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Original poster

Just spent NYE home alone and I think I am getting ghosted…

296 replies

Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 00:44

My NYE plans fell through, so I’ve just been home alone tonight.

I went on a date last night and I thought it went really well. He said he wanted to see me again and was really keen, and we even talked about when we would next meet up. We kissed lots.

Today: I have heard barely anything from him. I’ve just texted him HNY, and he replied straight away, but no questions etc. I then said I hope he had a good night. I know that he has been busy today, but I don’t know, I really thought we got on and he liked me and he would make a bit more effort today…

Maybe I am just overthinking this, and he’s busy and tired.

Should I bring up a second date? Or just leave it now and see what he says / replies to my message with?

I am probably just feeling a bit sorry for myself. But I am so fed up of being rejected after first dates that you think go well. Probably doesn’t help either that I’ve just spent NYE completely alone.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope 2023 is a good one for you.

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 01/01/2023 10:37

Leave it a day or two then message for a meet up next weekend. Then u will know if he's interested

BeginningToLookALotLike · 01/01/2023 10:41

Yes, wait until the end of the day.

LaLuz7 · 01/01/2023 10:50

autienotnaughty · 01/01/2023 10:37

Leave it a day or two then message for a meet up next weekend. Then u will know if he's interested

That's actually a dangerous move. When men are not 100% interested but lukewarm towards you they won't outright reject you when you ask them out. They'll accept hoping for sex. They'll string you around and use you for sex until someone more exciting comes along.

My personal rule is the man has to show consistent interest. I'll match their level of effort, but I'll never try to convince someone to pick me when they seem reluctant. I'll never pursue or serve myself up on a platter. Which is exactly what you are doing when you ask for a date when he's been quiet and inconsistent with you.

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Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 10:53

He replied to me. No questions, no interest, nothing reciprocated. He has completely changed since pre-date.

Which is fine, but I just wish he would have cut out all of the bullshit he told me on the date about how he would “love to see me again”.

Great start to 2023 😔 and if you think I am overthinking or being dramatic then please don’t tell me.

OP posts:
chillibop · 01/01/2023 10:58

He's probably got a stonking hangover and feeling sorry for himself. It's only been what a day, or two days since your date?

I mean if your guys telling you otherwise I always say listen to your gut but it's still really, really early days.

Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 11:13

@chillibop I know, but what I find hard is how keen he was during the date, when we were saying goodbye etc… he was really chatty too before the date, but now, it’s like he doesn’t want to know.

I’d rather him just tell me he isn’t interested than send me these half-arsed one line texts.

Yes I have no self-value or self-belief.

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 01/01/2023 11:18

I have no self-value or self-belief.

Stop dating and sort this out before you date again. It's the only way you'll form good relationships in future.

Spoonfulofchamps · 01/01/2023 11:18

Don't reply... just wait and see if he contacts you again.

LaLuz7 · 01/01/2023 11:19

@Lonelyuser368 maybe he was extra keen and affectionate during the date because he thought it would get him laid. Did he make a move?

Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 11:21

I have replied one line. I don’t know why, I guess trying to keep the hope alive. Just going to delete now.

@LaLuz7 we kissed a lot.

OP posts:
1980sfookup · 01/01/2023 11:26

FFS - he may have just said he wanted to see you again so the date ended smoothly and not awkward. Who cares if he doesn't want to see you again?
Just lighten up a little - if he's interested he'll contact you - if not then you're free to explore other options.

Good luck and keep us posted 😁

CovertImage · 01/01/2023 11:35

HellonHeels · 01/01/2023 11:18

I have no self-value or self-belief.

Stop dating and sort this out before you date again. It's the only way you'll form good relationships in future.

This is also what I think

JangolinaPitt · 01/01/2023 11:37

It must be very difficult to end a date and say if you don't want to see someone? If you aren't sure then surely you say you doing want to and then think about it.

