Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Just spent NYE home alone and I think I am getting ghosted…

296 replies

Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 00:44

My NYE plans fell through, so I’ve just been home alone tonight.

I went on a date last night and I thought it went really well. He said he wanted to see me again and was really keen, and we even talked about when we would next meet up. We kissed lots.

Today: I have heard barely anything from him. I’ve just texted him HNY, and he replied straight away, but no questions etc. I then said I hope he had a good night. I know that he has been busy today, but I don’t know, I really thought we got on and he liked me and he would make a bit more effort today…

Maybe I am just overthinking this, and he’s busy and tired.

Should I bring up a second date? Or just leave it now and see what he says / replies to my message with?

I am probably just feeling a bit sorry for myself. But I am so fed up of being rejected after first dates that you think go well. Probably doesn’t help either that I’ve just spent NYE completely alone.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope 2023 is a good one for you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 17:17

I just don’t understand why somebody would say to you “I don’t want to come back to yours if it is going to ruin my chance of seeing you again”…. and then the next day ignore you!

🤯🤯

OP posts:
LaLuz7 · 01/01/2023 17:24

Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 17:17

I just don’t understand why somebody would say to you “I don’t want to come back to yours if it is going to ruin my chance of seeing you again”…. and then the next day ignore you!

🤯🤯

Why does it matter? Rule number 1 of dating is judge men only on their actions, not on their words.

All you need to know is that he is inconsistent, not reaching out, replying with zero enthusiasm. The reason doesn't matter one bit. In the bin he goes.

Marshatessa · 01/01/2023 17:25

Don’t send any more. Leave him with last message. He’s probably got other women lined up. Do not reply again. It will make you feel
worse. Leave it now. X

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
DeliberatelyObtuse · 01/01/2023 17:26

I would agree that you shouldn't text him. Try to leave it for now if you can.

It's a tough truth but I can guarantee he isn't worrying about this the way you are.

Chin up, big hugs (and other meaningless platitudes) Flowers

1980sfookup · 01/01/2023 17:28

OP just give it up - you are coming across like a 14 year old.

DeliberatelyObtuse · 01/01/2023 17:29

"In the bin he goes"

Beautifully put!

Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 17:42

@Marshatessa
@DeliberatelyObtuse

I am going to be strong, use some willpower and just leave it for today.

I know I will want to message tomorrow, and the day after, but I don’t think there’s any point in that. I guess it would be me basically asking him to tell me what I already know but just to my face i.e. he isn’t interested.

I just got my hopes up and am gutted as when he left yesterday we had cuddles and then a long kiss goodbye and I think we said “see you in the week”.

OLD really is bloody brutal.

OP posts:
elenacampana · 01/01/2023 17:44

I think you need to leave it be, this isn’t good for you. The root cause of why your dating is going wrong is down to the choices you make and the way you come across, get yourself under control and accept you aren’t ready for dating atm. It’s a brutal world online and people say things they don’t mean all the time so analysing it won’t help, you can’t come to his conclusion because you don’t know him. Let it go and make a resolution to be in control of your own life because at the moment, you are letting men you’ve met once dictate how you feel day to day and that’s just silly. You’re worth more.

Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 17:56

@elenacampana thank you for your really good advice. I am over analysing this so much, and I hate it. I wish I didn’t, but I can’t change anything, and I can’t change how he feels. I just have this urge to text him so I just have an answer, even though I know I already have one I think…

OP posts:
WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 01/01/2023 18:00

Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 17:56

@elenacampana thank you for your really good advice. I am over analysing this so much, and I hate it. I wish I didn’t, but I can’t change anything, and I can’t change how he feels. I just have this urge to text him so I just have an answer, even though I know I already have one I think…

I feel for you, I’ve been there myself. I did OLD for 5.5 years, it was so draining! It did come to an end for me and I had my last online date on 05/10/2015, I had no idea I was walking into my future so I always say you don’t know when everything will change. You do have to have self worth and value though or you probably won’t attract anyone of any value. Put yourself in the driving seat and be in control, you’ll feel so much better for it. Be less available and say no a little more in future, it’s amazing the difference it makes to how people respond to you.

