What’s your favourite joke?

[Username721]

Just that. Will be stealing any decent ones. 😁

Thank you for this. Some of the best memories I have of my grandparents is how they’d laugh watching this show. And I coukd always tell when something was a bit naughty because my granny would laugh behind her hand as if she was scared her priest would here her.

How do you get Pokémon on a bus?
You Pushemon.

How can you tell if Lady Gaga is awake?
Pokerface!

😂😂

Good one.

John and Dave were walking down the street. Dave lurched awkwardly to the side.
'Dave, what's up?' says John
Dave pulls at his trousers 'It's this massive steering wheel in my pocket, I can't walk straight'.
John says 'Why've you got a steering wheel in your pocket?'
'Dunno mate' says Dave, 'it's driving me nuts.'

An ancient Roman walked into a bar. He said "I'll have a Martinus, please"
"You mean Martini?" said the barman.
"No, just the one"

I think the same irritation when people ask for 'one panini'!

What are they supposed to ask for? A panin?

A panino - unless they want more than one.

Asking for a panini is like asking to buy a sandwiches.

My life 🤷🏼‍♀️

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

What do you call a dear with no eyes

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

What do you call a man with a small penis?

Justin

What do you call a man with an even smaller penis?

Tintin

I laughed out loud at this.

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.

How do you titilate an ocelot?
Oscillate its tits a lot

What colour is the wind?

Blew.

Frappe frappe
Qui est la?
Lorst
Lorst qui?
Oui.

Took a few seconds but 😃😃

What do you call Postman Pat when he's retired?

Pat

My parents took me to a child psychologist.
The little lad was useless.

Woman in park: "Call your big slobbering dog off me!"
Dog owner: "I can't - his name is Caesar!"

Barmaid: "We had that famous Spanish actor in here at the weekend - the one who was in Skyfall. He started a brawl, so I had to ask him to leave."
Punter: "Wow! Javier Bardem?!"
Barmaid: "Not this time - but he's on one final warning."

How do make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.

I love a bad joke 😂

That reminds me of the one about the factory where the Tickle-Me Elmos were made suddenly receiving a lot of complaints from horrified parents, upon discovering that the toys they were giving to their innocent little children were partially anatomically correct.

They launched an investigation and it turned out that a new employee had completely mis-understood the instruction to 'give Elmo two test tickles' before sending each toy for dispatch!

'What soup is it this evening waiter?'

'It's oasis soup sir'

'What's oasis soup?'

'You get a roll with it....'

How do you milk sheep?

Bring out a new iPhone.