If you have an overweight DC, how do you handle them commenting on their weight?

[olivewreath13]

My DD is obese (body fat percentage of 36.1 😳) We are trying to take control of her weight at the moment. She's started to become aware of her weight and is making comments that are breaking my heart. I don't want to agree with her, but I also don't want to tell her she's perfect as she is or anything like that, because we really do need to take action in the new year. Wondering how others handle this?

I hope you at least pushed for blood test. If my child was obese even though I know she doesn't eat enough calories to cause it then I'd be asking for every test possible because it simply isn't possible to be obese if eating an appropriate amount of food for your body (unless medical issues).

I'd be terrified if thyroid issues, tumours etc.

Thanks for your concern @AndyWarholsPiehole

And that's the type of rely that shows you don't take the weight issue seriously because you know deep down that your child consumes too much. It's very sad and it is abuse.

It's the reply of someone that isn't going into the full medical history of their child on the internet.

@Pumperthepumper She was neglectful
I don't think parents who starve their children to the brink of their lives being in danger do it on purpose all the time. But the results are still a severely neglected child

But you said it was difficult to make them obese?

This seems fairly easy to fix tbh.

Firstly, you need to understand what is happening when she eats that sort of food. Carbs convert to sugar which give her an energy kick followed by a crash, which leaves her craving more food (sugar) and the cycle repeats itself. You can't expect an 8 year old to control those cravings when she's eating that sort of food.

Most cereal is utter crap. It's filled with sugar and designed to make you fat. To be clear: cereal is junk food.

So, throw out all your cereal and increase her protein ESPECIALLY at breakfast. Sugar has a worse impact on the mornings for reasons I can't be bothered to explain. The easiest way for you to arrange this is to batch cook large meals at the weekend and freeze multiple portions (or if you have a slow cooker you can have it cooking when you're at work?). It sounds hard but not when you're used to it.

How's this for a new food regime?
Breakfast: home made chicken soup packed with veggies (cooked in advance and reheated of course)
Mid morning snack: boiled egg
Lunch: school lunch
Afternoon snack: raw veggies (carrots celery etc) with tomato salsa OR nuts
Dinner: a meat stew, casserole, chilli, or big lentil dish NO PASTA RICE OR BREAD. There are carbs in veggies like broccoli so you won't miss out.
1 piece of fruit after dinner allowed. Must be whole fruit, not from a tin.

She will lose weight like this and it won't be too torturous either.

@Pumperthepumper it is actually difficult. Which just shows the extent to OPs neglect.

Right. And you think this is fair, on a parenting website, to a parent looking for help?

@Pumperthepumper
Yea I do think highlighting child abuse is a good idea on a parenting website

So far OP has been more excuse then anything else.

And have you reported this abuser to mumsnet to flag up your concerns? Or is it mainly just sticking the boot in?

I would suggest putting locks on the cupboards. Why is an eight year old allowed to help herself to food? This is probably the biggest reason why she is so overweight. You need to be her parent not her friend. A glass of water before she eats will help with hunger pangs. Three meals a day. Breakfast could be one weetabix followed by a piece of fruit or one slice of toast, for example. Lunch: sandwiches and fruit. Dinner: a small portion of meat, two small potatoes and plenty of vegetables. A small yoghurt for pudding. Drinks should be mainly water. If she will drink unsweetened tea, this is a good drink. Sweet drink’s should be a rare treat. Rich Tea biscuits are low in calories and would be a good treat. Perhaps one a day. You could maybe have one day a week where she is allowed sweets or chocolate in sensible amounts. If she says she is hungry between meals, offer her a glass of water as thirst can often be mistaken for hunger.

I didn't actually start this thread to explain why she's so overweight. I wanted advice on how to talk to her about her weight when she brings it up.

I think you sound like you have a very balanced approach to this. She is aware of her weight problem because there is no way kids at school won’t have pointed it out. (Little snots will find something horrible to pick on, and I’m sorry, but that’s the obvious choice.) Rather than be fluffy about it, perhaps you ask her how she feels about it and whether she is unhappy enough to commit to a healthy food portion size program with you. (Diet does actually equate to about 80% of weight loss…) She needs to be taught about healthy meal sizes and to drink water when she wants to raid the fridge because she’s bored. I imagine because she’s growing, she will grow into herself and lose weight relatively quickly if she can manage the portion size concept. (I would use things like the palm of her hand to show her how big a piece of meat she should be having in a meal, and that her stomach is about as big as her fisted hand, so a meal shouldn’t be bigger than that initially, but eaten slowly initially.)

