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Original poster

Just spent NYE home alone and I think I am getting ghosted…

296 replies

Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 00:44

My NYE plans fell through, so I’ve just been home alone tonight.

I went on a date last night and I thought it went really well. He said he wanted to see me again and was really keen, and we even talked about when we would next meet up. We kissed lots.

Today: I have heard barely anything from him. I’ve just texted him HNY, and he replied straight away, but no questions etc. I then said I hope he had a good night. I know that he has been busy today, but I don’t know, I really thought we got on and he liked me and he would make a bit more effort today…

Maybe I am just overthinking this, and he’s busy and tired.

Should I bring up a second date? Or just leave it now and see what he says / replies to my message with?

I am probably just feeling a bit sorry for myself. But I am so fed up of being rejected after first dates that you think go well. Probably doesn’t help either that I’ve just spent NYE completely alone.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope 2023 is a good one for you.

OP posts:
WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 01/01/2023 20:01

I hope you get the answer you want, but it’s also going to be fine if you don’t!

prettyrainbows · 01/01/2023 20:05

Keep us posted 🙏

Thatdidnthappen · 01/01/2023 20:08

He’s probably hung over.

Give it until tomorrow. Then try to forget about him.

Men (well, women too) can be so full of shit at times. Full on and then nothing after. Some people are just. dicks.

Interested in this thread?

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Dating General relationships
Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 20:27

Hasn’t even read the message and it’s been 2 hours now. I think I’ll just go to bed 😢

OP posts:
StClare101 · 01/01/2023 20:40

Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 09:30

@JangolinaPitt I completely get that, but we hardly messaged at all during the day yesterday either!

You’ve had one date and you’ve “hardly messages at all” the next day.

Dear god. You seriously need to chill out. Put your phone away.

LaLuz7 · 01/01/2023 20:40

Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 19:35

@pompomsandtinsel no, he hasn’t read the message yet. I’ll know my answer soon enough. God I feel so drained by all of this and I don’t even know why. I am officially turning 30 this year and feel like I am never going to meet a man who likes me. I haven’t made it past the first date on the last 3 dates I’ve been on (including this one, assuming it’s not leading to a second one).

Oh, i know that feeling real well, but please don't let a handful of duds discourage you. I did OLD for over 2 years and it took me over 100 dates to find a keeper. I was 28. It's a numbers game and you have to have thick skin and be ruthless about dropping the unsuitable ones right away.

Tamarindtree · 01/01/2023 20:41

I don’t want to cause you or anyone else any offence and accept that I am old fashioned but if a chap is looking for a long term relationship or eventual wife material they might not like a first date to be so accommodating to them even if they themselves are happy to snog and go back to yours etc.

It’s hypocrisy but I’ve heard it discussed by men that they won’t be seeing a woman again if they have in their mind ‘scored’ so easily.

This is not putting any blame on you but my trying to give advice from an older person point of view but drinking to excess is not a good idea on a first date either.

Anything rushed is not going to end well and you have no need to rush. Take a step back, and don’t try to push things further than they need to go.

Enjoy the courtship of getting to know someone on your date, hearing their views and about their life as well as you telling them about yourself. Kissing and drinking is going to get in the way of that!

LaLuz7 · 01/01/2023 20:44

@Tamarindtree i agree. i'm 31 but I still swear by this advice. No intimacy until you've established that you are exclusive. At least 5-6 dates in. Works well in weeding out the players (though not all the stubborn ones).

ShillyShallySherbet · 01/01/2023 21:01

In my experience if they’re keen then they will leave you in no doubt of that. Sorry OP but get back online and organise some more dates, forget about this one and definitely take things slower next time. Going home with someone on the first date is way too fast.

DeliberatelyObtuse · 01/01/2023 21:04

Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 20:27

Hasn’t even read the message and it’s been 2 hours now. I think I’ll just go to bed 😢

Presumably it's a WhatsApp and he will have got a notification so he can see the message without opening it?

I do this when I don't want the sender of the message to know I have read the message. The notification pops up and I get the gist but I can ignore.

Sorry OP

If it's any consolation I didn't meet DH until I was 34. Please try not to worry.

ErinAndTonic · 01/01/2023 21:06

If you're this needy, you're going to push him and any other man away.

Stay busy, it's been new year, he probably isn't glued to his phone. He hasn't ghosted you. He's either busy or maybe he isn't all that interested but you can't control any of it. Just wait to see, let him come to you otherwise you look a bit desperate and he has all the power. Value yourself a bit more and stop trying so hard, if they want to see you again, they'll make the effort, and if they don't, you can move forwards without wasting any more of your time.

Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 21:15

@DeliberatelyObtuse yes I suspect he has done that.

