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Original poster

Has a man dressed as a woman ever come into a communal changing room with you or joined a specifically female group you belong to ?

481 replies

Rilkescat · 22/01/2023 13:54

How common is it ? Not really referring to stories in the media but for everyday women on MN. FWIW I've never met a trans person that I know of, neither professionally or socially. I'm a HCP so meet alot of members of the public. None of my kids have friends that are trans nor do my friends have children that are either.
Loads of trans threads at the moment. No problem with that but just wondered if it really is that prevalent ?
Before I get flamed I'm not in favour of biological womens' safe spaces being open to biological men but equally I don't think that all trans people, especially trans women are necessarily sexually deviant or mentally ill.

OP posts:
strumpert · 22/01/2023 14:00

Yes to both.

Thisisnotmyname2022 · 22/01/2023 14:01

I was in a changing room once being helped by a member of staff, I was struggling with something and the staff member offered to help. Said staff member popped in and out a couple of times, only an arm through curtain, was extremely helpful. I thanked her and even mentioned her at the till as being amazing and patient etc. The staff member behind the till let me know that the who had helped me was trans, and gets so much stick from a select few customers. I genuinely didn’t even notice. I’ve returned to the store several times since, and only since I have been made aware can I actually tell.

I am also studying with someone who is transitioning from male to female, she is so lovely and everyone seems accepting of her, although she has often spoken about people who are less so.

I have no concerns whatsoever, doesn’t mean Mary next door will share the same views.

Ember90 · 22/01/2023 14:02

Nope, never. Mumsnet is hysterical when it comes to anything trans

inappropriateraspberry · 22/01/2023 14:04

No, but I think it is a very small minority of trans people that are ruining it for those genuine trans people who just want to be accepted. How do you know if they are using it for the wrong reasons? You can't until it's too late.

Stichintime · 22/01/2023 14:07

No to both. Reading mumsnet sometimes it seems like there are trans men lurking around every female space, which is certainly not my experience.

torquewench · 22/01/2023 14:07

Yes to both.

TitoMojito · 22/01/2023 14:08

I think how many trans people you know depends on the circles you move in. I'm part of an LGBT group so I have a lot of trans friends, plus I knew quite a few trans people at university. Some people I went to school with have transitioned since we left. But also you don’t always know someone is trans unless they tell you.

So yes I'm very used to being around trans people, being in single sex spaces with them. Doesn't bother me at all.

Outandover · 22/01/2023 14:08

No, never that I’m aware of. No one I know irl ever really talks about trans people either.

BlueSoul · 22/01/2023 14:08

No to the changing room.

Yes to the joining an in-person female group (breastfeeding). It was actually the leader of the breastfeeding group who started calling it chestfeeding and referring to us as wom*n. It had always been a safe haven to me during a fairly tricky time but the obsession with using inclusive language and not being able to say 'breastfeeding' etc only made me feel excluded from the one baby group I previously felt accepted in.

glasshole · 22/01/2023 14:08

Not mine but I was on holiday last year with my teenage daughter and she was going on about how phones are banned in school and it's punishable for students to use their phones or take photos in school.... but it's really unfair cos one teacher actively encourages the taking of photos and on students phones and poses for selfies with them without the other teachers knowing. I replied saying that teacher would be very stupid and face disciplinary action so I seriously doubt it. Turns out it was absolutely true and the supply teacher was a man in woman face and also had a very strong fancy for tight lace tops and super short skirts. Needed to say I complained A LOT and so did other parents. And he was never invited back.

TitoMojito · 22/01/2023 14:09

Stichintime · 22/01/2023 14:07

No to both. Reading mumsnet sometimes it seems like there are trans men lurking around every female space, which is certainly not my experience.

Agree with this too though!

Nagado · 22/01/2023 14:09

Yes.

I don't think that all trans people, especially trans women are necessarily sexually deviant or mentally ill Neither do I. But I still don’t want to share my single sex spaces with them.

Are you suggesting that it’s not that prevalent, so is a bit of a non issue? Because it doesn’t matter if there’s a global population of 7, or it’s every other person. I still don’t want to share my single sex spaces with them and I will add my voice to support other women who also don’t want to share their single sex spaces with people of the opposite sex.

