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Original poster

Kid left my house alone, his mum is angry

369 replies

User4873628 · 12/01/2023 17:56

DS brought 3 friends home after school. They're all aged 10 and 11, final year of primary school here in Scotland. They know our house well, they live within a 5 minute walk. I checked when they were to be home, they all said they had to leave at 5pm and were walking home alone. This is quite usual, usually I would go downstairs at 5pm and send them all home.

They set themselves up in the front room with the xbox and a bowl of popcorn. I went back upstairs where I was working. Doors open, I could hear them chatting away, all normal.

About 4.45pm one of the mums came to the door to collect her ds. He wasn't here. Turns out he'd walked home and not told anyone. I hadn't heard him go, hadn't heard anyone shout goodbye. The side door is always open for the dog so I didn't hear a door open or close. No-one told me he'd gone, he didn't tell me he was going. He just left. I don't know if the other boys really registered that he'd gone either, they seemed equally confused when he wasn't in the house. They seem to have assumed he was at the toilet. I certainly didn't hear 4 voices saying goodbye in the hall as he left.

This boy had walked home, found no-one there, so walked back to ours. Just as we were worrying about where he was he came back up the path, not at all bothered, he just said that he'd wanted to go home early so he left.

His mum is really angry with me for not supervising her child properly. I get that she got a fright when he wasn't here, so did I. She's just contacted me by text to say that he won't be allowed to our house again if he is not properly supervised. I want to reply but I'm not sure what to say.

It just didn't occur to me that I couldn't leave a bunch of 10 and 11 yr olds who are familiar with our house and who live nearby downstairs playing xbox. It didn't enter my head that one of them might leave early and not tell me. It didn't enter my head that one of the might leave early at all, usually they need pushed out the door when it's time to go home.

I'm trying to think what I would expect of my 10 yr old in this situation. I think I would expect him to tell the adult that he was leaving early, not to just walk off without telling anyone. But I'm not sure.

Anyway, the kid did the right thing, he walked home then came straight back here when he found his house was locked up.

I'm not sure what more I could have done in this situation.

Who's in the wrong here? The kid for leaving without telling anyone or me for not monitoring the door more closely?

I guess me, I'm the adult. But I just didn't think that someone would leave without telling me. And they were all due to walk home by themselves anyway. What a mess, kids come and go round our house all the time and now I feel like I wasn't looking after them properly.

OP posts:
Original poster
User4873628 · 12/01/2023 17:59

I feel like if his mum had been at home he'd have walked home, she would have said "oh you're early, did tou have fun?" and that would have been that. No problem.

I'd have been in my house wondering where the hell he was becauae no-one realised he'd left.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 12/01/2023 18:00

Fine, he doesn’t come again.

AlisonDonut · 12/01/2023 18:01

I agree he can't come again of he can't be trusted to let you know he has left the house.

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Swimswam · 12/01/2023 18:02

At that age he should have known to tell you he was leaving. It’s also polite ‘thank you xs mum for the popcorn but I would like to go home now’
I think I would say this to the Mum. You can’t be expected to hover over them as they play. Maybe ask the mother what she considers acceptable supervision. Based on her answer you can decide if you want the child in your house again.

UsuallySuze · 12/01/2023 18:03

I'd reply that you're happy whether or not he comes again but that you work on the basis that a 10-11yo can be relied on not to leave the house without telling an adult and so doesn't need constant supervision in that regard. Up to her whether she is happy with that.

Floralnomad · 12/01/2023 18:03

I’d just say ‘ok that’s your choice ‘ . The kid should have told someone he was leaving , you can’t be expected to be constantly supervising a 10/11 yr old , he could just have easily nipped out whilst you were in the loo .

PrayingandHoping · 12/01/2023 18:04

That age child should not need someone sitting watching them

Her child at that age should know better than to leave without telling anyone

You didn't leave them home alone.

She's in the wrong.

ditalini · 12/01/2023 18:05

She should be talking to her ds about how it's dangerous ( and rude!) to leave like that and not tell people that you're going. Lots of reasons, accident, emergency, fire whatever.

I agree with you, at that age I would expect them to walk home on their own a short distance. I would also EXPECT my son to tell the person he was visiting that he was leaving if he left early (or at any time).

