset stomach or anything. Never happened before but it did happen once since while out on a walk. The urge to go is absolutely uncontrollable. For those who will point it out, I did have a colonoscopy as a regular check up and nothing was flagged. Always been too embarrassed to ask the doctor.

MissMaple82 · 31/01/2023 12:04

I used to use the childs potty in the front room to wee in so as not to dare risk waking up the very light sleeping toddler !

Moidershewrote · 31/01/2023 12:22

Deathraystare · 31/01/2023 10:34

@Moidershewrote

had to puke into a Sainsbury’s bag in the car on the way home, only to find that the bag had those little air holes in the bottom !! I now know that Tesco is the way to go - every little helps !!

That is helpful (noting for future reference!)

Bag for life😆 (or not!)

imSatanhonest · 31/01/2023 12:25

@viques You may want to tear sanitary towels in half with gay abandon in a public park for all to see but I didn't want to.

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 31/01/2023 12:52
  1. offering my cupped hands to vomiting 5yo while on a train - the vomit still ended up on the floor and I was stuck there as couldn’t touch a thing, help DC etc.
  2. needing a wee when arriving home, realizing I had forgotten my keys, having to pee behind our front garden hedge while preventing two 6yo from outing me to passerbys.
BrokenWing · 31/01/2023 12:54

My first unexpected menopausal period tsunami.

Sitting at my office desk at the end of the working day, the surrounding desks were all men. I felt damp, stood up and my office chair was covered in bright red blood! Not just a small stain, we are talking 6 inches square! Think my face went almost as red! Thankfully I was wearing black trousers and a long length top, I pushed my chair under the desk and as subtly as possible, ignoring any eye contact or conversations on the way, waddled to the loos, feeling the blood now dribbling down my legs, where I tried to clean up what could only be described as a gore movie scene, it had even reached my socks by this point! I padded my knickers out with wads and wads of toilet tissue firmly wrapped around the gusset as I didn't want to risk it falling out on the way back to desk then home!

My trousers were absolutely soaked in blood and I carshared the 20 mile journey home with a bloke! Again thankfully it was my turn to drive, I had some dirty dog towels in the boot and, with a bright red face, made up such an unbelievable reason to sit on them in the car he didn't question!

The next day was usually a WFH day so I didn't have my car share and went into work before 6am with a load of cleaning products to clean my chair before anyone else came in!!

Being a woman is just so bloody (excuse the pun) glamourous!

ImprobablePuffin · 31/01/2023 13:05

imSatanhonest · 31/01/2023 12:25

@viques You may want to tear sanitary towels in half with gay abandon in a public park for all to see but I didn't want to.

I do get what you're saying. But also how sad that in this day and age women feel the need to hide in bushes due to the embarrassment of an unused sanitary pad.

For what it's worth I would have thought you very resourceful!!

Citycentre3 · 31/01/2023 13:14

I was in Cambridge visiting one of the colleges. I was desperately needing a wee. Could not find a toilet, so I used a nappy to slip into my pants and peed on that.

MisschiefMaker · 31/01/2023 13:35

I fell into a giant loo.

I was at a campsite and the loo facilities were these big pits in the ground covered by wide wooden planks. The idea was that you stand on the planks and squat, and any wee or poo falls into the pit below. I don't actually know how this happened, but somehow the plank moved and I half-slipped down into the pit. My leg was covered in other peoples shit as well as my own shit. I was able to pull myself back up without help just before anyone came along thank fuck.

I still remember leaving a poo footprint on one of the planks and thinking "someone is going to see that and know what has happened".

I have never told a soul!

Notformethankyoukindly · 31/01/2023 14:46

Newcastle central station 1980. I had just drunkenly shagged a man outside a nightclub, no condom. Went to the toilets at the station and threw up. In doing so, I shat myself. And my period started. Blood, poo, wee and cum all poured out of me. Somehow I got on the train to London. I’ve never told a soul.

Rosscameasdoody · 31/01/2023 16:33

GimmeSleep · 31/01/2023 10:20

It's one of those I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, I have a stoma now so I'm past the shitting myself in public days but do get leaks on the bag.
I guess I should be wearing a pad for that too 😆

Hope your crohns is under control for you now lovely? x

Show quote history

I’ve got a stoma and frequently have really painful contact dermatitis meaning that I have to use low adhesion pouches when it flares up. During one of these times the bag actually fell off and lodged in my knickers in the middle of Sainsbury’s. I abandoned the trolley, stuck my hands in my coat pockets to discreetly hold onto the bag while I did a sort of sideways shuffle to the disabled loo, so that the bag wouldn’t dislodge and fall on the floor !! You have to have a sense of humour with these things or you wouldn’t get out of bed in the morning !!

