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Original poster

My son was arrested

203 replies

polkadotpenny · 02/01/2023 01:06

NC for this little beauty and it's going to be a long one, so please bare with me.

Little bit of background. My son is mid 20s, been dating this girl who was 22 for about 6 months. I met her four times and on each occasion I got a bad feeling about her. Anyway, this one time she was around and I was chatting to her and she said something like 'he's so
annoying', so I asked her what was he doing that annoyed her and she replied 'he's too nice, he always asks if I need anything or if he can get me anything and I don't like it.' I was stunned at her dislike of a man being kind and I told her how I would have love to have a man who cared so much. When she went home I told my boy that I just felt there was something not quite right about her. Couldn't put my finger on it but I told him to be wary.

Fast forward end of November my son went to stay at his girlfriends as he did on his days off (she lived with her family). He will generally message me to tell me when he's leaving to come home, this day, nothing. Hours and hours went by, nothing. Finally 10pm the next night I get a call. He had been arrested but from the police phone he couldn't tell me anything. They still hadn't interviewed him at that point. Finally at 1am they released him on bail, to go back at the end of January.

What happened was, they were at a club and she got really pissed and was in a mood, started a row and walked off. My son didn't want her walking the streets alone so he tried to stop her by grabbing her wrist as she was in no fit state to go anywhere. She then walked back into the club and from there apparently called the police to get my son arrested for common assault.

... it got worse.

She wrote a statement stating dates and times where my son had sexually assaulted her, regularly 'beat' her, threatened her with a gun, broke her belongings, carried cocaine with him and on the night in question grabbed her round the throat outside the club and tried to strangle her.

Reading the statement it made me feel sick. It was so unbelievable, but I knew it was all bullshit because how can she tell me he's too nice and then say he's doing all these horrible things?

During this my son was suspended from work due to his arrest.

A few days after the arrest his ex's mother came to collect a few of her belongings that were left behind and even she said 'I have no idea why she's doing this, he's a lovely lad and I've told her to drop it'.

Her statement was all lies. On the dates where these things apparently happened, my son pulled up his rota from work and he had been doing 7am-10pm shifts and when he does those shifts he comes straight home (she lived about 30 miles away, I would have known if he'd got home late or not
come in at all as he would have messaged to let me know and on the dates I just got messages saying 'leaving work now'), so he couldn't have been at hers on those days and his work confirmed he was there.

The cocaine she said he had carried with him was a mini bag of FLOUR, the police took it from her house after he was arrested and obviously tested it! He makes music videos and it was a 'prop'. So that was a bit embarrassing for her.

The threatening with the gun we produced pics where she had held a gun at him (he has BBs that he uses for
target practice and all registered in his name), it was her holding the gun
at him, not the other way round. The police searched my house without anyone being there looking for more drugs and also took all his guns!

Over the last few weeks I've been in touch with the detective in charge of the investigation and she asked to see as much evidence to prove my son was innocent. So on the days where all the apparent abuse/violence happened I got my son to screenshot the conversations the day before, the day off the abuse and the day after, because if any kind of shit went down the conversation would definitely show something. There was nothing! What the detective did say was that none of it made any sense because if he'd been so awful early on in the relationship why not just block him? Why keep inviting him over? They didn't live together so ghosting him would have been simple, instead she was telling him she missed him and wanted him over.

The last piece of the investigation was the CCTV footage from outside the club where my son had apparently tried to strangle her. This took a bit longer to obtain, however it finally was and surprise surprise HE DIDN'T DO IT! All it showed was her stumbling away and my son trying to stop her.

Yesterday we got the news that they've closed he investigation (NFA). His ex literally fabricated the entire thing!

All we are waiting for now is a letter so he can hand to his head office to say he was fucking innocent the whole time
and he's getting all his bb guns back that they took from my house!

So, obviously this has been incredibly stressful. My son is autistic and has mental health issues and the way he regulates this is by the routine of his job. Because of her BS, his routine and his
mental health has really been affected. He couldn't make sense why she'd do this when he had only ever been lovely to her. Seeing my son sob was heartbreaking.

What his pissed me off is that she's not going to be punished for lying. Wasting police time. I did ask the detective and this is what she said 'Unfortunately not, this is the unfair part of my job, where we cannot look to prosecute DV ‘victims’. And I agree, this could have been very damaging.

Anyway, thank goodness, it's all over but it's been hell, but gutted there's nothing we can do against her lying.