Anyway, I need to have some self-preservation. I have just deleted him entirely off my phone so I can’t contact him. I doubt he will even reply to my message.

Thank you all so much for your advice. It really has been very comforting. Happy new year everyone, I have to stop wasting my precious life and energy on people who make no time for me. 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 21:17

And yes hopefully in 2023 I will meet someone nice.

OP posts:
DeliberatelyObtuse · 01/01/2023 21:18

Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 21:15

@DeliberatelyObtuse yes I suspect he has done that.

Anyway, I need to have some self-preservation. I have just deleted him entirely off my phone so I can’t contact him. I doubt he will even reply to my message.

Thank you all so much for your advice. It really has been very comforting. Happy new year everyone, I have to stop wasting my precious life and energy on people who make no time for me. 😢

Bless you

You are so much better than this

I promise

Peasepuddingbloodycold · 01/01/2023 21:23

I can really see it from his side. You had a great date on Friday, it was a bit more than he bargained for. He might need to recharge his batteries or process it all. He most likely had (big) plans for Saturday night. And even so, he’s replied politely to your messages. Then he’s recovering today and thinking about the week ahead.

I’d be thinking of getting in touch about Wednesday for a date this weekend.

Anything more than that would probably push me away a bit.

buttermut · 01/01/2023 21:26

Even if he replies and you do go on a second date, you will end up sabotaging this with your insecurities and neediness. I'm sorry to say but you need to address these issues before dating.

BillyMack · 01/01/2023 21:35

You sound like your own worst enemy.

Sohungryyyy · 01/01/2023 21:36

He’s maybe hungover 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 21:52

@BillyMack that’s an accurate description to be honest.

OP posts:
Batcountry8 · 01/01/2023 22:03

Well done with the deleting that takes alot of willpower.

Don't be sad for too long, I know how it feels but you'll be ok.
When you're feeling lonely and you get a setback that really highlights the loneliness like this you can really do a downer on yourself.

Try not to do that. X

Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 22:17

@Batcountry8 thank you. Going to sleep soon, tomorrow is a new day at least.

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 01/01/2023 22:24

I only just saw this thread and can't believe how you went from 0 to 10 on the batshit scale in less than 24 hours OP. You had a good date it seems. And he responded to you afterwards. It was New Year. He's allowed to be busy and/or with friends/family and/or hungover/tired/sleeping. Why couldn't you just leave it alone for a couple of days?! Instead you've wound yourself up into a complete state, ignored the majority of sensible advice on here and then decided to torch the whole thing. You must see that your behaviour has been completely ridiculous and you self-sabotaged the whole thing?

I'm sorry if you think this sound harsh but I'm shocked at the escalation in less than 24 hours. Maybe you need to stop dating and do some work on yourself with some help from a professional for a while before you consider dating again?

Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 22:37

@HundredMilesAnHour how have I self-sabotaged the whole thing?

He went from fairly consistent and friendly messaging (over the Christmas period) to virtually nothing yesterday and today. No questions, no engagement with the conversation, nothing.

I didn’t respond to him for a few hours then asked him a simple question of whether he would like a second date. Isn’t life too short to be playing dating games? I highly highly highly doubt he would have messaged me later on in the week - all I wanted to know was where I stand and I only want this because of the date and the intimacy we had, and what he was implying on that date. Yes, it probably did move too fast but it felt right (at the time).

I haven’t blocked him. He can still reply to my message if he wants.

I agree that my levels of self value and self worth are far too low to be dating right now. But I don’t think I have self-sabotaged it (from what happened on the date). I’ve just slowly and I guess reluctantly come to the conclusion that he has absolutely no interest in seeing me again.

OP posts:
SugarplumFairyyy · 01/01/2023 22:40

Maybe this story will make you feel better?

When I was 18 I met a guy I really liked. He didn't even tell me his real name- it was a nickname. Should have asked him and he should have told me but I was 18 and a bit naive to say the least!

He was at my uni and we were in drama club together. We were in the same show.
He pursued me and told me all the things people tell you when you think they really like you.

We were going out for a few weeks. One day I texted him to meet me for a coffee. He replied and said 'sure'. Later in the day he started replying less and I got a weird feeling he was going to ghost me. I turned up at the cafe and he wasn't there. He stopped replying to my messages. I ordered my favourite chicken sandwich and ice cream anyway and sat eating confused and dismayed.

fast forward 15 years and I've still not heard from him (lol). Never heard from him since. Dont even know if he's still alive. I'm just curious what hus actual name is at this point.

Anyway I'm happily married with two kids now but it really bugged me that I didn't know why he didn't turn up. It's kind of funny now though 😄

TangoAcid · 01/01/2023 22:43

Maybe he's been busy...

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