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Original poster

If you have an overweight DC, how do you handle them commenting on their weight?

211 replies

olivewreath13 · 30/12/2022 19:37

My DD is obese (body fat percentage of 36.1 😳) We are trying to take control of her weight at the moment. She's started to become aware of her weight and is making comments that are breaking my heart. I don't want to agree with her, but I also don't want to tell her she's perfect as she is or anything like that, because we really do need to take action in the new year. Wondering how others handle this?

OP posts:
Notanotherusername4321 · 31/12/2022 20:42

Madamecastafiore · 31/12/2022 20:38

It's actually my job. I know about losing weight. People pay me to sort out their diet and exercise regimes. Cheers though.

Show quote history

yes, but have you googled Done your research 😂

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/12/2022 20:57

You say you’re overweight, do you say things about your own body? She might be taking that on board but she’s also got eyes so realises that she’s very big and she’ll know she’s less fit and able than her peers.

I think you need professional help, as a family. I think your other thread said you’re separated from her dad and it’s much harder getting a grip when a child has two houses but you have to do what you can in your own home and you know you need to make changes for yourself as well. I hope you can.

Whattodoaboutnothing2022 · 31/12/2022 21:01

MoscowMules · 31/12/2022 14:51

She's 8, I think you will have to agree that yes her tummy is bigger, because of being overweight, but this year we are going to concentrate on getting fit and healthy, and when we do that our bodies will change.

Honestly there's no point lying to a 8 year old, they are wiser than we give them credit for sometimes. They also know what they see when they look in the mirror.

My child is shorter and smaller than his peers, he says "I'm shorter than everyone" "I'm the smallest in my class" he is also 8, I just say "well yes you are, but you've still time to grow don't worry"

This would be my suggestion too. I don’t think it does anyone favours lying about their weight. Props to you OP for addressing it because speaking as someone with weight issues it’s a big problem and the sooner it can be dealt with the better.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Weight management
shsiwb · 31/12/2022 21:18

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 31/12/2022 17:45

I’d say nothing at all.

My Dd was chubby at 8-11. She then stretched out at 13 to become tall and slim. She was always hungry and loved sweet things.

Then we had lockdown, and she was very unhappy. She put in a lot of weight.

But now at 17, she’s not really interested in food much and has become tall and slender.

For all the people on here saying say something, we left well alone and she found her own way.

l was a stone above my bottom BMI and my dm told me l needed to lose weight. I ended up with a severe eating disorder.

Bodies are different. She may be due a growth spurt soon.

Did you miss that she has a BMI in the 98th centile and is severely obese? This is dangerous, not something to be left alone.

BagOfBollocks · 31/12/2022 21:20

soupmaker · 31/12/2022 19:59

My 9 yo DD is overweight. She's very tall - in age 12-13 clothes - and has a considerable tummy. She walks a mile a day to school and back, she swims and does a trampoline class, she is active at home. She eats food cooked from scratch, drinks water, and snacks on veg. We try not to allow her sweet snacks very often. It's hard as she's been very upset about her shape and size. I keep the conversation focused on being healthy, strong and active. About making good choices. That we come in all shapes and sizes and develop at different rates. I encouraged to have a drink of water whenever she feels hungry.

Have you had her checked for any medical conditions?

If she doesn't have any, it sounds like her portion sizes are far too big. Could you cut them back a bit and perhaps fill her up on veg?

Original poster
olivewreath13 · 31/12/2022 22:12

When I've asked her why she thinks she has a fat tummy before she's poked it, squished it from side to side, made comments about how big and wobbly it is etc. The belly area seems to be her focus.

I'm aware it's more than just a bit of a tum. I've been told she's at greater risk of diabetes because she's so big around the middle.

I'm trying to reduce her portion sizes, she's aware she's getting less and moans she's still hungry. She probably does need to drink more.

She obviously isn't buying her own food but she will help herself to food out of the fridge or cupboards, even if I tell her she's not allowed to.

OP posts:
CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 22:20

olivewreath13 · 31/12/2022 22:12

When I've asked her why she thinks she has a fat tummy before she's poked it, squished it from side to side, made comments about how big and wobbly it is etc. The belly area seems to be her focus.

I'm aware it's more than just a bit of a tum. I've been told she's at greater risk of diabetes because she's so big around the middle.

I'm trying to reduce her portion sizes, she's aware she's getting less and moans she's still hungry. She probably does need to drink more.

She obviously isn't buying her own food but she will help herself to food out of the fridge or cupboards, even if I tell her she's not allowed to.

Then don’t have shit in the house, and back up with consequences for taking additional food items.

I’m sorry OP but you seem really ineffective at looking at the reasons behind why your child is dangerously large.

You are abusing your child, let that sink in, social services have precedent for removing children from parents who refuse to act in their child’s best interests with diet and allowing them to be morbidly obese.

lipstickwoman · 31/12/2022 22:20

OP she's 8. Don't even have it in the cupboards or the fridge. And she should certainly not be helping herself.

Kanaloa · 31/12/2022 22:22

When it comes to helping herself, what’s she helping herself to? Carrot sticks and chopped up fruit? Or sweets, cakes, and crisps? If the latter then she should not be able to have unlimited access to these types of foods - as her mum you should be saying ‘don’t help yourself to the chocolates without asking please, you’ve been told not to. Do feel free to have xyz.’ Which foods is not she’s generally overeating on? Many foods are literally made to be addictive - once you pop you just can’t stop.

With moaning about being hungry and having less, I’d offer extra veg and tell her to let her stomach settle before she moans about being hungry. I always tell mine that when we eat our brains don’t immediately feel full up - we should eat slowly and let our brain realise we are full.