I can't see many people wanting to eat chicken soup for breakfast. I certainly wouldn't eat soup for breakfast. A child is even less likely to eat that for breakfast. Imagine the ridicule from friends if they go for sleepovers. Or talking in class about mealtimes.

OP if I were you I'd ask your GP to refer your Dd to a dietician who can help you discover what your child needs and how to make that feasible and achievable.

Can you not just ban her helping herself to food?
I have an 8yo and he doesn't, and never has, helped himself to food.
I've told him fruit is always available for him to help himself to, although he doesn't do this either usually, but I don't think he has ever taken food from the fridge or cupboards without asking first.
Could you not just say that's what happens now? Even if you play it out as you keeping an eye on food for shopping purposes?

As for how to explain the weight issue, can you go down the route of saying you are all now going to get moving / eat healthier because if she/you all continue with this lifestyle, she/you will get fat.
Don't tell her she is overweight now, but say it will happen. There's no reason to hide that fact. Our kids have been told (regularly) if they start doing less exercise or eat more crap, they'll get fat. They accept that and don't want to be fat, and it encourages them to think about it

When we've talked about it before, she seems to be unhappy with her body but upset at the idea of giving up treats. She has said things like she doesn't want to get too fat to do certain activities she enjoys.

I've tried and tried consequences for helping herself to food. It doesn't always work. She's lost screentime etc because she helped herself to food anyway.

I find this attitude hard to understand. People will eat whatever they are used to. Soup is a common breakfast food in many parts of the world.

Cereal for breakfast is a relatively new phenomenon and it's nearly always dreadfully unhealthy, contains too much sugar, and isn't very filling - leading to binging later on.

Many children would be very lucky to have a hot homemade chicken (and vegetable) soup for brekkie. It's easy too if batch cooked beforehand and reheated each day.

Personally, I think the way forward is to not make it into a "thing". Don't limit what she can eat, don't punish her for taking food from the fridge, and don't talk about dieting and portion sizes. It will give her a complex for life.

Instead, remove all sugary food and most of the carbs from the house so the only options are healthy snacks. When dinner is over whisk the plate away before anyone can ask for seconds. It should be normal to eat healthy at that age. She shouldn't have to resist the delicious cereal and bread in the house. She shouldn't have to think about it because it just doesn't need to be there.

Btw it's very hard to overeat meat. So with meat-heavy meals portion size is less of an issue. It will fill her up more too.

I’m also a bit bemused as to why anyone would be ridiculed for eating soup. The child is far more likely to be ridiculed because she is so obese that she will stand out amongst her peers than because she ate chicken soup one day.

I do see that obviously you just want to know what to say to her, but for me I’d be saying something that linked to action. I think saying she’s upset over missing treats and the helpless attitude over her helping herself to unhealthy amounts of food is really worrying. She is a little girl - of course she can’t think forward and say okay I mustn’t fill up on unhealthy cereal as I don’t want to get too fat. As a parent you are supposed to do that.

My DD is 142cm and 5.5 stone. She needs to eat more whilst her brother needs to eat less (he'd eat all day of left to it and will easily end up over weight). Well done OP about being honest with yourselves. Luckily with some changes she should be able to loose it quite quick. Lots more activity & smaller portions. Maybe try school lunches as they aren't massive?

Exactly. Any strategy that relies on the will power of an 8 year old with a binge eating disorder is destined to fail.

It's nice to educate kids about the link between nutrients and health but anything more than that is probably counter productive.

I would lock the kitchen door if she can't behave . You need to be cruel to be kind . Her destiny is in your hands alone .

My son's 10 in a couple of weeks and he doesn't help himself to food. He always asks. I think you need to put in to place some new rules - not just for your daughter but for all children in the house. Let her know what snacks are allowed between meals (healthy stuff like fruit, nuts etc). Some parents create a snack box for the day so their children can eat whatever's in the box but nothing else apart from main meals. Don't single her out and say its because of her weight. Just say it's new rules for the family to be more healthy.