Should I lend my DH £13,000

[ladywithnomanors]

My DH and I have been together for 19 years. I had a good professional job when we met and I gave up said job after having children. I was then a sahm for 8 years while DH worked full time. During this time DH completely held the household purse strings as he was the one earning money.
Fast forward a few years and I got a minimum wage type part time job. By this time DH was earning £80,000 a year.
We have always had separate finances. He has been responsible for the main bills and I have paid council tax, water and sky.
We are married but the house is in his name.

I had a bereavement and have been left £87,000. I used a small amount to pay off a couple of credit cards i had but have left the majority in a savings account.

As I have a low paying job this money is a huge amount to me and i dont think I'll have this kind of lump sum in my account again.
Now to the question. DH has asked me to lend him 3.5k to pay his tax bill with the intent that he will get a bonus next month and he can pay me back. I am happy to do this. But he has now asked me to lend him £8.5k for a new triathlon pushbike. To me this is money we could spend on the house, a fantastic holiday for our family etc.
I have no doubt that he will pay me back - hes not the type to rip me off but it doesnt sit right with me. I couldn't spend this kind of money on a bike when we need a carpet upstairs etc. If i dont lend it to him he is hinting he will get a loan.
What do you think?
My Mum told me on her death bed not to let him have my money . They never got on.
Sorry for long post.

No, don't lend him any money. Invest the money in a personal pension and/or a stocks and shares ISA.

Did he, in all the years he earned £80k and you were a SAHM or earning peanuts, put any of 'his' money in a pension for you?

No. I thought not.

@ladywithnomanors - you really must look after your own interests and consider how you'll manage in your retirement. Because, the way things are going, you might end up penniless.

But hell no - don’t give him any money. Honestly you are asking for trouble here. Put the savings in your name only and don’t touch them or buy a house in your name only

I’d use some £20s to write “fuck off” on his car bonnet, I think.

Absolutely this

hes not the type to rip me off

But he's let you struggle for money for years, as a SAHM (doing all his housework) and then taking a career hit when you went back to work, while he's a high earner? He has quite literally been ripping you off for years!

He pays for all holidays and large purchases

What a sad little life you both lead, I’m sure rhis is not what you both dreamed of. You are people pretending to be married, living separate lives.

as people said, why the fuck would you do him a favour. Even if you get it back. You keep it all for you.

good luck op.

😥

£80k is a good wage so why does he need to borrow money . Your finances seem very separate for a married couple .

I agree with PP- you should use the entire amount you inherited to put into investments and a private pension. You made a comment about you having a better pension than him as it's NHS. I can assure you that won't be the case given you haven't been paying into it and he's been paying into his with a well paid job.

She didn’t say she struggled for years. She said he controlled it as she didn’t earn, read the fucking thread,

No way!

This! Nearly 9,000 for a bike is an astronomical amount of money.

How many children do you have that he needs to repay 3.5k? How can he need an 8.5k bike when he can't pay a tax bill.

Is the poster right, you struggled for money, and he had loads spare, you lived so frugally as a family?

That's not tight, that's abusive.

My Mum told me on her death bed not to let him have my money . They never got on.

Wise woman, your mum.

He called her a thief when she used a few coppers for bus fares FFS!!

hes not the type to rip me off

Not the type to rip you off? He's been ripping you off your whole marriage. You've taken all of the hit to your earning potential to raise his children and he accused you of theft for spending "his" loose change on a bus fare? He earns £80k (because your free childcare allowed him to rocket in his career at the cost of your own) and he's had you paying bills out of your minimum wage earnings?

He's financially abusive. Do as your mum asked and keep hold of that money; it sounds like she saw straight through him.

He wants £13k off you. Unbelievable brass neck.

8.5k…for a bike?!!

You can buy a car for that.

No way would I do that for a bike!!

Why are you on a minimum wage job? Can't you return to the career you had before children?

Over 2 ½ years - definitely not, sorry

Maybe you could try reading the thread? Just a thought.

Women who aren't struggling for money don't usually need to scrape around for coppers. And generous husband's don't call their wife a thief for using bus fare.

I’m assuming you have four kids based on the child benefit repayment. Surely that money could be used for them or your future not a toy for your H.

He wasnt on 80,000 initially. That has built up over the years . He worked his way up from minimum wage. Hes been on a decent wage for about 6 years

Ok, I’ve only read up to here and that says everything.

No no no and no.

He can’t be a miser with money and then expect you to pay out for him.