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My son was arrested

203 replies

polkadotpenny · 02/01/2023 01:06

NC for this little beauty and it's going to be a long one, so please bare with me.

Little bit of background. My son is mid 20s, been dating this girl who was 22 for about 6 months. I met her four times and on each occasion I got a bad feeling about her. Anyway, this one time she was around and I was chatting to her and she said something like 'he's so
annoying', so I asked her what was he doing that annoyed her and she replied 'he's too nice, he always asks if I need anything or if he can get me anything and I don't like it.' I was stunned at her dislike of a man being kind and I told her how I would have love to have a man who cared so much. When she went home I told my boy that I just felt there was something not quite right about her. Couldn't put my finger on it but I told him to be wary.

Fast forward end of November my son went to stay at his girlfriends as he did on his days off (she lived with her family). He will generally message me to tell me when he's leaving to come home, this day, nothing. Hours and hours went by, nothing. Finally 10pm the next night I get a call. He had been arrested but from the police phone he couldn't tell me anything. They still hadn't interviewed him at that point. Finally at 1am they released him on bail, to go back at the end of January.

What happened was, they were at a club and she got really pissed and was in a mood, started a row and walked off. My son didn't want her walking the streets alone so he tried to stop her by grabbing her wrist as she was in no fit state to go anywhere. She then walked back into the club and from there apparently called the police to get my son arrested for common assault.

... it got worse.

She wrote a statement stating dates and times where my son had sexually assaulted her, regularly 'beat' her, threatened her with a gun, broke her belongings, carried cocaine with him and on the night in question grabbed her round the throat outside the club and tried to strangle her.

Reading the statement it made me feel sick. It was so unbelievable, but I knew it was all bullshit because how can she tell me he's too nice and then say he's doing all these horrible things?

During this my son was suspended from work due to his arrest.

A few days after the arrest his ex's mother came to collect a few of her belongings that were left behind and even she said 'I have no idea why she's doing this, he's a lovely lad and I've told her to drop it'.

Her statement was all lies. On the dates where these things apparently happened, my son pulled up his rota from work and he had been doing 7am-10pm shifts and when he does those shifts he comes straight home (she lived about 30 miles away, I would have known if he'd got home late or not
come in at all as he would have messaged to let me know and on the dates I just got messages saying 'leaving work now'), so he couldn't have been at hers on those days and his work confirmed he was there.

The cocaine she said he had carried with him was a mini bag of FLOUR, the police took it from her house after he was arrested and obviously tested it! He makes music videos and it was a 'prop'. So that was a bit embarrassing for her.

The threatening with the gun we produced pics where she had held a gun at him (he has BBs that he uses for
target practice and all registered in his name), it was her holding the gun
at him, not the other way round. The police searched my house without anyone being there looking for more drugs and also took all his guns!

Over the last few weeks I've been in touch with the detective in charge of the investigation and she asked to see as much evidence to prove my son was innocent. So on the days where all the apparent abuse/violence happened I got my son to screenshot the conversations the day before, the day off the abuse and the day after, because if any kind of shit went down the conversation would definitely show something. There was nothing! What the detective did say was that none of it made any sense because if he'd been so awful early on in the relationship why not just block him? Why keep inviting him over? They didn't live together so ghosting him would have been simple, instead she was telling him she missed him and wanted him over.

The last piece of the investigation was the CCTV footage from outside the club where my son had apparently tried to strangle her. This took a bit longer to obtain, however it finally was and surprise surprise HE DIDN'T DO IT! All it showed was her stumbling away and my son trying to stop her.

Yesterday we got the news that they've closed he investigation (NFA). His ex literally fabricated the entire thing!

All we are waiting for now is a letter so he can hand to his head office to say he was fucking innocent the whole time
and he's getting all his bb guns back that they took from my house!

So, obviously this has been incredibly stressful. My son is autistic and has mental health issues and the way he regulates this is by the routine of his job. Because of her BS, his routine and his
mental health has really been affected. He couldn't make sense why she'd do this when he had only ever been lovely to her. Seeing my son sob was heartbreaking.

What his pissed me off is that she's not going to be punished for lying. Wasting police time. I did ask the detective and this is what she said 'Unfortunately not, this is the unfair part of my job, where we cannot look to prosecute DV ‘victims’. And I agree, this could have been very damaging.

Anyway, thank goodness, it's all over but it's been hell, but gutted there's nothing we can do against her lying.

OP posts:
Pineappleskies · 02/01/2023 01:10

Gosh what a stressful couple of months. Sounds like you gave him excellent support and the police were thorough.

Is she going to be charged with wasting police time?

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 02/01/2023 01:12

😭
Your poor son.
I hope he is still able to trust people again one day after that. 😞
Her actions are appalling. I hope his job is back ok soon and he can start to heal.
Can you speak to get mum and see if she can help convey the awful damage she has done and maybe express some regret?
Please let him know that most women would never do such a horrible thing and he has been very unfortunate in crossing paths with someone so vindictive.

Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 01:14

Your poor son. I’m so happy he was able to prove his innocence.
As he is autistic, shouldn’t he be registered as a vulnerable adult?

MoscowMules · 02/01/2023 01:24

Your poor son! I'm glad he was NFA'd, but this will last a lifetime for him sadly. I feel for both of you. She's basically abused him and used the police to facilitate this!

I'd speak to a solicitor about taking a non molestation order out against her, so she can't continue to harass him or make false allegations to the police about him. Because let's face it, she's got form now.

lifeinthehills · 02/01/2023 01:35

That's awful. I'm so sorry you both had to go through that. I'm glad your son has been vindicated. He should keep well away from her.