DoesItMakeYouFeelBetter · 22/01/2023 14:10

Yes, in a restaurant toilet.

glasshole · 22/01/2023 14:10

Should add the selfies where ALL with teenage girls and the teacher would often inspect the girls toilets as well. And yes I have photographic proof.

Thedaysthatremain · 22/01/2023 14:11

So do you mean 'trans woman" or do you mean 'man dressed as a woman? And what do you mean by "dressed as a woman"? I know a fair few trans women. A lot of them wear t shirts and jeans, as do lots of women AND lots of men.

VinoDino · 22/01/2023 14:12

So you have to personally experience something for you to be bothered about it?

Women have the right to SEX based spaces. Whether or not you personally couldn't give a fuck is irrelevant.

The end.

Lambtales · 22/01/2023 14:12

Not here in the UK, but when I was in Canada last year, I accompanied my 15yo daughter to the ladies toilet.

My daughter has SEN and is vulnerable so I always go to the loo with her when we're not at home.

The McDonald's we were eating in had two stalls in the ladies toilet. The first door was shut, the second was open with a man urinating while standing. I ushered my daughter out while exclaiming loudly that there was a man in there.

I informed a member of staff who followed me to the loos. The man came out protesting he identified as a woman.

The toilet he had vacated was dirty as he'd pissed all over the seat.

So I asked to use the disabled toilets (they were kept locked).

The man waited until we were finished to labour the point he identified as a woman. He was dressed as a man and had made no effort to present as a woman.

It was a nasty experience.

Leadbypencils · 22/01/2023 14:12

If it is so very rare, why has the trans movement so much influence then?

Giveaschitt · 22/01/2023 14:13

Yes. Was at a spa day about five years ago with DH. Was in the changing rooms getting changed in to swim stuff (all communal, no cubicles) and a transwoman came in and changed in to their gym stuff. Both I and another woman were there and I found myself delaying getting undressed further until they'd gone. It felt very uncomfortable and awkward, and was glad I wasn't on my own. Woman in there with me commented after they'd left how uncomfortable she'd felt about getting undressed in front of someone so obviously male, and had, like me, found other things to fiddle with in her bag etc to delay.

DazzlePaintedBattlePants · 22/01/2023 14:13

Yes to both. One was an HCA at work who used the women’s toilets. No idea if any pts requested same sex care….

OriginalUsername2 · 22/01/2023 14:13

Its something like 0.3 of the population who identify as trans.

Yes the media is disproportionate.

IntentionalError · 22/01/2023 14:15

No, never.

That does not mean I don’t acknowledge that there could be serious issues with predatory or voyeuristic men exploiting changes in the law intended to accommodate trans people.

22survivor · 22/01/2023 14:16

Have NC'd for obvious reasons but I am a long time MN user.

Yes. It was unexpected, I had no warning or easy way out and I am a sexual abuse survivor.

Unless you've experienced how triggering this sort of situation is, you have no idea how damaging it is.

For me, brought PTSD symptoms flooding back which then take a long time to alleviate.

There's a good reason why many women need single-sex spaces and even if those reasons don't apply to you, please don't dismiss them on behalf of other females.

RollerGirl7 · 22/01/2023 14:16

Yes in gym changing room after water aerobics, felt a bit odd that they were there in water aerobics which was female apart from this mtf transperson but I can't complain as there's no rule against that.

I did feel uncomfortable afterwards with this person in the womens changing room and actually stopped going to this class as I can't always guarantee a cubicle to get changed in.

Also had men in women's toilets on a night out and it's not a pleasant experience to come out of a cubicle into a small room with just me and another man, knowing we're both probably drunk. Again NAMALT but I felt unsafe in that space with an unknown man

Swimswam · 22/01/2023 14:18

Yes, London theatre toilets.
Was extremely clearly a man - I noticed him when I was in the queue to go into the theatre. Very tall, badly applied makeup etc etc
another girl in the queue complemented him on his nails. She didn’t complement anyone else - it was clear she knew that he wasn’t a woman.