Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

URGENT they're here in 10m how do I not act mad?

160 replies

simpletickets · 30/12/2022 11:57

Really excited for DP and his siblings to meet my sister and her husband and also see my brother who they've met. My sister let the siblings stay in her house over Christmas for free. DP hasn't seen my sister in a long while. It was going to be a lot of my favourite people in one place. We had organized a breakfast for today. DP and siblings took a four day trip and were meant to be here by 10 max 11. My sister, her husband, and my brother were happy to be flexible and start anywhere between 10 and 11.

Well DP and siblings all left 2 hours late. DP is blaming his siblings for not being ready. They are due to arrive in 10m. My brother couldn't do past 12.15pm. My sister had an appointment at 12.30pm. I am fuming. Mostly because they haven't once apologized, just informed us.

They will arrive here in 10m. They know im very disappointed. But I don't want to ruin whats now a lunch for 4 by being so angry.

please knock some sense into me.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 30/12/2022 11:59

But you've eaten now haven't you? Tough if they missed it.

ImprobablePuffin · 30/12/2022 11:59

I don't have much to offer here as I would be pretty annoyed.

Did DH know your sister couldn't stay long/would have to go? Was the whole point of the lunch just for all the siblings to see each other?

Original poster
simpletickets · 30/12/2022 11:59

Sorry for confusion. DP has met my sister before but his siblings haven't. They next time they will probably all meet is at our wedding as his siblings live on the other side of the world.

My DP and his siblings are only here for three hours for this meeting before going off again. Then I won't see his siblings - who I adore - again for maybe years. I don't want to taint the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
simpletickets · 30/12/2022 12:00

no my siblings were waiting for a message. 11.45 rolled by and they couldn't wait any longer. DP left pushing back the time. No-one has met up yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
simpletickets · 30/12/2022 12:01

Yes the whole point was for siblings to meet sister and to have a lovely breakfast for us all. DP knew sister couldn't do later.

OP posts:
ImprobablePuffin · 30/12/2022 12:02

Well if DH knew the tight times then he's been a bit of a dick. In fact they've all been pretty disrespectful. I'm guessing they weren't fussed about the breakfast?

TiredandLate · 30/12/2022 12:06

It sounds like a lot of effort for a 1 hour ish meet up - 11am till 12? Did they know how important it was, with everyone being so busy today with other plans maybe it wasn't seen as a big thing?

RedPost · 30/12/2022 12:07

What we're these vital appointments your sibling couldn't miss to spend more than an hour or so with people visiting from the other side of the world? Presumably this trip has been arranged for a while, time to rearrange, unless they really are critical?

You should have had breakfast with your brother and sister anyway. Why didn't you? I'd imagine the other sibling didn't realise what a big deal it was, as they'd been squeezed into such a tight window.

It terms of not being mad, maybe look at it from their POV and realise it's unlikely to have seemed as important to them.

gamerchick · 30/12/2022 12:11

So nobody has eaten? You should have just had the lovely breakfast. I'd be chewing me arm off if i went for breakfast, had to wait and then leave without being fed. If the rest of them missed it, it would have been tough.

Poppins2016 · 30/12/2022 12:12

The timing was so tight/such a short window that the others probably thought it wasn't as big a deal as it is (to you).

If the meet up mattered so much, I would have scheduled it for a different window of time where travel plans wouldn't have impacted it so much (I know they were inconsiderate by leaving late, but what would have happened if there was a traffic jam/road accident etc)?

brusselspout · 30/12/2022 12:15

In hindsight it was a bit daft to book a breakfast with such a short window. I don't know of anyone who will arrange breakfasts like this unless on actual Xmas day

I'd also be a little disappointed if my own siblings couldn't rearrange appointments to make it easier for people who live on the other side of the world.

Have DPs siblings travelled from far today? How long did they have to travel to get to you? Was it perhaps too early for them?

Aquamarine1029 · 30/12/2022 12:15

So basically, your partner and his siblings are just exceptionally rude and inconsiderate. I would be seriously pissed off.

RedPost · 30/12/2022 12:17

Aquamarine1029 · 30/12/2022 12:15

So basically, your partner and his siblings are just exceptionally rude and inconsiderate. I would be seriously pissed off.

