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My son was arrested

203 replies

polkadotpenny · 02/01/2023 01:06

NC for this little beauty and it's going to be a long one, so please bare with me.

Little bit of background. My son is mid 20s, been dating this girl who was 22 for about 6 months. I met her four times and on each occasion I got a bad feeling about her. Anyway, this one time she was around and I was chatting to her and she said something like 'he's so
annoying', so I asked her what was he doing that annoyed her and she replied 'he's too nice, he always asks if I need anything or if he can get me anything and I don't like it.' I was stunned at her dislike of a man being kind and I told her how I would have love to have a man who cared so much. When she went home I told my boy that I just felt there was something not quite right about her. Couldn't put my finger on it but I told him to be wary.

Fast forward end of November my son went to stay at his girlfriends as he did on his days off (she lived with her family). He will generally message me to tell me when he's leaving to come home, this day, nothing. Hours and hours went by, nothing. Finally 10pm the next night I get a call. He had been arrested but from the police phone he couldn't tell me anything. They still hadn't interviewed him at that point. Finally at 1am they released him on bail, to go back at the end of January.

What happened was, they were at a club and she got really pissed and was in a mood, started a row and walked off. My son didn't want her walking the streets alone so he tried to stop her by grabbing her wrist as she was in no fit state to go anywhere. She then walked back into the club and from there apparently called the police to get my son arrested for common assault.

... it got worse.

She wrote a statement stating dates and times where my son had sexually assaulted her, regularly 'beat' her, threatened her with a gun, broke her belongings, carried cocaine with him and on the night in question grabbed her round the throat outside the club and tried to strangle her.

Reading the statement it made me feel sick. It was so unbelievable, but I knew it was all bullshit because how can she tell me he's too nice and then say he's doing all these horrible things?

During this my son was suspended from work due to his arrest.

A few days after the arrest his ex's mother came to collect a few of her belongings that were left behind and even she said 'I have no idea why she's doing this, he's a lovely lad and I've told her to drop it'.

Her statement was all lies. On the dates where these things apparently happened, my son pulled up his rota from work and he had been doing 7am-10pm shifts and when he does those shifts he comes straight home (she lived about 30 miles away, I would have known if he'd got home late or not
come in at all as he would have messaged to let me know and on the dates I just got messages saying 'leaving work now'), so he couldn't have been at hers on those days and his work confirmed he was there.

The cocaine she said he had carried with him was a mini bag of FLOUR, the police took it from her house after he was arrested and obviously tested it! He makes music videos and it was a 'prop'. So that was a bit embarrassing for her.

The threatening with the gun we produced pics where she had held a gun at him (he has BBs that he uses for
target practice and all registered in his name), it was her holding the gun
at him, not the other way round. The police searched my house without anyone being there looking for more drugs and also took all his guns!

Over the last few weeks I've been in touch with the detective in charge of the investigation and she asked to see as much evidence to prove my son was innocent. So on the days where all the apparent abuse/violence happened I got my son to screenshot the conversations the day before, the day off the abuse and the day after, because if any kind of shit went down the conversation would definitely show something. There was nothing! What the detective did say was that none of it made any sense because if he'd been so awful early on in the relationship why not just block him? Why keep inviting him over? They didn't live together so ghosting him would have been simple, instead she was telling him she missed him and wanted him over.

The last piece of the investigation was the CCTV footage from outside the club where my son had apparently tried to strangle her. This took a bit longer to obtain, however it finally was and surprise surprise HE DIDN'T DO IT! All it showed was her stumbling away and my son trying to stop her.

Yesterday we got the news that they've closed he investigation (NFA). His ex literally fabricated the entire thing!

All we are waiting for now is a letter so he can hand to his head office to say he was fucking innocent the whole time
and he's getting all his bb guns back that they took from my house!

So, obviously this has been incredibly stressful. My son is autistic and has mental health issues and the way he regulates this is by the routine of his job. Because of her BS, his routine and his
mental health has really been affected. He couldn't make sense why she'd do this when he had only ever been lovely to her. Seeing my son sob was heartbreaking.