OP posts:
Allsnotwell · 02/01/2023 06:01

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

MarshaMelrose · 02/01/2023 06:17

BB guns should be illegal. They are used indiscriminately against animals and are potentially lethal to humans. And any sort of young idiot can have them.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 02/01/2023 06:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

CoffeandTiaMaria · 02/01/2023 07:09

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

rwalker · 02/01/2023 07:14

Our ex friends daughter did far worse to a lad
undisputable evidence followed by police confronting her and full confession she made it all up
the lads life distroyed she literally got a telling off and walked away Scott free

so so wrong

euff · 02/01/2023 07:35

Please speak to a solicitor and see what they say. It's so wrong that she gets off free and clear from intentionally trying to destroy your sons life like this when there is ample clear evidence that she was lying. There should be consequences for that. Mud sticks and like some of the posters on here people will never take your sons word or yours that he was innocent.

Make sure he stays away from anywhere she may be or any friendship groups she may be a part of as he needs to protect himself from her. I know of one girl like her and karma does not exist, she ruined a lads life with no comeback and she kept on going for years telling new jobs etc. It's horrifying that people are willing and able to make this stuff up and that when proven there are no consequences.

WhenIAmOldIShallWearPurple · 02/01/2023 07:43

Ignore the trolls OP. There's a subset on Mumsnet who genuinely believe that men can never be victims and women can never be the perpetrators. Sadly they are only harming the cause!

I'm glad it has all been resolved. I wonder if your son would benefit from specialist counseling to help him process what has happened.

ReformedWaywardTeen · 02/01/2023 07:44

You need to protect your son from this vile woman. Ask the police for a non-molestation order.
A good friend of mine who is too trusting for his own good had a girlfriend like that, she didn't just stop at one false report, after the first one he wanted nothing to do with her. But that wasn't acceptable for her and she kept texting him she was so sorry and could they see each other. When he said no way she called police saying he was outside her home and stalking her. It got to the point he was scared to leave his home as police kept accusing him on her behalf.

In the end he contacted a solicitor and they asked the police to firstly, mark this as blatant harassment and stop attending his address when every time they did it turned out to be rubbish and to protect him from further abuse and contact. Hence the non-molestation order.

That way she cannot contact him or make threats or lies. If she did she would be arrested. It also shows up on her record.

He does sound vulnerable your poor son and I hope she doesn't try and get back in touch but just in case I would act now

Charlize43 · 02/01/2023 07:53

She sounds like an Amber. What a nasty, vindictive piece of work.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 02/01/2023 07:54

It's absolutely ridiculous she can't be charged with wasting police time......all the resources used on her could have Been spent on real victims.......not to mention the money wasted.

itsgettingweird · 02/01/2023 08:01

Your poor ds.

My ds is also autistic and get that that "overly kind" personality. It's the over empathy side of autism.

I've also always worried he'd be vulnerable like this.

I'm surprised they can't prosecute for something like perverting they course of justice?

I really hope your ds learns to out this behind him and continue to live a happy and independent life and find someone who deserves a man who cares.

daretodenim · 02/01/2023 08:10

OP I'm sorry for your DS. I didn't know a non-mol order could be used in a situation like this but it sounds a very good idea. While it'll put the brakes on her doing similar to someone else, primarily it gives your DS a bit of certainty.

I also agree that not only should he be avoiding her, block her number, reply to no sms ever for any reason, no Snapchat no insta messaging etc. blacket ignoring. And same for any of her friendship group. And if they were to contact him, even to say something nice, he should screenshot it and not reply.

RedHelenB · 02/01/2023 08:11

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/01/2023 01:57

So, he carries around pretend bags of cocaine, has weapons that can and do kill people (babies and children generally) or at least scare people into thinking they're real and likes to make tiktok videos with them, pretending to be some sort of gangster.

This. And he works 7 am to 10pm. Weird.

hattie43 · 02/01/2023 08:18

She needs prosecuting for wasting police time

3WildOnes · 02/01/2023 08:22

On the one side you are portraying him as a vulnerable lad who is overly nice and then he has BB guns and makes music videos with fake bags of cocaine. A juxtaposition. I can't quite square these two images.

Bard6817 · 02/01/2023 08:29

WhenIAmOldIShallWearPurple · 02/01/2023 07:43

Ignore the trolls OP. There's a subset on Mumsnet who genuinely believe that men can never be victims and women can never be the perpetrators. Sadly they are only harming the cause!

