If you have an overweight DC, how do you handle them commenting on their weight?

[olivewreath13]

My DD is obese (body fat percentage of 36.1 😳) We are trying to take control of her weight at the moment. She's started to become aware of her weight and is making comments that are breaking my heart. I don't want to agree with her, but I also don't want to tell her she's perfect as she is or anything like that, because we really do need to take action in the new year. Wondering how others handle this?

And I would let go of the fixation on exercise. It is of course important for health and fitness, but she isn’t going to outrun a terrible diet. It’s not possible. Doesn’t matter if you swim three times a week, helping yourself to cereal and toast and cheese constantly will override that extra two hours a week swimming.

Excellent idea for a line to take.

No way would I let 8 year olds help themselves to any of that. You really need to start setting some boundaries and parenting OP. Look where this has ended up..

She obviously isn't buying her own food but she will help herself to food out of the fridge or cupboards, even if I tell her she's not allowed to.

What's the consequence for her disobedience?

My mum would've gone mad if she told me not to do something and I blatantly did it anyway.

What do you class as slightly? Because if her weight is just dawning on you you may have a skewed perspective on you all.

I wouldn't be happy if dc were helping themselves at that age. Ds is nearly 8 but doesn't help himself to anything but is allowed to help himself to fruit if he wants. No way I'd want him helping himself to bread or sandwich stuff and not yogurts either. Dd is 14 and does help herself to things but only when she's just in from school and it's a couple of hours until dinner. The school lunch portions are tiny. One slice of pizza is all you get. Or a small bread roll with cheese or whatever. A very small plastic pot of pasta-about a half cup measure. She comes home very hungry.

You haven't answered about portion sizes-what size portions is she eating? Weighing stuff is very eye opening. I wouldn't do that in front of her but maybe have a look yourself as to how much of what you eat classes as a portion. Take oven chips for example. A portion according to the packet is about a handful. I was astounded when I learnt that. Cereal is a pitiful amount unless it's porridge. Perhaps slowly decrease portion sizes and use smaller plates. A toddler plate is actually the size our plates should be. Water as your main drink is a good rule to have too. Whatever changes you make have to be sustainable and a healthy approach to eating and activity.

You don't have to tell your dd anything. She is telling you that she knows she is very overweight and that it is making her unhappy.

When she mentions her tummy being big, ask her how that makes her feel. Tell her you understand why it makes her unhappy. Then ask her if she would like your help to change her eating habits.

Don't go on pretending her weight problem doesn't exist except in her head. She knows full well she is much bigger than her classmates. Eventually she will come to learn that not only is her body a source of misery for her, but that there are serious ramifications for her health too.

Also, don't sideline the issue with healthy food talk and food for fuel. It is past that. She needs to eat less. And you need to structure her eating. Three meals a day, no snacking is a great place to start.

You keep going back to exercise, it won’t make a dot of difference to a severely obese child.

She needs less food, significantly so. Then work in the exercise.

You have my sympathy OP. It's very hard to know what to say when a child realises they are overweight.

For the judgemental PPs, I have three children. All fed the same and only one is overweight. The middle child is in fact underweight. So OP ignore the blame game and just do what you think is best.

Overweight is different to morbidly obese, that’s what the OPs child is, double their healthy weight.

DOUBLE

@CleoandRalf my 11 year old DS is very overweight. Not sure it's double but he's on the 97th centile. Doesn't mean I've done something inherently wrong as my other two are healthy weights as are my husband and I and in fact our DS also does lots of regular exercise - far more than the our two 'normal' weighting children.

Christ. Child abuser? Really? The woman’s asking for support. I have reported!!

And by the way how do I quote the message itself where the poster has quoted someone else?

Then your son is obese, not overweight. Stop minimising

Yes, this counts as abuse and SS have successfully gone after parents who neglect their children like this in the UK

I don’t think these people are trying to sort it out though…..

@CleoandRalf I'm not minimising. I'm saying it's difficult to resolve. Especially when the exact same diet and lifestyle has resulted in two other children at healthy weights - in my experience at least.

Why are you being so aggressive to the OP asking for help?

It's not that difficult when you actually have accountability and do it.

It's actually difficult to make a child obese.

So how would you account for my other two children being healthy weights? I'm not secretly adding cream or fat to our DS's food?! So quite confused as to what I'm doing deliberately,

Do you think the OP did it on purpose?

So how would you account for my other two children being healthy weights? I'm not secretly adding cream or fat to our DS's food?!

If your child is obese despite eating a healthy diet and doing an appropriate amount of exercise then you really need to take him to a doctor, he could have something seriously wrong with him.

@AndyWarholsPiehole I have and I was told it wasn't anything to worry about for the moment.

Anyway, I'm distracting from the OP, I just wanted to provide a view by someone that has an obese child where it's not easy to pin point the causes. HNY to all.