What his pissed me off is that she's not going to be punished for lying. Wasting police time. I did ask the detective and this is what she said 'Unfortunately not, this is the unfair part of my job, where we cannot look to prosecute DV ‘victims’. And I agree, this could have been very damaging.

Anyway, thank goodness, it's all over but it's been hell, but gutted there's nothing we can do against her lying.

OP posts:
Mammillaria · 02/01/2023 09:10

What a relief that the truth came out. Your poor DS.

Unfortunately much of the circumstantial evidence (the text messages, returning to him, the "too nice" comments, etc) does not rule out assault. All the women that I know who have been raped and/or abused did not report it because they felt their prior or post actions were not that of a perfect victim. This includes a former neighbour who was frequently beaten bloody but kept returning, a 14 year old high school friend who thought her uncle really did love her even though she didn't like what she sometimes did with him and a lesbian whose male 'friend' raped her so violently her sternum was broken but she'd willingly gone to his room to watch a film so took some of the blame on herself.

I'll admit I used to jump to believing the woman because of these and other stories.

I suppose the only consolation is that, even without the CCTV and dodgy timeline, she wouldn't have had enough evidence to get close to a prosecution.

PAFMO · 02/01/2023 09:15

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/01/2023 01:57

So, he carries around pretend bags of cocaine, has weapons that can and do kill people (babies and children generally) or at least scare people into thinking they're real and likes to make tiktok videos with them, pretending to be some sort of gangster.

Quite.
Sounds like despite the NFA the girl has certainly had just as much of a lucky escape as the saintly son.

Boomboom22 · 02/01/2023 09:18

I totally understand why you might want her to be charged but I hope you recognise why the police can't do that. Cases of dv are almost always dropped and usually not because the accused is innocent so your case would lead to more disbelief of victims. Tbf why pn earth does he pretend to carry around cocaine and bb guns, hope he isn't emulating anything else from the gangster world.

Prescottdanni123 · 02/01/2023 09:23

@PAFMO

He does target practice and airsoft. That is not uncommon and does not make someone a bad person. And we don't know the theme of these music videos. He might be trying to educate people on the dangers of drug use for all you know.

Baconand · 02/01/2023 09:23

NFA is not the same as innocent- the case can be reopened at any time with additional evidence.
I think you are deluded about your son.

WTFdidwedo · 02/01/2023 09:25

RedHelenB · 02/01/2023 08:11

This. And he works 7 am to 10pm. Weird.

What's so weird about working 7am until 10pm?

Prescottdanni123 · 02/01/2023 09:25

OP has already explained that he does target practice/air soft. And that the bag of flour is for music videos that he does.

MuthaHubbard · 02/01/2023 09:29

Something similar happened recently where my sister lives - started with a false accusation of rape which then spiralled

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/serial-liar-fabricated-evidence-raped-25239314

I'd very much advise seeking legal advise, if nothing more than to make sure there is no further contact

kittensinthekitchen · 02/01/2023 09:36

Slightly off topic, but how does one go about registering as a vulnerable adult? With who?

Nottodaysausage · 02/01/2023 09:38

I think you do need to put a stop to this fake drugs at the very least. Making videos like this could seriously effect his future job opportunities, and things like entry visas to the USA and Australia.

Craver · 02/01/2023 09:43

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/01/2023 01:57

So, he carries around pretend bags of cocaine, has weapons that can and do kill people (babies and children generally) or at least scare people into thinking they're real and likes to make tiktok videos with them, pretending to be some sort of gangster.

My thoughts exactly, hardly going to attract a decent girl.

Prescottdanni123 · 02/01/2023 09:49

@Craver
Why don't you read OP's updates instead of a judgemental poster's invented narrative. He is hardly pretending to be a gangster.

polkadotpenny · 02/01/2023 09:52

@emptythelitterbox

Don't have a DH.
Didn't pay a penny.

OP posts:
OnGoldenPond · 02/01/2023 09:57

Baconand · 02/01/2023 09:23

NFA is not the same as innocent- the case can be reopened at any time with additional evidence.
I think you are deluded about your son.