I'm glad it has all been resolved. I wonder if your son would benefit from specialist counseling to help him process what has happened.

Same message from me. Women can do no wrong and assumption of guilt against the male clearly appearing on some messages.

A friend of mine did 5 years because of something similar. Thought being honest and truthfull with the police when they turned up, was the right approach, rather than being silent and seeking advice. He didn’t do anything wrong and didn’t think he had anything to hide. Aeverything he said was twisted to make out he was a crazy person. Victim got £5k comp.

Your son got lucky!!

My friends life was ruined and eventually he took his own life.

Get your son councelling please.

TheMamaYo · 02/01/2023 08:32

This is quite horrifying to read, especially as a mother of an ASD son. I am so glad that one part of it is over now. No great advice, but I hope she gets her comeuppance. And that you and your son will be ok. She really sounds incredibly dumb and evil.

KillingLoneliness · 02/01/2023 08:35

3WildOnes · 02/01/2023 08:22

On the one side you are portraying him as a vulnerable lad who is overly nice and then he has BB guns and makes music videos with fake bags of cocaine. A juxtaposition. I can't quite square these two images.

Why can’t someone be nice and own BB guns?
Air soft is a real hobby for a lot of people, my husband does it occasionally along with my brother and my BIL and they are all perfectly nice people with families and stable careers.
OP didn’t even state if he makes public music videos, not that it matters since tons of famous musicians talk able sex and drugs and it’s a prominent feature in their music videos which is available to the masses, her son is just experimenting and it’s harmless, I’ve honestly no idea why people are picking on this when the police have fully cleared him, if there was anything to be found they would have pressed charges.

OP I’m very sorry your son went through this, those with autism are so vulnerable and easily taken advantage of due to their trusting and caring nature. It’s not fair that he has had to go through this ordeal and I hope he is able to get his routine back and work on his mental health.

I have a family member that was accused of similar and it was all fabricated but it had such an impact on their life, they lost their job and had to face a lot of judgment from people who automatically assumed they were guilty before the investigation has even taken place. It was really hard to see them go through it all.

BarrelOfOtters · 02/01/2023 08:39

Similar happened to a friend’s son. Except despite the lack of evidence it went to court. He had 3 years of waiting for court case due to covid. They paid out 1000s in legal fees and to show that her timeline was a complete fiction.

in the meantime she’d been in and out of secure accommodation, in jail for stealing, assault….she’s a very troubled girl.

he was completely exonerated and the police and prosecution service given a dressing down by the judge and got his costs paid.

Santancrap · 02/01/2023 08:42

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/01/2023 02:03

Why would he make videos with ‘pretend’ bags of coke and guns? This is not normal.

Have you asked him about that?

It sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other. And that you think he’s perfect.

No it doesn’t!
maybe he has an interest in videography and portrays issues such as gun violence and drug abuse?!
why do people on here have to play devils advocate for someone who is clearly wrong!

Cosycover · 02/01/2023 08:46

Hawkins001 · 02/01/2023 02:08

So basically could it be argued that she is an Amber ?

Well no considering the amount of evidence Amber had to support her statements. Maybe do a bit more research on this outside of tiktok.

It's not comparable.

OP I am so glad this woman got caught in her lies. She is vile. Sending love to you and your son.

Georgeskitchen · 02/01/2023 08:52

Something similar happened to my son. Insanely jealous accusing him of seeing other women, assaulted him. Huge row culminated in her phoning the police. Very long story but the next day she accused him of rape. And of assault of her 12 year old son. No medical examination, didn't even interview the son , charged with about 7 different things. This went all way to crown court. She lied on the stand. Lots of other anomalies, too many to mention. Luckily we had a phenomenally good barrister who just drove a coach and horses through the whole lot.
OP I'm sorry that some of the usual suspects are giving you are hard time. There are some absolutely vile females out there who ruin the lives of innocent men just because they can
Ignore then

Prescottdanni123 · 02/01/2023 08:52

@emptythelitterbox

How do you know that OP's son isn't making videos about the dangers of drug use? It has never been specified.

And due to there being mountains and mountains of evidence, her son's girlfriend has been proved to have been lying.

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 02/01/2023 09:00

If the police can't charge her as a DV victim, can your sin bring separate charges against her, once the first case is fully dropped, for malicious harassment or something?

DogInATent · 02/01/2023 09:10

Which country is this supposed to be in?