Original poster
olivewreath13 · 31/12/2022 22:22

She will help herself to any food we have in, not just junk. I can't not have any food in the house.

OP posts:
Bigbadfish · 31/12/2022 22:23

olivewreath13 · 31/12/2022 22:12

When I've asked her why she thinks she has a fat tummy before she's poked it, squished it from side to side, made comments about how big and wobbly it is etc. The belly area seems to be her focus.

I'm aware it's more than just a bit of a tum. I've been told she's at greater risk of diabetes because she's so big around the middle.

I'm trying to reduce her portion sizes, she's aware she's getting less and moans she's still hungry. She probably does need to drink more.

She obviously isn't buying her own food but she will help herself to food out of the fridge or cupboards, even if I tell her she's not allowed to.

She is going to have to live with some hunger feelings for a while. Her stomach has stretched and become accustomed to large portions. Hunger won't kill her.

Parent better. Be firmer.

CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Kanaloa · 31/12/2022 22:23

Of course you can’t not have any food. But it’s hardly rocket science that certain foods are much easier to overeat on and much much unhealthier than others.

To be honest you don’t seem happy to take any responsibility. She helps herself, you can’t do anything, she’s too lazy to exercise etc. She is a little girl, and you’re her parent.

Bigbadfish · 31/12/2022 22:24

olivewreath13 · 31/12/2022 22:22

She will help herself to any food we have in, not just junk. I can't not have any food in the house.

Again. Parent better. Stop being so useless.

Notanotherusername4321 · 31/12/2022 22:25

*I'm trying to reduce her portion sizes, she's aware she's getting less and moans she's still hungry. She probably does need to drink more.

She obviously isn't buying her own food but she will help herself to food out of the fridge or cupboards, even if I tell her she's not allowed to*

what’s she helping herself to from the fridge/cupboards? Whatever it is, stop buying it.

buy either fruit/veg, or stuff that takes effort to make.

she will be hungry initially. You need to decide what approach you will take. Personally I’d stick with the reduced portion sizes, but if she’s still build in a couple of small snacks/meals- a scrambled egg, bowl of soup, slice of granary bread. 80-100 calories, but feel like proper food rather than a biscuit.

I’d also start her on a multivitamin.

lipstickwoman · 31/12/2022 22:26

I'm losing sympathy OP. She's a child. You've allowed this. Get a grip and sort this out.

Original poster
olivewreath13 · 31/12/2022 22:26

Where have I said we've had junk in the house since I've realised her weight is a problem?

I've never said she's too lazy to exercise. I've said I think she's struggling to exercise because she's so overweight.

OP posts:
CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 22:27

olivewreath13 · 31/12/2022 22:26

Where have I said we've had junk in the house since I've realised her weight is a problem?

I've never said she's too lazy to exercise. I've said I think she's struggling to exercise because she's so overweight.

It’s not just junk that’s the problem, overeating in general is a problem. And you seem to do fuck all about it.

Kanaloa · 31/12/2022 22:29

Well you may not have junk in the house since but the weight isn’t going to melt off in a day, is it? What is her general diet, could you explain what types of food she’s normally helping herself to?

I apologise about the lazy comment - you actually said you don’t think she’s lazy, but that she gets too tired to exercise, and I actually misread it. I thought it was a very mean thing to say! Of course a very obese child isn’t lazy but just exhausted and suffering from something like almost a physical disability. But I thought you said she was lazy, I misread it.

lipstickwoman · 31/12/2022 22:30

Is the rest of your family a normal BMI?

AndyWarholsPiehole · 31/12/2022 22:33

If she's hungry then give a larger portion of veg. If she still complains she's hungry then there is a new house rule that everyone needs to have a glass of water and wait 30 mins before having anything else to eat, maybe even a nice walk or shower. This will give her body a chance to recognise that she has had enough.

If she's used to feeling overly full and not just not hungry anymore then it will take her a while to get used to it.

Blanketwars · 31/12/2022 22:36

Hey OP. This must be really tough. If she’s struggling with exercise can you build it in so she doest realise, so to speak? Can you walk or bike to or from school? Or to the shops or whatever on the weekend? I think you might be surprised how much she could burn off in a few months and then she might find the ‘proper’ exercise easier

Original poster
olivewreath13 · 31/12/2022 22:39

She will help herself to bread, cereal, yoghurts, slices of sandwich meat, cheese etc.

We're going to try swimming as some posters suggested as I wonder if that might be easier exercise for her. I think she finds things like running difficult because she's so big in the belly. It probably is quite uncomfortable.

I'm slightly overweight, but nowhere near as much as she is. Her dad is a rake but eats crap.

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 31/12/2022 22:44

I mean that’s not great food to help yourself to really. Sandwiches (bread, meat, cheese) and cereal aren’t really snacks - they’re meals. You’d be surprised how calorific cereal can be, because nobody portions it correctly.

I’d just let the kids know ‘please don’t help yourself to bread and cereal because I’ve got them for meals. Have as much veg as you like for snacks though!’

RandomCatGenerator · 31/12/2022 22:44

Hotsweatymomspagetti · 30/12/2022 19:50

I don’t have an over weight DC but I have an overweight DM who always commented on her weight / body and it rubbed off on me over time. And I’ve had counselling.

Therapists have said to me that you should say your body is amazing for carrying you, allowing you to play / run etc which is why it’s important to look after your body. Never comment on weight but more on nutrients in foods (not good and bad foods either). A carrot has more nutrients and vitamins for our body than a chocolate bar. So then you don’t end up restricting your diet and with an eating disorder but a view that treats are ok occasionally.
Exercise is another way of looking after your body, making muscles stronger etc.

This is a lovely way to look at it. I wish I had heard that when I was a child.