So what would be the alternative to an NFA? I wasn't aware that there was an alternative disposal option called Declared Innocent? I thought the only option available for dealing with a clearly fabricated accusation was NFA. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Based on the facts presented by the OP I can't see any reason to conclude that she is deluded.

polkadotpenny · 02/01/2023 09:58

@RedHelenB

Yes. Correct. He's a support worker which means he has to be there when they get up and there when they go to bed. Not weird really. On the days he was meant to have done these things, he was on his 7-10 shifts. Not all shifts are that long, some are 7-2, 10-8, 12-10 or even overnight. Perhaps you're unaware of the shift patterns for a support worker.

OP posts:
redbigbananafeet · 02/01/2023 10:02

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/01/2023 01:57

So, he carries around pretend bags of cocaine, has weapons that can and do kill people (babies and children generally) or at least scare people into thinking they're real and likes to make tiktok videos with them, pretending to be some sort of gangster.

And all with autism and mental health issues. OP what does he need deadly weapons to shot 'target practise' for what he practising shooting?

redbigbananafeet · 02/01/2023 10:03

Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 02:06

Why would he make videos with ‘pretend’ bags of coke and guns? This is not normal.

Its perfectly normal for music videos of a certain genre. 🤣

To glamorize guns and drugs?

polkadotpenny · 02/01/2023 10:04

@3WildOnes

I can't see how a man making videos and doing airsoft automatically means he's an abuser. But obviously a man can make videos, use BB guns harmlessly without being a disgusting, violent man who sexually assaults his partner, as there is literally no evidence and as I stated in my OP post, all the days he apparently did it, he was at work, it NEVER happened! Not forgetting zero CCTV footage of him doing what she accused him of. He's innocent, so YES, surprisingly the two things can be totally separate.

OP posts:
Prescottdanni123 · 02/01/2023 10:04

@redbigbananafeet

I do target practice with my archery set, not because I am planning on going out and killing anyone but because it is a fun hobby. And the music videos could be raising awareness around drugs, not glamourizing them

PAFMO · 02/01/2023 10:06

Prescottdanni123 · 02/01/2023 09:23

@PAFMO

He does target practice and airsoft. That is not uncommon and does not make someone a bad person. And we don't know the theme of these music videos. He might be trying to educate people on the dangers of drug use for all you know.

Do you know him?
I don't. But then, I don't know anybody who carries around fake coke, fake weapons and makes tiktok videos using them.
He's been exonerated from the sexual assault charge. He's still a human red flag for the other stuff and I expect he's on a One to Watch list, and quite rightly.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 02/01/2023 10:06

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/01/2023 02:03

Why would he make videos with ‘pretend’ bags of coke and guns? This is not normal.

Have you asked him about that?

It sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other. And that you think he’s perfect.

You go not truly know what's going on OP, with kindness support him but you need to be asking about these above things, the Police did not arrest and go through all of this for nothing.

FloydPepper · 02/01/2023 10:07

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 02/01/2023 10:06

You go not truly know what's going on OP, with kindness support him but you need to be asking about these above things, the Police did not arrest and go through all of this for nothing.

That sounds awfully like “no smoke without fire”

Wonnle · 02/01/2023 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PAFMO · 02/01/2023 10:07

polkadotpenny · 02/01/2023 10:04

@3WildOnes

I can't see how a man making videos and doing airsoft automatically means he's an abuser. But obviously a man can make videos, use BB guns harmlessly without being a disgusting, violent man who sexually assaults his partner, as there is literally no evidence and as I stated in my OP post, all the days he apparently did it, he was at work, it NEVER happened! Not forgetting zero CCTV footage of him doing what she accused him of. He's innocent, so YES, surprisingly the two things can be totally separate.

You maybe need to separate the two issues.
You have a vulnerable adult son, who perhaps needs better guidance about boundaries and appropriate behaviour regarding fake drugs and weapons.

KillingLoneliness · 02/01/2023 10:07

redbigbananafeet · 02/01/2023 10:02

And all with autism and mental health issues. OP what does he need deadly weapons to shot 'target practise' for what he practising shooting?

FFS I do clay shooting but I don’t go out and shoot birds or rabbits! It’s just a hobby and it’s ridiculous anyone would have a poor opinion of someone just because they participate in airsoft or similar activities 🙄

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