Surely that depends on why visitors from the other side of the world had to be squeezed into such a tight window. I mean if sister couldn't move a nail appointment or similar to make the arrangements work a bit better...?

DelphiniumBlue · 30/12/2022 12:18

Yes, if it is a big deal to you, I'd have thought your sis should rearrange. With hindsight, it was never a great arrangement - you say that DP and his family have been on a trip, so presumably they are coming from some distance and so to get to you for 10 or even 11 is a bit of a stretch. I'm guessing some of them are young so an early start might not be what they all found manageable.
I am old and in my experience people agree to stuff that seems doable on paper but in practice and taking into account late nights chatting and maybe drinking, being somewhere by 10am is not always easily achievable. Making arrangements with tight windows is always fraught.
So don't be too angry, shit happens, probably some of them are bit tired/hungover and are young enough for that to be their guiding factor this morning. Presumably your sister's appointment is not rearrangeable? It's not all DP's siblings fault, and I suspect this was a bit of a last minute arrangement ( hence Sis already being committed).
Have a nice time with DP and his family and relax!

bellac11 · 30/12/2022 12:20

It was far too precise a time for people to get together with such a short window of meeting up. It should have been planned for a time/day when people had all day to meet up

Weepachu · 30/12/2022 12:20

Is this a cultural thing? I feel like maybe there was a misunderstanding about the exactness of the timings?

Floralnomad · 30/12/2022 12:20

Blimey what a load of drama over nothing , who cares if your siblings haven’t met his siblings , apparently it’s only important to you @simpletickets as your family can’t change their plans to wait and his family can’t get their arses in gear to arrive in the prescribed window .

Fieldfly · 30/12/2022 12:25

OK, don’t take this the wrong way but if my siblings lived in another country every second I spent with them over Christmas would be precious and a 1 hour meet up with my dp’s siblings would be nice but it sounds like a quick ‘pop in for a cuppa’ and it wouldn’t be my priority to dash back for it, especially if the dps siblings had made it clear that it wasn’t a priority for them either! Basically it matters more to you than them - the sibling’s priority is (rightly) each other, try not to leave a bad taste at the end of their trip!

OverCCCs · 30/12/2022 12:25

Aquamarine1029 · 30/12/2022 12:15

So basically, your partner and his siblings are just exceptionally rude and inconsiderate. I would be seriously pissed off.

Which is why I wonder if the sister’s appointment is made up because she’s annoyed at being made to wait around while OP’s DH and siblings leisurely make their way over two hours late.

She may not be in the mood for a long social breakfast (lunch!) now or wants to institute boundaries with her time.

Whoputtheramintheramalamadingdong · 30/12/2022 12:26

It sounds like your dp (and possibly his siblings) weren't particularly arsed about his siblings meeting your siblings. It does sound a bit stage-managed and bonkers tbh. Just let them meet at the wedding, I mean, who cares?

megletthesecond · 30/12/2022 12:26

That's a lot to squeeze in a short space of time.

SheWoreYellow · 30/12/2022 12:28

I doubt either side is that bothered about meeting each other. Maybe that’s me being harsh, but I couldn’t care less about the in-laws’ siblings.

MsRosley · 30/12/2022 12:28

Unless there was something beyond their control, it was bloody rude of them to a) not keep to the appointed times and b) not to apologise for it. I'm not sure I could get past that, tbh. I wouldn't make a big deal of it, but I wouldn't be pretending I was super happy either.

BinauralBeats · 30/12/2022 12:29

That just made me think, I don't believe my siblings have ever met my oh's sibling and we've been together for 16 years!

It's a shame it was such a rush if it felt so important to you. Sorry you feel annoyed, maybe it just feels worse in the moment, how different would you feel in a week if they had met do you think?

LonginesPrime · 30/12/2022 12:29

It all sounds like the timing was very tight, so it was almost inevitable that it wouldn't go smoothly.

With DP and his siblings, you're not talking about a smooth-running family unit where they are used to functioning together and getting out of the door on time together, because they don't even live in the same country and clearly haven't had to coordinate like this for years.

DP might have known about the tight timing and might have communicated that to his siblings, but he probably didn't want to start barking orders at them to hurry up when he doesn't see them often and was probably enjoying catching up with them too. In the same way that you don't want to ruin the rare meeting, OP, he probably felt the same.

Hope it's going well and you can all enjoy the remainder of your time together.