singleandwingingit · 01/01/2023 18:47

That's such a lovely response @WhatAmIDoingWrong123 - gives me some hope for when I work up the courage to give OLD another try. I feel a little too delicate right now for it but I know the time will come x

Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 19:26

I am sorry everybody but I caved in. I asked him how he felt about a second date. 😔

OP posts:
MeinKraft · 01/01/2023 19:30

Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 17:07

@MeinKraft maybe tomorrow? Or Tuesday? And just say “it was nice to meet you, I guess a second date isn’t on the cards but wish you all the best?”

I think it would be pretty harsh to mutually ghost each other (technically I would be doing it as he sent the last message).

God I am sorry for how silly I must sound 😞

No, just don't text him again. If he likes you he will text you. He won't be sitting at home worrying about whether you like him and want to text him, men don't really do that.

Ever heard of 'The Rules' if not then give it a read. You have to take it with a huge pinch of salt - it's very outdated - but the general gist of it would be really helpful for you.

FHmama · 01/01/2023 19:30

I understand that you're feeling anxious if there was lots of communication to the lead up to the date, you're obviously noticing a big change. I'm sorry OP but if it continues over the next couple of days then I think it's safe to say that he's just simply not interested. Don't chase men like this. Hope you're okay

Yippiedoo · 01/01/2023 19:31

Men love the chase!! Give him something to chase, don't be overly keen or too available, most men find it unattractive and he'll have nothing to pursue. It's the old hunter gatherer thing. All psychology. I'm glad I'm out of the dating game lol x

pompomsandtinsel · 01/01/2023 19:33

And has he replied?

Sux2buthen · 01/01/2023 19:35

You're only human OP. We've all sent a risky text

Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 19:35

@pompomsandtinsel no, he hasn’t read the message yet. I’ll know my answer soon enough. God I feel so drained by all of this and I don’t even know why. I am officially turning 30 this year and feel like I am never going to meet a man who likes me. I haven’t made it past the first date on the last 3 dates I’ve been on (including this one, assuming it’s not leading to a second one).

OP posts:
DeliberatelyObtuse · 01/01/2023 19:37

Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 19:26

I am sorry everybody but I caved in. I asked him how he felt about a second date. 😔

Oh that's a real shame

If he replies positively now it might be because he's keen but might be because he thinks he can get an easy shag (and mess with your head further)

Yippiedoo · 01/01/2023 19:40

Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 19:35

@pompomsandtinsel no, he hasn’t read the message yet. I’ll know my answer soon enough. God I feel so drained by all of this and I don’t even know why. I am officially turning 30 this year and feel like I am never going to meet a man who likes me. I haven’t made it past the first date on the last 3 dates I’ve been on (including this one, assuming it’s not leading to a second one).

Lots of us have been through this. My advice from experience would be this.
If a guy is interested you will know. He will text, call, make plans to see you, it will be easy. In this day and age it's especially easy to keep in touch.
Men love the chase - if you're too available/keen/obvious you like him, there's nothing to chase. It's instinctual. If he replies - every ounce of you will be desperate to respond, but leave it a good day - it will drive him crazy (which is exactly how it feels for you now - reverse it - see the psychology)

shortandpaleandoldandugly · 01/01/2023 19:41

Oh bless you op. Hope you get the reply you want.

pinkfondu · 01/01/2023 19:45

He could just be hungover jeez it's just one day

Original poster
Lonelyuser368 · 01/01/2023 19:48

Thank you to everyone who has replied and given me some solid advice and food for thought. It’s been really helpful and helped me get through feeling extremely shit!

OP posts:
nellyelloe · 01/01/2023 19:54

I don't blame you for messaging him. I can't stand the games of dating!
Let us all know

YoSofi · 01/01/2023 19:59

I hope you get the answer you want x