Iamthewombat · 01/01/2023 11:41

LaLuz7 · 01/01/2023 10:50

That's actually a dangerous move. When men are not 100% interested but lukewarm towards you they won't outright reject you when you ask them out. They'll accept hoping for sex. They'll string you around and use you for sex until someone more exciting comes along.

My personal rule is the man has to show consistent interest. I'll match their level of effort, but I'll never try to convince someone to pick me when they seem reluctant. I'll never pursue or serve myself up on a platter. Which is exactly what you are doing when you ask for a date when he's been quiet and inconsistent with you.

Show quote history

This is very good advice.

Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 11:47

Okay disclaimer: he came back to mine but we did NOT sleep together. I asked him - not the other way around - as it just felt right.

It was very positive though when he left. Lots of affection and he did message me after he had left. But now has gone completely completely cold turkey and I am just a bit gutted as I thought we got on well.

OP posts:
7eleven · 01/01/2023 11:50

The ‘cold turkey’ has lasted for literally a few hours! Get on and have a lovely day and try to put him out of your mind.

Ladybrrrd · 01/01/2023 12:06

This is why I hate texting. It's been a day! Why should he spend all day glued to his phone? Ehy set that precedent? Besides which, if you chat constantly over text, what is there to talk about when you actually see each other in person?

He was busy. Now either text him today and ask him to set a date, or don't. Don't play stupid games. You really need to put him further back in your mind and get on with your own life in the meantime.

Toiletfriend · 01/01/2023 12:12

I'd write him off OP and concentrate on making yourself happy before dating again.

Katela18 · 01/01/2023 12:14

Hi OP.

I went through this so many times when I was dating. Especially with OLD they seem to ghost rather than have the courage to say not interested.

In the end, I grew a pair and if I felt like ghosting was starting, I'd kind of call it and and ask where they stood....in a non committal way like...'had a great time, where are you, would you be interested in further dates or were you wanting to leave it there?'

Tbh yes it was crap when they responded that they weren't into it BUT it was so much better than having the sadness and waiting around for them to reply. It meant it was always able to close the box, put it behind me and carry on.

All the best

Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 12:19

Hi @Katela18. Thank you for your kind advice. Part of me is thinking about this, but everybody else seems to be saying absolutely not, he should ask you out.

I don’t know what to do because right now it feels pretty crappy and am now just wondering about what I did that was so wrong for him to go from staying over, being very affectionate with me, saying he’d love to see me again… to virtually 0.

OP posts:
aureus3012 · 01/01/2023 12:26

Where did you meet this guy? It may be that he doesn't want a relationship and whilst he was happy to go with the flow on the night, he probably sensed that you were quite invested in him. He might now feel awkward and wants to avoid a tricky conversation. So don't take it personally, it's not about you. If you are prone to getting attached, it may be better to have a different kind of first date which isn't going to lead to false intimacy....like going for a walk, or for a coffee.

TheMagicSword · 01/01/2023 12:27

It’s not “”virtually 0” though. It’s been, what, 36 hours since you saw him? How many messages have you received from him in that time - sounds like at least 3? He may or may not be interested but you seem to be massively catastrophising this. I agree with a pp, step away from the dating scene, work on your self worth and self confidence. It’s very hard to have a happy, healthy relationship without those, and you do deserve it.

Robin233 · 01/01/2023 12:29

Let him chase you.
Just don't run too fast.
But too many texts from you will make you seen desperate- stay mysterious- let him miss you.
Men fall in love with women when they're apart - women fall in love when they have with the man.

heartbroken40 · 01/01/2023 12:34

I actually agree with OP. I am away from my recent partner we're both busy with children/ friends but we have set time aside to chat. And he always did after the first date. Think he's not interested Sorry OP

Delectable · 01/01/2023 12:44

Best not to engage in kissing and the likes so early on. It usually clouds judgement, creates false intimacy and premature attachment.

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