If you have an overweight DC, how do you handle them commenting on their weight?

[olivewreath13]

My DD is obese (body fat percentage of 36.1 😳) We are trying to take control of her weight at the moment. She's started to become aware of her weight and is making comments that are breaking my heart. I don't want to agree with her, but I also don't want to tell her she's perfect as she is or anything like that, because we really do need to take action in the new year. Wondering how others handle this?

Again, when this obese that you’re not able to exercise much it’s pointless to focus on activity.

Your suggestion isn’t medically sound, it’s also not really aligned with common sense.

No one has said anything about going on a diet except you.

Maybe take a step back and stop making a tit of yourself

I don’t think you should lie, you’re gaslighting her. She isn’t stupid.

id be more inclined to take ownership yourself, and say something like ‘mummy didn’t know much about healthy eating, so now we are making some changes now I’ve learnt, and we can all get healthier together’.

focus on getting her involved in the new healthy food coming into the house; and if she asks for shit, explain its not the healthiest choice and so this time we will have an apple as that’s sweet and delicious.

Please look at portion control too. No 8 year old needs two poached eggs on toast to get them through the morning as per previous poster.

@MakeWayMoana - You need to restrict calories in order to lost fat. Exercise can help as you burn more calories (as long as you don’t eat them back afterwards).

This child needs to reduce the amount of calories she eats to lose fat, and she needs to reduce by a LOT (as she must be consuming way over her daily needs at the moment) to lose excess body fat.

Those talking about “setting her up for food problems for life” - the genie is well and truly out of the bottle already here!

Fad diets are no good as they are not sustainable, but fewer calories need to be consumed in order to lose weight, there is no way around that, the same way there is no point hiding from the word ‘fat’ or telling people that they aren’t fat when they are.

It can’t be a diet but a change of lifestyle. Are your portions very large? I’ve been slated on here but I use a smaller dinner plate rather than the usual enormous ones. Cue two slim teens who can rarely manage a full adult portion in a pub.

I think this is incredibly sad. That poor child. I cannot understand how you did not tackle this earlier rather than wait until she is morbidly obese at such a young age. She must be eating a colossal amount to reach that weight. You are buying the food, making the dinners, buying the snacks. Sorry but this is on you. She is not heavily built, solid, plump or chunky, she is not even overweight, she is MORBIDLY OBESE! This doesn't happen overnight. She will not grow into it or exercise it off. Step up and take control of your child's diet. There is no other way to sugarcoat it. Own it and sort it out.

I'm honestly not asking this to be goady, I'm asking because I don't understand - how does this happen?

@CleoandRalf I’ve been nothing but polite to you, I’m not making a tit of myself thanks! My advice is totally medically sound and supported by the most recent science. If you drastically reduce her calorie intake, she will lose weight initially and then regain it when her metabolism adapts.

As previously stated, I can’t actually see anywhere that you’ve disagreed with me - so I can only assume you don’t actually understand what I’ve written 🤷‍♀️

My suggestions offer ways to reduce calorie intake naturally and gradually by adding in more nutritious options without restricting food from a young child, while also providing opportunities to become more active in an enjoyable way, which will both increase calorie output and improve the girl’s self esteem and wellbeing, which will mean that if she’s eating for emotional reasons (highly likely) then she will have less need to do so.

Anyway, I hope you find some of the suggestions helpful @olivewreath13 . Good luck.

I and other posters have repeatedly outlined the flaws in your theory.

You keep banging on trying to save face, and yes, it does make you look like a bit of a tit.

No one has said drastically reduce her calorie intake, except you.

No one has said anything about a diet, except you.

Your main suggestion was that of activity, this child is so large she cannot exercise much, and even if she could her diet is the biggest issue and therefore will need to be the focus in terms of effort.

I'm a school swimming teacher and my heart sank for a girl who told me she looked ugly because she was so fat. She was approx 9 years old. She was considerably over weight bless he heart it was a lifestyle at home which resulted in the weight again. She was a lovely polite girl but lacked so much confidence. I think going swimming really brought to her attention how big she actually was. It's up to you to put measures into place and keep to it. Look a meal plans avoid afford fatty foods and sweet things and most importantly portion size not mcdoanlds or takeaways. If you do it together as a family it will be easier. Get onto some extracurricular activities swimming, dance, martial arts. I'd also ask for a referral to a dietiacan who can best advise.

