Newborn won't sleep in cot, too scared to bed share. On my knees

[AliceAbsolum]

No other generation of women were told to put tiny babies on their backs away from them otherwise they will die
I'm terrified of co sleeping but she will not sleep in her cot. I can't stay awake 24 hours a day
The whole thing is fucking awful

She's 4 weeks old and I've tried dummy, swaddle, white noise, warming the surface, putting a t shirt down. Rocking, stroking patting. Nothing works. As soon as she realizes that she is put down she screams

"To be honest, I feel sorry for families that have toddlers that are incapable of sleeping in their own beds. It must be terrible for the parents and I can't see how it's going to help a child's long term development - e.g. will they be able to cope with school trips away? What happens when they're usurped by a younger sibling that needs to co-sleep? When does it end? Do you have to go to bed at 7pm every night, just so the kid can sleep? If you keep the kid up until you're ready for bed, does the kid get enough sleep?"

Ach the baby is four weeks old and @AliceAbsolum needs a snooze tonight. I think we can shelve worries about school trips for now! But I love that these are your concerns. FWIW, all three of mine started to settle into a pattern of needing a long deep sleep early in the evening by12-14 weeks so we just popped them in the cot after a bath and a feed then. They would wake and need further feeds in thenight and be harder to settle from 11onwards so from that point I'd co-sleep and get up and down to feed as necessary. They'd be up for the day about 6 and I'd often need a bit more sleep as I'd been up feeding so DH would get up with them whilst I caught a few more zzzs. They all slept longer without waking naturally by 1 when we moved them to their own rooms. They are all in their teens now and have been on sleepovers, scout trips, ski trips etc without needing me with them. If I was feeling troublesome I'd suggest they are all secure, stable well-adjusted individuals because their needs were met in infancy. Unlike tiny babies who are left alone to cry at an early age and end up anxious and unable to cope with challenging new experiences. BUT I don't actually believe that. Babies and families are all different. Do what works for you provided it is safe.

THISSSSS

Yea it’s quite clear you prioritise your own sleep and comfort over your sons safety!

I put my son first. I breastfeed so he naturally stays close to the boob. He will not slide down the bed. He's had kids duvet in cot since 5 days old.

With my eldest. I tried putting her in the Moses basket or bedside crib for 10-14 days. Every time I tried. She'd wake up. Then Id breastfeed again. Change her & try again. Then out of pure exhaustion started bed sharing, followed the safe 7.

Baby no. 2 had her in bed with me from the day she was born. Best thing I ever did. I was much more rested from day 1. And so was she. She was a much better sleeper in the early days than her sister! Might be unrelated, but could be her sleep was less disturbed.

Safety*

Its at my mams house. She said he will be fine with the duvet. I trust her judgement. He's nearly 10 months. She's got 4 kids and we're all alive and well so....

He can actually push the duvet away. I've seen him do It

I'd highly recommend an Owlet monitor. It is a smart sock that your baby wears and it monitors their heart rate and oxygen saturation and will make an almighty din if there is an issue. Before I got mine I was so tired I actually wondered if sleep deprivation would kill me and I nearly dropped my baby down the stairs accidentally I was so tired. With it I could get comfortable bed sharing and got so much more sleep that I actually felt well rested. Much safer than risking accidentally falling asleep in an unsafe. situation.

I also highly recommend the UK Cosleepers group on Facebook. So much support and advice on free and if you post a picture on there of your setup you can get constructive feedback on making it as safe as possible.

Hoping you can get some sleep soon.

He's also got 2 soft toys. A bunny and a cow blanket

The next to me type things are good. Swaddle worked for us (with arms in). Can you put her down before she's asleep and stay right there until she nods off? The first few weeks are TOUGH, you'll get through it I promise.

In the cot at mine I use a fur blanket and took it under him. Keeps him lovely and warm.

God people are such arseholes in here. Its not being lazy or selfish. Don't need to thanks. I'll cary on being the best damn mother to my son. Have a nice night 👍

Carry*

And you are such lovely judgemental people

True. Apologies @AliceAbsolum you have gotten lots of great advice here on safe co sleeping. Check out the adult and child’s sleep bags on slumber sac website. They are great. Hope you get some sleep soon.

Hardly going to let my son suffocate 🙄🙄 you sound like a lovely person.

Another vote for co-sleeping.

Just be sensible and follow the guidelines.

Our babies are meant to be held. Initially they have no concept of distance or object permanence so my thoughts are that unless they are being held they think they’re all alone! Which for a tiny helpless baby must be terrifying.

My baby is almost 5 months old. He struggled to sleep on his back initially, my mum would place him on his front to sleep (as previous generations of women were recommended to do.) He slept very well like this, much deeper and much longer, however it made me uneasy as there is a strong correlation with front sleeping and SIDS so I wouldn’t suggest that. Now he sleeps very well on his back or sometimes on his side.

I co slept using the best guidelines I could find. It wore warm clothes so no loose covers and baby in an appropriate grow bag. Also bought an owlet sock for extra reassurance- but this is a very expensive option. Most days tried her in her moses basket, and after a couple of month it started working.