Summer2424 · 02/01/2023 01:37

Hi @polkadotpenny oh my god, what a nasty girl! I'm so glad it's all over for you all 🙏

supernova1234 · 02/01/2023 01:52

I am so sorry for your son. One day he will meet a wonderful woman, who will appreciate his kindness.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/01/2023 01:57

So, he carries around pretend bags of cocaine, has weapons that can and do kill people (babies and children generally) or at least scare people into thinking they're real and likes to make tiktok videos with them, pretending to be some sort of gangster.

SLS500 · 02/01/2023 02:00

Goodness what a nightmare. Your poor son!

What the hell is wrong with her?

Definitely get legal advice to make sure she can never contact your son and see if there's a case for prosecution and compensation.

No idea how this works, but i couldn't not do something. The only consideration is you don't want to drag it out for your son's case, but perhaps explain it might stop her from doing it again to someone else.

SLS500 · 02/01/2023 02:02

*son's sake not case.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/01/2023 02:03

Why would he make videos with ‘pretend’ bags of coke and guns? This is not normal.

Have you asked him about that?

It sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other. And that you think he’s perfect.

Greyarea12 · 02/01/2023 02:04

I agree about speaking to a solicitor and getting an interdict (scotland) or an injunction (England) on her and I would ask for a power of arrest to be attached. Your son will not be the last she does this too. The more evidence against her (in terms of court orders) the better (for if she tries this again with your son or anyone else) The court order will also, most importantly, protect your son from her and from any further false allegations. If your son is looking for support, victim support may be a good place to start. If you worried about costs, you could ask the solicitor to ask the court to make her liable for costs. I have a court order on my ex and he was made liable for the costs.

Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 02:06

Why would he make videos with ‘pretend’ bags of coke and guns? This is not normal.

Its perfectly normal for music videos of a certain genre. 🤣

Hawkins001 · 02/01/2023 02:08

So basically could it be argued that she is an Amber ?

KloppsTeeth · 02/01/2023 02:26

Oh god @polkadotpenny how horrendous.

Your son has autism and should be registered as a vulnerable adult, particularly with any dealings with the police.

polkadotpenny · 02/01/2023 04:22

@NeverDropYourMooncup

Who mentioned TikTok? I said music videos.

OP posts:
polkadotpenny · 02/01/2023 04:29

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

I didn't say he made videos with guns, I said he he does target practice (and he takes part in airsoft).

I would rather him have a prop bag of flour than genuine class A drugs. Music/video creating/editing (along with his job) is what makes him happy, so I fully support that. He's not hurting anyone, the police didn't have a problem with it (or the bb's) and he's not doing anything illegal.

OP posts:
5moments · 02/01/2023 04:37

What would your conversations via text have to do with abuse? How did they rule out the sexual abuse?

polkadotpenny · 02/01/2023 04:41

@KloppsTeeth

The detective I was in touch with (who interviewed my son and involved with the investigation) was amazing with him. He told them he is on the spectrum, but saying that it doesn't take people long to be able to tell he is. Obviously at the point of arrest he didn't say anything because he was utterly confused as he hadn't done anything wrong, but he mentioned it when he was taken to the station. They kept a close eye on him, not just because of the autism, but his mental illness and the fact he couldn't stop throwing up the entire time he was there through fear.

OP posts:
polkadotpenny · 02/01/2023 04:51

@5moments

If someone was sexually abusing you, the day after this horrendous crime happened, you wouldn't be telling your abuser that you can't wait to see them, hold them, that you miss them etc.

I myself was raped, I stupidly didn't go to the police but I did stop all contact the second the arsehole walked out my door. I didn't send messages telling him
I loved him and making plans. Basically the messages weren't consistent of someone who was terrified of their
'abuser' which is what she'd written in her statement.

As I said in my OP, as they didn't live together, she should have called the police the first (or second/third/forth) time any 'abuse' took place (but it didn't happen because he was at work, 30 miles away), not continue to invite him to stay over.

OP posts:
polkadotpenny · 02/01/2023 04:55

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/01/2023 01:57

So, he carries around pretend bags of cocaine, has weapons that can and do kill people (babies and children generally) or at least scare people into thinking they're real and likes to make tiktok videos with them, pretending to be some sort of gangster.

I just reread your post.

He doesn't carry around 'bags' it's one bag that happens to be in the bag he uses when he stays overnight anywhere or he uses for carrying his camera equipment.

OP posts:
polkadotpenny · 02/01/2023 05:02

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/01/2023 01:57

So, he carries around pretend bags of cocaine, has weapons that can and do kill people (babies and children generally) or at least scare people into thinking they're real and likes to make tiktok videos with them, pretending to be some sort of gangster.

As for his 'weapons' they're not used to scare anyone, especially not to harm
babies or children!

As for him being a gangster that made me chuckle as if you knew my son, he's about as gangster as Mr Bean!

Thankfully the police who turned my house upside down and are releasing his 'flour' and BBs realise he's harmless!

OP posts:
dolor · 02/01/2023 05:16

Rest assured, someone with her mindset will get herself into a lot of trouble somewhere along the lines, and you'll probably get to hear about it too, because it's usually explosive when it happens.

Snowflake2 · 02/01/2023 05:31

This is awful I'm so sorry you've both been through this. She is one nasty piece of work

emptythelitterbox · 02/01/2023 05:53

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