I get that she's had a fright, but she's focussing on the wrong target here.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 12/01/2023 18:05

He shouldn’t have just taken off without telling everyone. Tbh he could have done the same if you’d been downstairs and you probably wouldn’t have realised. Leave his mum to it, she sounds like one of ‘those’ parents. Unless she had a panic and apologises for blaming you, then yes, it’s tough titties, he can’t come again.

Viviennemary · 12/01/2023 18:06

This isn't your failt st all.

SirChenjins · 12/01/2023 18:06

It wasn’t your fault at all - their final year of primary, going to high school in a few months fgs. If he doesn’t know to say cheerio by this age then his mum needs to have a wee word with him.

In reply I’d say “thanks for letting me know” and leave her to simmer down.

Beees · 12/01/2023 18:06

She's taking it out on you when actually the only person she should be cross at her son.

If he can't be trusted to tell people he is leaving then he simply isn't sensible enough to be coming over and I'd concur with her that until he is responsible enough to let an adult know he is going home he can't come again.

FlounderingFruitcake · 12/01/2023 18:06

If the kid isn’t mature enough to even tell his friends that he’s leaving then maybe the mum has a point and he shouldn’t come again. Does she honestly expect you to sit in the room watching them play xbox? People don’t even supervise 5YOs on playdates that closely do they 😬

Sprig1 · 12/01/2023 18:07

I am with her. If my child is at someone else's house I would, as a minimum, expect them to know if he was in the house or not.

NeuroWasabi · 12/01/2023 18:07

I think his mum was being unreasonable, expecting you to guard the doors in case one of the 11 year old kids decides to leave without a word to anyone. Maybe she was embarrassed that her kid just left... I'd guess that may be seen as rude. He should have told his friends at least. Given his mother's attitude I'd refuse to have him back unless he promises to let someone know if he wants to go home.

frazzledasarock · 12/01/2023 18:07

I would say OK thats fine, I expect children at that age not to go wondering off alone, & to let people know before leaving.

you can’t be expected to supervise ten year olds that closely, they should have a modicum of common sense at that age.

Throwncrumbs · 12/01/2023 18:08

Tell her you were working, tell her to collect her own child from school and you are not her unpaid child minder! She’s a CF !

TheYearOfSmallThings · 12/01/2023 18:09

Just reply "OK 👍".

However I would be asking my DC a few questions about why his friend left, what was happening just before he left, and how nobody noticed he had gone, because that seems odd.

lljkk · 12/01/2023 18:09

omg, the lad did nothing wrong.
He proved he's quite capable, actually.
He just needs a request to keep the adults informed.
Nothing bad happened.
Nobody should be angry.

Sasha07 · 12/01/2023 18:10

You've done nothing wrong. This is entirely her. I've known some people to prefer to 'tell others off' when it's their child at fault purely because for some reason, their child can do no wrong. I'd either ignore it as she's being batshot atm or reply saying that's her perogative (...to be an unreasonable fruitloop)

Changechangychange · 12/01/2023 18:11

His friends thought he had just gone to the toilet. Is she saying she wants you to follow an 11 year old into the toilet, to ensure he doesn’t attempt to secretly leave without telling you again? Batshit.

I agree with PPs, she is taking this out on you when it’s her son she should be annoyed with.

WinnieFosterReads · 12/01/2023 18:12

I'd expect an adult to know how many DCs are in the house. At that age, dramas can blow up so I was always within earshot and popped in occasionally.

Fushiadreams · 12/01/2023 18:13

I also think a 10 year old needs basic supervision and by that I mean knowing if they are in the house or not. 10 year olds are too young to be left totally unsupervised for Any length of time like this. And I’m shocked anyone would suggest they are.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 12/01/2023 18:13

I think you were in the wrong for taking the kids word that their parents were happy with them walking home in the dark. I wouldn't be happy if my child turned up home without me knowing that he was coming back.
The kid was in the wrong for leaving and not telling anyone (do you believe the others are telling the truth about him saying nothing before leaving?)

AutumnColours9 · 12/01/2023 18:14

Sprig1 · 12/01/2023 18:07

I am with her. If my child is at someone else's house I would, as a minimum, expect them to know if he was in the house or not.

Me too