Rosscameasdoody · 31/01/2023 16:37

BarbaraVineFan · 31/01/2023 10:36

OP here..I must say I wasn't expecting my thread to go quite in this direction! Feeling a bit sick now..

Don’t feel bad - it’s a brilliant thread.

Rosscameasdoody · 31/01/2023 16:40

Kaftankween · 31/01/2023 08:17

I was once sick on a tube platform. Only had a plastic bag to hand so used that. Unfortunately It had the little safety holes punched out at the bottom creating a strainer effect.

Similar one for me, as posted earlier. I had a hangover after a weekend away and was sick into a Sainsbury’s bag in the car on the way home. Little air holes punched in the bottom of the bag, puke dribbling everywhere !! I have it on good authority from another poster that Tesco’s bags are better for puking into - no air holes !!

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 31/01/2023 17:00

I see a couple of posters have had the same problem with the air holes in Sainsburys’ bags. I wonder Sainsburys could be persuaded to stop perforating them for the comfort of the weak stomached among us !!

viques · 31/01/2023 17:55

Ihaveaquestionn · 31/01/2023 11:27

When I was about 20 I stayed at my new boyfriends house. In the night I was too scared to ask him where the toilet was so I quietly climbed out of bed and weed on the floor in the bedroom. No idea what possessed me at the time when I could have just gone to the toilet. Have also pooed in a saucepan and buried it in the garden at my friends house when I needed the toilet and her mum was in the bath

I bet they looked for that saucepan for years…….. “ I wonder what happened to that nice little saucepan, it was perfect for boiled eggs”

PumpkinPastiez · 31/01/2023 19:10

I had a smear test and as she inserted the speculum. I made a sale on eBay and got the KACHING noise that sounds like a till.. couldn't have happened at a worse moment 😂

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 31/01/2023 19:50

PumpkinPastiez · 31/01/2023 19:10

I had a smear test and as she inserted the speculum. I made a sale on eBay and got the KACHING noise that sounds like a till.. couldn't have happened at a worse moment 😂

I was thinking that you were going to say you made a fortune out of a used speculum, and was seeing possibilities to sell to the pervs there. Grin

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 31/01/2023 19:51

pathosornot · 31/01/2023 11:21

I don't understand why people are gleefully sharing, and some sound made up. Everyone has a story they could share I'm sure, but would prefer to keep private.

Show quote history

Indeed so. I could tell various tales but am not keen to share them with wanking weirdos.

TheDofS · 31/01/2023 19:55

I had to sit in a BA plane toilet shitting and puking all the way from Miami to London as I had food poisoning. It was horrific. They brought me a blanket for inside the toilet but made me return to my seat for landing! I felt so dead I didn't care. Then I was taken off the plane in a wheelchair.

Maireas · 31/01/2023 19:59

Ihaveaquestionn · 31/01/2023 11:27

When I was about 20 I stayed at my new boyfriends house. In the night I was too scared to ask him where the toilet was so I quietly climbed out of bed and weed on the floor in the bedroom. No idea what possessed me at the time when I could have just gone to the toilet. Have also pooed in a saucepan and buried it in the garden at my friends house when I needed the toilet and her mum was in the bath

Right, so you stayed at someone's house and had no idea where the toilet was? You hadn't been before you went to bed? Unless it was a mansion, just going out onto the landing may have given you a clue.
How did the family react to you urinating on the bedroom floor?
Then the burying of the pot?.

Soubriquet · 31/01/2023 20:06

My lowest of low point.

I had to take my dc to school. Walking back I got intense cramps in my stomach.

Started walking as quick as I could…and then the track track barriers came down.

I hunched down on myself praying that I could hold it in.

No…I shat myself. I was mortified.

As soon as the barriers went up, I rushed home. I had noticed dh of what happened and bless him he had a bath ready for me.

He helped clean me off

HerRoyalNotness · 31/01/2023 20:08

i was on the way to meet a friend for lunch and had been out the night before with colleagues. On the way felt ill and had to be sick. Grabbed my scarf on the seat and vomited into that and over myself. Had to turn around and go home. Was also driving brand new car and very pleased I did not get a speck of vomit on it.

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