I don't know how she got so big. I think I was probably in denial about it for a long time. She has gained a lot of weight in the last few months through I think a combination of eating too much, too much junk and not exercising as much as I thought she was. They stretch a lot at one of her sports she does, at the start of term she could lie down in a toe stretch. She now can't because she has too much of a tum 😳 it's got out of control really quickly this term.

I think diet probably is going to be the big thing. We're keeping up all of her sports but I don't think she's not participating properly because she's lazy, I think she's getting too tired too quickly.

Makewaymoana diet/metabolism doesn't work like that. The little girls calories needs to be cut so she is eating less than her body needs to maintain her weight so she will lose weight. As long as she only goes back to eating what her body needs not more she will not pile on the weight again. People only pile on the weight again if they go back to eating the same crap they did before they changed their eating habits.

When you food shop buy only healthy food, no sugary snacks or pop

Dish up more veg and lean protein and fewer carbs (although don't be too drastic with the carbs)

Fruit, plain houmous, veg sticks etc for snacks.

Totally within your control OP. Good luck

I am just going to chip in here to say be careful, Arse. I thought the same about my daughter - that she’d naturally and healthily slimmed down in sixth form, having been a plump child. She told me recently that in that year, she was only eating one meal a day and occasionally making herself throw up.

Trouble is, she got so many compliments on how stunning she looked when slim that she found it hard not to get obsessed.

So I’d keep a gentle eye on whether your daughter is getting enough nutrition, especially if she’s a driven sort of girl.

In my opinion, seeing as she's 8 and presumably doesn't have the means to buy snacks herself, stop buying any extra food and just eat 3 meals a day. This means that everyone in the family will also have to do without, but it would be worth it to improve quite a drastic situation. You can't exercise away that much extra weight.
She is 8, you are in a better position than if she were a teen. Personally if she asks just say that you want both of you to return to a healthier weight, and the best way of doing it is to not eat as much snack food.

Sorry, I’m sure you’re aware of all that.

I think you need to own that you been compliance in this.Where is she getting the junk food from at 8 years old? I still don't taking full responsibility and until you do you can't make steps to getting her down to a health weight.

Can you not turn the question back to her? So if she says ‘mum is my tummy too fat’ you ask ‘what makes you think about that?’ It may be that she’s trying to find a way to broach the subject with you. Perhaps she’s being picked on or has heard somebody saying she is fat and wants to talk about that.

Bring her into the discussion on healthy eating, make her part of it all. Yes it’s not good to be too fat, we should eat healthily and when you eat well and exercise you will get taller and stronger etc. You obviously know this is a bad situation, but you need to get on top of it now to ensure your child has half a chance at a normal lifestyle. It’s unfair for a little girl to be obese before she even has the control to take responsibility.

She isn’t making herself sick, and l try to keep on top of nutrition.

I would also be careful about not taking responsibility - you don’t know how it happened, she has ‘a bit of a tum,’ she isn’t participating in her sports because she is ‘lazy.’ None of this is true. She is massively obese, obviously because of the diet you have fed her, and can’t participate in sports and activities properly because her body is strained under the massive weight she is carrying. She isn’t lazy, it’s not like she can hop in her car and drive down to slimming world, change her online shopping order, then juggle her budget when her wages come in so she can join the gym. She’s a little girl who has obviously been fed a very bad diet, which is now having an impact on what exercise she can reasonably do.

My 9 yo DD is overweight. She's very tall - in age 12-13 clothes - and has a considerable tummy. She walks a mile a day to school and back, she swims and does a trampoline class, she is active at home. She eats food cooked from scratch, drinks water, and snacks on veg. We try not to allow her sweet snacks very often. It's hard as she's been very upset about her shape and size. I keep the conversation focused on being healthy, strong and active. About making good choices. That we come in all shapes and sizes and develop at different rates. I encouraged to have a drink of water whenever she feels hungry.

Sign up for the local Junior Parkrun and go every week. It will be a start providing she doesn't get a 'treat' or snack after.
Walk to school...don't scoot or bike ride as there's too much gliding and inactivity in those whereas you have to keep moving for walking.
Stick to a 'never drink calories' rule so only water; so many calories can come from things we drink. It's a subtle change that won't make her feel like she's on a diet and she doesn't even have to know about that.
Make simple swaps- a wrap instead of two slices of bread saves some calories and will go unnoticed.

Harsh, but true.

@Madamecastafiore it does actually. Have a Google of set point weight and metabolism adaptation research, metabolism adaptation is big factor in weight regain following calorie restriction.

It's actually my job. I know about losing weight. People pay me to sort out their diet and exercise regimes. Cheers though.